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Women are often raised to attract men with their Venus, via clothing and cosmetics, flirtation and femininity. But gender roles are in flux, and many females don’t want to be stuck on the receiving end of relationships, waiting for the man to make the first move.
However, a guy frequently want to be in the driver’s seat, and may be put off by a woman asking him out. (Since he can no longer hunt for boar, he needs a challenge!) But where does that leave the woman, who’s itching to let out her Mars? Does she wait until she’s already firmly ensconced in a relationship to express her assertiveness and competitive drive?
Traditionally, a woman’s Mars signifies the type of man to whom she is attracted. But if she simply lets a guy “own” her Mars, then she has abdicated this vital part of herself to another. She cannot be a whole person if she always lets her man fix the sink or argue with the phone company for overbilling … unless she also takes on some “masculine” traits.
At the other end of the Venus/Mars spectrum is being “one of the boys.” Hanging out, drinking beers, playing Xbox … yet not being recognized as feminine and wondering why she’s not getting dates. It seems like a delicate balancing act, being able to attract without being passive, being able to hang loose with the guys while still being seen as a woman.
The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung coined the term animus possessed to refer to women who”live their lives according to the archetypal masculine principles of order, efficiency and perfection, as opposed to allowing themselves and their lives simply ‘to be’ as they are. These are the women who seek power rather than love–their intellectualized ambition keeping them ever-striving, with no energy left to be alive.” [from Dancing in the Shadows by Laura Bryannan]
However, there has been criticism of the inherent sexism of Jung’s characterization, which suggests that there is something pathological about a woman who strives for success and chooses logic over emotions. Surely, a woman can express her Mars without being judged?
Knowing when to play the Venus card or Mars card seems to be the key to relationship satisfaction. Sometimes it works to be the coquette, other times the tigress. Attract without letting someone overstep boundaries. Kick butt at the karate dojo yet do t’ai chi in the bedroom.
Unless your guy likes to be treated rough.
Comment below: How do you modulate the expression of your Venus and Mars?
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First photo by MegElizabeth_, second by porcelaingirl via CC License.
Also key: picking the right demographic!
With an Aries Venus, first house Sag Mars and Sag ascendant, playing coy and seductive is literally physically painful for me. It’s my nature to play XBox with the boys. I recognize my handicapped femininity and instead of wondering why I can’t find dates, I just go play games with boys who find girl gamers to be incredibly hot. Make Mars work for you, ladies!
Scorpio Mars Scorpio Venus. Too overpowering when I live my mars aspects and too distant and unreachable when I live my venus aspect. I just want to be my whole self.
Gotta stop dancing in the shadows 😉
“How do you modulate the expression of your Venus and Mars?”
I’m with Ayla. If a guy doesn’t like that I can hook a leech as well as he, that I can drive a dirtbike and a 4×4, and would much rather cut the grass than clean the kitchen – then he doesn’t like me. That is who I am. Mars in Aries, Venus on the cusp of Pisces – but the Pisces doesn’t come out (then again she might be lying no?) until there’s a commitment and there’s not going to be one unless a guy can get past my Mars.
If he can’t take it, I don’t want ‘im, and that’s pretty simple. I’m not going to paint myself up and be something I’m not to find a man that can’t appreciate that I have more things in common with him than most of his buddies. They are few and far between, sure, but why settle?
Valkyri that IS priceless 😉
“my boys will never
be the same again . .
today’s the day my wife
met my girlfriend”
la la la
I think I am getting better at knowing when to use my Venus and when to use my Mars. Trying to work on my (out of sign) Venus-Mars square has helped me to be more conscious of situations concerning this dilemma. I think it is inherently easier for me to balance the two since my Mars in Taurus is Venus ruled anyway. My idea of being aggressive is to ask a guy out for a fancy dinner and a walk in the park 🙂
It seems to me that even less aggressive guys appreciate a woman that is more Venusian in behavior. She can play Xbox 360, but she shouldn’t burp and pull up her pants like the guys do.
@badnoozbetty
“my boy will never
be the same again . .
today’s the day my husband
met my girlfriend”
I have Mars in Libra and Venus in Scorpio. I don’t know too much, but there is a masculine sign in the “feminine” planet, and a feminine sign in the “masculine” planet.
And about Carl Wrong, I am SO SICK of men writing about women as if they know an answer or too. If I wrote a book explaining men to themselves, they would say, “How would you know? You are not a guy?” Just ask guys what they think of Cosmo magazine and you will know what I mean.
One of my favorite quotes: “People call me a Feminist whenever I express sentiments that distinguish me from a doormat.” – Rebecca West.
I have no problem playing cat and mouse games to give my man something to chase. But I am huntress. I suppose I need a special sort of man who kinda likes to be hunted. 😉
too = two
My Scorpio OCD just wouldn’t leave it alone. Also “I am A huntress.” But it sounded kinda “me Jane, you Tarzan” the other way. That was cool.
