Listen to this articleJessica Shepherd over at MoonKissd has written an excellent post on how women use their Mars in seduction when they should really be using their Venus:
When women use their Mars to attract love she invites a landmine of problems. Here’s Mars marching orders: chase, capture and conquer. Versus Venus’ beauty credo: the world is one big orgasm (or ice cream cone) and it’s coming my way! It’s a subtle difference in attitude. Mars is all red alert and high intensity, while Venus is warmly expectant and receptive. Dating, for the woman who has lost touch with the innate playfulness of Venus is Mars dangerous – like lobbing hand grenades cleverly disguised as romantic overtures into enemy territory. Because that’s what it feels like for a man, sabotaged and caught by surprise, when she comes on too strong.
Read the entire article Put a Muzzle on Your Mars, Think With Your Venus.
Jessica has an upcoming book on attracting your soul mate — from which her article is excerpted. She also has one of the most well-designed astrology blogs I’ve ever seen. So check ‘er out!
I think it’s curious how women have had to switch to aggression in order to compete with men in this fantastic little patriarchal system we have, and then we’re told aggression is bad.
Hmm.
I personally like it when a woman is forward (Mars) because I’m usually oblivious when someone’s attracted to me anyway. But I think we each, regardless of our gender, need to learn how to modulate how we play our Mars and Venus in different contexts. But I hear what you’re saying, Ayla. Post-feminist women are expected to be more Martian (work harder) than a man to succeed in the workplace, yet that’s culturally a turn-off in the dating world.
She probably could’ve explained Venus finesse without making it seem like it’s the only way a woman’s going to get a man. It’s kind of insulting to hear that if a woman is naturally aggressive, like that’s her personality, she’d have to conform and mold herself to someone else’s tastes. She deserves a man who finds aggressive women attractive–and lord knows they aren’t mythical creatures. Aggressive Women Lovers aren’t playing poker with Nessy and Bigfoot every Friday. They’re out there.
I think what tweaked me the most was it just sounded like dating advice my grandmother would give, minus the references to boob missiles.
That’s funny. I have no interest in a man (or woman) who feels intimidated by my Mars energy because I’m not interested in timid personalities. I am attracted to strong personalities. So I’ll keep using my Mars energy.
i interpreted it like its a relative question- it depends on your chart, your main type, what your mars and venus actually is, how you will end up acting in the end. what u ‘want’ to do is weight your venus more… if you are a naturally aggressive person you will end up with this edge still somewhat. ex if your venus is scorpio u may still be this seductive btch. in other words weighting mars too heavily will not give optimal outcome.
some ppl like jeffrey are all for a marsy lady but its a riskier bet bc of the general population.. but maybe you arent going for this general population in which case ta otimo, bet mars yup.
i was thinking the description is schematic(?) and just illustory anyway.
i could be wrong this is just what i thought first. ive never really understood mars/venus in charts anyway.
reading some of the rest of the blog i prob was way off, bc im not at all on same wavelength w/ this writer. the whole post abt UAE and people not knowing if its a country. im seeing stars
and btw i read the post about hawaii so she is definitely going for an absolute lush-static paradise venus ness here.
even if i painted my ideal venus status, it wouldnt be hawaiian. maybe somewhere in n africa, or paris.
anyway
Well my Venus is in Taurus which I consider to be tame. And I have no fire anywhwere else in my chart other than my Mars which is in Sag. I STILL can’t ficure out why I am so smitten with strong personalities but I am. I like consistency and prefer monogamy but I still need a partner who has a very strong personality or I get turned off. Timidness is like cold water tossed on me.
what Theodore Roosevelt said was not “walk softly but carry a big stick” as is often mis-quoted. He gave his famous quote during a speech in 1903:
[There is a homely old adage which runs: “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.”]
ladies hold on to your sticks, just hide them in the closet– for everything there is a time, and a place, and a season
nobody has to know
Translates into Venus by day, Mars by night– the saint and the sweet little sinner
Men love that.
Trouble is when you wear your evening makeup by day and none at night– should be the other way around– same goes for lingerie
Women have it backwards, sometimes?
yeah, think with your Venus and **** with your Mars
Hi folks, thanks for reading my blog, and from the hot responses it looks like I invited Mars along! (Go figure, Moon in Aries and Mars on my Descendant…)
Regarding the discussion, Jeffrey makes the point: using your Mars or your Venus, it is all about context. Feminine energy, as a principle not a gender, is receptive, open, playful and innocent (as is everyone’s heart when it comes to love). As women, our “attracting power” or power to attract is a beautiful strength. It’s what makes us “attractive.” Our aesthetic interests, our affinities, likes/dislikes, what makes us feel emotionally satiated and comfortable – that’s also Venus. Mars is desire. Maybe, (possibly?) in the search for a soul mate, some women don’t need to work the desire-Mars angle so hard. We could use his strategizing for say, angling a promotion, running a marathon, or even using our mental intentionality to get there.
