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You are here: Home / Sex & Relationships / Pluto vs. Neptune: How do you process your emotions?

Pluto vs. Neptune: How do you process your emotions?

June 7, 2007 by Jeffrey Kishner 26 Comments

Since Eme Kah’s recent comment on Integration and dangers in the process of healing Pluto problems, I have been thinking about how we deal with our emotions. From a psychological perspective, we learn to be with our feelings from our interactions with our mothers (or primary parent.) The mother-child bond is governed by Cancer and this sign’s ruling ‘planet,’ the Moon. Your mother — through her mirroring of your emotional state — teaches you how to identify your feelings. No doubt, most of us are reared with less-than-ideal mirroring — our parents don’t reflect back to us our inner worlds, and we grow up not being able to identify or tolerate our feelings.

Of the three water signs — Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces — the latter two are ruled by modern planets: Pluto rules Scorpio, and Neptune rules Pisces. Scorpionic people process their feelings in a completely different way from Piscean people. (By Scorpionic, I mean having planets in Scorpio or strong Pluto contacts. By Piscean, having planets in Pisces or strong Neptune contacts.)

Pluto goes deep, and Pisces transcends or escapes. Scorpios are so intense because they dig into their emotions, turning over every rock, exploring every crevice to expose any unacknowledged feeling, image or memory. Due to the nature of being a fixed sign, Scorpio does not give up, and has the stamina to excavate its skeletons until there’s nothing left to unearth.

Pisces, on the other hand, is best at experiencing emotions through art. Pisces is not an investigator or psychoanalyst like Scorpio. Rather, the last sign of the zodiac is a dancer, a musician, a poet. This sign’s gift is expressing the ineffable through the creative act. Music, for example, is so powerful at conveying emotions that when we hear a song that resonates with our inner experience, it “hooks into” our minds and bodies — we play it again to help us access and identify our feeling state. The musican “matches” what we often feel we cannot express through rational thought.

The dark side of Neptune/Pisces, however, is escapism. It is not a surprise that so many musicians are also addicts. The creative act is an immersive experience that can both be cathartic and exhausting. And frankly, Piscean types can easily feel overwhelmed by both their emotions and their environment, such that they turn to drugs and daydreams to dull the knife of painful affect.

Scorpionic types thrive on the knife, for this sign’s traditional ruler is Mars, governor of weapons. The knife separates. The talent of the private dick or the shrink is their ability to differentiate between the clues that solve the case, and those that lead nowhere. It is the Scorpio who tells you to to cut the crap.

There is no separation for the Piscean. Remember The Matrix, when the bald child being trained by the Oracle says to Neo, “There is no spoon”? Well, there’s no knife, either. Because Pisces cannot draw a line in the sand, this sign goes swimming instead.

The dark side of the Scorpionic person is extremism. They draw a line in the sand, and get so stuck in either/or that they totally embrace one side while disavowing the other. And as with any polarity, the neglected side has to be expressed. Scorpio goes all out in one direction, only to cross the line and forget where they just were, or they attract someone to adopt the opposing perspective. There can only be a power struggle when there’s something to fight over.

Comment below: How do you process your feelings, and how does this approach impact your relationships?

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About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, Tarot.com and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at JeffreyKishner.com.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. scorp says

    June 7, 2007 at 9:15 pm

    I typically dig deep. There are times I do escape through art, that is usually for sadness though.
    Often times I dig, find the problem, fix it and discard.
    I move on pretty quickly usually. Only a few times did I dwell on something.

  2. saggal says

    June 7, 2007 at 9:22 pm

    What if you have both strong Pisces and Scorpio? Pisces rising, Venus/Uranus in Scorpio in 8th house and Pluto in the 7th. It leaves me one very confused person, especially with Saturn square Neptune and Asc.

  3. Eme Kah says

    June 8, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    Saggal: If you have both a strong Pisces and Scorpio, that can potentially be a powerful combination. You can integrate both approaches. A good example of integrating both is the TV show Raines. It hasn’t been renewed but you can watch some episodes on NBC dot com. Jeff Goldblum plays a detective who “talks” to the victims; in his case, they’re not ghosts at all, he conjures them up in his imagination and that helps him solve cases. The best two episodes are: the one with a comic book artist is the victim; and the one in which a 10 year old girl is killed.

