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Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to spot a romantic deceiver? There is, if you can have a look at their birth chart. Read on for some astrological red flags of the guy or gal who is so good at drawing you in, then letting you down. Some of these aspects will be obvious, some not. One caveat: although these aspects can be associated with manipulation or deceit, every person with these sign/planet combinations is not guaranteed to manifest their negative expressions. Everyone has a choice about how they use the energies in their chart. So if you have one of the aspects listed here, and you’re an upstanding partner — great! Speak up in the comments section with examples of how you use your powers for good.
The Dark Mother/Child: Pluto Squaring or Opposing Moon in Cancer
Moon in Cancer tops the list of planet/sign combinations that need security and nurturing. Cancer is the archetype of the Mother and the Child. Add a tough aspect from natal Pluto, and these needs can become twisted. Pluto intensifies, while adding an instinct for ferreting out vulnerabilities in others.
Vij’s Moon in Cancer squares Pluto, and he is a bottomless pit of need. He attracts, then grabs onto, a partner whom he senses can provide the comfort that was missing in his childhood. He’s the wounded animal, waiting to be healed. He appears deliciously vulnerable, and he’s usually in the middle of an emotional crisis. You just want to take him home. But his childhood featured some trauma (symbolized by the hard Pluto aspect) so he has become a master of emotional defensiveness. It’s all about feeling safe for him, and that means keeping you on edge (because an insecure partner is easily controlled). He insinuates himself into your life, so you feel like you cannot function without him. But the moment he feels threatened, he abruptly withdraws. Intensely loving, vulnerable Vij becomes cold and unfeeling. You’re left confused, hurt and desperate to experience that magnetic current of emotion that he offers (when it suits him). This is the dark, devouring Mother/Child archetype. The truth is, no one will be able to provide the security that Vij craves. He needs to find that sustenance within himself, rather than sucking it from his partners.
The Sparkling Distractor: Mercury Square or Opposite Uranus
[ad]You’d think this aspect would lead to honest, upfront communication. Isn’t Uranian energy all about clarity? It is, but it’s also the energy of disruption and detachment. In hard aspect to the planet of intellect and communication, it can indicate someone who lives in their head, and is uncomfortable with intimacy.
Su-Jin is a sparkler when you first talk with her. She’s flirtatious, unconventional, and seems to take an interest in every word you say. But if you look at bit closer, you’ll see her eyes darting around the room, searching for something more interesting. Notice how she interrupts you, or shifts the conversation on a dime? This is Uranus’ energy, stepping in when things get uncomfortable. She’ll talk about random things, or say something shocking, in an attempt to distract you from whatever topic she’d rather not confront (it will usually involve feelings, or something about her past). Making plans with her can be next to impossible, because she hates being tied down. Years of this communication style has alienated others from Sun-Jin, but her mind is so active that she’s created whacked-out stories about why this is so. She hangs onto these ideas (Uranus’ energy can create fanaticism), so having a rational discussion with her is challenging. But she is capable of deep feelings. She’s just out of practice, and needs to engage with people in a way that doesn’t hold them at arm’s length.
The Illusionist: Personal planets (in Gemini or Sagittarius) Square, Opposite or Conjunct Neptune
This is not a Gemini/Sag bashing article. Lots of folks with the above mentioned configurations are simply imaginative partners with a lovely romantic streak. But for some, Neptune’s dreamy energy — combined with Gemini’s ability to tell stories, or Sag’s ability to up-sell — can create a partner who weaves beautiful dreams with no basis in reality. Often, there’s no malicious intent behind these big (but empty) promises. They simply find it easier to express themselves in broad brushstrokes; the details are ignored.
Chris has a Venus/Mercury conjunction in Gemini (opposite Neptune) and has difficulty deciding what he wants in a relationship. He is continually aware of other options, so he’ll make pretty (but vague) statements to you. If he can’t be held accountable, there’s always an exit. Bill’s Mars in Sag (square Neptune) is focused on the thrill of what lies over the horizon. He would love nothing more than to have you join him on his next great adventure, and you get caught up with his evangelical fervor. The problem is, his actions (Mars) are undermined by illusion (Neptune). He gives up, overwhelmed by a sense of futility and disappointment (and lets you down in the process). The issue with any planet in Gemini/Sagittarius (that’s muddled by a hard Neptune aspect) is bringing the vision down to earth, and getting specific.
