The Astrology of Kink: The Aquarian Experience

Leather and lace, fringe and fetish … in this series, we’ll take a peek at the kinkier side of the zodiac. Each sign has its own distinct sexual flavor; by combining the various tastes you find in the natal chart, each person’s unique sexual recipe begins to emerge. Now we turn our attention toward the penultimate sign of the Zodiac, the unique, baffling Aquarius.

Aquarius is well-known as the most unconventional sign of the Zodiac; they often make for friendly, quirky lovers who are open to almost anything. But this is not a personal sign, and their detachment can be puzzling; Aquarius is motivated primarily by mental concepts, rather than sex or sentiment. Where another sign might try a swinger’s club primarily for sexual satisfaction, an Aquarian will join because “It’s clearly wrong for society to place such rigid social strictures on something as natural as sex, and we should all do our part to fight these ridiculous man-made restrictions.” Another sign might use that as a truly imaginative justification, but Aquarius means it. Really.

Once things move away from an abstract level, though, it gets dicey. Dealing with irrational urges like love and personal attraction is tricky for WaterBearers; their love lives are often erratic at best. Aquarian sexual preference is always a highly personalized affair; the “normal” rules of engagement don’t apply. You’ll find them in open relationships, long-distance relationships, cyber relationships, asexual relationships — in short, relationships that others find quite puzzling. This is Uranus we’re talking about — if it makes sense to the Aquarian in question, that’s all that matters.

Like their Air sign counterparts Gemini and Libra, Aquarians don’t necessarily have a strong, insistent physical sex drive, but they’re certainly not libido-less. Aquarian Suns with a strong Mars (such as in Aries, Scorpio, or Capricorn) will be as lusty as anyone, even if a bit quirky. But the Aquarian Mars is perhaps the most unconventional sexual indicator of all — so unconventional, in fact, that some folks with this Mars bypass sex altogether, at least at times. Aquarian Mars (and sometimes Venus and the Moon) is able to easily and satisfactorily channel sexual urges into cerebral outlets; extended periods of voluntary celibacy are not uncommon.

Oddly, some of them have strong, near-conscious inhibitions, thanks to their co-ruler Saturn. It’s useless to try to help an Aquarian through a sexual problem by using flattery, coercion, or emotional appeal; rational discussion is the only thing that works. Essentially, your job is to debate the matter endlessly as she works through every mental objection she has to whatever off-the-wall thing it is she’s clearly going to do anyway. (Aquarian logic applied to that least logical of all processes, human sexuality, can be monumentally infuriating.) But once their own objections are addressed, look out — there’s nothing a de-inhibited Aquarian won’t do, at least once.

Aquarius is an intriguing sign, to say the least; loving an Aquarian-influenced person is a unique experience, and no one makes it through unchanged. If you can gracefully accept the cerebral detachment, the out-of-the-blue experimental ideas, and the stubborn Uranian unpredictability, you’ll never lack for stimulating company. Aquarians will only accept lovers who are as unique and strong-minded as they are; they don’t want a sheep or a yes-man, they want a mental companion who will courageously question the whole world, if need be. Above all else, they’re looking for a friend. “Best friends with benefits” describes Aquarian relationships perfectly, even if they’ve lasted forty years — and how rare and special is that?

About the Author
Laura F. Walton is a writer, artist, and arts instructor based in Texas. She has been a practicing astrologer for nearly ten years; she specializes in areas of sexuality, individuality, and creative self-discovery. She has contributed forecasts for print media, and currently provides monthlies on her blog Astro What?


  1. I really didn’t have much to say about this, but I am wondering where the aquarians are, they must be out exploring, or staring at the image of jerry garcia in their cornflakes. *grins*

    I don’t run into many aquarians in the kink world, have never had one as a regular lover, and the ones I know well enough are people like my son and my niece, who are, certainly typical for their sign.

    I’m still really interested in what they have to say about it though.

    Cool, thanks again Laura. Enjoyable and informative as always.

  2. angelineelise says:


    Did you just give my Mars an award?!?!…jk!!

    Great Post, and of course the one I’ve been waiting for myself…as someone with a lot of Aqua I have to say I really find my lovers with Aquarius as well to be the most “electrifying” to say the least…the energy shared is nothing short of amazing!

