I am struggling with whether to continue a relationship with a Sag man who is not giving me what I need emotionally but whenever I try to break it off it hurts too much and I end up going back. He is a good guy overall, he is loyal and wants a long term commitment with me, but he can be very demeaning in the way he talks to me and doesn’t seem to care how much he hurts me. Should I go through the pain of letting him go or keep trying?
Do you ever get what you need emotionally? Your boyfriend is not the problem, just another symptom.
You have a Mutable Grand Cross, which means that you have planets in mutable signs (Venus in Gemini, Saturn in Virgo, Neptune in Sagittarius, Moon in Pisces) that are all making hard aspects (90-degree square or 180-degree opposition) to each other. Most notable in this configuration is a Saturn-Moon opposition, which relates to difficulty getting your emotional needs met. The Moon concerns feelings, nurturance, a sense of belonging … of being embraced like a child by her mother. Saturn restricts the fulfillment of whatever planet He aspects. The ringed planet imposes delays and obstacles to creating that “at home” feeling you crave.
This experience is likely due to a sense of abandonment by a parental figure, and this interpretation is accentuated by these planets’ placement in the 4th and 10th houses of your chart, which are associated with mother and father. (By the way, Saturn symbolizes the harsh father, and Moon the nurturing mother.) As a result of your childhood trauma, you are drawn to people who “help” you replicate your original wound. In psychoanalysis, this is called the repetition compulsion, in which, as an adult, you repeat patterns with other adults who are like one of your parents, so that you can hopefully “resolve” the original conflict. Saturn rules your 7th House of Partnership, also strengthening this pattern.
Although I do not usually give flat-out advice, I think you should let this guy go. Unless he grows up, he will continue to be demeaning, and you deserve more than that. Transiting Pluto is approaching an opposition to your natal Venus, supporting a breakup. Pain will accompany the end of your relationship, and Pluto will bring to the surface any unconscious material about feeling undervalued (Venus in the 12th). Now is an opportunity for healing, and this process has already begun, as Pluto has recently squared your natal Moon. Find the support of good friends to help you through the turmoil, and so that you can be accountable to them when you lose your resolve to maintain your distance from your Sag man.
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