Leo man wonders why he’s shy with women

L1onHeart provided a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

Most of people think that Leo is extrovert and very easy to attract people especially women. It seems that i am very different. I am very reserved and shy especially with women and it is not easy for me to approach them. It makes me wonder what sign is more compatible with me? Recently I am attracted to Virgo woman but I have no idea how to approach her? Any advice?

Although you are a Leo, your love planets are in yin (or feminine) signs. By feminine I don’t mean relating to women — rather, that your Venus and Mars are in Water and Earth signs, which have a negative polarity. Air and Fire signs (yang, masculine, positive polarity) are typically extroverted, while Earth and Water signs are introverted.

You have Cancer Rising and Mars in Cancer in your First House, which relates to how you interact with your environment. Cancer is emotionally sensitive and tends to retreat when feeling threatened. (This self-protectiveness can sometimes manifest as defensiveness.) Mars, the action planet, is in its “fall” in Cancer — it’s difficult to be assertive (or aggressive) in a watery sign, no less one that is more into caretaking than meeting one’s own selfish desires. In other words, Mars in Cancer can be passive. The Crab moves sideways, and some women like a man who is direct.

It’s no surprise that you’re attracted to a Virgo woman. Your Venus is in Virgo — in a man’s chart, Venus symbolizes the type of young woman to whom he is attracted. Your seduction planet is in a sign known for self-criticism and modesty. You may be excessively hard on yourself, and you probably don’t want to come across as a boar. If you’re going to flirt, you want to do it the proper way — and so much analysis and perfectionism often results in a lack of action.

Probably your greatest asset is your imagination. Your Sun trines Neptune, planet of fantasy and idealism. You have an inspiring, poetic sensibility which surely can draw women’s attention, especially expressed through creative and dramatic Leo.

But you want to know how to attract women. Virgo likes to be of service, and Cancer wants to nurture. See if the lady you like needs help in some way, or offer to cook her dinner. Look up “Venus in Virgo” and “Mars in Cancer” in Venus in Love, Mars in Heat for more tips.

Comment below: How do you think L1onHeart can make the most of his chart to approach women?

About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, Tarot.com and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at JeffreyKishner.com.


  1. L1onHeart: I see that you have Venus square Neptune. This aspect might mean that you tend to idealize love and womanhood. You have a hard time seeing women clearly. We’re just people; really we’re no better or worse than men. Some of us are horrid, some of us are sociopaths, some of us are angels, some of us are weak and most of us are something in between. Do you find that you put the woman you’re interested in on a pedestal? This might sound lovely but it’s ultimately it can be painful, both for you and for the woman. After all, it’s easy to love a perfect being. It takes talent to love a flawed human being. With this aspect you can convince yourself that a vulture is a swan so maybe part of your shyness is that you’re aware of your vulnerability.

    Get to know women as people, first, is my advice. We’re afraid of getting hurt too and of everything else that comes along with love.

  2. Lionheart, I’d like to know where you know this Virgo woman from. That would help give me an idea on how best to approach her. It can be hard for a guy to approach a woman bc, depending on the context, she can think he’s creepy. Some situations and places make it easier. So, out of curiosity, where do you know her from and how often do you interact with her? For instance, do you get a chance to talk to her at work or with friends or is she someone you see in your neighborhood cafe?

  3. Hi I am L,

    First of all, I would like to thank Jeff for answering my question. I am suprised that it is very accurate description of myself. I always suspect that I got very good imagination/fantasy. Or you can say I am a dreamer. And the way I apporach a girl always in calculated manner and step by step, resulting I lost the girl to other guys. or may be I dont try very hard too.

    To answer your question eme kah, she is my colleague. We work in the same place and same department. Actually, i am not really sure whether I really like her or not too. She got venus in libra and mars in sagitarius if not wrong.

