The 12th House Venus Woman

Credit: hidesy via iStockphoto


Credit: hidesy via iStockphoto

The 12th House is where you’re most hidden and, paradoxically, most vulnerable. This is the house of sacrifice, isolation and painful sensitivity. While any natal planet in this house experiences challenges, Venus (especially in a woman’s chart) triggers some difficult relationship patterns. However, these patterns can give you clues on how to deal with your 12th House Venus. While this natal placement can be troublesome in straight and queer relationships, this particular article will examine its impact on opposite sex relationships.

Natal Venus describes your values and your self-esteem; how you relate to others; how you give/receive love. If you’re a woman, Venus also represents how you express your female energy. When Venus is tucked away in the 12th House, establishing a committed relationship can be difficult. The yearning to partner up can shift from desperate to hopeless to ambivalent, as you are alternately depressed and philosophical about your chances of finding someone. Attracting men is not a problem, but the type of men you attract is a problem. Married men and guys who can’t/won’t commit seem to be magnetized to you. At the other end of the spectrum, there can be long periods of celibacy. The committed relationship becomes a mythical shimmer, as vague as your 12th House energies.

Before I proceed any further, I want to point out that having a 12th House Venus does not guarantee the above scenarios. I know some 12th House Venus women who are happily involved in long-term, stable relationships. Mitigating factors seem to be Venus in an Earth sign, and aspects (hard or easy) to natal Saturn (in another part of the chart). The Earth energy grounds Venus and increases awareness of her energy, while Saturn creates boundaries. However, I firmly believe that you have the potential to create happiness in your love life if your 12th House Venus is in any sign, and aspecting any planets.

The Promise

If you have a 12th House Venus, you may be unaware of the impact you have on others. This has nothing to do with being dense or preoccupied, it’s simply a fact that this house is a blind spot. Those who have spent years tuning into their higher purpose and generally becoming intimate with their 12th House planets can still have moments when they are surprised by how this energy leaks out. 12th House Venus can be just as magnetic as any Scorpio-infused planet. It promises something enticing, and what that is, exactly, will vary according to the sign it’s in and the person attracted to it. Venus is atomized into a beguiling mist that suggests magic. To other people, everything seems possible with your 12th House Venus. Anything goes! Meanwhile, you have no idea that you’re catnip for those who would rather not deal with issues like stability, honesty and responsibility.

Fortunately, simply being aware of how you’re perceived can go a long way towards changing that perception. This doesn’t mean you need to shut down your sexuality. But you can move away from the Shadow side of this energy. Rather than playing the victim (I don’t know how/why I attract these a**holes) or the helpless romantic (I know he’s no good for me, but this feels bigger than both of us) you can take ownership of your Venus. Concentrate on the partner you want, and then accept no substitutes. Keep your kindness and sensitivity. But the minute you sense that a man fits the usual pattern (and if you’re honest, you know that your highly-tuned intuition picks up on this right away) practice compassionate release. Let him go and move on. You can be as gentle as you want, but the release must be absolute. The positive side of the 12th House is its capacity for endings that don’t involve emotional evisceration. Endings can be less traumatic, if you nip the situation in the bud. And then stick to your guns.

Boundaries and Sacrifice

This brings us to the issue of boundaries. You probably struggle with this, because the 12th House has no boundaries. Everything and nothing is acceptable, because everything and nothing is possible. You know this, and others are drawn to you because of this. This is why establishing boundaries is essential. When the next guy comes along, and he’s in a relationship/not ready to commit/an addict/a victim/a liar, just walk away. When you’re getting to know a potential partner, identify your values and make them crystal clear. You probably need significant quantities of alone time in order to recharge, so make this non-negotiable. 12th House Venus abhors black and white. You’re naturally inclined to allow relationships to hover in the grey zone, or allow people to infringe on what’s precious to you, because it’s “not that big a deal.” This matters, because where natal Venus is concerned, what you put out is what you get back. Continually dipping your toe in forbidden pools or compromising your values will poison your 12th House waters.

But won’t this emphasize your isolation? Maybe you settle, thinking that having some romantic attention is better than nothing at all. Know this: settling leads to nothing at all, because these “better than nothing” scenarios invariably dissolve. The key with the 12th House is understanding that sacrifice is involved. But it’s not the sacrifice of your self-love. What you are sacrificing are the negative habits that lead to negative relationships. You’re sacrificing the idea that it’s OK to settle for less. You’re sacrificing the draining associations and the semi-relationship with your married ex. You’re also sacrificing the concept that you’ll always be alone, or that you’re not worthy of a man’s full commitment. 12th House Venus can make it easy to slide along these paths of least resistance, and that’s what you need to give up.