    While I can be very lusty…I have found through experimentation that immediate gratification really leaves me wanting. I now like to start with that mental relationship and let it build. I have found sex almost always to be better in my mind except for those rare times my lover holds back for a while, throws the rules out the window and surprises me….in this way my Aqua Moon, Mars and Sun partners have offered me the most happiness in the boudoir.

    They make the experience unforgettable, and I can only hope I offer the same to my lovers as a Moon/Venus/Mars Aqua….

    You are exactly right about the inhibited Aquarius…but those walls are strong and can only be brought down by us, when, where and how we say it.

    I highly suggest alternate forms of sexualization in the relationship in those cases myself. I dated a shy Moon/Mars Aqua guy whom I had a very sexual letter exchange for months before we did anything beyond making out because thats what it took for him to be comfy.

    The way to the Aqua heart is through their heads..aim high!

    We want the wild, the wierd, and the wonderful….. and keep it comin’!

    Once again…great article Laura…it’s everything I wanted it to say and MORE!!

  3. This described me in every single detail….i want a best friend with benefits as my boyfriend, i am in a long distance relationship that i love, and it used to b an open relationship and i was completley ok with that, but my bf who happened to be an aqua too didn’t beleive in it anymore (we fell in love) so i agreed reluctantly…very awesome decision…. and to this:

    “Where another sign might try a swinger’s club primarily for sexual satisfaction, an Aquarian will join because “It’s clearly wrong for society to place such rigid social strictures on something as natural as sex, and we should all do our part to fight these ridiculous man-made restrictions.” Another sign might use that as a truly imaginative justification, but Aquarius means it. Really.”

    this just explains most aquas to the tee, it just seems like the logical thing to do if we truly believe in it, not at all a justification to be a sexual deviant….

    bottom line, i wish it would of went deeper, but it was ALL true!

  4. my bestfriend is a virgo with a Aqua Moon… that totally explains why he’s in and out of love…. Thx this helped

  5. An Aquarius man says:

    Hahaha, well said. This is me. It’s tough finding what I want… a friend with benefits.

  6. i am a female and i have aquarius sun mercury and mars- of course there are people who think that anyone with mars aquarius is some sort of bedroom freak into porn ,anal ,rubber/latex wearing tin hats etc….but that is just not true yes i am curious and experimental-as long as it does not hurt me and im not into s’n’m or being dominated.
    i am actually very sensual and prefer my sex activities to be prolonged for hours and definetly need mental stimulation.
    if i watch porn it is usually gay (man on man) or stuff like snowballing and i am happy to put on a strap on an penetrate a bf but NOT the other way around -i like everything to be equal as long as it doesnt harm me.

  7. Asc- aquarius
    Mercury- Aquarius

    The descrition of above fits me aquarius planets are free minded when it comes to sex esp venus in aqua( kinky as anything)Ill try anything if it seems fun. What will really make it seem fun is if its shocking anyone with a strong aqua influence will have an ability to shock due to uranuses sudden nature.

    I know Ive often done things either A) it sounds fun b)to piss someone off C) because someone said I shouldnt

    To get a picture of what a strong aqua influence esp venus looks like ( naughty school girl ! think rebellious and kinky lol

  8. Msz. Keywie says:

    Well I am an Aquarius woman and I am more of an aggressive lover. I must have my bestfriend as my lover. I prefer my mate to stimulate my mind, my body, then the rest that follows. I like to try anything at least once that way I can never say I didn’t try it…lol…also. I rather have a long time relationship. The only time I will have an open relationship is when my mate isn’t satisfying me in the way he should then I tend to branch off to someone who can. However I am loyal,faithful and true always. I never like to hurt anyone and I treat my lover like no other I always try to be the best at whatever I do no matter what. I can’t have in my mind another female can’t out do me. Futhermore the answer the question I was loooking for was correct Laura….. 🙂

  9. Halloween says:

    I am a Scorpio female. Tell me Aquarius dudes, why do you guys feel like you have to dominate the sexual experience??? In other words, let your partner take you to the stars. You will still be “THE MAN” in our eyes.