  4. Lionheart: I have some ideas about your question but right now I’m very busy at work and also preparing for Yom Kippur. If you can be patient, check this space sometime Sunday morning, okay? Bc a lot of your issues were mine as well: I’m a Leo Sun with a Cancer rising and a Venus/Neptune inconjunct and, boy, do I know about daydreaming and not seeing the beloved clearly. You have a lot of good aspects to Venus, however, so you will likely be less prone to making catastrophic decisions about love. So check back, okay?

  5. Sure =)

  6. Sure =)

    Warm regards,


  7. Lionheart: Sorry I couldn’t write you this morning but I was away from the computer.

    My first thought is that it is a good idea to figure out if you like this woman and the only way to figure that out is to see what she’s really like as a person and not as a projection of who you think she is (or who you’d like her to be). The reason that most people fail in this regard is that they decide way too soon that someone is IT and then they latch on. Since you work together, you can always ask her her opinion about something about work (be careful that it’s not about “gossippy” things, though, bc that can backfire–although she is a Virgo and she (like Geminians) may like to gossip.) The best way to get to know who a person truly is is to let them do all the talking: what do they like to read, watch, listen to, eat? So start out asking about work stuff and then draw her out about other stuff (and you’ll get an idea from what SHE brings up. She wants to talk about steak? Ask her about her favorite cuts. And then listen, really listen. People can feel when someone is a good listener and they just get very free. Most people won’t even notice that you’re not doing much talking. You’ll be good at that, probably, due to the Cancer Moon. You’ll come under the radar and she won’t think you’re a creep. So, feel her out about work and really listen to her. Now, you have a lot of feminine planets which means that it should be easy for you to get into a woman’s head. You probably have an empathic imagination–you probably can put yourself into someone else’s shoes. The other thing is you’re shrewd, thanks to that Cancer Moon. So, here’s another trick, okay: Most people tell you exactly who they are at the beginning. So listen to the way she describes herself. IME, when someone says: I’m a jerk, that’s exactly who they turn out to be. The next thing is that once you have the connection about “work” stuff, maybe you guys can sit next to each other at the cafeteria or lunchroom (if there is such a thing). If not, then ask her to lunch. Now, remember to go ultra slow with all this stuff. Not bc of what she will or will not do but bc of you. You have to figure out what you feel and what you think about her, etc. and that takes time. Also, be aware that if you work together, there might be some real risks to dating a coworker if things don’t work out. So, going ultra slow is the best way for yourself as well. Most people don’t know how they feel about things, anyway, until it’s too late and by then they’ve already acted. Esp. Cancerians need to go slow in emotional matters. What a lot of people mistake for “chemistry” is really just curiosity and tension and it evaporates within the first few months bc it’s not real. Time adds depth. Listen, your secret weapon is to come in under the radar. It might not seem like such a deadly weapon but it can be killer.

    The Cancer Moon makes you very intuitive so if you get a little “ping” that doesn’t sit right, go with it. Don’t try to use your Venus in Virgo to “analyze” or intellectualize your gut feeling. Just go with it. That’s a powerful thing, trust me.

  8. Hi I am L1onHeart,

    Thanks for your advice =)

    First of all my moon is not in cancer but in scorpio, I think you got it wrong there. Nevertheless, I agree with what you have posted. One of the reasons for my doubtful feeling, it is because I work together with her in same place so if we start relationship if it doesn’t work out it will be awkward for me if I have to meet her in work place. Over the years, I have learned that I am good listener than a talker. I also learn that I am really quite good at gathering information, observing, paying attention to detail as well as analyzing undetected. Therefore, I already believe I will do what you have posted about without you telling me as this is the only thing I am good at, I guess. We actually quite often eat together in group during lunch and dinner. Perhaps, we have it two or three times a week. So yes I think I have to learn her as a person not as projection of my mind but it is always difficult for me to do it though.

