Why Partners Are Drawn to Your Most Troublesome Natal Energies

Wouldn’t it be great if you could meet someone who was attracted to your most challenging qualities? I’m talking about those issues that you’re always working on, because they trip you up or drag you down. Actually, this happens more often than not, and you can see it immediately in synastry. The troublesome energies in your chart are (due to their strength) the very things that can draw a potential partner to you. This can be amazing on some levels, because it confirms that you are who you are, and that your most authentic essence is what magnetizes others. But it can also have a downside, if the partners you attract end up enabling, abusing or feeding off you.

The challenging qualities that I’m referring to are myriad. Some of them (described in articles on this site) are classic examples of low self-esteem (natal Saturn), romantic delusion/martyrdom (natal Neptune), manipulation/fear (natal Pluto), and detachment as a reaction to trauma (natal Uranus). It usually involves these planets in the 7th House, in hard aspect to personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) or in hard aspect to the Nodes. BUT. This does not imply that having any of these examples in your chart means you have some kind of personality defect. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: There are two sides to every energy in astrology. Even the most horrendous natal aspects can be elevated. There’s always potential to bring out the good.

You’re Exactly Their Type

Sometimes, the exact quality that you think makes you an unsuitable partner is the beacon that attracts partners to you. This is a basic fact of synastry; you only attract people whose charts imply you. Everyone has a “type” that is described in their chart. If your natal energies do not resonate with their energies, they won’t be attracted to you. “Resonate” means that your natal aspects or planet/sign/house combinations are similar to theirs. Not all of them, mind you; just a few, select features.

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For example, you have Sun opposite Saturn. Doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, your ego and purpose (Sun) are inhibited by Saturn’s limits. You may overachieve, or achieve nothing, but both qualities are driven by a creeping sense of inadequacy. You’re always crouching in the shadow of authority. But the very aspect that drains your self-confidence is a major factor in drawing partners to you. You’re likely to attract someone with prominent natal Saturn or Capricorn (such as Saturn square Venus, Saturn conjunct her 4th House cusp, or a Venus/Mars conjunction in Capricorn). Whether she experiences love as a mixture of duty and fear (Saturn square Venus) or she had a restrictive childhood (Saturn conjunct IC) she’ll be drawn to your experience of limits and authority. To her, life and relationships demand obedience, control, denial, or lots of hard work. And you, with your experience of Saturn, personify that energy. In some ways, you are her Saturn (and she is yours).

How this shakes out depends on the rest of your charts, and how each of you have grown into your Saturn energy. If you see yourself as a failure, and project Saturn’s responsibilities outwards, you’ll attract a partner who uses her Saturn to dominate (even though she feels just as scared and futile as you). But if you’ve owned your authority and realize that not everyone is out to oppress you, you can attract a lover who has matured into her Saturn, and uses her authority to support, rather than control.

Perhaps you have Neptune (dreams and transcendence) conjunct Venus, in your 2nd House of personal resources. Your self-esteem is based on what you sacrifice for love. Neptune dissolves your security base, while creating the urge to find security through martyrdom. You will attract lovers with a strong Neptune or Pisces signature. Someone with Pisces on his 7th House cusp is going to be drawn to relationships/partners that promise transcendence, romance, sacrifice, or a combination of all three.

If you act like a victim (by giving away your self-esteem) you’ll probably draw in a partner who is attracted to the energy of helplessness. Maybe he’ll play the savior and enable your dependency. Or maybe he’ll distort his projected (7th House) Pisces energy and play the victim himself, so you end up paying his rent and propping him up. But if you realize a healthier potential for your Venus/Neptune (keep the compassion but ditch the sacrifice) you’ll attract a lover who works with his Neptune/Pisces in a healthier way — an artist, visionary or romantic who still acts like a fully functioning adult. Both you and he are looking for the Ultimate Love, and while you won’t find this with any (imperfect) human, you’ll come as close as you possibly can with each other.