As women we are vessels of Venus, we create on so many levels, in different ways than Mars does. So I didn’t mean to say “don’t go after him,” or don’t use your Mars, but to trust the magnetic co-creating power of your Venus to attract, which I explore in my CD. (BTW, at the risk of sounding like “The Rules” or your Grandma, this excerpt is simplified, and only one angle from many diverse ones).
Please, I love strong Mars women who go after who and what they want – myself included. But when it comes to attracting relationship, I’ve found it more useful to do that in a Venus way…just like the planet implies, relationship (Venus) over ego strength (Mars).
Jessica
I guess I completely missed the point..?
Personally I have Venus/Mars conjunction, even I don’t know when one ends and the other begins.
(…) just like the planet implies, relationship (Venus) over ego strength (Mars).
So.. does it mean that men don’t have to focus on compromise (Venus) part of the relationship, but on the ego (Mars), because, continuing your line of thought – they are vessels of Mars?
I hope I really just don’t understand.
I’ve been reading this book by Neil Strauss called “The Game,” which is about pickup artists. These guys dress really wild — tight black pants, poofy shirts, strange hats, jewelry and/or makeup … it’s called being a “peacock.” It’s about getting attention through one’s fashion style. I’d say that’s their Venus. But then they use insults and manipulation and strategy to get a woman attracted to them. I’d say that’s their Mars.
In the same book, the author talks about women who give men “sh*t tests,” which is basically testing to see if a guy has enough “value.” She attracts through her Venus, but then uses her Mars because — from the perspective of evolutionary biology/psychology — she’s looking for a mate who’s strong enough so that her offspring will survive. It seems to me that aggressively giving guys “sh*t tests” is her Mars in action, actively weeding out the non-alpha males.
Granted, this is all — to me, at least — lowest common denominator bar and clubbing behavior, but it does show how both genders use both their Venus and Mars.
The way I understand this entry is to use your Venus to attract a guy; don’t think of the male/female valence but rather, look to your Venusian sign. For instance, with a Venus in Gemini, attract a guy with your effervescent conversational skills, witty banter and/or writing. With a Venus in Cancer, attract the guy with your maternal concern. Venus in Libra? With your classic elegance and diplomacy, etc. Venus in Taurus, earth-mother, etc. It’s not manipulation bc, since it’s in your chart, it’s already part of who you are. Maybe those of us with wounded or afflicted Venuses may not be all that aware that we possess those Venusian traits–or that they’re lovable. It’s attraction via indirection, imo, and what works about it is that if a guy isn’t responding, then maybe he ain’t going to appreciate that part of your personality anyway, ya know? The problem with Mars is that we may get too hung up on what we want–whether or not the object of our desires is really worth our time or attention. And I think that goes for both men and women.
What about if your Venus is in the very Martian and masculine sign of Aries, though?
@Eme Kah, Jessica actually talks about Venus in Mars-ruled signs Aries and Scorpio in the comments section of her blog post: “using mindful [i]ntentionality to “put it out there” … mental focus, harnessing desire & kundalini energy, visualization, affirmation and prayer – a powerful Martial activity … cultivating your love for adventure, daring, the delicious and juicy erotic side of life within your very being, say developing your interest in tantra or yoga, instead of turning it loose in the bar … taking a striptease or burlesque class, ie own your erotic energy”
I don’t get the peacock part. The guys in the tight black pants, poofy shirts, strange hats, jewelry and/or makeup. They sound like homosexuals to me. And to use insults and manipulation and strategy to get a woman attracted to them, well I’d consider that repulsive behaviour. I can’t remember a time I was ever attracted to a man who insulted me, it just made me think he was a jerk and an idiot.
As far as shit tests go, that is a brilliant philosophy but works better for some signs than others. Still it makes good sense, and women do it, subconsciously to make sure the man is worth his mettle.
There is a best-seller by Elizabeth Wurtzel entitled “Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women” which endorses “bad” behaviour and provides food for thought while provoking controversy. In our quest for the “perfect man” we women tend to be too nice, too accomodating, too damn good to be any good in bed or otherwise. Men get bored of this fast as they prefer the challenge of the hunt and the kill, if you will.