  4. blahblah says

    June 8, 2007 at 9:29 pm

    Interesting blog question…

    I’m consistently inconsistent when processing my emotions. There’s no processing happy. I just enjoy those moments. Humor’s a good stress relief for me, either cracking jokes myself or being around other people who make me laugh. When I’m sad or angry, I have a good cry by myself or take a walk to think about what’s bothering me. If I’m not able to find some private space, I either “lock up” and say nothing or I let the person I’m angry with hear the uncensored version of whatever’s going on in my head (this happens especially when that person doesn’t leave me alone and insists on us “talking about it”).

    I like to escape/meditate by reading, listening to music, writing poetry or journal entries, or taking long walks by these lakes near my house. Then after getting tired (bored?) of attending my own pity-party, I snap out of it and try to figure out what’s wrong and then fix it.

  5. Anonymous says

    June 9, 2007 at 7:13 am

    I do a lot of the things blahblah does; writing, listening to music, walking, also playing guitar, singing and driving. I also ‘lock up’ and uncensor at people πŸ˜‰
    I’m Pisces rising/Scorp moon and it’s not easy: half the time I daydream knowing it’ll go nowhere without action, the other half of the time I pursue my goals so single-mindedly that I forget to dream and see the big picture. But in a way though, this is my process: acceptance. In whatever form, I’m a person driven by emotion, always have been, always will be…now to find a middle ground *scratches head*

  6. blahblah says

    June 9, 2007 at 2:55 pm

    Anon 3:13, that’s pretty interesting that we handle some of our emotions so similarly, especially considering other similarities in our charts. What sign is your mercury in?

    I, too, tend to daydream (that’s what I’m doing while walking and/or listening to music), but then once I snap out of it, I go after what I want with a tunnel-vision type of focus. In what types of situations are you most likely to “lock up” or “uncensor” (love the verb-ing of this!) at someone? These are the two extremes of how to handle anger or sadness, after all – can’t do them both at the same time. πŸ™‚

    Perhaps it’s the Pisces/Scorpio influence in both of us…I also have Scorpio moon, but with Sag rising (although Neptune is in my 1st house). I tend to swing between getting fiery when I’m angry (mainly with other people who also have heavy fire influences, making me feel provoked into anger) or simply ignoring stuff, hoping it goes away on its own. I think I ignore stuff BECAUSE I don’t want my other side to come out. It’s no fun feeling like a verbal hothead and dealing with the repercussions of hurting people’s feelings. I don’t understand how some people are okay with regularly processing their anger that way. It’s too tiring for me.

    Both my mom and grandmother have Pisces moon, and they love ignoring reality if it doesn’t match with how they see it in their dreams. Sometimes, this really gets on my nerves because they refuse to see or admit stuff that really happened, but at other times I can totally relate. When we stay together, we all turn into hermits and just daydream away in our separate rooms when our feelings are hurt. Lots of tiptoe-ing around the matter, until out of frustration, I say something to break through all the passive-aggressiveness. πŸ™‚

  7. blahblah says

    June 9, 2007 at 2:58 pm

    Oh yeah, one more thing…when you find that middle ground between Aimless Daydreaming Lane and Intense Single-Minded Drive, can you please map out the directions there for me? Thanks!

  8. blahblah says

    June 9, 2007 at 3:58 pm

    Ok, last thing. πŸ™‚

    I just re-read Jeff’s post and the part about having strong pluto and neptune contacts making you Scorpionic and Piscean.

    My mom, grandmother, and I all have strong pluto and neptune contacts in our birth charts. My mom even has trines between her pisces moon, venus/mars cancer, and scorpio neptune. What a combo! It’s pretty interesting to see how her Gemini sun/mercury and Aquarius rising tries to process all of this watery stuff. When she’s feeling too emotional, she likes to read romance novels (there goes that daydreaming again) and play piano (self-taught), so what Jeff said about Piscean people using art to process emotions is true in her case. My grandmother (pisces sun/moon/mercury and cancer pluto) loves to paint and make jewelry to display around the house. As for me, if anyone’s interested and knows how to read charts, you can see I have plenty of strong contacts to neptune and pluto, especially from my personal planets.

