Black Moon Lilith in Synastry

Credit: vardhan via iStockphoto

Credit: vardhan via iStockphoto

Black Moon Lilith (or BML) is loaded with intrigue. Sexual power, obsession and anger are her instruments, so when she’s activated in synastry, it’s not surprising that dark undercurrents are brought to the surface of the relationship. However, she’s also loaded with mystery. There are no clear definitions of how she works in synastry (or the natal chart, for that matter). She does not submit to tidy categorizations. I can’t claim that I’ve been studying her for years, but she has caught my attention lately. So I dug up some case studies with an eye for BML connections in male/female relationships.

First, a quick review of the technical details. There are actually three Liliths: an asteroid (#1181), Dark Moon Lilith (a rarely seen second Moon/dust cloud that orbits the earth) and Black Moon Lilith. This article is concerned with BML, which is the furthest point of the Moon’s orbit (the lunar apogee). There is a Mean and True BML. The difference in degrees between the two varies, and together they make up a corridor — a range of influence between the True and Mean points. However, for the sake of simplicity, I work with Mean Lilith.

Pop over to Astrodienist to locate Mean Lilith (Lilith in their menu) and True Lilith (h13) in your chart. Darkstar Astrology features a more detailed explanation of the three Liliths, plus a technical definition of Mean and True.

Lilith has a colourful history. She was Adam’s first wife. Rather than submitting to him, she left the Garden and lived in exile. In Sumerian and Jewish mythology, she is associated with female demons. In the natal chart, she represents wild female sexuality and the anger that comes from being denied, rejected or cast out. She is the outsider and the unacceptable sexual presence, a stealth combination of Uranus (without the detachment), Pluto (without the rebirth) with Mars thrown in for good measure. Perhaps because of her association with darkness, she is not clearly felt in the natal chart unless she makes tight aspects (5 degrees max) to natal planets or angles. Or, until she’s activated in synastry.

Black Moon Lilith in a Woman’s Chart

A woman’s BML is her source of anger, obsession and sexual power, all rolled into one. Some women own their Lilith, using her energy to make themselves heard, no matter how unacceptable their message is. Or, wielding their sexual influence in a way that empowers them, no matter how uncomfortable it makes other people. Others are owned by her, becoming consumed by her destructive rage and constantly feeling shut out of where they want to be. And some have no concept of her presence until she’s awakened by another person.

Hard aspects (conjunctions, squares, oppositions) to a woman’s Lilith from a man’s planets will strongly activate her issues around being desired/not desired and accepted/not accepted. All this is dependent on her chart, and the planet, of course. Lilith contacts are sexual, but the results are varied and unpredictable. A man’s Mars (action and desire) conjunct a woman’s Lilith can be smoking hot (for both people) and can empower Lilith, making her feel like a queen being received by her man. Or, this connection can be a constant struggle as she kicks against his domination. An opposition from his Saturn (limits and authority) to her Lilith can feel terribly restrictive. While there will be sexual attraction, it may not ever fully manifest, as Saturn blocks her at every turn. He’s afraid of what he’s awoken. If she’s sexually confident, his Saturn may be the disapproving judge keeping the unacceptable woman at arm’s length. If she’s caught up in Lilith’s anger, she may throw herself at him, frightening him with her rage/neediness/demands for acceptance. This can be the bewildering connection that pushes her crazy button and exposes her to parts of herself that she does not want to acknowledge. If this sounds rather dramatic, remember that Lilith is dramatic. She’s not pretty at the best of times, and when thwarted, she can be downright ugly. Note that for all her darkness, she’s not inherently evil. “Raw” is a better word to describe her, although her wild energy can certainly be twisted in destructive ways. Trines and sextiles from a man’s planets to Black Moon Lilith are usually much nicer, validating her sexuality and encouraging her power.

