[ad]I have my planets of identity (Sun) and relationship (Venus) in my Seventh House — plus my chart ruler is conjunct my Descendant — so partnership to me feels like an essential nutrient. But many people prefer being alone. Is it by choice … or inability to maintain a satisfying relationship?
Some people find that their commitment to work or a creative pursuit leaves little room in their lives for the demands of relationship. An occasional fling or one-night stand, yes — but not the hard work that goes into maintenance.
If you work full time and then come home to churn out your novel or practice guitar, how can you also have the time and energy for another person? The more hours you spend with a partner, the less you have for your art or career. And what if you’re a single parent who’s hesitant to potentially destabilize your children’s lives?
Some things may be more important to you than carrying on a romance. But maybe you just suck at relationships! It’s important to know the difference, because permanent retreat from intimacy due to a disastrous love life should not be confused with “having greater priorities.”
You can’t blame the planets for your relationship life, but a look at their placements in your natal chart can indicate what’s behind the difficulty with being partnered.
In Part One of this series, I’ll focus on Neptune, and look at other planets in future posts.
Neptune, Pisces and the Twelfth House all share the theme of sacrifice. If you have this archetype prominent in your chart, you may have a tendency to give up nearly everything for your partner. You idealize them or take care of them, setting aside your own needs to put them first. You might derive pleasure from giving of yourself, but at what cost? What about your dreams, your aspirations? The danger of this pattern is that you neglect your own growth by putting all your attention on someone else.
Yes, sometimes the role of the person behind the scenes — who props up the superstar — is essential in its own right, and you are well suited for it. But other people are simply codependent or attached to the role of the martyr. If this is you, it does not necessarily mean you are better off single. However, this is a core pattern that you may not be able to overcome by yourself. There are 12-step groups for codependents, and psychotherapy can be helpful. But you are better off being alone for a while if you cannot help but fall into the same pattern again and again. If you keep attracting losers, it could be a sign that you’re sending out the wrong signals.
Some possible chart patterns to look out for:
- Neptune in hard aspect to, or conjunct, the Sun, Moon, Venus or ruler of the Seventh House
- Neptune in the Seventh House or Pisces on this house’s cusp
- Sun, Moon, Venus or ruler of the Seventh House in the Twelfth House
- Some of these key planets in Pisces
- A Case Study of Deception by Beth Turnage
- Pisces man wonders why love seems so hopeless for him
- Do Pisceans want what they cannot have?
Comment below: Does this pattern apply to you? If so, describe your relevant chart patterns and how they manifest in your love life (or lack thereof).