    Alright, that’s it for now. I promise! By the way, I blame my frequent comments on Jeffrey and fellow posters for writing so many thought-provoking entries and posts. πŸ™‚

  9. Jeffrey Kishner says

    June 9, 2007 at 4:06 pm

    BlahBlah, I am sorry for provoking your thoughts. I will tone it down in the future. πŸ˜‰

  10. Eme Kah says

    June 9, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    “I think I ignore stuff BECAUSE I don’t want my other side to come out. It’s no fun feeling like a verbal hothead and dealing with the repercussions of hurting people’s feelings. I don’t understand how some people are okay with regularly processing their anger that way. It’s too tiring for me.”

    Hmm. It’s too tiring for you? You have a Scorpio Moon? Don’t you have some Pluto/Sun contacts as well if I remember correctly? I’m going to put this out there for you but maybe it’d serve you to tolerate hurting people’s feelings. I tell you, I too, had a huge huge problem with hurting people’s feelings (Pisces Moon here–I am prone to just what you described your mother and grandmother do). But I learned that suppressing my Plutonian side has not served me well AT ALL. I had to learn to accept anger as a viable human emotion instead of tossing it aside. Every creature on the planet feels anger and for good reason; anger is how we establish our boundaries. It is an unfortunate fact that sometimes in protecting our boundaries, other people’s feelings will be hurt. I used to worry so much about hurting others that I never noticed that these incredibly sensitive people were often sobbing while they took advantage of me. They didn’t seem all that considerate of hurting me. I’m not advocating tit for tat, btw. I am advocating getting in touch with that Pluto/Scorpio energy bc if it’s a part of you, disowning it is probably a lot more hurtful to you in the long run. I have found it has been extremely detrimental to me to deny my innate feistiness and my natural outspokenness. I’d suppress it only to have it explode in my face–that was much more destructive than learning to accept that, hey, I’m going to say the wrong things; I’m going to be a cranky bitch when someone tries to push me around (and why shouldn’t I be a cranky bitch if someone’s treating me like a dog?). There’s a difference between proper expression of anger and an improper discharge of rage. Both hurt people. People are very resilient, though. Sometimes you have to hurt their feelings, what are you gonna do? Just this week I was having a hard time telling someone that I didn’t want to see him anymore. He was acting extremely selfishly but I was worried about hurting him (although he wasn’t concerned about me). Jeff said to me: Hey, isn’t hurting people’s feelings a part of dating? The penny dropped. I mean, I wasn’t a bitch with this guy but ultimately I had to draw the line and that ended up hurting him.

  11. Anonymous says

    June 9, 2007 at 7:32 pm

    blahblah, my Mercury is in Scorp too (and sun and Saturn, I’m a bundle of fun!)…so I tend to lock up a lot, not just when I’m angry or frustrated. It’s a vicious circle; I get annoyed because I’m not good at expressing how I feel and sometimes I want that more than anything. But, try expressing pure Scorpionic emotion in words to someone on a more logical level! It’s a lot of energy to throw at a less intense/not prepared person.
    I uncensor mainly when I use my energy for charity (my Pisces twist) and people take advantage of it. I work hard and will help someone if they can help themselves the rest of the way but in the past I’ve been saddled with a few other people’s problems or work whilst they’ve skipped for the hills. Perhaps it’s part of my lesson and I am learning to say no to people I know will do this; but when this does happen after an investment of empathy, charity, blind faith…look out.
    A lot of it’s based on respect. With the two signs comboned, I have an inherent trust and respect for most people’s emotions and if annoyed with them I would rather transmute, or forgive their faults as I know I have mine too. But I can ‘feel’ a disrespectful person and someone who treads on my feelings too often (or the few close to me) usually gets what’s coming. I don’t like being a hothead either so out of necessity I’m learning to connect with my Piscean nature, open up and talk more…you’re right, it is hard to do but for me it’s better than the alternative: my anger in full measure is a truly frightening thing, even to myself.