If your BML is activated and you find yourself getting caught up in obsessive patterns, know that you cannot compel the other person to love or accept you. His acceptance is not where your true nourishment lies, and the harder you push, the more you’ll manifest the “Lilith as angry outsider” scenario. Black Moon Lilith’s true power is within you, but the difficulty lies in confronting the very uncomfortable energy that’s been awakened. One of her keys involves accepting what you cannot have, and where you cannot go. The painful paradox is, when she’s activated, she often lusts after the very thing that’s not available to her.

Black Moon Lilith in a Man’s Chart

In a man’s chart, Lilith represents how he deals with female power. Some sources have suggested that his Lilith describes the type of woman (by sign and planetary aspects) that he fears and desires the most. I would say that his Lilith shows the type of woman who makes him intensely uncomfortable, and how he deals with that is a reflection of how he handles power dynamics with the opposite sex.

Again, there will be sexual attraction with a Lilith contact. But there’s no suggestion of harmony, or even getting to first base. If your Sun conjuncts a man’s BML, he’ll feel your presence on an animal level (BML is not about love or empathy). But there’s no guarantee that he’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth. What is for certain is that there will be a struggle for dominance as your ego triggers his issues with female power. He may respond with anger, defensiveness or a one night stand that never develops further. Or, he may run in the other direction. Then again, if there are other contacts between you that provide stability and emotional connection, you could be a powerful force that he embraces. It all depends on how comfortable he is with a woman who will not submit.

Lilith contacts have absolutely nothing to do with commitment or stability. What they do is provide an initial shove that grabs his attention and focuses it on you. An easy aspect from one of your planets to his Lilith is much easier for him to handle. Let’s say your Neptune trines his Lilith; you have the potential to become his erotic fantasy. Your Neptune can take the edge off his Lilith fears while adding a hint of addiction. Suddenly he’s chasing the dream of his Lilith down the path he was previously nervous about treading.

Many synastries have no BML connections. This does not mean that the relationship is lacking in passion or depth. By itself, even the most powerful Lilith conjunction is not enough to draw two people together. As always, you must start with the basics (aspects between the ten planets). These are the building blocks of any relationship, and Black Moon Lilith is an additional undercurrent. Having said that, if she is strongly aspected in synastry, she can cause significant pain, along with attraction.

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About Nadia Gilchrist

Nadia Gilchrist offers over 19 years of experience in astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying practical astrological analysis to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.


  1. Ana M Oliveira says:

    Very interesting article, but Lilith remains in mistery, because it’s interpretation is very difficult to discern in a relationship.
    I have my Lilith in conjunction with his Pluto and he has is Lilith in conjunction with my vertex.
    I think the conjunction with Pluto could be a bit like the conjunction with Mars (plus obssession) like you said. But my vertex in conjunction with his Lilith… it´s fated, karmic ?
    Don’t know… a mistery…I think she remains a mistery.;-)

  2. Timely article Nadia. Thanks.

    I have read that BML is mistress and Juno is wife as a thumb rule.
    I know a strange case where a woman has a tight natal stellium of Sun, BML and Juno. How would you understand this energy, given the contradictory nature of Juno and BML? How is it ever possible for them to be ‘unified’ in a conjunction to the Sun?

  3. super-interesting. I have the foll. observations to share.

    – my friend’s Lilith, exactly trines mine. So no wonder we are so harmoniously aroused by each other.

    – his Lilith is exacly opposite my Mars, and our Lilith-Mars oppn is a skipped step for his wife 🙂

    – mmm his wife’s sun conjuncts my Lilith, within 3 degrees. That explains her strong aversion to me as the Other Woman from Day 1. Poor lady. Prayers for her :-)…mean it in a good way.

    – when TR Chiron was opposite my Lilith, I first met her, and then went through the pain of being the other woman. Much later I realised, that he reciprocated my feelings, and that they were separating. When I realised this, TR Chiron had moved to exactly opposing her Sun-Venus conjunction. From now till Jan 2016, TR Chiron will be moving between 14 degree (her sun) and 17 degree (her Venus) its off my Lilith, thankfully now forever!

