This post is Part Two of the “Are you better off being single?” series. Please read Part One: Neptune for an introduction.
Two universal human needs must constantly be negotiated: to be an individual, yet to feel like part of something bigger. If you become too independent, you risk losing your sense of affiliation. Yet if you conform too much to the group, your identity becomes squashed. There is a middle ground, but to achieve equilibrium you must frequently readjust your priorities.
The Uranian individual has a strong need to forge their own path, and sometimes there is just no room to accommodate another person during the journey. There is a stubborn quality to Uranus — as well as Aquarius, the fixed sign which this planet rules — such that a person following the Promethean call does not want to “bend” for the sake of a partner. When you are obsessed with a singular vision and are committed to pursuing it at all costs, intimacy often falls by the wayside. Or if you are in a relationship, you may be so detached — with your mind focused on your passion project — that your partner would have to be so self-sufficient that your absence is tolerated or even appreciated.
How to tell if you are from Uranus
You may feel so easily stifled or smothered that only an equally independent person would be an appropriate partner. You don’t want to be controlled, or to have emotional demands made upon you. In fact, you may feel more satisfied having a large network of friends than being consumed by a romantic relationship. You want to have stimulating dialogues and enjoy alternative community events (Burning Man, anyone?) without having to say, “I love you” or get into icky conversations like, “where is this thing going?”
You may chafe at traditional models of relationship like, say, monogamy. As a freedom-loving soul, you prefer to sleep with whomever strikes your fancy, without having to be beholden to another individual. Scorpionic states like jealousy and possessiveness are rarely in your lexicon.
Of course, none of these personality characteristics preclude you from having a successful, satisfying relationship. But they can make it more difficult. You might thrive in an alternative arrangement:
- Maintaining a separate home from your partner
- Having an open relationship
- Having many friends to whom you can retreat when you feel constrained doing the “one-on-one” thing
- Challenging antiquated notions such as “ownership” of another person, which is implied in the marriage contract
Some possible chart patterns to look out for:
- Uranus in hard aspect to, or conjunct, the Sun, Moon, Venus or ruler of the Seventh House
- Uranus in the Seventh House or Aquarius on this house’s cusp
- Some of these key planets in Aquarius
- Although I don’t see the Eleventh House as closely associated with Uranus and Aquarius in the way that I combine Neptune/Pisces/Twelfth, a stellium of planets in the Eleventh can indicate an individual who values friendships and participation in groups more than romantic partnership.
Related posts:
- The Seventh House curse of Uranus on the Descendant?
- Does Uranus in the Seventh House automatically mean infidelity?
- Why do some Aquarius women cheat?
Comment below: Does this pattern apply to you? If so, describe your relevant chart patterns and how they manifest in your love life (or lack thereof).
Some of this fits – I have Ascendant and Moon conjunct Uranus, and Aquarius on my Descendant. I do avoid anyone who seems like he’ll limit my freedom. However, I also have Venus conjoined Pluto (presumably your next post will deal with that!). So I’ve had lots of intense relationships (at least on my side) with interesting but noncommittal types (or at least noncommittal to me). I’m sure there’s a way to have both and have it work, just haven’t found it yet!
yup, part 3 will be on pluto. Perhaps I should do a post on outer planet combinations…
How about the combination of Cancer rising with all the Pluto squares (Sun/Moon/Venus)that 'desperately' make you want to bond with another individual & 'nest' & Uranus on IC with all of it's squares (Ascendant/Sun/Moon)that makes you want to throw up at the same time with the idea of 'nesting' or committing to anyone or anything 'permanently'. I guess this is what you can call a 'cosmic joke'.
Like princess Di who has all these nifty Cancer things (desperately wants to bond) but she has Venus square Uranus. So she lives up her cancer quality and projected that uranus quality onto the dude who cheated on her with Camilla.
Oh, I just met this Pisces Sun with Cancer moon, who opens up to me very quickly once I told him I have a pisces rising. Anyway, he said he kept on getting screwed over by these non-committal girls. And I found out, he has an Aquarius Venus!!!
Oops, did I forget to mention yesterday that Uranus in Cancer leads my 12th House stellium of Leo planets, and that Aquarius is on my Descendant and is my 7th house ruler? 🙂
BTW, Jeffrey, I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now, and have never found anything offensive in anything you’ve written (something you inquired about several months ago). You’re doing fine, as far as I’m concerned!
PS: Thanks for signing my guestbook.
Perhaps I should do a post on outer planet combinations…
Sounds good to me!
I also have Neptune sextile my conjoined Venus and Pluto, just to make sure I have all the outer planets involved. sigh. Did I mention my 5th house Saturn (square Sun)? 😉
It sounds torturous to have such profoundly different outer planet influences simultaneously affect one’s love life. Cosmic joke indeed.
@insightful heart, thanks for the feedback. Ideally, I’d like to straddle the edge without being offensive. Sometimes I like to be provocative just to shake things up. If I’m going to be doing this for a long time, I need to keep myself awake!
I can completely relate, to the post and the comments (especially yours, Leslee and Shygirl!) I’m a little more relaxed about my relationship ambivalence right now, mostly because I’m actively ignoring it. Uranus transiting my Pisces Sun helps; active, conscious avoidance is a fine old Aquarian/Uranian tradition, and I’m making good use of it while I can 😉
Seriously, though, I have no idea what the solution is for this conflict of needs. Uranus is trickier to deal with than I realized when I was younger. Recognizing the conflict for what it is– that’s a valuable step. Being honest with oneself and with partners and potential partners–that’s another.
