[ad]unsure provided a birth time (view chart) and writes,
I can feel the ending of my first serious relationship coming on soon, or at least the the way I know it. I’m not sure if I should go ahead and cut the string before my indecisive partner chooses to first. It’s not a matter of “hurt before you get hurt” because the pain is already there, but only for me. My boyfriend’s been acting quite differently lately. He says he doesn’t want to break up with me, but has started acting quite differently; and though this is a well-worn cliche, actions DO speak louder than words. Upon talking to him about how his recent actions have hurt me he was extremely upset and apologetic, but he has no intent on changing, which is clear. And I cannot change, because I know what I want and I see no reason for anything TO change at all.
What I’m wondering is… how do I know if this is worth it anymore? If he’s not willing to give me what I feel I need in a relationship, then why am I so eager to appease him, and go out of my way for him, when he holds his feelings so far above mine that he doesn’t even consider how I feel? I’ve never felt this way about anyone or anything (my inclinations toward being a loner have completely vanished, to the extent that I hate being by myself at all nowadays) and he, though always a loner, was content to be in a very time-consuming, intense relationship until recently. I want to know why I’m so clingy and want to stay that way and continue to keep on with things when he’s suddenly about himself, and uncomfortable? I’m at a loss. Any insight you could give me into how I work astrologically, as well as my partner, would be insanely helpful.
The First and Seventh Houses of the horoscope correspond with the needs of self versus the needs one has in a partnership (or the needs of the partnership itself, or the needs of the partner!). Despite the fact that your Gemini Sun and Virgo Moon are both pretty mental-analytical (ruled by communication planet Mercury), your prominent First House Mercury-Mars conjunction is in emotionally sensitive (clingy!) Cancer. Mercury is important in your chart, because it rules your Sun, Moon and Gemini Ascendant. Therefore, its sign and house placement — as well as its aspects to other planets — indicate how you function. Therefore, you need to communicate on a feeling level. Mars energizes Mercury, giving you extra juice to use language to foster a sense of closeness. Cancer is the sign of family and home, and your Moon (the ruler of your Mercury) is conjunct the cusp of your Fourth House of Home and Family. (In fact, Mercury and the Moon are in mutual reception, as they are in each other’s signs.) You really need a feeling of security and stability, a sense of order and routine. Cancer and Virgo are somewhat cautious and conservative signs, not big on change.
The sole planet in your Seventh House of Partnership is Neptune, planet of transcendence and ego-dissolution. It opposes your Mercury-Mars conjunction and trines your Moon. Neptune in the Seventh relates to the desire to “lose oneself” in relationship, to make all manner of sacrifices to manifest your ideal partnership. In aspect to so many of your personal planets, it brings so much compassion and empathy that you are willing to see past problems. Either you prefer to stay in fantasy, or your “caring” buttons are pushed so often that you put up with behavior that other people may not tolerate. (All these planets are intensified by soft aspects from Pluto, as well.)
You’re wondering whether it’s “worth it” anymore. Transiting Saturn, the reality-check planet, has been making aspects to all these planets since the end of last year, and will end its cycle in August. Saturn forces us to assess the weight we are carrying. If certain behaviors or patterns no longer serve us, then it is time to let them go. As Saturn is conjoining your Moon and Fourth House cusp, this transit is primarily about “cementing” a feeling of security in your life. Any relationship that does not help you feel more grounded and safe may not pass the test of time. I figure that by end of summer, you’ll know whether this guy is worth clinging to.
In plain English: The reason you make so many concessions to a man who isn’t giving you what you need is that you’re a sympathetic softie who martyrs yourself on the altar of relationship. Fortunately, you’re getting more serious about your basic needs and will — over the course of the next few months — understand what feeds you and what sucks you dry.