Four Ways to Deal With a Difficult Neptune Person

Last week’s article identified the traits of a Neptune person. This week, I’ll look at the other side of the equation: the challenges for those involved with a difficult Neptune person. There are some wonderfully dependable Neptune partners out there. But those rocking the shadow side of this planet can be crazymakers. Deception, infidelity and instability are some of the traits they may exhibit. If you’re partnered with (or attracted to) a shadow Neptune person, read on for strategies on how to deal with this slippery fish. Note that this article will not offer advice on the following: how to prevent your Neptune partner from cheating, how to fix their addictive behavior, or how to cure their mental illness. There are some issues that only a professional is equipped to handle, and there are some Neptune people that you simply should not engage with.

1. Look Behind the Mask

When you first get to know someone, there’s always a bit of deceit. Very few people present their unedited selves on a first date, no matter what sign they are. Everyone wants to put their best face forward to impress a potential partner. But Mrs. Neptune turns this airbrushing into a full-time occupation. She is the mistress of illusion, spinning a beautiful facade that she maintains for a long, long time. She’s perfection incarnate: artistic, sensitive, loving, romantic, unique and blazingly talented. And she just happens to adore the same obscure musician that you do. You may be partly to blame. Neptune is so porous that she absorbs the desires and fantasies you project onto her.

But eventually, the truth will emerge. And when the mask drops, it can be quite a shock. This isn’t who you fell in love with! I’m not suggesting that you poke holes in all her stories on the first date. And I’m not suggesting that you spend the first months of the relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop. But remind yourself that who you’re seeing is probably not the complete picture, especially if she seems too good to be true. Consider that the real Mrs. Neptune is a less ideal version of her mask. When her truth emerges, you can avoid the crash of disappointment. And while you’re at it, check your own projections.

2. Decide What’s Really Important

Mr. Neptune won’t be the most dependable partner you’ll ever have. His priorities and awareness of time are easily skewed. He may be the perfect guy to spend all night drinking merlot with, but mundane routines are not this thing. Rather than working yourself up into a lather when he’s late or forgets to put out the garbage, remind yourself that he will probably never be ultra-efficient. If you can live with that, identify one or two areas that are absolutely essential for you. For example, punctuality. And then let him know that this is very important to you. Make it easy for him to succeed. One trick is telling him that the official start time is earlier than it actually is. Yes, you’re lying, but sometimes you have to fight Neptune with Neptune. The point is, the more mundane expectations you load onto him, the more likely he is to fail. So pick one or two issues, and figure out how the two of you can make it work.

3. Get Specific (Sometimes)

Mrs. Neptune is a spin master. Saying what she thinks you want to hear, or outright lies, are strong possibilities. The severity of her deception can range from softening the truth so she doesn’t hurt your feelings, to lies about money, infidelity or destructive behavior. I’m not condoning a relationship with someone who cheats or steals. And in the end, it’s up to you to decide what you’ll put up with. But if her deceptions are mild enough, you may not want to do anything. Seriously. Blurring the truth is something Neptune excels at, and one of the keys to a successful relationship is knowing when to look the other way. If she claims that she hasn’t noticed your weight gain, but you feel bloated, what good will it do to nag her until she admits that you look heavier?

But if there are repeated inconsistencies about something that’s important to you, get specific. If she says “X” this week when you know for a fact that she said “Y” last week, it’s useless to argue with her. She’ll straight up deny she said “Y,” and follow this with a chaser of kisses and compliments to distract you. If it’s that important to you, make note of the date, time and situation when she said “Y.” Write it down. When she says “X,” you can pinpoint the exact circumstances in which she said “Y.” Use this method judiciously, and only for issues that are essential (see Decide What’s Really Important).

4. Let It Go

Whether you’re dealing with a Neptune person who’s ghosted you, who’s an addict, or who just leaves his paints on the kitchen table, sometimes the best tactic is to let it go. Neptune’s energy is ultimately about fluidity and release — you can learn something from this. You cannot control a Neptune person (or anyone, for that matter) and directing your hurt, anger and righteous indignation at him or her will be like dropping pennies in the ocean. So let it go. Provide your own closure if you’ve been ghosted. Accept that the addict can only help himself. Get used to having paints on the table (or clean them up yourself).

Related: Neptune Games: Will the Real Person Please Stand Up