Beyond that, all I seem to be able to do is keep experimenting. The best thing about Uranus, I think, is that willingness to keep trying new approaches…of course, the big tub of Aquarian mental sunblock that gets doled out with every dose of Uranus can come in handy, too!
It sounds torturous to have such profoundly different outer planet influences simultaneously affect one’s love life.
The benefit of astrology is seeing it spelled out rather than just wondering what the hell is wrong with me! It doesn’t change the patterns that are there, but it does provide insight and maybe clues as to what might work. At the least, or maybe not so least, it helps with acceptance.
Yes, and what Laura said, being honest with self and partners! Astrology helps clarify things so you can be honest, I think.
Another cosmic joke for you: Sun/Venus/Chiron in 7th, sun/Chiron conjunction on descendant…vs. Sagittarius moon and Venus quindecile Uranus.
I tell people that I can’t be happy no matter what my partnership status, because both sides cannot win 😛
Hmm, If being a single is probably the best thing but yet if within love relationship. It would works with two hearts in one to defeat whatever our goal is.
omg..both part one and two describes me to a t..prominent neptune and aqua rising and uranus aspects..i unconsciously stayed single for 23 years ..(with some fleeting crushes along the way..)
Read part one and two, anyone have any input on how uranus and neptune in the 7th house might play out? (since they’re so contradicting) I mean, how can one be both striving for dependance and independance within relationships? I should know myself enough to be aware of how it works, but unfortunately I don’t and just find myself confused about what I really want.
Omg. I read this article and my heart sank. the guy I like is an Aries and he has has Sun Square Uranus; Moon Square Uranus; and Venus Square Uranus. I very much would like to have a sustained relationship with him [“I could see you as my soul mate” — his Libra moon talking!?] but he’s already turned me down. He says he’s not ready to go there yet, needs to do his own thing…
WHAT HOPE DO I HAVE???
HA! i love it
Sun, Moon, Mercury all conjunct each other and Uranus in the 5th house….
I do sleep with whomever strikes my fancy….
i feel so Different than oher people….
i do tend to get lost in cliques or groups of people…i need a wide network…keeps things interesting.
cosmic joke… to add to the list.
leo venus, uranus, mars all conjunctleo ascendant which squares 4H scorpio moon/neptune with cancer sun/mercury in 12H. i feel like i’m 2 different people. 1 very private, intense, possessive, etc and the other can at times be the prima donna, loving the limelight. i hate being micromanaged, love space and freedom but also I yearn and crave emotionally intensity and closeness but i chaff at cloying, emotionally demanding relationships. At mid life, i still have not found one who fits. 3 LT rel with Aquarian types did not work out, too emotionally detached…
sigh…
Ok, so I have that Uranus hard aspect to venus thing and a stellium of planets in the 11th house. I relish in my freedom of thought/action, but at the same time…I WANT a long term romantic relationship. It just has to be with someone who isn’t threatened by my friendships/associations or by the fact that if they don’t call or see me every single flippin day that I’m going to forget about them. I’m tired of the sidelong glances of guys trying to figure out what my “angle” is, because I don’t have one. Please…I’m so busy living my life to even formulate one. lol
I’m also being tired of being told that I’m so flippin great or perfect or blah blah blah, only to be let down each time I try to forge something meaningful with someone. I just don’t GET it. I mean, how does someone say they want something meaningful, but then when the other person tries to identify or define what that is, all of the sudden a whole bunch of other stuff comes up?? I don’t get how one has to do with the other. lol Now. admittedly, that could be me just not getting it. At least that’s how I feel right now.
I’m having a bit of a temper tantrum today…on a HUGE level, so don’t mind me. SMH
Luckily, I only have my Aquarius sun in the 7th house.. I don’t have any of these Uranus aspects, but when someone gets too possessive, for me, I tend to shield myself away from them and hang out with the friends…. although, being an Aquarius myself… when I REALLY love someone, I am a bit possessive. Been trying to shake that. My boyfriend requires an independent woman and so far, so good! He is a Cancer though, so I’m waiting to see his clinginess traits come through, but something tells me I probably won’t, which is a good thing.
Ah, I see my Cancer bf has Venus square Uranus…. so, he needs his freedom. Awesomeness.
Sun/Uranus conjunction in Virgo. South node is Aquarius so past life was all about living free. Born a Tiger which corresponds with Aquarius in Western Astrology. Attracted to the Gypsy life and have tried to live outside the norm my whole life. Things people are doing now I did 30 years ago! I was questioned back then and have had authority involved. Things like home birth, family bed, home schooling, breastfeeding, living communally, living with two husbands, yoga and meditation, astrology, vegetarianism, fasting, living in a teepee, trailer in the woods, on a boat on the hook, hitchhiking across the country, attending rainbow gatherings and protests for the environment, for women’s rights, etc. Did it all when some was illegal. Now it is mainstream.
But alas I have Neptune in 7th house of Scorpio and it also drew me towards a tantric sexual relationship. Have not found that yet. 😉