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I went to Staten Island.
To buy myself a mandolin
And I saw the long white dress of love
On a storefront mannequin
Big boat chuggin’ back with a belly full of cars…
All for something lacy
Some girl’s going to see that dress
And crave that day like crazy…
My son proposed to his girlfriend and she said, “Yes.” So it was that I was sitting in a bridal store with a bevy of brides and bridesmaids, in the singular pursuit of finding that perfect dress for that perfect day with Joni Mitchell’s “Song for Sharon” playing in my head.
When we were kids in Maidstone, Sharon
I went to every wedding in that little town
To see the tears and the kisses
And the pretty lady in the white lace wedding gown
And walking home on the railroad tracks
Or swinging on the playground swing
Love stimulated my illusions
More than anything…
They were all so young.
One wondered, watching these girls barely out of their teens, if they knew what they were getting into as they wiggled into dress sizes I hadn’t seen since my own twenties. With two marriages and two divorces under my belt, I felt a sudden stab of fear. Even as they sucked in their guts thinking about the diets they were about to undertake to make themselves look better in those dresses, I felt the urge to run around with my business card and offer my astrological services.
I behaved myself.
And when I went skating after Golden Reggie
You know it was white lace I was chasing
Chasing dreams
Mama’s nylons underneath my cowgirl jeans
He showed me first you get the kisses
And then you get the tears…
From late 1980 to late 1983 (albeit with a brief sojourn into the next sign) many of my generation married under the aegis of Saturn in Libra. Pluto was there too, signaling a cultural change in how we viewed marriage. We were promised we could “have it all” – career and family – but that usually meant we could work two jobs, the one in and outside the home. After bearing the babies and rushing back into the workplace, we got the golden opportunity to rush home, make the dinner, do the laundry, feed the husband and then somewhere between midnight and dawn collapse in our beds to get up few hours to do it all again.
We were exhausted. The men wondered what happened to their sexy girlfriends. We wondered why they didn’t understand that the socks and underwear go into the hamper. Couldn’t they do that, at least? Our dreams of white lace and “happily ever after” eroded under the weight of our responsibilities. For our mothers, socks and underwear on the floor was a small price to pay for having the husband in the bed. For us, it was another battle cry in the inequality of the sexes. The divorce rate climbed seventeen percent from 1975 to 1992.
Debbie Kempton-Smith, in Secrets to a Stargazers Notebook, says of Saturn in Libra that folks with this placement in their natal chart should wait until their thirties to marry. Only then she opines they have a shot at realizing the potential of this placement, that of having a relationship of equals.
At least we’ve given our daughters this much, the right to expect that they would have that kind of relationship. Saturn in Libra calls for that, that the two should share the burdens and the joys in balance, as partners as well as lovers. After all, we taught our daughters they don’t have to depend on a man for their livelihood; we taught our sons to expect to have a strong, capable woman in their life. One hopes this dynamic will serve both of them well. One hopes…
But the ceremony of the bells and lace
Still veils this reckless fool here
Photo Credit: Remix of photo by Heather Persico and photo used under a Creative Commons license from Wonderlane.
About the Author
Beth Turnage is a professional astrologer with over twenty years experience counseling clients in career and relationship issues. She writes an astrology column for a weekly newspaper along the Connecticut shoreline and blogs about astrology at Astrology Media Press.
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This is probably the first article I have seen that tells it like it is regarding marriage! Kudos!! A 7th house Pisces Saturn here so I’m quite a bit older than the Saturn but I know exactly what you are saying. LOL on taming the desire to hand out your business card.
I left out “in Libra bunch” out of my response.
I really loved this piece. I never leave comments on stuff but eveything said here have been thoughts Ive had for awhile now. I’m in my mid-late twenties and every girl I know is married or engaged. They ask me when my bf is going to purpose and when I shrug (because who even said I want to get married now) they give me pitying looks. This happens so frequently that I no longer hang out with most of them. Everyone in my family has gone through divorce, including my parents, and the divorce rate has surged since I was a child. I can’t help but think, as I watch these girls with their PhDs and careers give them up as soon as they are married, rush to have babies and then pretend to be satisfied when it occurs to them, “what next?”. They’re only in their twenties and ‘I’ look at ‘Them’ with pity in my thoughts for what the future will hold for the vast majority of them- practiclly bankrupting themselves to pay for a party; worrying “What will I do if my husband leaves me?” The stay-at-home moms of every boyfriend I ever had push this idea and when I watch them, divorced, children grown, moved out, with their own families, husband remarrie to someone very young, and fighting for every alimony payment in court, I dread a life like theirs. And all of it happens because – at that crucial time- they put the fairy tale wedding first, instead of themselves. You can ALWAYS have the white wedding, but the time for “you”, for a strong secure independent life and career is a small, ever-closing, window of time.
Ms. & Iam,
In the brief span of a Saturn cycle we marry, have children and come out at the other end with a far different perspective than at the beginning. Maybe we married well, maybe we didn’t, maybe there were events that shifted the dynamics of the relationship. Not all of us are cut out for marriage, or children. Yet done right, marriage can be a blessing. It all depends on what is right for each individual and no one should rush into a partnership until they feel that it will enhance their life.
I agree with IamMe. I’m a bit older (early 30s), but it’s the same thing: “when are you getting married?” I have zero interest in marriage. Still. 🙂 I grew up with my parents “staying together for the kid (me)” and that was enough. No thank you.
When I was in my 20s, I watched the same parade of girls barely out of their parents’ house rushing into marriage with no idea or thought to how it could turn out. I watched women who’d just gotten their degrees and just entered the work world to give those up to become stay-at-home wives. I look down the road and see that these will be the women who have the sheepskin but not the experience when/if they divorce. I see nothing wrong with choosing marriage and family, but to my mind, you need to know what you’re getting into, and these girls only seemed to have their romantic notions of how it should be,