After two attempts at writing this post, I realized that I might have writer’s block — because I have Venus opposite Pluto. Am I better off single? I doubt it. With Venus and Sun in my Seventh House of Partnership — as well as my chart ruler Mercury conjunct my Descendant from the Sixth House — I experience a strong need for one-on-one connection. Not only in love, but in work — which is why I spent a number of years as a psychotherapist for individuals (as opposed to couples or groups).
In the best possible light, I see my natal opposition as my (potential) ability to effect transformation via the crucible of relationship — a fancy way of saying that I help people change through my work as a counselor. (My Seventh House Venus is the ruler of my Midheaven, the point in the chart that governs vocation.)
Yet, this opposition is a bitch. Although most men think about sex all the time, I think about sex all the time. I am obsessed (Pluto) with women (Venus)!
Stepping back, I see that this blogging endeavor itself is an expression of my need to probe (Pluto) the realm of relationship (Venus). The motivation to keep this blog-engine running has been driven by my compulsive need to understand the many ways we connect sexually and romantically — courtesy of this recently-demoted planetoid.[ad#banner]
Pluto is a complicated celestial object. In mythology, this Roman god’s Greek counterpart is Hades, Lord of the Underworld. Pluto rules all that is hidden, and its role is to explore the depths — in order to expose that which is underneath the surface. Healing comes from being whole, and we cannot achieve this state of unity when aspects of ourselves (or our society) are outside our awareness. Pluto is the detective, the investigator, the psychoanalyst — digging up secrets to get to the Truth of the matter. In relationships, Pluto drives us to experience a depth and intensity of connection that may scare off folks who like their lovin’ light and easy.
Pluto is also about power. The dark side of this planet is control, domination, destruction (not that some destruction isn’t a necessary part of the cycle of birth and death). Much of the covert, underhanded manipulative tactics that occur in relationships are associated with Pluto. Dark Pluto asks, “How can I use the information I know about my partner’s weaknesses to get him to do what I want?” If you have a challenging Venus-Pluto aspect in your natal chart (or if Pluto is transiting your Venus), either you can be the one doing the manipulating, or the one being screwed over. One cannot really tell just by looking at the chart! If you find yourself repeating an unhealthy dynamic — involving power struggles, boundary-violation, and the above-mentioned patterns — in several relationships, it may be time to take a breather. Enter psychotherapy and explore the roots of this pattern, for until you identify what you contribute to it (even if you identify as the victim), you are likely to keep on repeating it.
If you destroy relationships because you are sexually compulsive or love-addicted, you may also need to seek help. 12-step groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous may help those who are obsessed with some unattainable person, or those who spend more time watching porn than relating on an intimate level. If the 12-step model doesn’t work for you, there are treatment facilities like The Meadows where you can work on healing sex and love addiction. (None of these links are endorsements.)
If your Pluto is more destructive than regenerative, some of the above avenues of healing may be useful. You can also read more in these articles:
- How to change stuck relational patterns associated with challenging natal aspects
- Integration and dangers in the process of healing Pluto problems
- Pluto problems in relationships
Some possible chart patterns to look out for:
- Pluto in hard aspect to, or conjunct, the Sun, Moon, Venus or ruler of the Seventh House
- Pluto in the Seventh House, or Scorpio on this house’s cusp
- Some of these key planets in Scorpio or the Eighth House
Comment below: Does this pattern apply to you? If so, describe your relevant chart patterns and how they manifest in your love life (or lack thereof).