Transiting Neptune Square Natal Neptune and Your Love Life

The square between transiting and natal Neptune is another crucial transit that can mark a turning point in your love life (I’ve written about two others: the Saturn Return and Uranus Square).

This is one of the more difficult ones, because the Neptune square offers tantalizing promises, rather than immediate answers. This is also one of the longer transits, lasting anywhere from two to two and a half years.

Transiting Neptune Square Natal Neptune

This transit happens for everyone around the age of forty-one, and is associated with the midlife crisis. Neptune is about belief, transcendence and illusion. The square creates tension between your dreams and the outside world. It will impact your relationships if you have one of the following in your natal chart:

• natal or transiting Neptune in the 1st, 5th or 7th House
• natal Neptune conjunct, opposing or squaring your Sun, Moon, Venus or Mars

There are different ways this transit could influence your love life, but here are some general scenarios.

A Test

Your belief in an existing relationship could be tested. For example, a Neptune transit through your 7th House (of committed relationships) might square your natal Neptune in your 4th House of home and family. Maybe you become disillusioned with the daily grind of domestic life, and decide that you want more.

You find yourself entranced by the idea of a lover (real or imagined) who can give you what your existing partner can’t (or at least, what you think they can’t). Or perhaps you meet another couple who appear to be everything you and your partner are not. They are who you want to be.

The result (in either scenario) is the same: Neptune moving through your 7th House opens up your concept of what (and who) is possible. The square to your 4th House Neptune will contrast these new dreams with your existing ones. The tension of the square will create dissatisfaction (with your current relationship) that can range from vague restlessness to soul-sucking depression.

Can you endure the next years?

This transit can make you unsure if you’re able to endure the next forty to fifty years with your spouse/long-term partner. Transiting Neptune offers you a glimpse of something magical. You feel a void in your current situation when you compare it to this magic, which compels you to question what you have.

The key is to look closely at what you feel is missing, and if it’s actually up to your partner to supply it. How have you incorporated your 4th House natal Neptune into your home life? Does your current partner support your beliefs about what home means to you? Neptune square Neptune is urging you to explore your dreams. This could range from building an art studio to relocating to the desert.

You may discover that once you direct your energy into your dream, your relationship is perfectly fine. However, you may also discover that your partnership truly has nothing to offer you.

There’s a caution here: don’t throw away what you have at the start of this influence. Part of the test involves discerning fantasy from reality, and during this long, foggy transit, it will take a while to figure out what that reality is. Try not to make any permanent decisions until this transit is over. Neptune is the trickiest influence, and often what you think you want changes completely.

The Perfect Lover

The Neptune square can bring a new, romantic interest into your life (whether you’re single or attached). Let’s say you have a natal Venus/Neptune conjunction. Your love and values (Venus) are combined with romantic idealism (Neptune).

You believe in magnificent love with a generous helping of sacrifice, and you probably give yourself completely to your partner (or potential partner). If this conjunction gets hit with the Neptune square, you may meet someone who seems to personify your concept of the perfect lover.

Maybe you’re single and have been burned by a series of lovers who took advantage of you (a Venus/Neptune conjunction can suggest weak financial boundaries). You always end up paying the rent for these guys, but in your heart, you long for a wealthy Prince Charming to foot the bill. Along comes Mr. Money. He’s different from the others, because he actually buys you things (sparkly things) and takes care of you.

However, you discover that you’re not the only woman in his life; he has another girlfriend on the side. Or, maybe you’re locked in a marriage with an alcoholic. He’s so wrapped up in his illness that you’re his caretaker, not his partner. In sweeps Mr. Romantic. He’s a sensitive artist, and wants to paint your picture (he tells you you’re his muse). For the first time in years, you feel beautiful. But when you tell Mr. Romantic that you’re thinking of leaving your husband, he informs you that he has no interest in a committed relationship.

What’s the point?

What’s the point of meeting someone beautiful, only to discover they’re a cruel illusion? Transiting Neptune presents you with an option that forces you to question your relationship values and beliefs. In the case of Mr. Money, Neptune confronts you with the truth behind the Cinderella myth you have going on.

You’re forced to examine your beliefs and illusions about self-worth, and see that waiting for someone to come along and save you isn’t going to cut it. With Mr. Romantic, Neptune brings a catalyst who dissolves the unhealthy attachment to your alcoholic husband, and helps you see that there is more to life than being a martyr.

But maybe you’re supposed to be single for a few years (after you leave your husband) so you can get a sense of who you really are, outside of a partnership. The lover that comes along with the Neptune square is not just another guy; he’s there to raise your awareness of how you have been manifesting your relationship beliefs up to this point in your life.

If the Neptune square brings a romantic interest, is it a guarantee that you’ll end up in tears? Not necessarily. But this transit will test your relationship dreams, and a test involves tension. If someone new enters your life, it’s safer to view them as a catalyst, rather than the answer to your prayers. Pay attention to what they have (that you want): that’s what’s missing in your life. Then again, what’s “missing” may have been inside you all along.