  12. blahblah says

    June 11, 2007 at 3:00 am

    Wow, Eme Kah, your last comment really resonated with me. I know theoretically that holding in my “innate fiestiness” is detrimental, but I can have a very sharp tongue and have the “talent” of being able to zero in on what will hurt someone the most. That look on people’s faces after I give myself permission to let them have it (if I feel they’ve continuously hurt my feelings) really makes me feel guilty later on. The only time I don’t feel guilty is if they’ve done it to me a lot of times first. Then I start feeling like what you’re saying about if they’re ok with treating me wrong, then why should I protect their feelings?

    All weekend I have been stressing about a situation at work where I REALLY want to tell my co-workers that the stuff they’re asking me to do is not part of my job description. I asked my mom for advice and she was like “you never have a problem telling anyone else no outside of work. Pretend you’re not at work and tell them NO.” For some reason, I just can’t quite seem to do that at work. At any job. I always thought I was choosing the wrong job where bosses have taken advantage of my “can do” attitude, but now I’m starting to realize that I need to stand up for myself and stop letting people think of me as a pushover. Usually, I just get fed up and put in my 2 weeks notice and then I start telling them no all over the place. I’ve even had managers not take my 2 weeks’ notice serious, like I was joking or something!

    When it comes to dealing with people, I have two speeds:

    1. VERY blunt/sarcastic/quick

    2. VERY diplomatic

    When someone requests something from me that I don’t like, my mind automatically thinks like #1, but I don’t think that will go over too well, so I end up going to #2 which is say nothing and try to help. So the dilemma is doing what comes naturally to me will probably get me fired. lol Then again, my manager has all but told me that I would have his support to tell these people hell no. I just can’t quite seem to make myself do it because it may come out….in a too-harsh way. I’m so used to dealing with sensitive people who can’t take my version of the truth, that now I’ve learned how to pull my punches, so to speak. And I end up feeling very angry after awhile. Then I meditate and feel calm again. They start requesting again and I say sure because I’m feeling calm, and the cycle continues…

    I don’t know what aspects are working there, but I’ve feel it strongly….all throughout my life. My mouth has always gotten me into trouble at school, work, etc., especially with authoritative figures. It didn’t make matters better that I went to a private elementary school that ENCOURAGED us to speak our minds and my mom encouraged it, too. Then I transferred to public schools where we were just supposed to shut up and learn. Extremes.

    My mom’s Aquarius rising/Gemini sun/Gemini mercury is all for bucking the system, which only encouraged my Sag rising/Leo merc to get LOUD about my opinions and feel the wrath of whatever authority figure I offended. Meanwhile, my Libra dad was always trying to get me to put on a happy face and be polite NO MATTER WHAT. I’m still dealing with being caught in between these two extremes of verbal expression…Add to all of that, my watery stuff really does not enjoy the attention (negative or positive) that my mouth brings me. So I am constantly swinging between verbal constipation or verbal diarrhea (sorry for the graphic imagery). Hence, the self-given nickname “Blah Blah.” *sigh*

  13. blahblah says

    June 11, 2007 at 3:01 am

    Jeff, even your non-astrology entries are thought-provoking, so I think you can’t help yourself. πŸ˜›

  14. blahblah says

    June 11, 2007 at 3:11 am

    Eme Kah, how exactly did you break up with the guy you were dating? Did he try to guilt trip you into staying? If so, how did you handle that?

    I’ve been in relationships that have lasted way longer than I would’ve preferred because I didn’t know how to break up with them. I wanted to handle it more maturely than simply ignoring their calls, which is what I used to do in my late teens/early 20’s. Once again, with the extremes. I didn’t want to ignore their calls, so I started ending things very abruptly like “This isn’t working. Goodbye.” and never contact them again, or at least for a VERY long time afterwards.

    I’ve noticed that my exes never realize how bad the relationship is and refuse to break up with me, no matter how much of a bitch I turn into. My mom used to tell me the best way to get a guy to leave for good is to make him think it’s his idea to break up (which I’ve found is true!), but damn if they didn’t hold on for dear life, which would make me even more convinced that we need to break up, like “Do you not care that I no longer want to be in this relationship? Or is this all about you ONCE AGAIN?”

