How to Tell if a Mars in Virgo Man or Woman Is Into You

At first glance, it’s not difficult to figure out if Mars in Virgo is attracted to you. This is the sign of service, so Mars in Virgo will show his or her affection by helping you. Now you’ve got a considerate partner (or potential partner) who will tend to your every need! Well, not quite. Eventually, Mars in Virgo’s helpfulness can turn to hectoring. And in some cases, Virgo will just walk out the door. What happened to your considerate lover?

The Evaluation Phase

Mars in Virgo will help almost anyone, as a matter of principal. But if he’s into you, he’ll go the extra mile by bringing you coffee every morning. Or, he’ll fix your computer, and upgrade your system while he’s at it. You may not take much notice of him, initially. But rest assured that he’s noticed you. You can ask for help and he’ll gladly oblige. The real test is if he volunteers his services. When he does get your coffee/fix your computer, everything will be customized for you. Your coffee will be that perfect mix of one and a half sugars with soy milk and a squirt of vanilla syrup. Your computer will run better than ever, since he’ll have adjusted the system configurations to match your pattern of use. If he’s into you, he’ll already know exactly what it takes to make your day run smoothly.

Mars in Virgo is somewhat shy and particular. She already knows who she wants. Is it you? You can ask her out, and if she’s not interested, she’ll be exceedingly polite. But the date will never happen. If she is interested, she’ll say yes, with no hesitation. When you’re out together, she’ll be gracious and charmingly humble. But nothing’s in the bag just yet. You’ll still be in the evaluation phase, because she doesn’t select just anyone to be her partner. She’ll be taking copious mental notes. At this stage, you can ruin things by being loud, rude or messy (she abhors these qualities). If you offend her, this will be your last date. But even if you pass with flying colors, physical contact is likely to be kept to a minimum, because she’s not big on PDAs. What she will do is ask you a ton of questions. Virgo is ruled by Mercury, and Mars in Virgo shows her interest by gathering information about you.

The Upgrade Phase

You’ve made it past the evaluation phase, but don’t expect Mars in Virgo to jump into bed right away. He’ll want to take his time, and there’s a reason for this. Although he’s probably a skillful lover (it’s important for this perfectionist sign to be a master at whatever he does) he will be self-critical. It will take him a while to get comfortable enough to expose his “flaws.” Chances are, his supposed flaws will be minimal, since his perfectionism extends to health, grooming, etc. But his standards will be several notches above everyone else’s, which means he’ll magnify everything about himself that’s not just so. He’ll want to be sure that you’re not going to recoil in horror. If you push for intimacy before he’s ready, he’ll pull away.

Mars in Virgo is an Earth sign, so he can be quite sensual, but that will always be aligned with his awareness of what might go wrong, and what he could do better. He’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy in the bedroom, sometimes to the exclusion of his happiness. If you suspect a hint of sacrifice in his approach to sex, you’re right; no matter how well-adjusted he is, Mars in Virgo will have a streak of masochism. It may be subtle or full-on, and it will emerge after you’ve been together for a while.

The other thing to understand about Mars in Virgo is that she’ll be obsessive about one or more areas of her life. She may or may not be a neat freak, but she will have a method of doing something (in and out of the bedroom) that must not be tampered with. You’ll think, “It’s no big deal if I let this slide, or do this thing differently than she instructed.” You’ll find that you’ve made a grievous error. While she is a Mutable sign and wants change (more about that in a moment) she can be as fixated as a Taurus about her routines. For Mars in Virgo, control is the path to correctness, and correctness is Virgo Nirvana.

That brings us to Mars in Virgo’s passion for improvement. He sees what could be fixed, which is why his helpfulness will manifest as criticism. He’s not trying to tear you down, he simply sees what you could be doing better. What he really wants is for the two of you to improve together. Even if you think you’re just fine as you are, Mars in Virgo will be surprisingly ambitious. He’ll want to keep moving forward, whether this involves ways to eat healthy, or enhanced approaches to time management/emotional awareness/financial mastery. If you’re the placid type who’s content to marinate in things the way they are, this will be a major sticking point between you. Remember that Mars in Virgo chose you, and it was not a casual decision. He saw someone who could meet his standards and grow with him.

But let’s say you’re not interested in growing. Or, you take advantage of Mars in Virgo’s services (she’ll continue to work her ass off for you) without doing anything in return. She dislikes confrontations (they’re messy) so she may not come right out and say there’s trouble. She’ll stick it out for awhile, because giving up is undisciplined. But if she stops making suggestions about what you could fix, or she starts excluding you from her latest self-improvement scheme, you’ll know there’s trouble. If she’s a particularly manipulative Virgo, she’ll set some impossibly high water mark for you to reach. Suddenly, it will become crucial that you meditate for an hour every day while embracing a vegan lifestyle (when you’ve always eaten meat). Or, she’ll say that it’s her and not you, using her self-critical schtick as a weapon. The end will come quietly. In typical, understated Virgo fashion, she’ll just walk out the door.

Related: The Servant Who Wants More: Understanding Your Virgo Partner

About Nadia Gilchrist

Nadia Gilchrist offers over 19 years of experience in astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying practical astrological analysis to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.