    I guess it is good time for me to learn about my feeling too whether I am really like her or just my fantasy. As you know, it always hard for me to express my feeling to her unless I am really sure that I like her and she likes me too. This thing will put me on disadvantage though, as you know she may fall for other guys. I can say that she is outgoing person and many guys interested in her as she is attractive and charming lady (I still wonder why she is still single though it is not hard for her to get guys if she wants too from my observation and information). I guess this my negative scorpio moon comes into play, I got very intense feeling telling myself why I cant be a charming guys too where I can talk to her very easily or may be why I am not bla bla …..and at night I always have her on my mind. This intense feeling really torments me like fighting demon inside myself. It is not novel experience for me though I always felt like this in the past too.

    In the end, I guess it is hard for me to change I still need to go slow as it is my nature and hopefully one day I really can find my true love because I always believe happiness will come in love. The question is am I fortunate enough to feel love?

  9. “First of all my moon is not in cancer but in scorpio”

    Sorry, yes, you’re a Cancer ascendant and your Moon is in Scorpio. I was wrong but given those two signs, you’re even more intuitive and psychic than I originally imagined.

    It sounds to me like you have it pretty bad. And there might very well be some very good reasons why she’s single. You are seeing her from the outside. What you see is not necessarily the way she experiences life or sees herself, do you see the distinction I’m making? This is often the case in human relations and it is a HUGE mistake for us to project what WE see with what the others experience. This is why we often see beautiful women who are convinced they’re hideous–they’re not always lying or trying to get our attention, you know. Some of them really and truly believe that. As a Scorpio Moon, you may already know that the way people experience reality is not necessarily what is truly real. Either way, don’t concern yourself as to why she does or doesn’t have a boyfriend or whether some other guy will get her attention. You’re looking at it backwards! Your first concern is to figure out if SHE is a worthwhile person to trust your job or your heart to. And you may not know this (nor she) for a very long time. I’m talking years here, possibly. And I’m talking from experience. I had to wait two years until I figured out who it was I truly loved. TWO YEARS and I’m a woman who’s nearly 40. And he knew and he waited. We didn’t even touch, not for puritanical reasons but bc we couldn’t. The reward is that now we really know who we’re dealing with. I know who he is and he definitely knows who I am. Now, we don’t know each other completely bc human beings are complex and you can never truly know someone else; but we have a pretty solid idea of the other–without idealizations. Are you getting what I’m trying to get at? The reward of waiting is that we both know how we feel about each other. We trust each other and we are incredibly grateful and happy to be together. Time has given the relationship certainty, solidity, depth and… an unexpected eroticism bc we had to wait so damn long! Even sitting next to him, fully clothed is an erotic experience. That’s a huge secret, lionheart, that no one will tell you bc few people know it: wait, take your time, find out who you’re really dealing with and what you feel and act only when you know 100% about how YOU feel. Also, think how beautiful it was of him to have the patience to let me figure it out on my own. That was so loving! No ultimatums, no tantrums, no power trips. I came to him on my own bc I knew that I loved him and by the time I did, there was no doubt in my mind.

    Right now she may very well look wonderful but she may not be such a great girlfriend, who knows?


  10. Btw, the other mistake you’re making when you wonder why she’s single is that you’re assuming that what she’s seeking in a man is easily available. Maybe it’s not! Maybe she is looking for something that few men can provide and that’s not necessarily a value judgment on her. In other words, maybe she’s not just being difficult but maybe what she is seeking is not as easy as good looks, professional standing, or whatever people imagine that any woman would want. Maybe she is looking for a real and meaningful connection with a human being and, lionheart, believe me, that is not necessarily an easy thing to find. Love is not something you can just get made to order, the way people imagine you can just post a list of attributes and shop for a mate! So don’t count yourself out of the running just yet and, certainly, stop comparing yourself with other guys out there who might seem perfectly great to you cuz YOU are not her and you don’t know what she’s looking for. Maybe she doesn’t even want a boyfriend and she’s perfectly happy being single. See what I’m saying?