    Maybe it has to do with the kind of guys I’m picking. Damn that Venus in Aries for being so charming and aggravating at the same time! πŸ™‚

  15. blah says

    June 11, 2007 at 3:24 am

    Anonymous, I feel what you’re going through….That’s a lot of Scorpio energy you’re dealing with, and in Saturn, too! Maybe you’re not “a bundle of fun”, but you’re deep and that’s good, too! πŸ™‚

    I’m sending you a mental hug. It’s funny how natural givers meet so many natural takers and get their energy drained. It’s like takers have a sensor or something to tell them a giver is within a 5-foot radius. How come givers never find each other? lol Or maybe they do and can’t deal with who’s going to give what, more, and when. That could become frustrating, too, since givers tend to be uncomfortable with receiving.

    “I work hard and will help someone if they can help themselves the rest of the way but in the past I’ve been saddled with a few other people’s problems or work whilst they’ve skipped for the hills.”

    I hear you on this! That is what I was talking about in my earlier entry. Did you have to learn over time how to be selective with your help or have you always know how to do this?

    Are you anonymous because you’re shy? Hopefully, you’ll feel ok about sharing your chart one of these days. I’m very curious about why we’re dealing with such similar issues. Maybe it’s all the Scorpio/Pisces stuff? What’s your north node? Mine is in Virgo (goes well with my Saturn in Virgo *ugh*), which astrologically illustrates my love of solitary daydreaming when the going gets rough.

  16. blahblah says

    June 11, 2007 at 3:27 am

    “I don’t like being a hothead either so out of necessity I’m learning to connect with my Piscean nature, open up and talk more…you’re right, it is hard to do but for me it’s better than the alternative: my anger in full measure is a truly frightening thing, even to myself.”

    Exactly! Doing what can be frustrating for you (letting out your emotions) can be what heals you because the alternative is very scary. I feel the same way. I know my temper potential and I do not want to unleash it on people (if they don’t deserve it, that is).

    *Multiple posts because there’s so much in your comment I wanted to reply to*

  17. Eme Kah says

    June 11, 2007 at 2:23 pm

    I don’t have much time to answer your questions, Blahblah, but I do have one question about this point in particular:

    “I didn’t want to ignore their calls, so I started ending things very abruptly like “This isn’t working. Goodbye.” and never contact them again, or at least for a VERY long time afterwards.”

    So? What’s wrong with ignoring someone’s calls if that person is refusing to listen to you? That’s what it sounds like, anyway, you kept telling these guys that you wanted to break up with them and THEY REFUSED to listen to you. Why are you so concerned with being extreme to people who are narcissistic and selfish? These people are the emotional equivalent of snakes, would you be worried about a snake’s feelings if you turned tail and ran when you saw one? Of course not. Stop worrying so much about being extreme or your communication style and start worrying about protecting yourself from these people. Get your priorities straight, girl.

  18. Eme Kah says

    June 11, 2007 at 7:23 pm

    Okay, now I have a little more time.

    “Eme Kah, how exactly did you break up with the guy you were dating? Did he try to guilt trip you into staying? If so, how did you handle that?”

    We had been seeing each other for three weeks and we weren’t exclusive, so it wasn’t a break-up. What happened was that he wanted to keep seeing other people AND seeing me; meanwhile I was getting attached. Then we went on a date in which he made a series of rude comments.

    Oh, and he was pressuring me to see him more often even though I told him that I needed to keep some detachment from him since he was dating others. Up to that point, I was really into him, we were having fun, etc. But then I realized that all of this stuff together was making me enjoy his company less. A lot less. So I wrote him telling him that I understood his need to protect himself by dating others (which was how he had put it) but that I needed to withdraw. He called me that night to “discuss.” Basically, it was all about eating his cake and having it too and, oh, my not abandoning him. And how tacky it was for me to break up with him over email. I said, Dude, we’re not girlfriend and boyfriend, remember? it’s not a break-up, you’re the one who insists on seeing other people. Well, he went on, couldn’t we still see each other on Saturday and besides I was getting the best dating night of the week. I said: So I’m Mormon wife #1? I’m the favorite out of your five other wives? (He never did tell me how many others he was seeing.)

