The Servant Who Wants More: Understanding Your Virgo Partner

Virgo has a rep of being a dutiful partner: the servant who does your laundry, organizes your files, and makes sure all your needs are met. Need help? Turn to your Virgo, because that’s what he does. While there’s some truth to this, the reality is far more complex. After months or even years of being there for you, it can come as a shock when your humble Virgo lover walks out the door.

Virgo is the sign of service and perfection. He shows his love by helping you with practicalities. As he gets to know you, he’ll anticipate your needs. It’s easy to become dependent on him, especially when he doesn’t advertise what he wants for himself. It’s tempting to believe that serving you is all he needs to be happy. However, Virgo does want something from you, and it’s part of an unspoken deal that you probably weren’t aware of when the relationship began. The other side of the Virgo coin is what motivates him: improvement. His quest for refinement is endless. Even if your Virgo is a total slob around the house (it can happen), there’s at least one area of his life where he applies his stainless standards. He sees how things could be microscopically better, and this vision is applied to you, as well. You’ve experienced this if you’ve been on the receiving end of his helpful suggestions.

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About Nadia Gilchrist

Nadia Gilchrist offers over 19 years of experience in astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying practical astrological analysis to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.


  1. Wow… absolutely true. I have a leo sun, cancer moon, but saturn, mercury, asc, venus, mars and nn in virgo. This article is “perfect” describing how I feel in my relationships. God help me, because now Neptune is about to oppose my asc, my Venus… then my mars conj nn, ouch, then next the eclipses ooooohhhh yes (not!) But jupiter will be there too to make it all big hahaha, (being Virgo, already worrying about next year).
    Thank you for putting this out there for the world to read!

  2. That’s it exactly, Nadia.:) If my way of showing love doesn’t empower and encourage the people around me to heal and become better (in some small way, at least) then eventually I’ll move on for everyone’s sake. My Virgo Ascendant is conjunct Pluto coming from the 12th. And my Mercury (ruler of Virgo) is in Scorpio, conjunct Neptune and Jupiter. Ideally, I want to be of service in a way that’s deeply transformational. I’m not a Band-Aid to be ripped off once the wound has healed so someone can continue doing what they’ve always done and expect me to dutifully keep fixing them up.

    The one exception would be when someone is no longer able to care for themselves or of making a conscious choice. Even then I need to feel my way of helping is providing something of value.

  3. I have mercury and pluto in 12th house virgo – true node in 6th house. how does that work out for me? I’m a leo asc libra. Uranus in Libra by 2 degrees. thank you!

  4. By the way, I happen to come across your articles and enjoy them very much – so useful to someone like me who is just learning! thanks!

  5. So very true Nadia.

    I have a whopping 6 planet spread across Virgo/Libra in 5H and 6H. They rule eight houses of my chart including those two houses and AC & DC. Also a Scorpio Vesta sits in 6H.
    I am guilty as charged for ‘over driving my partners for self-improvement whist offering a lot of servitude’.

  6. Omg ths is so true..reminds me of my ex..wot frustrated me so much is he had the nerve to criticise me for the stupidest things when he is nowhere near perfect in morals, at least.Stfup or step away I’d say..option two became obvious..I guess I was too perfect and didn’t need improving on lol what do you do in those situations when the criticism becomes offensive, it feels?Be more understanding?Thanks to yr article I understand a whole lot more about the Virgo Way…this SN in Virgo is super aware!

  7. Fiinyx,

    I think heavy Virgos can be helped by a partner with SN in Virgo. Because SN Virgos are those who already have mastered Virgo traits in a past life.

  8. Venus in Virgo which can be extremely nitpicky about love and beauty in self. Picky about objects of beauty & money. I have a stellium in my 11th house. Pluto & uranus conjunct my venus. Not a great place for venus. I can get obsessed with my looks & my partners projection to the world which represents me. I got upset with my husband for not looking “my way” when we went out. I felt he didn’t care about me because he gained weight, dressed shabby and didn’t groom himself anymore. I got very upset because I made sure he found me desirable & attractive but he couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same for me. This was eye opening. Thank you.

  9. @Daniela
    the 12th House is about a higher purpose, also secrets. So you may not be upfront about your Virgo ideas. Controlling things in the background.

  10. @LB
    Love the band aid image. 🙂

  11. LindaMock says:

    Nadia –
    You have nailed the true nature of Virgo. I have an exact 10th house Sun/Saturn conjunction and I have dealt with this all my life, LOL. We Virgos only try to perfect those we love, otherwise we won’t bother.

    It took me a very long time to realize that partners and children don’t usually take these efforts as they are meant. They mostly hear the critical part and don’t realize I am trying to help them do something better, only because I love them. It kills me to just shut up and smile when I know something could be better – but I think that probably is something I have to learn during this lifetime. ~ sigh ~

  12. Thanks for the insights, Nadia. Haven’t felt so understood in a good long time! With a wife who has 6 planets in Leo, I think my strategy has been to just be a shining example :), rather than providing a lot of “helpful” critique about ways to improve, which is seen as criticism of who she fundamentally is. Probably my own Leo planets help me understand this, and of course experience is a great teacher as well!

  13. You hit it on the head! This is the best, most thorough description of Virgo I’ve read! I’m a 10th house Sun conjunct Mars in Virgo. I approach everyone this way especially my mate, friends, and family. I can’t tolerate people for too long if they aren’t interested in self-improvement. I don’t care how someone improves so much as long as they are. Hearing about people who are improving themselves makes me proud of them. I walk around with the goal of helping people and places improve 🙂

    I love the part about how I’m good at anticipating the needs of my mate. I totally do that! I love to take care of him and his needs but DO have that expectation that he values growth in return (which he does!).

  14. I being a virgo can super relate with was told in the article because I have cut relations with lots of people who didn’t appreciate the improvements I suggested. It’s like i’m wasting my time with someone who doesn’t understand the way i show my love and care.

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