  1. sailor.mercury says:

    Omg, mars in Virgo is fun! I have a certain ritualistic structure to NY life, that can’t be derailed, very easily. Its not ocd or anything, but I fucking adore to organize my environment, cause every possession of mine is symbolic, and its a whole mental tidy. BAE has his or her own rituals which can get quite messy, but that’s wat its like when u have been busy stayin alive 🙂

  2. Hi Nadia, I enjoyed this post. I’ve got mars in sixth house but I don’t know if this is the reason I find so much resonance with this post. I ‘walked out of the door’ on a work relationship issue. we worked closely together and I was all into the self improvement thing and have the ambition to work hard on focused goals. But I realized that I could never live up to expectation and there was ‘penalty’ for something he considered a ‘failure’, but not me. The final nail in the coffin came when I realized that my goals weren’t as important as his, not only that, he assumed that my ambitions were / would be his – almost like I wasn’t supposed to have independant goals. I have Pluto in virgo so I don’t know if there is an overlap here, a power / manipulation issue going on, but I do feel misused, even abused and in typical Virgo fashion I have walked quietly out of the door, no mess, no fuss, sweet smile, polite (I’ve got mars in libra in sixth house).

  3. Mars in Virgo girl here!! lol yep, this is exactly how it is.

  4. Diane Coley says:

    I’m a Sagittarius with Mars in Virgo, my ex bf is a Virgo with Mars in Virgo so this was definitely an interesting read! He and I knew each other casually for years before we finally started dating and even that went slow.

  5. @sailor.mercury
    thanks for confirming….Mars in Virgo is fun! 🙂

  6. @Jem
    yes, 6th House Mars would certainly give your actions Virgo qualities.

  7. @Luzy
    thanks, Luzy. 🙂

  8. @Diane Coley
    thanks for sharing. Your Sag/Virgo must be an interesting mix.

  9. Jupiter (0), Mars (3), and Saturn (20) in Virgo 9th house trining Venus in Cancer (0) with a Gemini moon (0) checking in.

    This post is so very, very true; especially the last three sentences. I’ve recently done this myself to my now ex-partner who didn’t know what had hit him. I’d been so nice for so long, and then oh-so-calmly it gets finished, almost in a surgical fashion. No shouting or over-emotion, just ended with an explanation of why in a very calm, factual and truthful way.

  10. JordanGemini says:

    Mars in Virgo men…sigh. I have Virgo rising with lots of Gemini, so my mercurial Spidey sense tends to pick up when one’s hovering around, like a nervous little mosquito fearful I might swat him. And after the Virgo in Mars men I’ve dealt with, that’s not an unreasonable fear on their part! I had one guy, a Libra Sun with Taurus moon, who wanted to prove to me that I should be his girlfriend, and had the obnoxious inclination to announce to all our mutual friends how badly he wanted me to be his girlfriend, with me sitting right there. Even had me read his natal chart as some strange passive-aggressive way to “convince” me we were a good match. Then he insisted that he should help repair a musical instrument of mine. When I let him take it to repair it, he got weird, like he was holding it hostage until I gave into his insistence I get involved with him romantically. The instrument wasn’t worth much past sentimental value, but that was enough to unnerve me to the point where I and my Aqua Mars got hostile with him and had to go to his house and demand the instrument back.

    Another one, a Scorpio sun/Leo moon with his Virgo Mars conjunct my Ascendant. Oh boy. I’ve had stalkers but this guy was…ugh. He really, really could not resist letting me know how badly he wanted to have sex with me, how he just KNEW that I was this ideal woman for him (in terms of a sex partner). He had this weird Virgoan illusion that he was projecting onto me that was so not the real me. And I couldn’t avoid him–this was when I was in college and I saw him everyday on campus. I ended up lying and telling him I had started dating someone to get him to leave me alone. Even then he’d give me that creep Scorpio leer whenever he saw me around. Yuck.

    So Virgo Mars men? No thanks. But I do like Virgo rising men–those guys are sweet and gentle and don’t feel the need to inappropriately communicate whatever attraction they might have towards me.

  11. I’m a leo with Mars and Venus in Virgo.

    If I want to help you, if I’m being generous towards you, that means I like you! But I’m not a mind reader, I don’t know what you’re thinking! I get easily discouraged if I don’t hear feedback.

  12. sailor.mercury says:

    @nadia 😀 @jem I love u name! Jem, jem is excitement, ooooh jem, jem is adventure, oooh…

  13. Gemini Sun/Moon Sq Mars says:

    I think the intensity of those guys comes from their Mars conjuncting your ascendant because most of us Virgo Mars usually aren’t that aggressively assertive about our romantic interests.

  14. I’m currently smitten with a Leo woman with Mars and Venus in Virgo. I wondered if you ever comment on other people to get a reaction as to how they feel about you? Make them jealous in a way? Also, is your Moon in Scorpio? 🙂

  15. VirgoMoon/VirgoMars says:

    Wow this described me ( a guy ) to a T. I dated some Taurus girl but overall her flaws (in my opinion) were too big of a turn off for us to be together. So I used veganism and being spiritual as a weapon to break up with her. Not knowingly until I read this then I was like yeah maybe that was what I was doing. What a coincidence!

  16. VirgoStellium says:

    Yes I do stop nagging, giving you my two cents, and ranting about my day if you hurt me. Nagging means I care and ranting means I trust you with my emotions

  17. I have recently had hugeee crush on this leo sun, taurus moon guy who has his venus mars and jupiter in virgo. Hes is very helping and generous caring kind, he is also advusing me on a lot of things that I follow.. But it has been 9 months. Why doesnt he say something. How to get him to commit?? Am I not attractive??
    Btw Im libra rising and sun with moon in pisces, venus in virgo.

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