Virgo man retreats when he and Aries woman get too close

Katherine writes,

This Virgo man is my next door neighbor and a very good friend. I see him almost daily, as our group of friends is very close. We’ve known each other since July and have had an instant connection. Whenever we’re in a room it’s like a magnet is pulling us together. We’ve gone on several “dates” and spend a lot of alone time together, but never even kissed (lots of cuddling, though) until recently when I approached him about the situation. We admitted our attraction to each other, but couldn’t come up with a solution. I basically told him I would like to give “us” a shot, but no decision was made. On my way out the door, I went for it and kissed him. It was the hottest kiss I’ve ever had. He retreated for a couple of days after that, which I’m used to because he tends to do that when things get too close between us, but then he bought me a vintage dress for my birthday. Now things are back to where they were; we flirt and touch, but don’t kiss, he cooks me lunch, we go dancing, and we don’t talk about the situation at all. What is he doing? I want things to happen now, but I know that isn’t the Virgo’s nature. Do you have any insight or advice? Is this a lost cause?

Your Virgo friend (view his chart) is about as “yin” as one can get. All of his personal planets are in Earth or Water signs, suggesting he’s both introverted and fairly cautious. His Taurus Moon takes things slow, and its conjunction to Chiron may relate to a core emotional wound around sensuality or security issues. His Mars — planet of assertion — is in indirect and self-protective Cancer. And he has a stellium in Virgo, including Mercury, Venus and an exact Saturn-Sun conjunction. He may be very inhibited and controlled. But with an exact Venus-Mars sextile, he does have an undeniable erotic allure!

You resonate with him (view your chart), as you have your Moon in Virgo and Venus in Taurus. However, with Mercury, Sun and Mars in Aries, you’re pretty assertive about expressing your desires. (Otherwise, possibly nothing would ever happen between the two of you!)

Saturn in Virgo is transiting your Moon until the end of June. Your Moon is the only planet in your Seventh House of Partnership, so this transit may correlate with a feeling that your relationship needs are not getting met. Remember, Saturn is the planet of delay and restriction. It’s unlikely that any movement is going to happen until the weight of Saturn lifts.

On July 16, transiting Venus enters your Seventh House (depending on the accuracy of your birth time) and transiting Mars exactly trines your natal Venus. Mars will also be energizing his North Node at this time, potentially activating a feeling of having a fated connection. This sounds like a good time to ignite a romance. I know that as an Aries you “want things to happen now,” but I suggest you keep dating, and don’t push for more until this summer.

About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at


  1. calentiara says:

    :)) i may read the future this thread…
    he’s virgo, identical stellium, cancer mars..BUT aries moon and leo ascendant. I’m libra, capricorn moon, scorpio mercury, venus and pluto, aquarius mars, aries ascendant. We also have a rather challenging chart as far as aspects are concerned.

    08/09/1979, 4:30
    10/10/1986, 17:15
    bucharest, Romania

  2. Its not your problem that he retreats, its his. An Aries woman like you is exploding with passion and intelligent interests, I think he’s intimidated by your attractive feminity coupled with your strength, basically he can’t understand why you would like him….. The guy, not because he’s Virgo, but because he has a complex, can’t figure out why someone like you would want someone like him. Ive met Virgo guys that wouldve loved the attention you gave this guy, so it must be more of a personal issue with this poor fool.

  3. Or, he is shy 🙂 He wants what he wants but is scared to go through with it 🙂

  4. I´m a virgo i´ve been there. At the beginning we take things slowly and tend to analyze the future of the relation just to try to not get hurt but after a while we change in 180 degrees. I know because i had a relation with an aries girl and at the beginning she would go crazy about having sex but I wanted to know her better before I would gave her all my love. After 3 months in the relationship I opened to her and boy she enjoyed it. The only problems I had with her were her tendencies to casinos-gambling which i hate and that she couldn´t keep up with me in the sack. Se was a little dry in the sex department and sex for us (virgos) is very important.

  5. aireezgirl says:

    I know the info here may be a bit outdated, but I think it definitely is true. I think I’m a bit a handful for my virgo guy. Our relationship started off slow then just kind of exploded (in a good way). I remember hearing him tell me he didn’t think everything would happen so fast. Well I didn’t see anything happening at all. Perhaps his comment goes back to what a lot of people say about virgos trying to think everything out ahead of time. I’m a lot more impulsive. Once he got me going though, I was hooked and didn’t give much thought about what would happen next. His disappearing act made me a bit insecure at first. I’d panic and think he didn’t like me anymore, but as time has progressed I just know THAT’S HIM. He never stays quiet or away too long. If I can’t physically see him then he will send sweet little texts so I know he’s thinking about me. His hot/cold persona used to bother me because I’m hot for him ALL OF THE TIME, but I have learned to tone it down and play coy a bit. It seems to make things even better when his devilish side comes out.