What sport is there in shooting a deer who is frozen in your headlights? Or a moose who waltzes over and nuzzles her nose to your rifle while sniffling sweet nothings. It’s more ego-boosting for a man to sneak around the forest and catch the poor thing off guard and seduce them to a spot where you can aim and fire from a strategic distance.
Deer are naturally graceful and women are naturally Venusian by nature. We retreat when threatened by danger. Men are dangerous.
And if we are cornered emotionally or physically and it is impossible to retreat, then we pull out handy Mars honed to perfection as the years go by, and CHARGE. And let the chips fall where they may, the guy is invading our territory and the deer has nothing to lose but its life.
Now if the man would pack away the gun and offer a carrot (like the sparkling carat variety, a girl’s best friend) maybe the deer would approach in a more friendly fashion.
Again, it’s all in context, and depends on the situation.
Beautiful women are often dynamite bitches because they have to be to survive in this dog-eat-dog existence, survival of the fittest. The rest drown in their tears after giving too much for too little.
And some give up the ghost and turn to prostitution and other forms of self-deprecation to turn a profit out of their existing losses and even out the balance.
Call it the balance of nature. The law of gravity. What goes up must come down, and what goes around comes around.
For every Martian woman there’s 10 Martian Men who put her there and maybe more. Bitches aren’t born, they’re made.
i tend not to believe this venus/mars i suppose. i have trouble to believe in ne one sign having so much control over any one piece of ur life.
for instance i of course only speak personally but as an aloof person w/ venus in cancer i would never attract someone thru maternalism (or whatever related ‘way’). not only im incapable of being maternal or nurturing but it would turn me off, too unsexy and non merci to me. not to mention i wouldnt want to attract the type of person who wants mamaing.
perhaps it is true. if your venus doesnt fit as for me, it does go together w/ what i call my highly unattractive personality. lol. ‘oh well’. if the astrology doesnt give u a satisfactory answer, i say move on ya. yup.
dear Bis you probably attract more men with your boobs than you are aware of, else your Venus is at odds with some other major planet
check again, the natal chart is nearly foolproof
lol bisouxxx.
it must be- at odds that is.
Oh no, no, no, sweetheart. I’ve been in serious and short term relationships and the ‘best ones’ I was in, was when my partner (male) was fully into and accepting of my mars energy. They all lasted years. The worst relationships I was in was when I acted with my venus energy. The men I attracted were super critical and tried to control me and venus energy relationships never lasted longer then 5 months! Now my mars is in Aries!!! and my Venus is in Pisces!!! Huge contrast but the men who loved my mars were lasting and true and devoted to me. The men attracted to my venus were liars and manipulative and short term. This theory sucks! I am in my late 30’s and will certainly make sure that the next man love my assertive side more as then he can take a strong woman and will not run! I love men and want one that can handle and love my strength.
Girlfriends I think you’re all missing the point here–even Victoria, but just a little, but–she got most of it.
And Eme did get it I believe!
If you don’t want to do these suggestions don’t.But I don’t think the idea to use our Venus to attact is about being passive and simpering, or, that Mars is the aggessive one but we can’t get what we *want* because were women and should be passive.
This I’m reading I *think* all means to *attract*–use one’s Venus type sign.
To knock down and conquer use one’s Mars.
I am not afraid of men, I knew more men than women most of mmy life I ahve a brother close in age, and I always had guy friends–no men don’t scare me.
I have been quite assertive when it comes to being interested romantically and seually in a man too.
but, it is also true, that in my eagerness, and humger and lust I scared some guys.
Yes, some loved it–but forever or for one night?
And some oved it because yes, I was clear and direct–but not because I grabbed them ad said I ahve to have you in my life now, and you’ll move in, and marry me and stay and take care of things, etc!
It was because I was fun, and *real*.
If i tried tooo hard and was overly accomodating, he was uncomfortable with it, even if he liked me.
The writer I think is saying that if we desire a relationship, too many of us try too hard to “get” him –and that fails.
“Use your Venus to attract” is one piece of the equation and–doesn’t mean “don’t be yourself”
It’s like saying hey–proserpine you have pale skin iwht undertones of blue and red, so those colors look good on you..
It doesn’t mean I can’t wear yellow or orange, or black.
It means that some colors look *better* on me, some only OK, and some–well..not my best..
I don’t have to go out and buy fire engine red eitherI do’nt like it, so I don’t wear it.
However, some kinds of red– cherry red, burgundy, magenta–they look good on me, *and* I like them too.
Does this make any sense?
Proserpine
Jeff’s analogy about the peacock men was only to say that the loud clothes are to *attract* (Venus)
the *attitude* of cruel superiority is aggresive and direct & keeps some women “in line”-(the kinds these guys will attract that is), and the attitude is the Mars part..