  11. Hi Eme,

    I really appreciate your words for me. It opens my eyes and heart even though deep down inside me I realise that too. As I am getting older by day, I try to change myself and my view too. Although, it is not easy to change my negative side like in my previous messages. Perhaps, it is because I feel lonely. But I will survive =)



  12. Anonymous says:

    I’m a cap woman whose been with a Leo man for 11 years,..we’ve had our ups and downs but it is truly amazing how well we compliment each other,..what ever I’m weak/ vulnerable in are his strengths, and vice versa,..he defiantely has a bigger appetite for luxury than me,..and I’m much more spontaneous than him (he has a hard time with change),..my point was that he was a very shy guy before meeting me and had a difficult time meeting/ flirting with women,…but when it came to me he was very confident, bold, and direct,..he went after what he wanted **me*,..he know realized that he had a hard time meeting/ approaching women in the past because they were not worth the effort,..perhaps this is what you’re struggling identifying? I’ve found that men (and sometimes women) have a hard time distinguishing between:
    1. finding someone attractive
    2. truly being attracted to someone.

    just cause someone is sexy, pretty, cute (scenario #1),..doesn’t mean you really like them, click with them, want to build something with them,…you just think they’re attactive and should leave it as that.
    But when you are truly attracted to someone, physically, intellectually, emotionally, etc…I have confidence in you being a Leo that you’ll make the kill!! 🙂

  13. I am a virgo woman,(lady)lol..i have recently had a leo male pay attention to me. He seems very interested in having a relationship even before he got a chance to get to know me. Is that something leo’s normally do? At first he seemed the opposite of what im normally attracted to. I dont like big ego’s but his ego and some of the boasting he does about himself is actually very funny. Virgo likes a fella to be shy and what is lovely about a leo is there childish but very sweet and honest character, virgo loves honesty so although they are opposite signs i think we would make a very interesting couple.

  14. Shrinivasan says:

    Hi L1on heart, You seem to have exactly the same planets as mine.

    Sun – Leo, Moon – Scorpio, Venus in Virgo, Mars and Ascendant in Cancer. I have experienced the same regarding love as you are feeling. Just talk to the girl as your friend and continue to see where it is going.

    I think I find difficulty in converting a friend relationship to love. Do you get the same?

  15. Im a virgo woman and Im in love w/ a leo man….we both in love but i dont know why he ignores me sometimes because of his games addict..at 1st we spent time to me and text me and he says what he felt from me and finally he courts me..but im wondering why he stop talking me? maybe because of his busy life? and i dont know why he’s always on my mind..it has been 5 months and i still inlove w/ him even if i had an aries man now and i still thinking of him…what do i do?

  16. Hi, I had a huge crush on a Leo guy once. He was very outspoken and did’nt seem shy around people, except for me, I couldn’t get near him, when I smiled at him he would hide…LOL Yet other women were actually throwing themselves at him and he enjoyed it, he went out with a lot, even marrying one of them, even years later I smiled at him and said hello and he hid again….? I want throwong my affection at him, merely being friendly and he just avoided me like the plague….I didnt have a bad reputation, I never did or said anything offensive around him but he turned red and run everytime I even walk into the same room as him….Does that make sense to anyone? It doesnt make sense to me, he was flirting with other girls…And no I’m not ugly, I’m actually attractive…can any Leo guys explain this to me please?

  17. bad spelling, sorry….I wasn’t throwing my affection at him….

  18. I am a Leo female.I would not say I’m shy but bashfull if I like somone.I alway’s attract Virgo’s.Love the males.Thay aboutfamily and money.but very giving like us!Just don’t talk to much like we do when we are nervous.Which is ahrdly ever.Until we like someone!!They don’t like constant chatter!

  19. omg libra lady thats the same thing im going through now and i also want some answers plzzz…

  20. Leos are known to be creative and artistic people hence it is always easy for them to think of a thousand ways to lure a partner. Think of creative ways, means that were never though of or are unique enough to lure a partner and in no time he/she will eating out from the palm of your hand.

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