    – However TR Uranus is now inconjuncting her Sun, and by Dec will inconjunct my Lilith, within 1 degree, post which again it will move forward and away to her Sun-Venus conjunction, and finally leave her only again in Jan-Feb 2016!

    – the 8th October Full Moon eclipse will involve her Lilith, conjunct Natal Uranus (her NN node), conjunct TR Sun+ TR Venus, as a Kite Head, with TR Uranus conjunct TR Moon, and most likely his Natal Moon as the Kite Tail, release!

    So thats the story of Lilith- initially when it was on mine, I represented the other woman, and when it moves to hers, she will represent the other woman, as they are planning to file for divorce.

  4. Thank you for this. I’ve been very curious about Lilith lately, perhaps in part because Saturn is gearing up for a conjunction with my placement.

  5. My Lilith is 11 Virgo. Another woman with her Sun conjunct my Lilith cannot stand me for no strong enough reason! 🙂 tho she only knows me through email and internet. Her repulsion is so out-of-proprortion, and she is carrying that around like a millstone around her neck. Poor woman. Can only pray for her peace, so that she is spared of bad karma!

  6. In fact in addition to several other interesting 3 way synastry, between me, my friend, his wife, there is one pretty interesting involving BML!

    – Her Mars conjunct NN- SN axis is exactly squared by my Mars-his BML oppn, which means, my Mars squares her Mars+NN-SN, and his Lilith squares her Mars+NN-SN.! Pretty war-like situation 🙂

  7. astrocurious says:

    Is there anything to an inconjunct — his mars to her bml? Or is it mainly squares, trines, and conjunctions?

  8. I live with an *exact* natal opposition of Lilith (8H-Aries) to my Sun(2H-Libra), which is close to my NN and Venus, also in Libra. My husband’s Mercury (ruler of his Venus) is conjunct my Sun and therefore opposite my Lilith. My husband’s Lilith-Chiron conjunction (10H-Aquarius) is *exactly* conjunct my Moon-Kaali conjunction (5H-Aquarius).

    Our relationship has changed over the years, we’ve grown through our challenges and continue to change and grow; we’re committed to one another yet there’s a space to our togetherness as I’ve learned to recognize some of my longings for what they are – a desire to rejoin with the Divine in perfect union, a longing no single human was ever meant to fulfill. On the other hand, my husband is the only man I’ve ever been able to speak intimately and plainly to without it crushing or turning him away. Unlike in some of my other relationships, he’s never felt threatened by my passion or by my need to contain it. So there’s a freedom there for me, and maybe for him too since he can always count on me being who I am, warts and all, vulnerable and without pretense. I trust he cares as deeply for me as I do for him.

    I came into this world feeling shy and uncertain about how to connect with men. My first intimate relationship was with someone whose Mars was conjunct my Lilith. Though we were never emotionally connected, our brief relationship unlocked a door for me. As a young woman, I was strongly drawn to Aries energy because it allowed my previously untapped wildness to flourish. There was a safety there in that I never had to reveal myself, only parts of myself. After a while as the pull of my 2nd house Sun and NN-Venus became stronger, I realized I wanted to be known and valued within a more fully reciprocal (and committed) relationship, one where I felt free to express myself emotionally and spiritually as well. My husband has been a huge blessing.:)

  9. Richelle Smith says:

    My ex and his ex(if that makes sense) had a trine between her Lilith and his Venus. She was in fact the other woman that separated him from his wife. Well he divorced his wife so he could be with her. He was absolutely obsessed with her. She was married too and never left her husband. They were off and on, and after eight years they finally broke up. I was with him about 7 months after they broke up. He was still trying to get over her, which eventually led me to break up with him. Anyway, they had other aspects in their charts that created an attraction for sure. My 3rd house lilith is conjunct his 8th house mercury in Cancer. Does anyone know how that might play out?

