I’m in love with a cancer man who insists he is dead against Marriage, i have never told him my true feelings about him.. We have been having Sex and we have a variety of conversations but he always brings up his disinterest in marriage. I am also not looking for marriage just a Boyfriend i guess, i’m too scared to tell him how i really feel in case he runs a mile…. i am so attracted to him and think about him all the time. I do not undersatand why he is so high strung and what has made him dead against settling down?? isn’t that supose to be what Cancers long for???
Please help i am so utterly confused and driving myself slowly insane…
A typical Cancer man values family, home and a good meal. But not every Cancer is typical — because Sun signs are only a part of one’s character. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, the planet signifying the mother-child bond, the domestic sphere, as well as our emotional needs and habitual responses. In a man’s chart, the Moon symbolizes the archetype of the Wife. And a man’s image of a wife is significantly influenced by his experience of his mother (which also symbolized by the Moon!)
If a man has a challenging connection with his mom, it colors his perception of women. Marriage is an institution that enforces a commitment to one woman for the rest of a man’s life — which is usually longer than one lives with one’s own mother!
Your Cancer boyfriend [view his noon chart] has his Moon in fickle Gemini. He needs a fair amount of intellectual and social stimulation to comfort himself. This placement doesn’t preclude settling down — he just needs a partner who is able to mix it up sufficiently so that he doesn’t get bored.
Moon as Mommy
But more importantly, looking at the Moon as his mother can provide some insight into his resistance to getting married. With his Moon in Gemini, he may have experienced his mother as a woman who could not give him the attention he needed because she had her hands in so many pots. Its square to Saturn in Virgo adds to his difficulty getting his needs for nurturing met, as Saturn often restricts the fulfillment of whatever planet it aspects. And a Moon-Mars conjunction may relate to conflict (or at least heated debates) with important women in his life. This is a lot of baggage that he may not have shed (yet). Perhaps after he has had his Saturn Return he will have let go of some of the “mother stuff” that keeps him fearful of commitment.
Another contributing factor to his unwillingness to settle down is his natal Venus-Uranus trine. Venus is the planet of love and relationship, and in connection to the planet of independence and rebellion, he may feel the need for freedom in a partnership. A trine is a 120-degree angle that contributes to a supportive connection between the two planets involved. Hence, his Venus-Uranus aspect is not so disruptive that he would have difficulty staying committed. Just like his Gemini Moon, he needs a dose of excitement and change to feel satisfied in a partnership.
Not looking for a husband
You write, “I am also not looking for marriage just a Boyfriend i guess, i’m too scared to tell him how i really feel in case he runs a mile….” The inclusion of I guess makes me think that you do want more than just a boyfriend. Can you tell him how you feel without communicating any expectations, any preconceived notions of what a deeper connection would look like? I bet you want to spend a long time with him, and hearing that he doesn’t want to settle down may leave you wondering how you can fit into his life over the long haul. He may change his mind about marriage in the future, but he may run now if you put across the message that you want more than he’s willing to give.
Recognize that his disinterest in marriage comes from a combination of (1) fear of repeating his mother wound; and (2) a need for variety and excitement. His attitude may change as he matures, so I suggest you take of risk of telling him how you feel, without defining too much where you want the relationship to go.
Comment below: Share your experience with commitment-phobic Cancers.