    – Halloween

  10. I befriended an aquarian woman she was the sexiest woman I’ve ever been with. It is true they love to be mentally stimulated and she liked my intelligence and sense of respect for her. I loved every thing about her. Great kisser and fantastic in bed I could not compare her lovemaking with any other love in the past I loved how she concentrated in pleasing me as I would always bring her to fantastic orgasms everytime we loved each other. She was a natural beauty, wore little make up and always smelled good.

  11. I am n aquarius never in relationship i am 22 years old aquarius on negative side with destroyed sexuality ,looks,frustrated and spent whole of my life struggling iwas attractive and sometimes now also but my sexual andmental problems trouble me so i landed up watching porn and becoming a mmasturbator

  12. Adi, sorry you’ve not had a great start. It’s all a learning curve. Have you given any thought to seeing a sex worker, I mean a good caring one. Or sex therapist. That way takes the pressure off, and gives you that jolt of confidence to start having sex in a caring relationship, which is really a good place to be. All the best.

  13. Thanks for writing and sharing, Laura! I came across this because someone wrote about “dominant patron” and “submissive patron” signs. And since BDSM is such a hot topic these days…and I do wonder if I’d be a BDSM astrological match for a certain person…I decided to snoop around. Took me a minute to find your article, as I couldn’t find much with that patron term.

    I can relate so much to what you wrote, though! I’m certainly the odd one out when it comes to things…including sex and relationships. I’m glad that I should continue to own it, even if it’s against the grain.

  14. I am also saddened to hear about your experience, Adi. I hope things are getting better for you. And yes, don’t be afraid to reach out for help in the right places (e.g.: a therapist). I know there’s stigma with reaching out, but it really does showcase courage, and ultimately it is better for you. It will allow you to heal…

  15. Pisces sun says:

    I’m a Pisces sun with a strong Venus in Aquarius (14 Degrees) influence. Since I was 4 years old I got my first erection while watching a cartoon of guy’s belly inflate while stuffing himself with food (shocking true story) & now I have a belly fetish.. OH WELL! I didn’t choose this I’m proud to let my freak flag fly for a change..

  16. Cremasterfull says:

    Cool, I have same fetish

  17. Mary Mukherjee says:

    Not sure who this post was talking about but I got a sexual libido like no other sign. Sex is super important! I am gonna need it everyday. I get but hurt if not! Hate stagment sexual relationships. My biggest turn off is ig I have to talk to someone about it!

  18. Really makes you wonder how and why in the world a Pisces Sun/Mercury/Venus would choose to stay in a relationship with this for 40+ years…

  19. Leo-Virgo Cusp Man says:

    Hi, I’m Leo-Virgo Cusp Man and really (REALLY) curious about Aquarius girls.

    In some site tells that Leo opposite sign with Aquarius. But, I don’t agree with that. Not all Leo and Aqua didn’t match each other. It depends.

    I’m free spirit & open minded man who really love sex so much. I need partner that understand my ‘sex will’ which is wild, passionate, unique-freak and adventurous (including THREESOME !).

    For me, Sex and Love is two different kind. I like doing sex without love and doing it with another women without breaking up with my girlfriend/wife.

    And I saw that on Aquarius Girl.


  20. Michael says:

    From what I read online – Sextrology, a list of sexual kinks, fetishes and interests Aquarians have:

    I’m an Aquarius male, born Feb. 15, 1980 – Sun/Moon Aquarius conjunction with Cancer rising.

    Male – Straight-
    Dominant females, blonds-redheads, Africans-Indians-Asians, waifs-tomboys, executive women, (passive) seduction, extended foreplay, lesbian porn, (passive) b+d, (active) s+m, (passive) oral, lesbianism, m-f-f threesomes, phone/cyber sex, (active) mind control, swapping-orgies, kink-fetish, (passive) water sports, (mutual) a**l play, (passive) deprivation, sex clubs-groups, female masturbation, being cuckolded, humiliation, (passive) worship.

    Then there’s my own fascination w/ m-f-m, pregnant women, older women, dark hair, Native Americans.

    And also I identify as bigender/ genderfluid, even as a straight/ heterosexual-romantic biological male. +

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