    I mean, we actually had fun arguing but in the morning it became very clear to me that he just wanted everything according to his needs and wasn’t all that concerned about mine. Plus, he didn’t take responsibility for his rude comments (called them a defence mechanism instead of outright apologizing) and when I explained my fears and my past relationship troubles, he was concerned about how they would affect him–didn’t really seem sympathetic at all. He texted me once and called me another time and I never called back.

    Why? Bc I’d found out all I needed to find out which was: this guy is not willing to meet me halfway in a relationship. He’s concerned about his needs and he wants to keep seeing me bc I’m fun and make him feel accepted but doesn’t seem to have any real concern for me as a human being. It’s about what I do for him, not about who I am inherently. I’m just a fix. My needs, my fears, my woes? All negotiable. And, frankly I think that sucks. So, why should I feel guilty even if he speaks of my abandoning him? It’s all about him. And I’m a person too, yo.

  19. proserpine says

    June 11, 2007 at 10:27 pm

    Eme, and Blahblah, I’m thinking about the business of overreacting wioth rage, and the opposite–not saying anyhtring, and blotting it all out.I have to say, I can identify with Blah, but, I agree with Eme.
    We have to learn how to say how we feel.
    It’ *not* easy.
    but the tqo extremes don’t work.I agre that telling people on the job that (something)isn’t your job is absolutely correct.
    But, sounding off because we feel slighted or insulted may not be–in all cases.
    I have exploded after awhile when I’ve been patient far too long.
    Understandable, right?
    But, better to say what we feel, and what we’re thinking *before* it’s too late, and we really do hurt someone.
    That is not the same thing as someone else simply not liking the choice we made.
    If you set a boundary that disappoints someone else, you might be kind, but, firmness about your needs is still important.
    Setting a boundary isn’t setting up a big old block however, LOL.
    I do’nt mean I always know exactly what to say.
    But, I don’t like when friends, or aquaintences won’t “talk about it”.
    Why not for heaven’s sake?
    Perhaps immediately after hurt or anger happens isn’t cool, but it’s usually better- best even to understand one another.
    One of my long time friends(37 yrs) will usually clam up when hurt or feeling bad about someone. (a Capricorn with Taurus mooon, Libra Asc., and both Venus, and Mars in Aquarius.)
    Since we’re close for so long, I roughly accept it, but seriously, sometimes I think I’ve out grown him–and he was one of my best friends anda “rock” in my life once.
    Another former good friend, another Libra, won’t talk about painful stuff–to me, it just makes him seem insincere.
    That is is how it seems to me but–I can see the other side of it too-why continue talking and perhaps hurting one another.
    But, well–you see how I feel about it.:-)
    ‘Nuff said.

  20. blahblah says

    June 12, 2007 at 4:26 am

    “Stop worrying so much about being extreme or your communication style and start worrying about protecting yourself from these people. Get your priorities straight, girl.”

    @Eme…Stop worrying? But that’s what I do best! πŸ™‚ For real though, your last comment had me cracking up. I do so appreciate bluntness sometimes.

    What I wrote earlier was how I USED to deal with breaking up with people-> wait for them to do it in order to avoid that whole “but whyyyy?” conversation. Now, I just tell them it’s not working and move on. I don’t feel guilty about that at all now. They are emotional vampires, and my wanting to be with them ends as soon as they show themselves to be consistently inconsiderate. It took me awhile to get to this point, but trust me, I’ve learned the error of my ways. (Even though I still think it’s easier when the guy thinks he’s the one doing the breaking up.)