Not my kind of guy either.
But it was an analolgy only.
[Actually they didn’t sound like gay men- they sounded more like the pimps that wre around in the
70s. 😉 ]
Proserpine
Beisdes not fully understanding Jeff’s ‘peacock’ story, :-)Victoria explained things well I think.
And Eme, had some really good descriptive ways to illustrates he got the whole point.
Since i have Venus in Libra, utilize my “natural elegance and diplomacy.”
LOLOL.I like it
(I’ll wear my most becoming jewelry and colors and say something *very* fair next time I want to seem attractive.
LOLOLOL.
proserpine
I just started reading Stephen Arroyo and I thought what he had to say about the roles Venus and Mars play and how they differ for men and women is really intriguing, and I think it could help here. I think Jessica’s point is that we women get so caught up in the mission of bagging a suitable mate (or date), that we treat it like any other project (hell, I know I do! Sag Mars on the Asc) and don’t have faith in how their own attributes are bound to be utterly delicious to someone who will make his (or her) attraction known to us because of how we are as women, as opposed to all of the other hats we wear, like mother and wife in the Moon sign, like go-getter in the Mars sign, like philosopher in the Jupiter sign, like thinker in the Mercury sign). Everyone has a personal best– a best color, a best scent– and in fact, it’s about the opposite of conforming to someone else’s idea of how and who you ought to be. Example: I have found that, when I wear a white or cream blouse or sweater, I have the best dates and the nicest pictures get taken of me. My Venus is in Aquarius. Aquarius likes white. I’ve discovered that my makeup looks best when I play up the eyes and add sparkle or shine, and light pink or white on the brow bone. Again, Aquarius. I’ve been told that people notice me when I’m in my own private world and not noticing them at all, and I can do absent-minded professor like nobody’s business. This is the state in which I cast my own unique Venusian light; when I’m thinking, chatting with a million new acquaintances at a networking reception, plotting the next revolution, and creating a new utopia I shine. Mars is when I’m taking action, and luckily the Aqu Venus and Sag Mars are friends, but when someone’s been drawn to my cool, detached, idealistic image, and then they’re subject to my humorous, earth-and-fire whirlwind of thought and physicality, it can be overwhelming. According to Arroyo, with women you see the Venus upfront, and the Mars with familiarity and behind closed doors. With men, you get the Mars upfront (how he wins her), and the Venus in private (how he wants to be cared for). I think the relative strength of these planets toggles. The Venus sign would be very important for a man who identifies strongly with his femininity and the Mars sign for a woman who identifies strongly with her masculinity. Those folks who change their pronouns are those whose gender roles are more clearly expressed in their Venuses and Marses than their birth certificates. That’s my two cents, and I think everyone should stop hammering on Jessica for suggesting that women try being themselves instead of “making it happen” all the time. As for the boob missles… you know what? Some men don’t mind that a bit! I’ve met scads of men with Aries Venus or Mars or both, and they LIKE it. It’s so true about them being ardent and flaming out quickly.
Veunus in aquarius
mars in aquarius
venus sextile uranus
mars sextile uranus in sag
Venus conjunct mars
I have often been told Ive got a natural animalistic vibe about me :/ ( is that my moon in sag rearing its head ? lol) I hate being held to societies expectations , I love my freedom far too much and have told the song miss independant by kelly clarkson was written about me :/ I often felt being in a relationship tied me down I love my freedon and need alot of space.
I am forceful in speech and often still have trouble equating that feminity does not have to equal being completley vurnerable. I loathe the idea of being completey open and vurnerable. My indian spirit animal is the mustang horse I was meant to run free !
I am great believer in the saying dont walk behind me I may not lead dont walk in front of me I follow my own path walk beside me and be my friend . Im truly lucky to have my husband who is my friend to travel life with and allows me the freedom to be me.
I worked with very sexually agressive woman in the past when I was in a bad place and fell into bondage movies. These woman are not mars as such ….. mars is direct force emphasis on the direct.
These woman are venus with pluto (usually square) an even more dangerous combo mars may be direct force and but pluto will come with alot more cunning and usually with an extra dose of humilation for any man that tries to go alpha on them, these woman are alot more dangerous because they are alot less direct and predictable .
Mars may be the agressive sheman but pluto mixed with is the ultimate smoky hell cat that radiates heat, Ive seen this type of woman have men begging for mercy as soon as they walk in the room because they have type of steely heat that says they are going to get their b**s busted well and truly
All in all great article !