  6. I’m an Aries (Moon/Taurus, Venus/Aquaris, Mars/Libra) that has a “thing” for Virgos. Since grade school, I’ve had a habit of developing crushes that last for years on Virgos with a current total of five. Only one turned into a short-lived relationship of three months. After we agreed we were not seeing other people, I found out he was sleeping with three other women. Each of the Virgo men are unique in different ways. Few were as promiscuous as the one described. It is maddening to continue to have strong, constant feelings for Virgos, which never seem to work out. The current Virgo crush (Moon/, Venus/Leo, Mars/Leo) of about two years has acted like he can’t stand me for a year and half. We’re just now kind-of-friends. I would like to be purged of feelings for Virgos. It breaks my heart and makes me feel nuts.

  7. Dunstana says:

    I am Aries dating Virgo man, my problems just exact as the aries above writing on the 16th of February 2010.

    Is there any hope in this relationship. Is he being honest? and should i just quit finally?

    thanks in advance for your advice..

  8. Dunstana,

    Is he supposed to be with you, yet he’s with others? It depends on what you want for yourself. When it happened to me I decided it was not how I wanted to be treated. There was a good chance some other guy would treat me with more respect because several of my ex-boyfriends had done a better job. Being single seemed better than being tortured with anxiety. There’s never been a second I was sorry for telling him, “I don’t want to see you anymore,” though I missed him a litte, and he continued to attempt contact for several months after.

    I would date a Virgo again. Clearly, I have no problems being attracted to them. No two Virgos, or men, are like. Hope this helps you make your own decision.

  9. Hi I’m a aries girl dealin with a stubborn virgo man. We have been on and off for about 6 months. When we agrue he’s so concealed with his feelings but after a day goes by he calls and tell me I’m right and he doesn’t want to lose me but his actions says something complety different. He becomes distance and doesn’t want me around him. I’m always there for him when he needs me but maybe I’m there a lil to much. Right now I think he’s in his comfort zone and doesn’t think he will lose me…. can an virgo men help me out with some advice??

  10. Wow. Sounds like a bunch of Virgo (excuse the expression) pussies!
    Im a Virgo male and I like when no one plays head games with me, so why would I play mind games with them. So i dont get why these Virgos are so afraid of you Aries women. You need to find a secure Virgo Male, one who can guard his heart but still say, what the hell, lets see what happens.

    I fell in love with an Aries in high school and although she hurt me in the end, I still think of her and the great times we had and that was when we were just out of High School.
    Fast forward to today. I live with an Aries and have been with her 8 years and I love her fire and passion. Some men are afraid of strong, secure, independent women…..and there is something about Aries that sees right through us Virgos. We dont like to be exposed and Aries has a way of doing that to us. As virgo myself one thing i appreciate and value is honesty and if he cannot be honest about you being the one for him, let him go. When we really LOVE we dont do shit half-assed, i know i never wanted to lose my Aries loves….so when I found out the feeling was mutual between us, i couldnt stand one day apart…okay, no more than one day. LOL.
    I always felt that i didnt have time to waste….and im glad. Losing Aries love was one of the toughest things i have ever had to deal with. And the one thing that comforts me is the fact that I know…I wasnt dumped because of DOUBTS, CHEATING or DISAPPEARING on her.
    So ladies, dont waste your time on snail-like Virgos….there are Virgos out there that cannot wait to ravish you with more love than you can handle…minues the mind-games and waiting around.
    Its true.

  11. i have a question about how to handle a virgo man birthday 9/20/78. my birthday is 4/04/71. not quite sure how to handle tis guy. he is quite a handful, however i know he thinks the same of me. we have mind blowing sex. but then he wants to be distant. i know he is seeing other women, which is ok at this stage. i have recently become less available for him know he is persuing me. how long do i keep up game of cat/mouse? i am really not accustom to game playing. but this guy has some very redeeming qualities. would like to see where this goes. could you please advise. also, i did sleep with him way too quickly, but the attraction is so intense.

  12. from all the posts i read about aries and virgo, it did appear that the two have mind blowing sex but seems to be lacking in communication. not sure who’s to be blamed. my virgo is great in bed and i love him to death. but he is just not communicating. I know he is seeing other women too. i have stopped talking to him to avoid i fall deeper. i love him, this is the trouble.

  13. Tell me about it. Water signs can be very much introverted and doesn’t want to talk about certain things like relationship status or feelings. They can be as numb as a telephone post.

  14. Man do I need some Virgo advice.

  15. WGA is the man! I’m also a Virgo that feels the EXACT same way, I’m glad that I’m not the only one! I am attracted to Aries girls thanks to the very things WGA said. I tried to date or be friends with women who are supposed to be compatible with me (ie earth and water signs) or shy, introverted types, but I would get frustrated at how unwilling they are to be completely honest to me, so I tend to fade out of their lives. I tend to step out the moment anyone even hints any mind games – Virgos are known for being intelligent – some use it to be manipulative (a Virgo stereotype I hate, since I know Virgos like that and steer clear of them myself), while some use it to recognize and avoid being manipulated (and I’m the latter) – this made me love and appreciate the Aries people in my life more so.