  10. Is this only for the hetero club or can I substitute he-she with he-he or she-she?

  11. Thanks for another great article, Nadia.
    Any more thoughts about a woman’s BML squaring her moon’s nodes? I’m wondering especially about when she brings this natal situation into synastry when a (male) partner’s sun opposes her BML and thus also squares her moon’s nodal axis – a bit like a simpler (?) version of some of the points posted by S above.

  12. LB,

    Per Tantric philosophies, sexual energy is best expressed (and channeled) when it is awakened in way where ALL of the 7 chakras are involved in the process and not just the base (sex) chakra. Other chakras relate to thoughts, feelings, basic needs (food) etc.
    So in essence what it means is that ‘casual sex’ can never tap into human sexual energy in its full intensity/glory in the absence of other connections between the two souls/bodies concerned.

  13. @marion
    Interesting combo.Either this person is able to bring Lilith’s power into their committed partnerships by being a spouse who is strong and doesn’t lose herself in the relationship, or one energy dominates the other. She suppresses her Lilith in favour of Juno (and is resentful) or acts out her Lilith and is only interested in men who are in other relationships.

  14. @Richelle
    conversations about what’s “forbidden” (between you and he) which draw your attention to your Lilith energy. But since Mercury is about the mind, it’s almost more of a “theoretical” Lilith connection between the two of you.

  15. @Mike
    I haven’t looked at any same sex couples with Lilith connections but I’m sure her energy works in a similar fashion for queer women (relationships with another woman can still feature power issues/rejection/obsession). For men, I would assume it’s about how in touch they are with their inner feminine. But I’m theorizing at this point.

  16. @mel
    then her skipped step could be her as the other woman or outsider. Issues that are activated by her male partner, and that she must deal with before she can fully progress to her NN. Impossible for her to ignore her Lilith issues.

  17. marion ~ I agree. Ideally, I don’t think anyone is designed for casual sex, certainly not me! When we’re young, it’s too easy to mistake sexual attraction -along with all the accompanying drama and excitement- for something more spiritually compelling (and sacred) than it really is and to feel abandoned when our experiences leave us wanting. That’s why the Lilith myth is so powerful – the choice was always hers.

    Also easy, as you say, to get stuck in the lower chakras. It can happen with any spiritual practice or modality, meditation too. With Lilith in the 8th, I’ve even seen it happen with fellow healers, diviners and sensitives.

  18. TheCountess says:

    I also have a very tight lilith trine to my friend’s lilith. Sex seems like a natural language that we both spoke, even if we weren’t physically participating in it. I’m curious about both of our lilith’s aspecting each other’s saturns. Mine squares his saturn and his opposes my saturn; both in tight orb (under 3degrees). Would this temper each other’s lilith’s or just put her on a leash so to speak? Also my lilith aspects 4 of his planets, including a not so tight opposition to his venus. And his lilith aspects two of my planets, including a BQ to my moon. We used to hook up a couple years ago and I’m still kinda obsessed with him. We both seem to keep getting caught up in each other’s drama and relationships, which has often lead to some ugly emotional outbursts that are unexpected or surprising. I know he still finds me attractive and also scary, as he loves to tell me (which I’m not fond of at all). But something seems to keep us from ever getting it together. That may be his mars in 12h Scorpio and my venus in 12h cap (we met at work). A friend of mine said one day (without knowing anything about astrology) that she wondered if we both are seducing each other in secret.

    Any thoughts?

  19. TheCountess says:

    I have a female friend that this topic reminds me of. I just looked at her natal chart and she has lilith trine chiron in the 5th house. In her life, she is always the other woman; unknowingly in the beginning of dating them and then she cuts it off but it never lasts and she goes back to them. Then they eventually try to break it off with her and she resorts to blatantly using sexual offers just to keep them from totally ending it with her. As a result, she suffers, complaining that all they want her for is sex.

