Whether you address the healing of Pluto problems [Donna Cunningham has a book
The benefit of long-term psychotherapy is that the healing of Pluto problems can happen over a slow pace in a (presumably) safe environment. Psychological material arises over time, sometimes in big chunks with apparently little going on for weeks or months in between. I say “apparently,” because much of the work of psychotherapy is building enough trust in the psychotherapist to feel safe, thus allowing one to open up the psyche in the container of the therapeutic space.
Danger Ahead
Unfortunately, among both psychotherapists and workshop leaders there are bad eggs who can cause more wounding than healing. It is advisable to get referrals, use your common sense, and talk with friends, so that you can notice red flags as they arise. Healers in positions of power (Pluto people!) can effect profound transformation, and they can also be perpetrators of abuse. The dark side of Pluto is cults, sex with patients, mind control.
I don’t mean to scare off anyone who feels the imperative to heal their Pluto problems. Without looking at your “stuff” head on, you are likely to keep repeating self-destructive habits in relationships (with others or yourself). Just don’t let yourself be prey; there are good people out there, but you have to do your research to find them.
Integration
A therapist can help you integrate the material that arises from your unconscious, but if you are not in counseling, some of the following tools can help you on your journey:
- Journal about whatever feelings, images, memories come up. Just the act of writing this stuff down on paper helps to get some of it out of your head.
- Read books on mythology and Jungian psychology. Some of the Plutonic material you encounter in healing may come from the collective unconscious. Consciousness explorers have mapped out much of human experience already, so don’t reinvent the wheel.
- Draw, paint, write music, dance … any form of creative expression can channel material that cannot be expressed in a linear, logical manner.
Comment below: What negative or positive experiences have you had with healers? How do you integrate the psychological material that arises from your unconscious as a result of deep inner work?
Related:
- Pluto problems in relationships (Thanks to Eme Kah’s comment for inspiring the current post.)
- How we turn people off with our planets
My most negative experience with healers, namely therapists, was that one fell in love with me and started acting in a very creepy way bc she wasn’t honest about it. I had to move states and she still wanted to keep in touch (I was in denial about her being in love with me) and when I told her that it wasn’t convenient for me, she lashed out at me and asked: Have you ever thought about ME?
Now, we did not ever have any relationship outside of the patient/therapy one nor did we ever discuss this occurrence of transference. In the end, it made me feel suspicious of therapy for many years bc I thought that ultimately the therapist would be more concerned about his/her needs than mine as a patient. She was very young, though, and probably inexperienced about transference.
The other negative experience I’ve had is just mediocre therapists. I think therapy is a very mysterious process, in a way. It’s not just talking. It’s not just mental. It’s also not just cathartic, although it can be. The therapist shouldn’t be there to give you advice. I think therapy is very much like being a shaman, in that the therapist has to guide you but you must face the pain and fears yourself. You know, those hero myths in which the hero gets some guidance from a wise person but ultimately the hero has to go through the trial by fire on his own? That kind of thing, although that too is an imperfect metaphor.
My positive experience of therapy is also about transference but within the proper boundaries of the patient/client relationship. The bad transference experience replicated my childhood experience of love being about the person with more power (the older one, and in this case, the therapist) ultimately ignoring my needs for hers (in my case, my mother/my grandmother/my father). Love was about possession and control, not about protection or consideration. In my positive transference experience, my therapist would never violate the patient/doctor protocol bc he was aware of my vulnerabilities and was not about to abuse his power over me. And vice versa. The frame was studiously respected. There was not to be any untoward contact. What mattered was the therapy and my healing. This greatly changed my idea of trust in love; namely, that when someone loves me, s/he will not try to control me or act inappropriately toward me bc of his/her need. That there is such a thing as sublimating one’s desires or wants in order to protect one’s vulnerabilities, etc. Oh, and that love doesn’t have to be sexual or even physical in order to heal. I think this is important as well.
Negative? Well, not so much negative to me as it was a learning lesson. I was 14 and had a hard time with my folks split. I acted out by taking over. My dad decided it was time to see a therapist. LOL.. That didnt go over too well. The first five therapists talked to my parents about what they thought my problem was. Dumb move to go on my parents ideas. Never once did they ask me what I felt my problem was.
Finally at 15 I asked to be emancipated. The judge wanted me to see a therapist first. My folks went in and talked to the therapist first, then came me. I figured this guy was just like all the others. But no! He actually talked to me like a human being! After I got done talking he said, “I agree with you about everything. Now what? What is your next plan? How are you going to achieve your goals? How are you going to change yourself so you dont fall into the same patterns your parents did?”