There’s no guarantee that these difficult aspects will attract anyone. Some people are single for years (not by choice), and it’s often due to the very challenging qualities in their chart. But this article is an attempt to reframe some of those energies that get bad relationship press. No aspect or planet is a relationship killer; all prominent, natal energies will resonate with someone out there. Whether those lovers are good for you, or undermine you, is a reflection of how you wrangle your natal potential.

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About Nadia Gilchrist

Nadia Gilchrist offers over 19 years of experience in astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying practical astrological analysis to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.


  1. EvaLuna says:

    THANK YOU so very much for this article! This is exactly answering many of my big questions in life!

    I have Saturn present EVERYWHERE in my chart with hard aspects to both my sun and my moon and being a Libra Sun and Cancer Moon I have had a long life of troubled relationships with men. Today at the age of 45 Im starting to understand that this derives from my natally ever present Saturn.

    My life has been extremely hard and at times Im having fantasies about giving up, since nothing I ever do renders anything in return. I allways have to work ten times as hard for my achievments – many a times not receiving any – than my peers. Sometimes I even have to wonder if someone is joking with me because of all the incredibly bad things that could ever happen to a person is happenig to me. For a long time I thought that I was tormented by a jokester of a God. Or maybe some kind of weird continuous bad, bad, luck.

    Its been a mystery to me why my life turned out so bad but the more I learn about astrology the more I understand that Im put here to learn some reeeeally hard lifelessons. It takes the weight off of me and makes me more accepting of my Destiny and helps me to instead look at what life is trying to teach me.

    Im from Sweden and Im Learning all about astrology in Englisch which is a foreign tongue for me so it takes some time and effort. Excuse my English in this email.

    Again! Thank you for enlightening me and the of the World in these magical mysteries of life! Thank you!!!

  2. Thanks Nadia for more “Love Shack” advice. So many of us lose our way and your advice is like a searchlight illuminating a way to make meaning in a sea of sorrow and misunderstanding. Blessings to you.

  3. Yes you are so right. People are attracted to ‘crazy’ idiosyncrasies of others that make them ‘tick’. But after the relationship is established those very traits are the ones that irritate them…:(

    Little question. In a natal chart when neptune in Saggi is tightly squared by Jupiter in Pisces there is a ‘mutual reception aspect’ between sign rulers in addition to the square.
    What are the potential ways in which this energy may play out especially if Neptune is in 7th house and Jupiter is in 10th? What i specifically like to know is; does the mutual reception harmonize the two planets or does the square pit them against each other?

  4. Hi Nadia,

    Awesome article as usual. Thank you. So heartening to know that worst aspects can attract people. So true!
    However, perhaps sometimes it could be one-sided for the person with the harsh aspect 🙁

    Have 2 qns on the Neptune-Venus point.

    1) In synastry, with Neptune equally prominent in 2 charts, who is likely to feel the Neptune effect more, the Neptune person or Venus person?

    2) In synastry again, how would a Neptune-Moon conjunction be different from a Neptune-Venus one ?

    Many thanks!


  5. Yup, this speaks to me. Unfortunately, I have Chiron in Pisces in my 7H. I’ve come to realize, as I’ve grown older, why I was attracted to Piscean men in the past and the need to have that “transcendent love.” Fortunately, I am since over that. Completely.

  6. Thanks, Nadia! Reminds me of this quote:

    “I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird. One day two people come together in mutual weirdness and fall in love.” Dr. Seuss

  7. @EvaLuna
    You’re welcome. 🙂

  8. @Jane
    No problem!

  9. @Marion
    The mutual reception will increase the potential for idealism, but it won’t be harmonious. The square creates tension which indicates inflated idealism. The mutual reception will emphasize the “inflated” part.

  10. @S
    1) Usually the Venus person, but I have seen cases where the Neptune person experiences the idealism just as much.
    2) Neptune/Moon is more healing and emotionally receptive while Neptune/Venus is romantic. Moon/Neptune is not necessarily romantic.

  11. @Crys
    7th House Pisces will certainly magnetize partners to you (they sense the promise of healing).

  12. @Mike
    Dr. Seuss is one of my favourite authors.

  13. Got it. Thanks!

  14. I really love your writing. This is a really insightful article.

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