  20. hi The Countess,

    it was very useful reading about your Lilith trine with your partner.

    My married friend and I also have a Lilith trine, not just a trine, we in fact have a tight Grand Earth Trine between his Lilith (11.50), mine(12.3), and My Mercury (10.36), and this is part of a Kite, with my Kite Head being Mars in Scorpio (11.54). All this while Pluto was stationed on my Mercury, and boy…making us go crazy! now that Pluto is moving away, I hope we can go beyond just Lilith tinging Mercury themes, and I think we are!

    But even without TR Pluto, we have that synastric Kite, which means, his Lilith is the tail which if he releases, allthe energy gets focused on my Mars (action). His Lilithian energy holds the key to my Martian actions! And My Mars is in my 5H (romance), his Lilith is in my 11H (friendship), and Mars is the rule of my 11H too! Going round a full circle. There is more, my Lilith in my 4H is ruled by Mercury, which is part of the Grand trine. No wonder the energy is so concentrated and tightly held!

  21. @TheCountess
    mutual Lilith/Saturn contacts may emphasize each other’s Lilith because of the limits on the relationship. What you can’t quite have becomes even more attractive. But to see what’s keeping the two of you from getting together, you need to look at the composite chart.

  22. TheCountess says:

    Aaahhh, very interesting about the mutual saturn-lilith aspect. My lilith likes it. 🙂

    I’ve gone over the composite many times but nothing jumps strongly out at me. Overall we’ve got like 85% of the most beneficial aspects you could want in a composite. However if I were to blame anything it would be that there is nothing in the 5H but chiron and nothing in the 7H but the North Node, which does square pluto and that seems ominous in some way but I don’t know enough about chiron or NN aspects to really understand it past the basics. We also have a mars square saturn I guess that could restrict action? All I know is it’s pride that gets in both of our way and makes us both just not be honest how we feel about each other. But besides a tendency towards misunderstanding each other with a squared mercury, and a sun opposition that makes our egos run high, I would think those two small things wouldn’t be powerful enough to overrun the 20million other highly positive aspects. It’s like something is stuck and trying to break out but never quite manages but does make progress. Just very, very slowly. What kinda of aspect would you look for that fits that description?

    Oh and any info or insight about chiron or the north node in the composite chart would be appreciated. There’s so little about both of them in synastry or composite charts online.

  23. TheCountess says:

    @nadia – or an article on either! I think you’ve done one on north nodes already but more in the subject concerning romantic relationships would be very appreciated. Same with chron.

  24. @ Nadia – I have a question referring to BML in the synastry chart when it touches generational planets such as Uranus,Neptune or Pluto of another person? I know that usually these planets have to be considered in the cases when they are strong in the chart. Like in the following case: the person himself has Pluto-BML conjunction that makes him a serial womanizer and this combo conjuncts the lady’s Pluto that is in her first house and has majority of main aspects in the chart like pluto-moon, pluto – sun etc I have a guess that it might be a very strong sexual attraction but also the fight since even pluto shares the similar type of energy with BML it always has an upper hand in synastry. In this case the man would be highly attracted to woman but from another hand scared of losing his masculinity in this relationship. Or may be opposite he would enjoy this kind of relationship since they have similar energy? Can you please clarify? Thank you in advance

  25. I read on another site that there is a Black Lilith Trine in my sign from Nov 24 on. It does not say how long this will be in my sign. It says I can use this to help manifest .. but it doesn’t say how.

    Please help.


  26. ShirayukiHime says:

    What’s mean Sun, Venus, Juno and mean Lilith conjunct in Scorpio, in a man natal chart?

  27. what about same-sex couples would they be effected by BML or even just n
    basic friendships with this heavy in their synastry?