Having said this, one of your more beautiful qualities is your ability to embrace the grey zone. Not all scenarios are cut-and-dried, and you sense the potential in everyone. Your love can be endless, and that’s not something that you should sacrifice. But you need to differentiate between relationships that bring you joy, and relationships that drain you. Draw the line between partners who respect you, and partners who victimize you. When it gets confusing, tune into how you feel.

Related: Your Ultimate Other: Romance and the 12th House

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About Nadia Gilchrist

Nadia Gilchrist offers over 19 years of experience in astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying practical astrological analysis to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.
 

Comments

  1. Never mind 12th house Venus women: every woman I know should cut out the penultimate paragraph, pin it on their wall, and read it every single day.

    Powerful advice which should be heeded by anyone wrestling with issues of self-worth.

  2. Thanks for a great article. Informative and empowering.

  3. I have sun and venus (virgo 12th) square Gemini Saturn (9th). Everythihg you write is exactly. I know because I live with that. 🙁

  4. I have Scorpio in Venus and Venus in my 12th house…it’s “interesting” to say the least…

  5. I have Venus conj Saturn in Taurus in the 12th house but I think that I have not potential to create happiness in my love life. I do`nt have it, actually since 06.2000 and I`m 45 years old. I also have Mercury conj Moon in Gemini and Chiron in Aries in the 12th house. 12th house starts in Pisces. My Sun conj Asc in Gemini in the 1th house.

  6. PensiveGemini1 says:

    I am a 12th house sun and venus in Gemini (25 degrees), square Saturn in Scorpio (11 degrees), but trine pluto in Libra (29 degrees). I have unfortunately experienced everything you wrote in this article. I have a lot of 4th house planets and issues that relate to it and through that I navigated to my 12th house (in the form of depression) to pull out the weeds. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life addressing every. Single. Issue. It is NOW that I am aware and better at boundaries, at speaking up, at ending the relationships that don’t value me, at feeling powerful, at allowing myself a strength in my sexuality. I have sacrificed all kinds of relationships and friendships. These changes have been great for me, although I’m still working on my self-esteem. But, I also feel like I’ve chosen loneliness. I have gone from desperate, to lonely, to apathetic. I don’t want to say that I’ve given up on finding the right person, but after 10 years of working on myself hard core, making visible changes to my attitude where people have told me specifically that they don’t know anyone else who has been able to change their level of happiness like I have (chiron conj NN), I don’t know what else to do because it feels out of my control.

    At this point I’ve decided I’d rather be alone than to be with someone who makes me unhappy, who does not appreciate me, who does not value me enough to commit to me, who does not see me as beautiful. Witnessing myself believe those things makes me happy. But, not seeing any progress in my love life makes me feel hopeless. Wanting love is such a human thing, I don’t understand how it can be denied. It’s like telling me I can’t have water. Is a 12th house venus a punishment for a past life indiscretion? I almost want it to be so that I could understand this.

  7. 12 House Venus, Jupiter, Mercury, Sun, Ascendent. All Taurus, except Merc 29 Aries. I never really know. I mostly intuit, and I don’t have much of a problem walking away when the time comes, if need be. Yes, a great need for alone time with the occasional short bouts of loneliness. My husband tells me that I do not know the effect I have on others, and I suspect he’s right.

  8. Ana M Oliveira says:

    Very, very good.
    I recognize this pattern in some charts of my friends.
    Nadia, can a woman with Libra ruling the 12th House have some of these patterns too?
    Thanks

  9. @Tessa
    true…good advice for all women. Also, the 12th House is considered to be an amalgamation of all the other houses, so that fits as well.

  10. @PensiveGemini1;
    Punishment? No, I wouldn’t say that. It does have strong past life connections though, meaning any planet in the 12th House is directly connected to your most recent, past life.

  11. @Ana M Oliveira
    Maybe.
    But if her Venus is aspecting natal Neptune, or in Pisces, there’s a stronger identification with 12th House themes.

  12. With Venus, not in 12th house, but in Pisces, i recognize a lot of myself. Thanks for this roadmap as I struggle with my negativ pattern very often these days. Chiron is exactly conjunct to my Venus and Jupiter makes a sation on my BML at 22 degrees Leo. I am torn between practicing compassionate release and the temptation of evisceration. Very painful to keep wisdom.

    I usually, even always, felt “the minute you sense that a man fits the ususal pattern”. The problem (for me) is to leave immediately. Pink colored glasses don’t prevent ourself to see the reality but I think Venus 12th house have the faith as you say that “everything and nothing is possible” so we give second chance endlessly even if it is completely pointless. Definitely a problem of boundary.

  13. Taurus rules 12H, Saturn is close to 12H (ruled by Taurus) and opposes Venus in Scorpio in 6H (per Porphyry). Can recognise these patterns 🙁

  14. Thanks, Nadia! I especially love what you write abount sacrificing certain concepts instead of my needs. It’s very encouraging! The promise section is also very illuminating.

