[ad]Society has a powerful message for women: If you take care of people, you will be loved. Your wit, your intelligence, your beauty, your sense of style, your work ethic — any and all of your wonderful qualities — have nothing over the power of taking care of other people to make you lovable to others.
So thoroughly are we indoctrinated with this societal expectation that many of us give up — and rather easily, too — our rights to get what we need from a relationship. We wait for the man to like us, to call us, to love us. It is as if we ask, “Is it OK for you to love me now?” But giving away this type of power is ultimately unsatisfactory. We end up in situations where we are waiting for the man to make a decision about whether or not the relationship is worthwhile, or whether or not he’ll continue it, or whether or not he’ll remain faithful.
How do you reclaim your power in a relationship and how can astrology help you?
Astrology is a powerful tool to help you determine your daily minimum requirements of the things you need to successfully navigate a relationship. It can point out those painful truths that keep you from attaining what it is you desire. To do so, look at the energetic connections between the planets that astrologers call aspects.
We look at the challenging hard aspects — the 90-degree angle known as the square and the 180-degree angle known as the opposition — to see where you trip yourself up. Study both planets and the signs in the aspect combination and see how they work for you. The inconjunct — a 150 degree angle — shows where you need to accept that you have difficulties understanding a situation. Look at what other people do to handle the situation you are in. Make a plan that reasonably models how other people successfully handle the situation and stick to it.
Here is a quick round up of planetary aspects to consider:
- Hard aspects to your Sun. Your Sun is your essential essence and the energy to which we most aspire in this lifetime. However, challenge aspects (squares) and tension aspects (oppositions) to other planets in your chart perturb your sense of self. Some essential thing that you believe to be true about yourself is challenged or opposed by the planet in the combination.
- Hard aspects to your Moon. Your Moon is your emotional center. It is your past history and the important parent in your life. Challenges and tension aspects to your Moon throw you off center, and you have a difficult time responding to situations calmly.
- Hard aspects to your Mercury. You have difficult time expressing yourself. You may feel that other people don’t listen or aren’t interested. You may be concerned that if people hear what you really have to say, they won’t like you. The key is learn to express yourself honestly, without blaming, to get yourself heard.
- Hard aspects to Venus. Your innate sense of values are stressed when you have a square, opposition or inconjunct. Sometimes you take the easy way out and compromise your essential beliefs to keep the peace. Sometimes you are not honest with yourself about what you need.
- Hard aspects to Mars. Mars is our sexual drive but it is also our survival instinct. It is where we are likely to come out swinging when we are hurt. Learning what ticks off your Mars is a key to responding reasonably to what you perceive to be a threat.
Though its sound like pop psychology, it is true that that you can only love people if you love yourself first. Know yourself and acknowledge all the wonderful and difficult things about yourself. Understand how your personal planets work in your chart. Do not be anything less than yourself. It is your total free will choice as to what to do with challenging energies. When you acknowledge energies that give you difficulty, you strip them of their power over your actions. You avoid having other people shore up those pieces of yourself. It is your first step in reclaiming your power in relationships!
About the Author
Beth is a professional astrologer with over twenty years experience counseling clients in career and relationship issues. She writes an astrology column for a weekly newspaper along the Connecticut shoreline and blogs about astrology daily at the 451 Press blog Astrology Explored.
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Comment below: What challenging aspects do you have in your chart, and how do they relate to giving your power away — or reclaiming it?