The Evolutionary Seducer: Pluto in 1st House Libra
Libra rising is appealing, sociable and flirtatious. Add magnetic Pluto (especially when it falls within a few degrees of the Ascendent) and you have a potent recipe for attraction. These individuals have something that draws people to them. But Pluto is the planet of evolution, and wherever it falls in the chart is where transformation must occur. The 1st House represents identity, so these people are driven to transform themselves through the relationships they experience. This can lead to many, many compulsive encounters, all with the goal of enlightening the Pluto person.
Arun attracts men and women, and while not all these encounters involve sex, the other person feels that they are being seduced. She hasn’t been without a partner since she was sixteen (she’s 32 now). Arun claims that she does not go looking for people, and she’s being honest; Pluto’s energy is instinctive, and she doesn’t have much control over who she draws in. She just senses that associating with a certain person will teach her something new about herself. She doesn’t seem like a “player,” because Pluto’s intensity, and her very real quest for self-knowledge, gives her depth. She wants to know everything about you. It’s thrilling (and unnerving) to have this beautiful woman fixated on every detail of your life. Being with Arun can feel like sudden, total immersion in a capital “R” Relationship, with no breathing room. She has to be with you all the time, on her terms. Until one day, she tells you that she’s met someone else, and she’s leaving. What’s happened is she’s learned all she can from you (about herself) and that’s it. This revolving door of relationships will continue indefinitely, until Arun learns her true (paradoxical) evolutionary lesson: that a balanced relationship involves two people, and she doesn’t need to be in one to learn about herself.
This is not an exhaustive list. But it does describe some of the more prominent aspects that could indicate a troublesome romantic partner. If you’re involved with one of these people, know that you can’t change them. Awareness of what’s happening is helpful, but in the end, it’s their call.
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This article is pretty entertaining as it hits in all aspects you’ve given. Firstly, I feel my birthchart SHOULD have Mercury square Uranus… it should, but it sextiles it. Secondly, my ex boyfriend had his Cancer moon in some sort of aspect with Pluto because that paragraph about a messed up childhood and manipulating the significant other to be dependent on them rings so true with what our relationship was. He cheated on many women, including myself, and his mother was a saint, even though she was not around to properly reer him during childhood. Thirdly, my current boyfriend has his rising in Libra, in the first house, with Pluto in it. He is quite the charmer and men and women are drawn to him. He also does not go out of his way to flirt with women, in fact he doesn’t know when most women are flirting with him, but I have seen the “learn something new” with a couple of girls during our relationship. We do have marriage potential in compatibility charts, and I had a professional astrologer tell me that I have a possible marriage coming in 2-3 years from now, so I think it would be with him. He is an amazing man, but if he did decide to bounce I think I’d give him quite the logic lesson. Currently what I do is use my Leo Rising and my Aquarius bluntness to tell him what I want and how I want it. I also throw curve balls occasionally, and since I like to learn new things all the time, I tell him about it. I get him into going outside more,.listening to a wider range of music, and watch films he normally wouldn’t. Right now I’m teaching him about his North Node in Libra. We both have Neptune in Sagittarius, his Mars in Virgo squaring it, my moon in Virgo squaring it. I don’t see that as applicable to the article.
Oh, I forgot to add on. My boyfriend’s aspect, with your example, does not really apply to him. For starters, he didn’t want to know EVERYTHING about me. He likes mystery. Also, a complete immersion has never happened, maybe during sex, but. I do, however, see him as not being able to control who is attracted to him, but he does know how to keep someone at an arm’s length. He is friendly with past flames, but does not contact them or meet up with them. It could be his Taurus moon or Leo Venus, but he is very faithful to me and has only moved on to other women if he felt they were using him for his money.
Moon in hard aspect to Pluto….would Venus apply here also? My ex has Pluto tightly conjunct Venus and Vesta in the 4th house of Virgo trining his 12th house Saturn in Taurus conj Asc conj Algol….born on a New Moon conjunct Mars 3rd house Leo…SN conjunct IC Mercury in Virgo opposes MC NN in Pisces (natal 7H Neptune Rx in Scorpio)…yep, this guy has it all!! It has been my experience with him that has me completely obssessed with Astrology now to help heal myself and truly understand why I was losing my mind (and my money) through my relationship with him.He publicly left me, with an unstable multiple pregnancy of 16wks, for his ex-gf and his reason was “he wants to have fun”.Transiting Saturn in Scorpio in his 6H is now urging him to “get real” by squaring his 3rd house luminary early Leo planets and Sun/Moon midpoint and he looks and feels terrible…thank you Saturn our Karmic Grand Master Teacher : ).Also, transiting Uranus is conjunct my MC Chiron in Aries squaring my 1st house Cancer Sun/Mercury conjunction, so I had better watch myself now !!
