If Pluto or Scorpio is emphasized in your chart, you’re driven to experience the extremes of love. You don’t know how to be casual, and this creates one of two reactions in others: they’re drawn to you or want nothing to do with you. While you long for a partner who can handle your uncut intensity, you often hold back because you’ve learned (from bitter experience) that very few are able to go all the way with you. But when you dilute your power, you undermine yourself. Read on to find out if you’re a Pluto person, and how you can handle the nuclear-strength urges within you.
It’s All About Power
Whether you’re just getting to know your lover, or have been with her for years, you must understand everything about her. The obsession you feel about someone new; the “encouragement” you give partner to share everything; and the desire to push past sexual limits all boil down to one thing: power. Pluto is the archetype of power and evolution. You evolve slowly and constantly, by learning about yourself through relationships. Which means learning about the other person. This is also how you maintain your power. Your lover’s secrets will not remain secrets for long, but you hold one or two things back (especially in the beginning). You’re eager to dive in, but suspicious at the same time. Pluto whispers that what you don’t know really can hurt you, and revealing all your cards will make you vulnerable. So you push forward, emotionally, sexually and intellectually, seeking to get to the core of the matter. But you’re slow to let down your defenses.
This mix of intensity and mystery is like catnip for certain people. Pluto/Scorpio draws others in, so the primary goal of complete understanding can be achieved. In some ways, you’re a knowledge vampire, except when you choose to give back. You have the ability to support and heal your partner. Who better to address his deepest wounds than the person who walks through the shadows with him? But you’ve probably experienced the other side of Pluto’s power: repulsion. Not everyone wants to go deep or have their secrets plundered. So while you may rein in your intensity when you first meet your lover, eventually you reach a point where you have to let him see the real you. Superficial interactions drain you. You feel more energized by the emotionally pulverizing moments that exhaust others. But you can always tell when you’ve crossed the line — you say or do something that reveals your full Plutonic force, and your partner flinches. You hear the pause in his voice. Then he flees.
If one or more of the following apply to you, you are a Pluto person:
- personal planets, 1st/7th house cusp or ruler in Scorpio
- Pluto conjunct (within 4 degrees) any of the angles
- Pluto in hard aspect to the personal planets, any planet in the 7th house or 1st/7th house ruler
- multiple (more than three) easy aspects from Pluto to the personal planets
- personal planets or 1st/7th House ruler in the 8th House
Power Versus Control
You’re not meant to live your life at half-strength or be inauthentic. If the real you scares some people away, that’s perfect, because being in a relationship with them would disempower you. But there is a difference between power and control.
Your unique mix of going deep while gripping the reins can create a power imbalance in relationships. Emotional investigation of your partner while you sit behind a wall of suspicions is controlling. Pushing your partner to tell you the “truth” even after she says she’s been honest: controlling. If you suspect she’s not telling you something, there’s no way you’re allowing her to hold back. You’re not done yet! You’re being controlling when you don’t let go of someone who doesn’t want to be with you. If you keep contacting her or research her online, that’s the Pluto urge to take a situation to its limit. You weren’t done with that connection. See the theme? It’s not over until you say it’s over, but that can be a problem when someone says “no.” You need to learn how to take no for an answer, and that means giving up some control. The tension between Pluto’s evolution and its fixed energy means you will always be confronted with letting go before you’re ready. When you insist on pushing every situation or conversation to the limit, you push people away. When you view every interaction with suspicion, you alienate people — even those who love you.
The best use of your strength is to empower yourself and your partner through your courage to explore everything. Another strength is your willingness to respect your partner’s limits. How your Pluto energy expresses itself will vary, but that intensity and urge to control will always be a factor. Pluto aspecting your Mars means the way you take action and express your desires will be focused and relentless. Pluto in the 7th House means you project that energy on to your partners (you attract intense/controlling types) but you’re still trying to evolve via powerful relationships. Moon/Pluto aspects create a bottomless pit of need, but also the ability to be a powerful matriarch.
It may take years to get to this point, but sometimes the passion you feel for your partner is replaced by repulsion. The love you felt burns down to ashes. This will happen if your partner does not evolve with you. It may not be obvious because it’s happening so slowly, but you really are constantly transforming. If the relationship you’re in has stagnated, you’ll lose interest. If your partner is not evolving, you’ll have to move on. Often, an outside attraction is the catalyst, as the new person represents the next step that you’d like to take. It’s a survival thing. Once you’ve reached the limit of a situation, it’s dead. Metaphorically, you die if you remain there, so you must get out. The other killing blow to your relationship is your partner’s betrayal. Infidelity or disregard for a boundary you’ve put in place will almost guarantee your immediate amputation of the partnership, and any feelings you used to have.
If you’re a Pluto person, here are some relationship issues to be aware of:
- be aware of the balance of power between you and your partner
- learn to accept “no” graciously
- if you have to hold back when you’re around someone, they’re not the one for you
- a situation can be finished even if you’re not ready to let go
You live on a more authentic level than most people. In many cases, it’s the authenticity that scares people off. But that’s not the real issue. The crux of your relationship issues is how you wield your tremendous power. There are some people who are willing to go all the way with you. You just need to respect their power as they walk beside you.[/show_to]