Three Ways to Deal With a Difficult Pluto Person

The well-balanced Pluto person is a fantastic partner. Fearless, passionate, loyal and deeply loving. He takes relationships to a whole new level. The difficult Pluto person can be frighteningly magnetic, or just plain frightening.

The passion is still there, but it’s laced with manipulation and (in extreme cases) complete disregard for your boundaries. Is it possible to beat this master manipulator at his own game?

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries intact. No matter what. This is crucial, but it’s also the most difficult thing to manage around a Pluto person. Healthy Pluto people respect strength, but still feel the urge to challenge your boundaries. But when you say “no” they back off. The difficult Pluto person will relentlessly subvert your limits, but not with a naked show of aggression.

She’s a pro at exploiting weak spots. She may claim that she just wants to have an authentic relationship. If you really loved her, you wouldn’t feel the need to keep secrets, or hang out with your friends, or spend time away from her. Whether she’s pushing for information, pushing your sexual limits, or owning every spare minute that you have, her endgame involves getting power for herself by taking yours away. Even if she loves you, it’s all about power.

This is why it’s important to have a solid sense of what’s acceptable and not acceptable, before you get involved. Decide what’s non-negotiable, and stick to it. Tell her upfront. If you need alone time, take it. If you want to spend time with other people, do it. If you’re not comfortable going all the way down that sexual rabbit hole, don’t go there. Sounds simple, but when faced with the skills of a manipulative Pluto person, it’s not so easy.

She will twist logic and use your attraction to her, so you find yourself giving ground, bit by bit. Maintaining your boundaries can become an exhausting, 24/7 slog. If this is the case, you need to decide if being with her makes you feel drained, and then step away from the relationship. In the end, it’s your call, but if you feel coerced or bullied, she’s not the partner for you.

Boundaries also need to be maintained once you’ve decided to end the relationship. Ms. Pluto is notorious for not letting go until she’s ready. But if you’re ready, stick to your guns. Do not engage, do not get sucked back into a conversation.

This will only make it more difficult for her to let go. A situation needs to be cold and dead before a Pluto person will walk away, and each time you answer her emails or have that “one last chat” you’re breathing new life into the relationship.

2. Love the real them

The difficult Pluto person uses love as a weapon. Inside, he is terrified that he’s going to lose you. His love is not unconditional, although at first it may seem that way. As you’re drawn deeper into his life, the sex, emotional bonding and soul-searing intensity will reach levels you didn’t know existed. He’ll start off by being the kindest, most compassionate partner you’ve ever had.

He wants you to love him, so he’ll pull out all the stops. But then, there will be a crisis. He’ll reveal his true self, which won’t be so kind and compassionate. That’s ok — you’re both adults, and isn’t this what adult relationships are all about? After the crisis, back to the loving.

Until the next crisis, when he reveals a deeper, uglier layer of himself. But he’s only revealing it to you because he trusts you. You feel honored, but overwhelmed. This is all part of his test: can you experience the real him and still love him?

Most people attempt to mask their true selves, but Pluto’s urge to take situations to their limits means the unmasking is how he loves, and how he reassures himself that you love him. In theory, this sounds healthy. He’s being honest. In practice, it can wear you down. Partnerships are not meant to be relentless testing grounds. If who he reveals feels “off” to you, listen to your gut.

He may also turn his flow of love on and off. When things are good, his waves of all-consuming love will be like oxygen to you. But suddenly, he’ll become cold and distant. He’s using emotional amputation to punish you for some infraction. Once you apologize or change your ways, the flow is turned back on. This is a carrot/stick dynamic that alternates love with punishment.

If you decide to continue the relationship, your only way around this is to refuse to play his game. Let him know straight up that you’re on to what he’s doing, and you’re not going to change X to make him happy. If you sense that the relationship is heading towards another crisis and unmasking, you can short circuit it by saying you’re not going to engage.

3. Be Honest

Having written all of the above, know that if you want any kind of relationship with a Pluto person, you must be prepared to explore a level of intimacy that will make you uncomfortable.

Sex will be about more than the physical act, so get ready to engage your fears and deepest desires. If you lie or attempt to interact with her on a superficial level, she will sniff this out immediately.

So while you’re demanding respect for your boundaries and an equitable balance of power, you need to hold up your end of the bargain: complete honesty. It’s ok if you’re uncomfortable, or if you’re uncertain about how far you want to go. She wants you to share your uncertainties. It’s ok if there’s a part of you that you think is ugly. She’ll want to see it.

You don’t have to be the most fascinating person she’s ever encountered, and you don’t have to be a sexual dynamo. If she’s into you, she’s already decided that she wants you. All you have to bring to the table is your willingness to step outside your comfort zone.

How far outside your comfort zone is up to you (this is where boundaries come in). But the quickest way to trigger her shadow Pluto tendencies is to be dishonest.

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