Oh, LASTLY, why the flip does a man need a woman to behave a certain way in order to ensure he feels manly? If a man is secure in his “manhood” then he can handle any sort of woman, no matter how tough she is. He knows he’s the man. Right? Who’s doubting that here, the woman or the guy?
@ayla
I am was gamer too (quit cause I was too addicted)! I love your solution: Make Mars work for you!
Maybe you hit on something there. When a man is comfortable at being a man then the full power of a woman can come into being? Just a thought. I think as a female we do know something of the male aspect, probably because we were created from both male and female principles and that both are within us. It has to be in the balance somewhere? Libra help us out in harmonizing our venus and mars!
@Sagilarious, actually Mars in Libra is a masculine planet in a masculine polarity sign and Venus in Scorpio is a feminine planet in a feminine polarity sign. However, it gets complicated because Libra is Venus-ruled and Scorpio is Mars-ruled, so these two signs have some of the opposite “gender energy” in them. Also your Mars and Venus are in mutual reception so they work well together.
I love you Sagilarious 😉
too funny
BTW the lyrics are from Valkyri’s posted country song on her website
TOO FUNNY
Oh pleeease! I’m more interested in being myself than putting on an act to attract a man who is too insecure to feel comfortable with a strong woman.
@ Jeffrey
Hmm. Ok. Don’t know why I always though Libra=female and Scorpio=male. It’s been awhile since I looked at the genders of signs…obviously.
If you say it’s good, then I’ll just go ahead and believe you then. You know this planet business better than me.
@ badnoozbetty
I’ll have to check that out. And….I love you too….sure, why not 😉
@Sagiliarious, Libra is Air, which is “positive” or male. Scorpio is Water, which is “negative” or female. But I can see how you would associate Libra with female and Scorpio with male, due to their planetary rulerships. But what is “gender” anyway?
@Jeffrey: Thank you Sensei
Venus-Mars balancing act in perfect perpetual motion!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Rr-t-IOfRo
MAN I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN
That’s one lady working her Mars with four very Venusian guys 😉
sagilarious, I too have mars in libra and venus in scorpio- High five to us! (also libra sun and scorpio moon). The scorpio in me seems to just attract subjects all by itself…sometimes leaving my other parts to play catch up. For example, for the most part, I’ve always noticed someone else noticing me before my interest is captured and then I start noticing them. Anywho, with me, to attract, I usually turn on the mysterious scorpion godess in me to ensnare them in my web [intense “I know you want me, I might want you too” gaze from across the room etc.]. Depending on the guy, he will either see a challenge and approach or for the most part remain intrigue but frightened…now that’s when I turn on the libran “look at me, I’m soft, femine, equisite, and graceful, I won’t bite…atleast, not yet” charm. As was mentioned before, you are just dealt certain cards and you just have to make the best of them at the right time and under the right circumstances because my venus may very well come out in the bedroom and my mars when hunting.
Commenting on what was written earlier:
“Scorpio Mars Scorpio Venus. Too overpowering when I live my mars aspects and too distant and unreachable when I live my venus aspect. I just want to be my whole self.”
I, too have mars and venus in Scorpio but I don’t notice it quite the same (somewhat though). What I notice is that, since they are also conjunct (close enough in degrees) – I think that I can go back and forth and even get them mixed up. I mean my venus (soft girly side) is Scorpionic but also affected by mars (and jupiter conjunct AND saturn opposing w/in one degree it)- so it obviously plays out in many different ways! And as for my mars, which is also Scorpionic, since venus is conjunct it – that soft side still effects it…
My Venus is in Virgo and Mars in Cancer- both feminine i guess. I like to think of myself as a feminist but i have never felt like being ‘one of the boys’ and don’t want to!
Mars in Taurus and Venus in Cap. lol ha ha ha
I’ll never be one of the boys and like someone else said earlier…I don’t want to be, because I beat them at their own game, all with a confident smile on my face while wearing girlie clothes and converse tennis shoes. I love being the girl that fits right in with the boys, meaning that they don’t see or treat me as one of them, but they embrace me like I belong all the while not being afraid of offending my female sensibilities. I’ve always been comfortable hanging out with the boys, talking their language, while wearing pearls and my diamond tiara.
Watch out fellas…the princess is in the room and she’s here to kick your arses! lol ha ha ha
I’m virgo venus virgo mars…What kind of joke is this? My sun sign is cancer?
i like someone that is gemini venus taurus mars…
Can this work?
What do you think about
Cancer-Capricorn suns
Leo-Aquarius venuses
Gemini-Sagittarius marses
Sagittarius-Libra moons
What is the compatibility with this combo?
Woman is the Hunter. Thus it ever was.
I’ve Venus-Mars closely conjunct in the 7th house. In Capricorn. Aries MC.
No one messes with me.
Ayla, nice one!