The Detached Lover: Aspects Between The Moon and Uranus in the Natal Chart

Moon-Uranus AspectsThe Moon is the heart of the natal chart. When a person needs security, they turn inward to its familiar, intimate energy. It represents childhood and mother.  Its element is water.  Any feelings (or lack thereof) in love relationships will be decided by the condition of the natal Moon.

Uranus in the natal chart is responsible for upheaval. Its energy comes from a distant place, blasting away the things that need to be changed. It represents anything new, innovative or shocking. Its element is air. It is the universal alarm clock.

Anytime the Moon makes an aspect to Uranus in the natal chart, the emotional and the detached are combined. A good illustration of this is the moment of birth:  the infant is yanked from its safe, watery environment and feels the awakening slap of cold air.  What does this mean for the Moon-Uranus person in a relationship?

It helps to understand where the Moon-Uranus person is coming from.  The Moon in any hard aspect (conjunction, opposition, square) to Uranus can indicate a traumatic event in childhood where security was ripped away.  A quick word about aspects: I am focusing on hard aspects because they indicate trauma more than the harmonious trines and sextiles.  Although all Moon-Uranus aspects will have a similar theme, the way the energies interact will vary according to the aspect.  In a square, the two planets are butting heads.  The opposition has the two planets at opposite ends of a table shouting at each other.  The conjunction is the two in an uneasy dance where both partners try to lead.

The Moon-Uranus child’s response to trauma was deciding not to trust in emotional safety ever again. As an adult, this memory is carried into relationships. The Moon-Uranus person feels and acts like a detached outsider, reluctant to form any long-term bonds. They can develop an uncompromising attitude in relationships as a way of protecting themselves, deciding on the level of freedom and commitment without discussing things with their partner.

Their approach to committed relationships varies from restlessness to outright panic.  What the Moon-Uranus person fears is being trapped and hurt.  Someone with a Moon-Uranus square may be continually attracted to unreliable types.  The energy of the square causes open tension which drives them forward to do something now. They can throw themselves into destructive relationships which they know, on some level, will not last.  Or they may abruptly end  a relationship if their partner (usually without  knowing) restricts their freedom in some way. Someone with a Moon-Uranus opposition may dither for years over committing to anyone.  The opposition causes a hard-to-define underlying tension. With a conjunction there may be less tension, but the energy of Uranus will still be prominent.  They will stubbornly insist that the relationship operate according to their idea of commitment, which will not be typical.  It may range from having an open relationship to simply needing more alone time than most people.

Moon-Uranus is not an emotionally stable combination.  By itself, the energy of the Moon is constantly changing (reflecting its phases in the sky).  Uranus has an erratic energy that can flare up and die quickly.   Moon-Uranus people are drawn to whatever is new (Uranus is responsible for love or lust at first sight).   But new fades quickly, and as a relationship settles into routine, the Moon-Uranus person finds their interest waning and finally disappearing.  Sensations feel dulled, as if they were wrapped in a thin sheet of plastic.

Being involved with a Moon-Uranus person can be bewildering.  The relationship starts with a glorious rush. The partner is flattered and overwhelmed by the attentions of this fascinating outsider.  Over time, the partner notices how the Moon-Uranus person flatly refuses to do certain things (like making plans more then a few days in advance).  The partner wonders how someone so apparently free-spirited can be so rigid at the same time.  During conversations, the Moon-Uranus person will suddenly switch off:  they’ll continue to talk, but emotionally they’ve left the room.  Attempts to build intimacy cause them to distance themselves further.

Many Moon-Uranus types may be perfectly aware of the roots of their behaviour.  Uranian detachment brings insight, so they are able to stand back and observe themselves.  They may even offer helpful explanations to their partners. While this sounds healthy, it’s actually another way for the Moon-Uranus person to escape. For example, a Moon-Uranus person discovers that their partner is cheating.  They will feel hurt, but the instant the hurt becomes apparent, they jump back to a safe distance.  Whatever feelings they had for their partner have been replaced with numbness.  Their reaction, depending on the rest of their chart, may range from, “No worries, it happens,” to, “Right. I’m leaving now”.  Either way, it’s unlikely that they will be intimate with their partner again.  The partner, expecting a display of hurt and/or anger, is confused.  The Moon-Uranus person may calmly explain that they feel numb, and this reminds them of the time when they were six and their Dad walked out. Rather than feeling what’s happening, they describe the absence of feeling.

But before we write off Moon-Uranus folk as being condemned to a life of watching from the sidelines, remember that everything in astrology has two sides.  The insight these people have into their emotions is a powerful tool.   They’ve already covered the territory that others spend years in therapy trying to work through.  They are not possessive, and they give their partners just as much freedom as they ask for themselves. They don’t hold grudges: these are the people who remain friends with their exes. And let’s not forget the power of Uranus as the great awakener.  If you’re involved with a Moon-Uranus person, you’re involved with an innovator and rule-breaker. Get ready to toss any stale ideas about relationships out the window.

The key for the Moon-Uranus person is compromise and patience.  With compromise, they will find that the freedom they have been guarding so closely is actually more available to them.  If they suggest rather than insist, they will find that their partner is usually open to giving them the space they need.  With the right partner, they will also find that the switching off of emotions is not a permanent condition.  If they wait out the numbness, it often fades and the feelings they had for their partner are still there.

Inside all Moon-Uranus people is a conflict between the need to belong and the desire to break free.   Not belonging makes them uneasy, but being part of something makes them uncomfortable.  Are they capable of having a long-term, committed relationship?  Yes – if they want one.  It is entirely possible for them to be part of a relationship where they can be free to feel safe.

About Nadia Gilchrist

Nadia Gilchrist offers 15 years of experience in Evolutionary and Traditional astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying astrology and tarot readings with a clear, practical approach to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.
 

