Dealing With Your Aloof Capricorn Partner

Credit: ABedov via iStockphoto

Credit: ABedov via iStockphoto


Capricorns are known for their discipline and ambition. But the qualities of this Saturn-ruled sign don’t always translate well into the realm of intimate relationships. There are many self-aware Caps out there who are fully present and passionate in their relationships. But the unaware partner with Capricorn relationship planets (Saturn ruling the 7th House, or Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars in Capricorn) can be frustratingly distant and controlling. Read on for tips on how to deal with that famous Capricorn reserve.

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The Tyranny of Order

Whether you’re just getting to know him, or have been involved for years, the unaware Capricorn will operate from a place of fear. Saturn is about limits and reality, but when its energy is distorted, it manifests as fear and repression. Fear of what? Anything that challenges his rules. Order is essential to this sign. Putting everything into a context that he can understand gives him a sense of control. If you do anything that threatens to disrupt this order, the fearful Capricorn will react by shutting down and/or telling you that your behavior is unacceptable.

It’s a cliche that Capricorns are repressed. But in some cases, it’s true. Capricorn loathes chaos, and what’s more chaotic than intimacy? There’s the physical act of sex, where both partners are as vulnerable as they’ll ever be. And then there’s the messiness that comes from deep emotional exchanges. The shut-down Capricorn will attempt to impose order over these areas. She may insist that there’s only one “correct” way to have sex or share feelings (her way). In more extreme manifestations, she may deny these activities altogether. For you, the partner who just wants to love her, it can feel like punishment.

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About Nadia Gilchrist

Nadia Gilchrist offers over 19 years of experience in astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying practical astrological analysis to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.



  2. Thanks, Nadia. As a Cappy sun/merc/mars, this gives me a little more insight into what to work on. 🙂 And what to loosen the death grip on. :3

  3. magiczara says:

    Good insights. As someone with a Cap 7th house, I can appreciate it. I’ve come to realize that I do indeed need time before I feel ready to be intimate with anyone (physically or emotionally), and that this is ok. And, if I’m with the right person, I can make this work by communicating it (my natal Saturn being in my 3rd house). I suppose I’m fortunate that I have a pretty sensitive, touchy-feely Cancer Mars as a bit of a counterbalance to my heavy Venus-Saturn influence. I’m not TOTALLY made of stone, haha. 🙂

  4. @Colleen
    you’re welcome!

  5. @magiczara
    exactly…every sign moves at their own pace. Capricorns may be cardinal, but they can take as long as a Fixed sign to open up.

    yes, 1st House Cap applies as well, since the 1st House is personal identity.

  7. ALL my family members (plus some in laws) have either Rising, Sun, Moon, Venus or Mars (or a couple of those things) in Capricorn. I on the other hand, have NOTHING except a lone asteroid in 9H. No wonder they are all baffled by my extreme level non-materialistic (‘unstable’ by their books) approach to life.

    And oh i wonder what’s going to happen to all their Capricornian rules and discipline and stability when Saturn, Jupiter and Pluto meet in Capricorn for their heavy threesome in a couple of years?

  8. Yes, I can relate, I have cappy sun and Saturn conjunct moon in the 12th (talk about inaccessible) The hardest part is I really don’t know how to break down the wall. Inside I’m often shouting loudly, “yes, yes please come in!” But on some subconcious level I project ‘something’ since so often those people I’m trying to get close to, move away! I am trying to break down this emotional wall that I carry around in front of me (like a shield) with a rubber hammer! It sees so obvious to just get over it, go around it, or simply break through it and smash it to bits, but I can’t do it. it’s simply there like permaglass. Sheer frustration. I’m optimistic that one day,…. blah blah but as a cappy that doesn;’t really help since it’s a mystery to me and I can’t take steps to breakdown what I can’t control or fathom.

  9. My experience with Cap Moon was that it is practical, pessimistic, and dominating. Everything has to be “earned”. And you’re not to feel hurt — you’re to feel grateful — that is, provided you’re worthy.

  10. I was with a Capricorn man for a year and a half. The first 6 months we were just friends and I considered him to be my best friend. We told each other any and everything. We would talk for hours and always for at least an hour a day everyday. Then one day I asked him if he would mind just playing around no kissing no sex to see if I would feel like I did with my last boyfriend. At first he said he didn’t think that would be a good idea and I said it’s was no buggy and just went on talking. Then a few days later he told me he would. So that Sat we played around no kissing no sex but he did try to kiss me but I wouldn’t let him but it was nice and that night I told him for some reason I trusted him and felt safe with him but couldn’t explain it other then maybe how a dog knows that a person is a good person or not. So the night ended and he went home and I told him that I would call him when I woke up to let him know how I felt. Well I did and felt fine but he said he felt guilty. I kinda laughed because I couldn’t understand how he could feel guilty when we really didn’t do anything and that he actually had sex with another woman aprox a month before we played around but he said he didn’t want to do anything anymore which was fine with me and we continued to just be friends.Well aprox 3 weeks later he had asked me if I wanted to clean his house and make some extra money for vacation. Well for some reason my gut was actually telling me NO. DO NOT GO…. Let’s just say I should have listened to my gut. But I forgave him because I actually thought he was disgusted with him self and was sorry for what he did. Well fast forward and then we became a couple. Things would go good then he would pull away. I have woke up to him touching my face and watching me sleep and also wake up to him touching my fingers and hand. He has told me that he was addicted tome and that he tried to fight it for months but no matter how much he fought it it still won. So I don’t know if that was his way of telling me that he loved me or if he was really addicted to me. Fast forward. Things started happening and it was due to his ex wife. Let’s just say that the last day I was at his house I ended it because of what he said. So I needed the truth about something and only other person that would know was his ex wife so yes I went and talked to her and I’m really not sure if what I needed to know was true or not. But his ex wife did something stupid and he called me and tried to blame me for it and said some really rude things to me. But later that night he texts me and said if I truly care to call him. Why couldn’t he just call me instead of texting what he text? Things went good as far as I thought other then me crying because of the things that he said to me and trust me when I say they were awful. But he went from Being nice to having an attitude because I said he needed to ask god for forgiveness because of how many times he said his name in vein. But he said we would get together that Sat and talk about things but that day never happened. Aprox 12 hours later I get a text saying there still in love and was going to try to make it work and said he would never contact me again and said good bye.
    But this past Friday my cell phone rings and I had to look twice because it was him. I was deciding should I answer it or not so I did but said ” I believe you dialed the wrong number. He never said anything so I said hello twice but nothing. ” I was on the phone for 13 mins before he hung it up. I was hoping Icould hear something interesting but couldn’t make out what anyone was saying. I my self don’t think it was a butt call because he has not had any contact with me for 9 months. So I ask you fellow Capricorns, do you think he called on purpose to see if u would answer? Or what do you think is going on? Because I sure in the heck don’t have a clue. I dont know all what is in his chart but from reading what a Capricorn man is like, he is that to a tee. Now when we were together he was very passionate, well most of the time. I’m pretty sure he has a wild streak to him. But just would like to have some advice on whether or not I should have called or texted him after he was off of work. But my girlfriend told me not to. She said to wait and make him wonder. But I don’t like playing games and to me this is playing games. I’m sorry this was so long but any help would be appreciated on any and everything that I wrote about. What did he really think about me and why would he call? Thanks. Kim

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