  28. I guy I dated briefly, but still like very much has Saturn opposite one of my Liliths, and his Sun, Venus and Mars square two of my other Liliths. Two of his are conjunct my Ascendant, Ceres and Demeter and another of his is conjunct my Saturn. His Waldemath moon is conjunct my Descendant. We were very attracted to one another, but nothing came of it, pun unintended. He did and still does fear me, but I know he wanted me, too. Very sad.

  29. What if Lilith conjuncts the other person’s north node? How will this play out between these people?

  30. Hello, would you kindly help me to understand man’s lilith conjunct woman’s eros in scorpio?

    Many thanks in advance!!

  31. LibraStellium says:

    Oh wow! Thank you for this article Nadia!! It just shed so much light on my Synastry with this Sag man. I have been trying to figure out why he initiates advances and when I respond he’s fine at first and then backs away. When I initiate he just shuts me down like he is the authority. I’ve been seeing him for over a year now and it has confused the crap out of me to say the least. I have a Sag moon which is Conjunct his Sun by 4 degrees and Conjunct his Mars by 0 degrees. But, he has a natal Cancer moon opposite Capricorn Saturn. Both square my Sun in Libra. His Saturn does not conjunct my Mars in Capricorn by degree but my Mars shows up as an opposition to his Moon by degree (although a wide opposition). My Lilith is in Cancer conjunct his Moon by 0 degree and opposite his Saturn by 2 degrees. We also have my Eros conjunct his Psyche by 0 degree. I kept thinking that it was his Moon in my 2nd and his Saturn sitting in my 8th house that was blocking the deep intimacy that I’m looking for as my Mars sits in my 8th house but in his 12th. My Eros/Venus/Pluto conjunction in Virgo and Mercury/Uranus conjunction in Libra sits in his 8th house and I just kept thinking…wow I do love how respectful and cautious this guy is, he is taking his time with me, He also has Venus in Scorpio and my Mars in Capricorn sextiles it. Yet we have never been intimate. *sighs* Nevertheless, reading that his Saturn Opposite my Lilith could be the issue, I am now wondering if this will ever get off the ground? Only time will tell I guess… Sorry for so much backstory, I just wanted to show the many aspects that I feel are great yet, also feel like, is this going anywhere? btw I had kinda narrowed it down to it being his Saturn because it FEELS like SATURN, but, never in my wildest dreams did I think it is/could be his Saturn opposite my lilith!! I guess Patience is in order!

  32. Hi Nadia.

    My black moon Lilith is scorpio 24`15´33 in my partners 7 th house (descendant 23´27`28 scorpio)
    my partners black moon Lilith is scorpio 23`48`41.
    My Lillith is 3` something in scorpio as well.

    What does it mean for my partner and me? Can”t find any explamation on that.

    Vielen dank
    Many thanks

    from ~~Venu~~

  33. Hello Nadia !

    I’ve been looking for accurate interpretations of Lilith in natal charts for some time but couldn’t find any. It’s frustrating because this asteroid seems to have some importance in mine :

    conjunct Moon (in Gemini, 8th house)
    opposite Sun and Ceres (in Sagittarius, 2nd)
    sextile Saturn and Vesta (in Aries, 6th)
    square Pluto (in Virgo, 11th)
    trine Mars (in Libra, 12th)
    quincunx Venus (in Capricorn, 3rd)

    For what I’ve read it sounds like the exact picture of an absolute fanatic, if not lunatic, with sexual obsession and a nice potential for murder 😉

    I’m nearly 50 so thank God I never unleashed these terrifying pulses (due to Saturn&Vesta influence maybe?) in my life… so far !
    But could you tell me more about it please ? With nuances 🙂

    Thank you in advance for your enlighting.

  34. lauralaurana says:

    Love your articles as always. Nobody can describe aspects and planets as clear. It is difficult to find accurate information about Lilith. What about a man´s moon conjunct Lilith?? If this moon is also square Pluto, could that be a dominant mother?

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