My ex has sun mars merc and venus all in sag plus he has Jupiter square Uranus and Saturn square moon plus Mars sun square pluto and merc venus square uranus, he chose darth vadar. A doing/saying only enough to look like you are doing the right thing, an emotional abuser and mind game player in fact a complete alter ego behind closed doors, that no one would believe me for a long time in fact he had me well and truly convinced I was the insane one for alot of the time, it didnt help that his uranus is conjunct my nth node and his jup is conjunct my IC, he was literally nearly the death of me a few times pushing me into suicidal mindset, fortunately I took responsibility for allowing him to do that which is where my saturn in conjunction to his, paid off, utlimately his ego was no match for my ethics.
Such an interesting and clarifying article for me Nadia, thankis 🙂
That’s pretty funny – I am a 1st house Pluto Libra Rising, with Venus exactly conjunct Neptune in Sag 🙂
I totally understand the type of person you’re writing about, it was just funny to see two of the aspects i consider to be very defining in my life and chart, in the list!
I’m an Aqua Sun, honest and kind, so I guess I’m just saying, I’m proof that it depends on your intentions and how you decide to use te energy in your chart. I can honestly say no one I know would describe me as a bad person, or deceptive, or duplicitous or manipulative in anyway. Not even my enemies!
I quite like my 1st house Pluto (not too close to the ASC – 12 degrees away). I think it gives me depth and intensity, people pay attention when I walk into the room. I’m blunt. I can be forceful if needed. I like it.
I do struggle with the Venus/Neptune conjunction though. I think it’s caused me a lot of heartache in life due to my idealism. I haven’t been lucky in love so far.
I almost forgot…. Pluto and Venus/Neptune are exactly sextile in my chart, hahahaha.
Cheers.
@no-perspiration,
Thanks for sharing those examples.
@Flinyx
Venus in hard aspect to Pluto would give a similar energy, but probably not as many mother/nurturing issues. His issues would be based on the direct control of love/fear of losing love (Moon/Pluto in Cancer is more focused on care and healing).
@debbie,
You’re welcome!
@Dana,
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing…I was hoping I’d hear from some folks with these aspects.
7th house Mercury opposite 1st house Uranus here. The only thing that sorta applies is hating to be tied down and that’s only been in the recent year or two, I think because transiting Uranus is conjunct my Sun and in quincunx to my Ascendant. Natally, Mercury is conjunct Saturn and Chiron while Uranus is conjunct Pluto. I’m the one that’s labeled too serious, too rational, too real, too deep.
Nadia, This is FASCINATING! My daughter met someone years ago & he was interesting to say the least. It was almost uncomfortable to talk to him it felt like he was looking into you not just at you. Hubby said “when he looks at our daughter, it’s as if there is no one else in the room”. It wasn’t creepy, it seemed “destined”. He said we’d met our future son-in-law or the anti-Christ; he is neither.
She wasn’t in a place to date him even though he asked numerous times or maybe she knew something was “off” so to speak.
His moon conjunct Chiron is exact on her AC with Venus & Sun in each others 4th house, for one Juno in the other’s 4th & the other it’s on the other’s IC. I just KNEW they would be. I was wrong. He is Libra rising 12th house 29′. Pluto is exact on his AC. He also has Mercury 11th ouse square Uranus 2nd house. He is a extremely religious, almost fanatical about, I think it’s a good cover.
He presented himself a certain way, I think it’s who he wants to be not who he really is. My daughter discovered he’d always had a girlfriend, he’d even been engaged at the end of college but broke it off. A few weeks after my daughter turned him down he got in a 9 month relationship. He started dating someone 2 weeks after that ended, they married after 8 months. Their divorce was final before their first anniversary. He cheated on her before they married, she got an STD but married him anyway. He was dating someone before the divorce was final that & two others all serious. I think he got married in March. All this is from May 2009.
This article was illuminating, you described exactly who he really is – how sad.
@msfullroller,
Thanks for sharing this…you’re obviously acting out the Saturn/Chiron and Pluto end of things (Saturn is about rules, Pluto is about intensity and depth). It’s almost like they completely overwhelm your Uranus (the example in the article was not meant to include other, heavy outer planet contacts mixed in with Uranus). However, it is interesting to see (when you get 2 or 3 outer planets all aspecting one personal planet) which energy is dominant.
@Tracie,
Wow, he sounds like an interesting character. It’s always fascinating when people have 2 or more of the aspects (from the article) in their chart. So much power there, and how do they choose to manifest it.
I understand just because someone has a not-so-pretty aspect doesn’t mean it’ll manifest negatively and I have a general astrology questions about this. If a person has these or any other not-so-pretty aspects and it doesn’t manifest in their life is it because they’ve been able to fight those urges in their chart due to a better moral compass (no judgment here) or due to other counter aspects in their chart or something else?