    I have a 12th house Venus in Gemini as the apex of a Moon/Pluto t-square. This aspect was hard because –and only now am I seeing this as I write this–, the pressure to sacrifice my needs came from my family. If a partner treated me badly, even as an adult, I’d get this propaganda from family about forgiveness, etc. Hmm, I realize too that there was all this family pressure to make everything all right for everyone. I felt like a really bad person for years. It was very confusing. Things started changing when I cut them out of my life for 5 years and I was able to make up my own mind about things. Take my own counsel kinda thing and with Taurus in Saturn I’m pretty practical and can be very clear-eyed.

    In the past two years, I’ve had transiting Saturn in the 5th and I’ve come to the conclusions you list in this article so I’ve done A LOT of rejecting. I just got tired of painful relationships, mean guys and of being gaslighted, especially. You’re also right about that intuition.

    I can’t wait till the end of December when Saturn finally leaves my 5th because I’m genuinely running out of patience in that area of my life. I hope that the Saturn retrograde next year doesn’t mean more pain in this area because, frankly, I’m at my wit’s end. Thanks again for the heartening 12th house Venus article. It’s rare anyone writes anything positive about it other than the mystical stuff and, frankly, I’m made of flesh and bone so as spiritual as I may be, I want something real and not just ethereal.

  15. Best article yet by Nadia ~ absolutely true and relevant now! Sag Venus in packed 12th house (Sun, Neptune, Jupiter, Mercury, and Venus) and have run into every scenario outlined.

  16. Ana M Oliveira says:

    Yes, Nadia, my friend has Venus in Gemini 8th house opposing Neptune and squaring Mars-Saturn in Virgo (a T-square). She is a Cancer with Scorpio Ascendant.
    When she’s in a relationship she changes into another woman (becomes the partner she thinks he needs…) and has a huge difficulty seeing that in that process, she renegates her needs, her emotions, because it is willing to sacrifice herself for staying in that “beautiful” relationship. And so shegets a great disappointment because the partner breaks up with her (she was no longer the woman he fell in love with). Very sad. She suffers unbearably and closes herself in a neptunian world of fantasies and dreams, unable to figure out where and what went wrong.

  17. This article describes my experience. I have 12th house Aries Venus at 9 degrees (Uranus transiting) and a natal Scorpio Neptune in tbe 7th house.

    I have spent most of my life as an empathic filter for my family and friends. I am now 53 years old and desperately want to change my life. I do feel it is too late though. Although yes everyone is attracted to me just as you described, I always seem to end up with “nothing”. I am an artist but it’s almost like I am “not seen”. Help!

  18. I just re-read this article and was a little less emotional this time. It’s always a shock when someone (Nadia) “reads your mail” so to speak and reaches you through the layers of denial. I think the day has arrived to see my 12th house Aries Venus as a gift ….I truly do see the potential in everyone and it draws people like a magnet. It has taken me so long to figure it out and own this truth. I have spent a lot of time protecting myself from people and I do live a very solitary life with spurts of invigorating company (I am an Aquarius). I want though to marry, to have a husband…even now at 53 years old I am saying that without irony. I kniw that one criteria is my space and my alone time. It has been so long since I have thought of this in any tangible way though, it is hard to think of the other attrobutes this husband should havr or even how to go about bringing him into my life without making a mess of things. Thanks,Nadia. Your writing gets to the nitty gritty in a beautiful well spoken way!

  19. Nathalia says:

    I agree a lot with the text and with Lisa too.. Except to some family members, I also feel “not seen”, irrelevant to others. I have venus in the 12th house , moon in the VIII opposite with pluto in the 2nd house.
    I decided to finish a “friendship” of years with an ex-addicted man when he said to me things like he doesn’t care if I keep talking to him or not, that I play the victim??… this was the last straw for me.
    I’m libra with moon in taurus and venus in virgo and I’m interested in an aries guy with moon in capricorn and venus in aquarius, but I feel I have to end this, because to me he is very aloof, cold and locked with me and tends treat me in a business way, I don’t like it…

  20. my venus is in sagitarius in 12th house. how can you define this description?

  21. i have venus in 12th in scorpio
    what do you think ?
    its weird when i dont need love first. i just focus with my self. but when i fall in love………………………

  22. Good description and advice for (venus in 12th house) women. I have sun and venus in taurus 12th house. Learned relationships the hard way and realized that self esteem + tuning into intuition + NOT settle for less (means not afraid to let go of possible relationships that are better than nothing) is the right formula to handle the difficult side of venus in 12th.

  23. I have Sun, Moon, and Venus in the 12th, and my Venus is squared by Neptune. This article rings so true that it’s better than any counsellor’s advice! Thank you, Nadia, for tapping into this issue so eloquently and compassionately.