  21. blahblah says

    June 12, 2007 at 4:45 am

    Eme Kah, your comment at 3:23 is simply beautiful. It’s good that your needs/wants aren’t negotiable, especially in romantic relationships. The pattern you establish in the beginning is the one they will follow until the end. Still, sometimes I’m flat out amazed at how narcissistic some people can be…

    It sounds like you were dating one of my exes. πŸ™‚ His favorite saying was “But what about me?”, even if he was the one clearly in the wrong. I used to call him Double-Standard Man. Is the guy you were dating a Gemini? lol

    It feels so good to look out for yourself after considering other people for so long. Today at work, I finally started telling people no to the assignments they were trying to put on me. This one manager (not even MY manager) kinda looked at me with this shocked look on her face when I told her no. I almost laughed out loud when she asked me “Then who’s gonna do it?” I said “My guess is you.” (so wrong but it felt so right!) I told her if she had a problem with it, to go see my manager (and I already know what he’s gonna say to her). I’m done doing stuff other people can do for themselves that’s not within my job description just because I didn’t want to be rude. To paraphrase a statement you made earlier, if they’re bold enough to ask for something inappropriate, then I can be bold enough to just say NO. I was walking on cloud nine today.

    It’s unbelievable how much my mood is affected by holding stuff inside vs. letting it out.

  22. blahblah says

    June 12, 2007 at 4:57 am

    “Plus, he didn’t take responsibility for his rude comments (called them a defence mechanism instead of outright apologizing) and when I explained my fears and my past relationship troubles, he was concerned about how they would affect him–didn’t really seem sympathetic at all.”

    Wow, does this sound so familiar to me! The part about not taking responsibility for his rude comments is what really drives me crazy about narcissists. They’re never wrong. Everything you do, say, or feel boils down to how it affects them. They can never get outside of thinking about themselves to think about you. I’m soooooo glad that you put yourself first with this guy. He sounds like a true a$$hole. When my ex would start in on the “But what about me??” bit, I used to ask him, “If I’m thinking about you and you’re thinking about you, then who’s thinking about me?”

    If the guy can’t answer that question satisfactorily, GAME OVER! The last conversations I had with 2 exes went along those lines. That’s when they don’t believe it’s over, but it is a done deal for me at that point. I’m still in contact with my last ex because he’s able to own up to what he’s done wrong (even if it takes awhile) and not repeat it. Can’t say the same for the rest of ’em. One of my favorite plays has this word of advice in it: “If you’ve told a person what’s bothering you and they keep doing it anyway, let ’em go because they are telling you they just don’t give a damn.” So true.

  23. blahblah says

    June 12, 2007 at 5:03 am

    Proserpine, I get that same feeling around people who don’t want to dig with me and discuss why they’re feeling sad/mad/hurt. On the surface, I seem like I only like to joke around, but I’m always watching and thinking. After awhile, I get frustrated with people who won’t talk about things just because they’re negative. Ironically, I do this, too, but I can only take so much of that covering dirt with a rug from even myself. I guess it takes me reaching a pressure point before I finally feel the need to bring it up.

    Your earth/air friend is an eclectic mix there. I’m surprised that the Aquarius mars wouldn’t be a little more fearless in bringing issues to light. Then again, the Libra ascendant and Taurus moon probably really values easy sailings and makes him more complacent than he would be otherwise.

  24. Jeffrey Kishner says

    June 12, 2007 at 3:02 pm

    BlahBlah, You write, “I don’t know what aspects are working there, but I’ve feel it strongly….all throughout my life. My mouth has always gotten me into trouble at school, work, etc., especially with authoritative figures.” This sounds like Saturn in Virgo (need to be a loyal worker) square Mars in Gemini (expressing anger verbally).

  25. blahblah says

    June 14, 2007 at 3:51 am

    How do I keep this gemini mars/virgo saturn aspect from affecting me negatively? It’s so…frustrating. I do get angry when I feel people are taking advantage of me, especially at work (and at school in group projects). Today, my manager basically told me to put some of my projects back on other people’s plates and that he would be the “bad guy” if I received any resistance. Wanting to be useful is one thing, but people think I’m superwoman or something, volunteering me for stuff. This is the first job I’ve had where I’m actually speaking up and telling people that no, I can’t do it all.

    My ex has the same complaints (being everyone’s go-to guy). I checked his chart and he has Saturn in Virgo, too…and mars and jupiter. Yikes.

  26. SUZ says

    November 1, 2008 at 3:56 am

    I process my feelings with songs, as was mentioned. Or I cry a lot and think aout it.

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