I looked at some of your other article on infidelity and he has a few others of these as well; 1. Moon opposite Uranus and 2. Mars conjunct & Venus square to Uranus. It’s very interesting to see how someone’s life unfolds then to see it in their charts. I only looked at the synastry in their charts but it should’ve been looked at in a more useful way to get a better clue to who he really is. The odd thing is I don’t think anyone would’ve believed it, he seems very genuine with no agenda or flash.
Thanks for the great articles!
@Tracie
Excellent question.
I would say other aspects (which balance out the iffy aspects) definitely help. In some cases, it simply comes down to how they were raised. Did their parents encourage them to express their potential in a healthy manner. Then again, I have some clients with horrendous childhoods/parents AND a boatload of these not-so-nice aspects and they have still become exceptionally well balanced people. That’s the beauty of free will (it can be unpredictable), and I’m honestly not sure what pushes people in a certain direction (putting aside the other aspects in their chart). One thing astrology can’t tell you is how someone will use the potential in their chart. Which is why I always encourage my clients to give me as much detail as they’re comfortable with, so I know how they’re using what they’ve been given.
I’m not very knowledgeable in astrology. So how do I know if I have a opposing moon in cancer, or if mercury is square, or opposite Uranus?????
This is amazing! Nadia, give us some more samples!! 🙂 How accurate!
Here is a mars conjunction neptune in Sag. So, I am attracting fantasy men into my life-with a similar aspects. Somehow down to earth men seems unappealing, because whatever amazing can happen in your imagination, is always going to be greater than in a real life.
I am thinking of Aries moon square mars in cancer pursuing me. I have similar aspect, so, to not to actvate it, I keep the guy on a distance. I know he would nag me and would be always itchy, iritable and angry. I think in a men chart mars hard on the moon can mean outwards a misogynist, but for sure it is a cold heart.
What other people warnigs are?
@A,
You can get your chart generated for free on this site: http://sasstrology.com/your-free-natal-chart-and-report. You’ll be able to see your aspects on the chart.
@Soda,
Hard aspects between natal Neptune and any personal planet or ruler of the 7th House (especially if Neptune is located in the 5th House), hard aspects between Pluto and Venus. I’m not going to describe each of these (due to lack of time and space). But there’s a search function on this site and if you type in “romantic deception” or “romantic manipulation” you’ll see links to a bunch of past articles.
I’ve know and have a tangled history with a guy that has mercury square Uranus. Much like Nadia described, he could be sitting in a bar talking with you but his eyes will occasionally dart or he actually turns and looks around. However, and this may be due to other parts of his chart, but it seemed more out of anxiety and nervousness. At a gathering or a party, he can only be in one group for a specific amount of time and then it’s like he HAS to walk, definitely a subtle disc fort. And often he’ll walk to go outside and be “away” from the scene. He also is the only person I’ve ever met that even though I’ve known him for a few years, he never talks about anything past the superficial. The exception to this is he will share something very personal but do it in a bizarre joking manner. But considering he’s a water sign and walks around with his heart obviously on his sleeve, he never really shares much. At most, he’ll quickly show his cards to you and then mediately withdraw, sometimes even freak out and again leave. So I could see all of this in Nadia’s description of this aspect.
I have Mercury square Uranus. @thecountess you described me perfectly (I am a woman though).
You’re right about anxiety and nervousness. I do get deep but only with people I trust, completely trust, which is not a lot. Only family members. And a few select family members. I keep potential friends and lovers at an arm’s length and do look around or seem distracted often. But it is because I don’t know what to do with myself. I figure; better keep them away in case they don’t like me. I also have Mercury in Libra in Retrograde so I find it difficult to share my thoughts “properly” + the square Uranus. Fun times being in social settings…not! I also always look for places I can easily get out of (like you said, stepping away etc) just in case I get overwhelmed.
@Tracie ; for me personally it is because I’ve been cheated on before and guys have played ‘mind games’ with me. I already have a hard time trusting people, knowing if they truly like me or just like my looks/”sparkling” personality (my venus is in scorpio and moon in cancer), so I prefer to keep them away until I’m really sure. I may really like a person or have become super attached but they’ll never know. I won’t say a thing. I am practicing speaking up, not resorting to schemes or moving onto the next so quickly. So I think it depends if the person has realized they are this way and if it affects them.