  24. Hasmukh Pandya says:

    Venus in the 12th house in Libra with Gemini and Pluto. Jupiter in the 6th house (retrograde) in a girl is a right choice for marriage or other words will she be trust worthy. Her pre married life and post married life for her partner?

  25. toloseistofind says:

    My Venus is in the 12th house 29 degrees Virgo, conjunct Uranus at 28 degrees Virgo and Mercury at 0.0’39” Libra. I also have Saturn in the 7th and sometimes I feel as though I’m being torn apart. I have been married for 28 years, but have not had an easy time with this. Is there any help or advice you can offer? I also have the moon squaring the three 12th house planets from 4th house / Capricorn.

  26. I have venus in cancer in the 12 house. This is me!! I am constantly working on building strong boundaries and weeding those people who drain my energy out of my life. I am also an empath so lucky for me I am a whiz at BS detection. 😉 Thank you for such an informative article.

  27. why dont you say the truth about this shit, everybody that have this shit have a terrible life say the truth

  28. a person that have venus in 12th house have nothing in life live the life waiting the dead cos dont have nothing, life brings nothing good for this person and this person cant complain, except some cases like shakira or beyonce but do you believe that life brings to you good things with venus in this position i married for money i married a mentally ill cos i dont have father neither mother, my 3 brothers hates me, my mothers is my 1th enemy she brought me terrible things til now i suffer about, no jobs, never good opportunities having a terrible familiar lif3e, terrible childhood, terrible fake friends comes over you only shit and you cant complain cos nobody cares or believe people start saying that you are mentally ill cos you are always a victims and its the truth you never ask for shits for God, but life with people with this position always make you feel like shit, no good par4ents, no love anyway, no jobs, no good health well with this position or you have everything like Shakira or you gonna have a terrible life always asking if the suicidal could be an option, Done, say the truth stop covering the truth for people that have this shit in other words GOD HATES YOU

  29. I have this placement in Aries and I can definitely relate, every time I start a new relationship it’s starts out great but I end up noticing defaults and end up distance my self to the point I end up breaking up and the guys I’ve dated all act the same when it gets to that part they act all needy and like why and become aggressive control freaks to the point were they don’t want to leave me alone and not excepting the fact that’s it’s over idk it’s like there in this mirage of she still loves me but I don’t and I just move on but it’s always the same thing I feel like no one is worthy of my love I don’t think I’m perfect but i don’t want to settle with someone I ended up disliking I mean isn’t it normal, eventually I’ll find someone that feels like worth sticking around for or what I’m I suppose to do?

  30. Another thing is that all my relationships have been secrets it’s more complicated then it sounds and no I’m not married or dated married men I don’t believe in that but another thing is I felt like I have been in love twice but I don’t think it would work out, one has Aries sun pisces moon and Venus Aries the other one has Leo sun and either Aries/Taurus moon But I’m sure it’s aries his More like Aries than Taurus and his Venus is in libra opposite of my Venus Aries and I loved them both but the Venus Aries one got sour even violent the libra Venus was a beautiful love but it ended because of my fault I was keeping another relationship away from him it deeply broke him but I dint considered it cheating because I was in a different state and I had broken up with the other person but the other person was in denial and would call text and then showed up at my parents house it also ended because I had to move again so distance was going to be a problem but I truly loved him with all my heart it felt like I met him in another life and we would do everything together I even met his parents and friends but now I don’t think they’re be any hope of uniting that was in the past it wouldn’t be the same ppl change plus he was so hurt he don’t want anything to do with me eventually not at first tho he would Leave me voicemails telling me to get back together but eventually gave up

  31. Another thing is that all my relationships have been secrets it’s more complicated then it sounds and no I’m not married or dated married men I don’t believe in that but another thing is I felt like I have been in love twice but I don’t think it would work out, one has Aries sun pisces moon and Venus Aries the other one has Virgo sun and either Aries/Taurus moon But I’m sure it’s aries his More like Aries than Taurus and his Venus is in libra opposite of my Venus Aries and I loved them both but the Venus Aries one got sour even violent the libra Venus was a beautiful love but it ended because of my fault I was keeping another relationship away from him it deeply broke him but I dint considered it cheating because I was in a different state and I had broken up with the other person but the other person was in denial and would call text and then showed up at my parents house it also ended because I had to move again so distance was going to be a problem but I truly loved him with all my heart it felt like I met him in another life and we would do everything together I even met his parents and friends but now I don’t think they’re be any hope of uniting that was in the past it wouldn’t be the same ppl change plus he was so hurt he don’t want anything to do with me eventually not at first tho he would Leave me voicemails telling me to get back together but eventually gave up. My sun is in aqua moon in Virgo Venus in Aries and in 12th house

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