Comments

  1. Nadia,
    You’ve hit the nail on the head again! My oldest and dearest friend has this aspect and you have described her relationship patterns to a tee. And talk about someone who you can not pin down to a plan. I used to just have to show up at her house and tell her to “Shut up, don’t protest and just get the hell in the car” to get her to go somewhere with me. It’s like she found the immediacy intriquing.

  2. Thanks for this post. I have this placement on my chart and it describes me perfectly. I needed this!

  3. littlemermaid says:

    I have Moon biquintile Uranus, and this fits me quite well, except for the parts about enjoying spontaneous actions(Moon in Taurus).
    I also have tight Moon-Mars and Moon-Jupiter conjunctions, as well as a pretty tight square betweeen Moon and Mercury, and Moon sesquisquare Saturn and Neptune.
    I, too, have felt a life-long push-and-pull energy between wanting to belong and finding it extremely uncomfortable. It’s like the moment I start to feel accepted into a group, or by one person, I start to pull away.
    I’ve never had a romantic relationship, and very few and not too close friendships, although I always longed for deep passion and a real romantic connection with someone. It’s weird, but it’s like no matter how much I’d like romance, I still think I’m better off alone.
    That stuff about being able to analyze myself fits very well, as well as being able to detach myself from just about anything and anyone. and falling in love at first sight..etc etc.

  4. Wow. .. … That was an incredibly precise breakdown. From so many angles it makes it impossible to discredit. Excellent observation.

  5. Hi Nadia, I followed this related link from your most recent post. You just described my friend. Uranus conjunct his AC in scorpio 12H, opposite moon in Taurus 6H conjunct his DC. He was bereaved of a parent in childhood. Lot to think about. Another great article! :)

  6. I ask on other theme about Moon in Scorpion Conjuction Uranus…Does anybody have this combination??
    It is really confusing.

    My ex has it.

  7. hi sunmoon! I have moon conj uranus in scorpio in the 5th house…..well its not an easy combination but yet i love it. Its all true what is written here…..most times am really like a detached lover. This is the best article I have ever read about myself and how i behave in relationships. I can be rellay detached but at the same time i need depth (scorpio) to experience. My whole love life is a bit crazy and i know am not easy to handle – even to myself. Most of the time i dont “need” a relationship but at the same time i love to love. But i dont need physical closeness 24 hrs a day to enjoy love. For me the ideal relationship is with someone who is very loving, open-minded, has depth and not possessive. I need to have a very deep bond with someone (i think this is a scorpio thing), a bond that cannot be betrayed. A bond that survives everything.
    But i think its not the same when this combination is in a woman s chart. In a man s chart maybe it shows the type of women he s attracted too.

  8. I have moon. Biquintile uranus and this describes me vey well. It’s been very difficult for me to sustain a long term relationship. It took a long time for me to realize I was the emotionally unstable one. Although I like my freedom I would prefer a committed relationship but as soon as my partner shows any sign of emotional doubt I get ready to run for the hills. I found this post searching for a Chiron square ascendant explanation. Apparently there is something from my childhood that needs addressing but don’t know quite what it could be. Someone above said that as soon as their partner seems to be accepting they detach. That happens to me a lot too. One of my problems though is that I do need to have things laid out. Strong saturn. Used to be impulsive but grew out of it. I do have a safe emotional state where I go when I’m uncomfortable which usually means retreat. Confuses other because they think I don’t like them which I do. I believe I can overcome this in a relationship with good communication. Have been practicing patience and am very good at compromising. Recently realized that single might be best for me and my partner. Haven’t committed to that either. Smile.

  9. Sherry Hanson says:

    Pisces 9th house moon conjunct chiron, opposed a Uranus, Mercury, Pluto stellium. Scorpio Neptune in 4th apex of a t square to sun opposed Saturn. Mars conjunct IC.

    I had an upbringing from hell. My mother was the nurturing parent and she was severely addicted to dangerous prescription narcotics and was very depressed. My dad beat her to a pulp and left us far behind to run off with another woman.

    I am learning a lot about astrology. I am full of remorse, my son has Moon square Mars and it’s all my fault. I tried to give him everything while struggling to raise him alone with my own mental health/self esteem issues.

    My son is now 19 and very successful in his young life. He has a grand cross in his chart and I notice more and more how angry I seem to make him and if I spend a small amount of time with him I feel he pushes me to the brink where I cannot take anymore and I end up throwing a huge angry fit. It became a cycle of where I tried everything to accommodate him and became out of control with rage when I felt he deliberately pushed me too far and caused me to be either extremely scared or was just plain obnoxiously rude.

    As a result, we now have such a rocky relationship and my guilt over it is a never ending cycle. I try my best to give of myself unconditionally because all I want is to be a good mother and provide whatever he may need. These examples suit me to a tee unfortunately. Thanks for explaining it all to us.

  10. Sherry Hanson says:

    I do have one positive thought to contribute. I am now 51 and four years ago a wonderful man literally walked into my home to ask me about something I had advertised for sale and is now my beloved boyfriend.

    In four years we have never argued or fought. He is almost 15 yrs. older and has been married for almost his whole adult life. I love my space and independence so it works for us.

    I know he would hate to feel walked over or clung upon. He is a caring cancer and we seem to not have too many secrets. I honestly have never felt more secure. He showers me with attention and aids me financially. I find myself in the position of never being able to relocate as it would destroy our beautiful and completely fulfilling love. Thankfully I am for the most part happy with where I live although I daydream about moving somewhere else because I am unstable with my moon opposed Uranus.

  11. Well if this wasn’t a huge answer I’ve been waiting for with someone from my past…. thank you! I can let go now

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