Nadia don’t you think Moon in Cancer people are more or less misunderstood because they really cant put their feelings into words and or they repress their feelings or how they feel?? Or a better way to put it maybe would be they are not really vocally assertive?? I get the mother connection here but they’re vulnerable because of a reason maybe and not that they intend to cheat on a partner. IF the partner lacks the love and affection that the moon in cancer is looking for I think anyone would try to get that love and affection from someone/somewhere else. You know better but My 2 cents.
I read this article and I found it very surprising that I just was involved with someone who is the least honest person I have ever met in my life, and I went looking for all these aspects in his chart and found he has soft, pleasant aspects between all the planets you mentioned, it seems like has a near miss for everything you suggested. Not only does he lie, he does so seemingly without conscience or regret, leading me to wonder if perhaps, two or more of these soft aspects can lead to a form of dishonesty without regret.
He has Moon in Cancer, but it forms a wide trine to Pluto. He sure meets your description of the hard aspect though, except that I know this through inference, not through admission, because he would never openly admit to anything going on on the inside…not truthfully, anyway. Oh, the partner article on this about how to spot honesty in a partner’s chart, says that Mercury conjunct Mars makes a straight shooter. He has it. He definitely does have the hurtful/abrasive thing mentioned in that article, but not the honesty. Both are in Libra.
His Mercury is sextile Uranus. His Cancer Moon is in opposition to Neptune, which I was surprised wasn’t here on this list, to be honest, but his personal planet in Sagittarius, Venus, is semi-sextile Neptune. Perhaps there’s some reception going on though from the Moon opp. Neptune while Neptune also sextiles Venus. Oh, and Pluto in the first house, Libra ascendant, but Pluto is in Scorpio.
Care to analyze?
Oi. I have two of these – my moon opposes pluto (but my moon is in aries – maybe not so bad?). I have venus and mars conjunct in gemini opposing my neptune.
But here’s the thing, I don’t think I am a romantic deceiver at all. Maybe my Taurus sun in the 9th helps? Saturn is here, too.
Completely true about Pluto rising in Libra. Guy was a complete man-whore but looked the opposite. He drew me to him because of his apparent depth and intensity and sincerity (cough). Manipulative – made it seem like he was sincere when it was only a front. I think people must remember that Pluto conjunct the ascendant/1st house doesn’t mean that the person is necessarily deep or intense, they just come across that way!! The rest of their chart could be full of Jupiter making them super buoyant personality-wise once you get to know them.
Three years I came out a relationship with a men who has Pluto Square Moon in Cancer.
Every little thing you mention about this aspect is true.
After all I’ve been througt with this partner I forgot about my own worth, helath forgot to care about myself..and went in therapy. This people are like Vampires really. They kan hurt you badly no matter how strong you think you are.
Stay away from men with this aspect I would say to everyone!
I also dated and was heavily involved with a moon in Cancer man and he was EXACTLY as you described. Sun in Scorpio with a Libra rising. He was TOXIC. He had a woman who thought she was his girlfriend for years but she was simply his emotion benefactor and home for when he got off the rode or maybe tired of other women. He drove her car, embarrassed her, denied she meant anything to him,etc. I prayed for her and any other woman including myself that ever ran into this guy again. I definitely look closely at charts now. Yikes.
I’m a lesbian, but while I took a break from relationships I dated guys.
(Also still young and finding myself, even though I always knew deep down)
And the two guys I felt the most physical connections with my kundalini totally flowing, were with these TWO romantic deceivers!
One was Pluto in first house Libra, and the other Mercury Square Uranus!
I think at some unconscious or subconscious level I knew I was free because they were all in completion deceiving themselves! That’s why I could relax and have the best physical connection with them! Omg! Love it. Thanks 🙂
Well, I have 2 of these placements, Sun opposition Neptune, and Pluto in the first house in Libra (which i wouldn’t change for anything in the Cosmos), but I can assure you that I’m the kindest person in the world, and would never ever deceive or manipulate anyone’s feelings in a relationship, maybe because of my Venus in Cancer plus Moon in Leo…and also first hoise Pluto that put’s everyth
Well, I have 2 of these placements, Gemini Sun opposition Neptune, and Pluto in the first house in Libra (which I wouldn’t change for anything in the Cosmos), but I can assure you that I’m the kindest person in the world, and would never ever deceive or manipulate anyone’s feelings in a relationship, probably because of my Venus in Cancer plus Moon in Leo perhaps…and also first house Pluto (trine Sun) that put’s everything in the clear…so definitely no BS in the relationships, and everyone always know where they stand with me. Actually, I have the opposite problem, can’t find anyone remotely straight forward, open and sincere as I am. Big love to all first house Plutos, especially in Libra ? You don’t get this placement by chance, it’s hardly deserved!