Your Ultimate Other: Romance and The Twelfth House

The twelfth house is not usually associated with romance. Traditionally, this house has all sorts of negative connotations: prisons, institutions, infirmity, bondage, hidden enemies, isolation and self-destruction.

Yuck. Not very sexy, is it? But let’s take a closer look.

The 12 house

Pisces rules the twelfth and final house in your natal chart. Tucked away behind the first house, it’s hidden from the outside world and from your external awareness (your Ascendant). Pisces rules over everything that transcends physical reality, so the twelfth house represents the spirit, dreams and the subconscious.

There’s no room for ego here: Pisces dissolves whatever it touches, so this is where you let go of all superficial attachments. Evolutionary astrologers refer to it as the house of the Ultimate Other (Spirit or higher power).

So when your partner’s planets fall in this house, there is the potential for that person to become your Ultimate Other. No, not your personal deity. Rather, they could help you get in touch with your higher self. Sounds great!

But how does it work?

Let’s say three or four of Rita’s planets fall in Paul’s twelfth house. Paul is CEO of a major bank and writes snippets of poetry on the backs of napkins. He doesn’t show his scribbles to anyone, because he feels it wouldn’t mesh with the public image he’s constructed. On their second date, he finds himself writing a poem about Rita and presenting it to her.

As their relationship progresses, Rita urges him to write more. She also suggests that he submit his poems for publication. Paul doesn’t know how he feels about this. Whether or not he takes that leap depends on the rest of his chart.

Partners who energize your twelfth house can hone in on the quiet voice inside of you. If someone asked Paul why he let Rita in so quickly, he wouldn’t be able to come up with a reason. The twelfth house is not about rationality. It’s about the truth, which can be very different from the reality you’ve constructed for yourself.

Consider a different couple

Maggie and Bill. Part of Maggie’s reality is the list of qualities that describes her ideal man. It is an exacting list: he must be at least six feet tall, must make at least six figures, must not wear t-shirts with graphics, etc. She’s turned down a lot of potential partners because they haven’t matched her ideal.

She hasn’t really admitted to herself that this is why she’s still single. Along comes Bill with five of his planets in her twelfth house. Bill meets almost none of her “must haves” (and he wears a smiley face t-shirt). However, Maggie finds herself very drawn to him.

What gives? Maybe she’s moved by how happy he is even though he makes minimum wage. Or he could be the first guy she’s been attracted to who’s shorter than her.

When a partner energizes your twelfth house, they strip away all that is superficial

Whether Maggie gives Bill a chance depends on how ready she is to let go of the beliefs that were holding her back. And there’s no guarantee this relationship will be long-term. But it will definitely be a wake up call.

There is a shadow side to all this as well. When someone you’re intimately involved with stirs up the part of you that you’re not fully aware of, it’s easy to lose your bearings. The woman with the addict boyfriend continues to try to “save” him no matter how much time, energy and money he steals from her.

This is an example of losing your boundaries to the person who impacts your twelfth house. Extramarital affairs often feature one or both partners with planets in the other person’s twelfth house. This is the hidden aspect manifesting as lies.

Now, not all relationships with addicts or unfaithful partners involve this house. These are only examples of how twelfth house energy can manifest when triggered by a romantic partner. So much depends on the rest of the two charts and the free will of the people involved.

The twelfth house is a tricky and frightening place. Very few of us are ready to have our comforting beliefs challenged or our secrets exposed. A twelfth house partner can do these things in one of the most difficult but potentially rewarding relationships of your life.

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