  16. Seems every page of comments on this website was heavy traffic 2008-2011, then comments are few and far between.
    Thought I’d throw in my two cents here since I am an Aries with sooo much Virgo energy in my life. I seem to attract them.
    Virgo and Aries seems like such an unlikely combination, and yet I’ve been with my Virgo partner for 17 years. I think the fact that I have Virgo Rising and he has Aries Rising allows us to understand each other. But even stiil, we have always had communication issues, as I saw mentioned above.
    The thing I have noticed about the Virgo men in my life is that they can often be critical and insensitive to others’ feelings.

  17. lvlygrl says:

    Eiryka, well it depends on the virgo. I’m an aries (march 26) & my husband is a virgo (August 27). He isn’t insensitive at all. As a matter of fact he is extremely caring as far as my emotions. I don’t think that is a virgo trait as much as it is a character flaw.

  18. Actually, a critical nature is characteristic of Virgo, but how much or how little they display this depends on so many other factors. You are lucky yours is sensitive to your feelings. 🙂

  19. Yes indeed:-)

  20. lvlygrl says:

    Being critical is definitely a trait for a typical virgo man. However, being critical and sensitive are entirely two different things. Someone can typically use corrective criticism, and simultaneously be sensitive towards your feelings. This is how my virgo husband is. I think that most virgos are critical and analytical, it’s just in their nature to be this way. So Eiryka, you are right in saying that it’s in most virgos nature to be critical. But, they can still be sensitive. Not doing the latter, would be considered a character flaw. That is what I meant when I said being insensitive isn’t so much a virgo’s natural trait, as much as it’s a character flaw.

  21. lvlygrl says:

    Now a Sagittarius, those mofos are typically insensitive towards their females.

  22. Well I think you have an exceptional one. Mine can be sensitive, but more often he is insensitive, as are my Virgo male friends. I’ve just learned not to wear my heart on my sleeve around them, and then it’s all good…

  23. ladiivee says:

    Spent 3 yrs in a situationship with a virgo male 8/25 im a female aries 4/18. Started off great had loads in common and did everything together. When we first started he acted like i was the only girl in the world. But the dark side came out. He became a serial cheater, he was manipulative, insecure, controlling, had to always know my whereabouts because he did not trust me and never wanted to commit but wanted the benefits of a boyfriend. It was horrible. Neither one of us wanted to walk away but this union was toxic yet addicting. I agree with the above statements somewhere there was a break down in communication.

  24. WildChild says:

    That sounds more like Venus in Scorpio.
    The ‘toxic yet addicting’ may indicate you guys have some Pluto aspects going on there. I hope you have moved on!

  25. Ladiivee says:

    We recently moved on by force becoming bitter enemies. Things got so bad and as the raging Aries I am I had to show my dark side which made him surrender. After arguing, cussing each other out, exposing one another and making threats of bodily harm to one another it’s safe to say we will NEVER be anything. Can’t even be cordial. Such a shame considering we were 2 people who claimed they loved one another.

  26. I dated a Virgo man for 2 years. Moved in with him after 1 year of dating. Bad idea! Within the first five months of dating he hit on my friend, hugging her, whispering in her ear, calling her “Honey”. That same month I caught him flirting with a cousin in my own home. He never admitted to any wrong doing, either because he was drunk and didn’t remember or because he didn’t feel he did anything wrong. Our first Xmas he showered me with gifts and ever holiday/birthday after that he was very “minimal” in his giving. Not a whole lot of thought in effort into anything. Never surprised me at work, never surprised me with anything fun, he mostly wanted to stay home and save money. When we’d argue he never heard me, never understood my feelings and if he was wrong, he was horrible at apologizing. Not to mention he would insult me and call me insecure, immature, and stupid. He would scold me like a child and would expect to bounce back with a simple, “sorry.” He also drank every day, anywhere from 6-12 beers in a night. At times he’d say up all night, sit in the dark and when I’d tell him to go to bed he’d say he was “processing.” HUH? He was very frugal in his spending, and after moving in he wanted to split everything, from groceries, to dinners (not all), to anything for the house. I spent more money on our home, his kids, his family than he did and I never asked him for penny as it was all my doing. Our 2nd Xmas he gave me a lantern with an LED candle, and a wine glass. Huh?? For our one year anniversary he sent me flowers to work and cooked me dinner, it was perfect! One our two year anniversary, he did nothing except take me to dinner but didn’t do his homework before hand, no reservations, no thought into it at all and he wore wrinkled shorts and flip flops while I wore a dress and heels. Not to mention, he was very selfish in bed. I’m a very “needy” passionate person and not once did I ever say no to him. However, when he was done, he was done and the heck with me! Not to mention he couldn’t keep his eyes in his head when we were out in public. Look, admire other beautiful women (I do) but don’t break your neck, IN FRONT OF ME! Exactly a month after our two year anniversary, we broke up. We had a huge argument and he told me it was over. WTH did I get myself into?!?! Stupid me for not paying attention to the red flags! Did I just meet a bad one?

  27. FirstLadyAriesBebe says:

    Hey…I feel the same way….I’m a sucker for Virgos…it’s karma

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