WOW. For me, that was amazing and wonderful. Someone who really listened and didnt believe my parents (they had a knack for blowing things out of porportion and putting the weight on me of the family) and wanted me to think of solutions. I stuck with that guy until I was 18. And got my emancipation.
I have seen other healers since then and have had mostly positive reviews. I havent ever had a really negative experience.
Unless of course you are talking about doctors, then that is a whole ‘nother case. Gah. I wont go into that except to say, I dont believe medical doctors are taught to heal but rather treat the symptom. We americans havent demanded better treatment from them.
I integrate my revelations about my Pluto problems by meditating. I don’t mean actual guided meditation, although I’m sure that would be incredibly productive. I mean, that I just sit, sometimes for hours, and let whatever I’ve discovered in therapy seep in. I don’t always do this but if there’s some discovery that leaves me awe-struck, I don’t run to read or watch TV or distract myself. I’ll just sit with my discomfort. I’ll disconnect the phone and just sit there and dwell in the discovery or in the negative feelings (ie, this often means crying all night) for the rest of the night. That is tough, though. I don’t often get to sleep when I’m particularly upset about something. I want to stress that I don’t obsess over the discovery itself; I just live with the feeling of having been hit on the head, if that makes any sense. I find that by actually experiencing whatever painful emotion I previously ran from, that the emotion itself can be a pretty good guide about what I should do the next time I’m in a similar situation. Does that make any sense? I can elaborate or provide specific examples if anyone is interested or needs clarity.
Anon 10:30, very interesting stories about your experiences with therapy! What exactly do you mean by “transference?” I think I have an idea, but I don’t want to assume…
It’s important for healers/therapists/psychiatrists/etc. to have the right motivations for helping people. I’ve taken quite a few psych. classes and many of my fellow students stated that their interest in psychology comes from wanting to figure out their own issues, which really isn’t putting their clients’ needs at the top of the list.
Finding the right therapist is an interviewing process in a way. Degrees and other technical skills are just one part of it, but there has to be a good personality/style fit between therapist and client, as well. From your first story, it sounds like your therapist really ignored ethical guidelines and lost sight of being objective with you. She should’ve distanced herself from being your therapist once she started having feelings for you. Then again, she would have to be conscious of those feelings, and be willing to put your needs as a client above her own…
When I was 10, my mom took me to a therapist to help me deal with my anger issues towards her about my parents’ divorce. Since the therapist was company-provided (translation: FREE), we didn’t have the luxury of finding one that we approved of, and it showed. Her “advice” reflected her lack of understanding our cultural differences, and we both dismissed her advice as nonsense. I didn’t lose faith in the therapy process, however. I just think it’s very important to find the right fit. Trusting someone with your mental/emotional health is a big thing, and choosing the right therapist should be just as painstaking a process as finding the right doctor to take care of your physical health.
Scorp, I completely agree with your statement: “I dont believe medical doctors are taught to heal but rather treat the symptom. We americans havent demanded better treatment from them.”
And there’s such a negative feeling about getting therapy in my culture (even though so many of us are like the walking dead or functionally wounded). It’s seen as something “crazy” people need. To get therapy means admitting your crazy. So we self-medicate…which leads to bigger problems…which leads to more self-medication…and jail, death, or mental/physical illness. And medical doctors LOVE that.
Blahblah: Transference is the term used when a patient develops feelings for his therapist that reflect those he felt for primary figures in his childhood. People tend to think of transference mostly as the patient falling in love with the therapist and that is an example; but another equally valid example is when a patient hates the therapist much in the same way that he hated his father (say) or the opposite (develops a strong filial attachment). Countertransference is when the therapist develops feelings (whatever those may be) for the patient.
You can see how this situation can be fraught emotionally but it can also be a very rich source for therapy: with transference/countertransference, the therapist is getting a first-hand experience of how the patient handles some of the very trauma that has brought him there. This can be enlightening in therapy in a different way than just hearing the patient’s take on how others in his life react to him. Obviously, there are dangers involved when transference develops but I disagree with you that my former therapist should’ve stepped away when she developed feelings for me. Therapists are people and thus they will develop a whole slew of emotions for their patients, although they won’t always fall for them. The feelings themselves are not good or bad and I think it’s important to emphasize that bc our culture often places a lot of negativity on having certain emotions which leads to people repressing those emotions and that repression itself leads to psychic pain. What was problematic and traumatic about her falling for me was that she replicated the original scenario that lead me into therapy: that of caretaker putting her needs before mine and calling it love. I don’t know if I’m conveying what I mean. Her responsibility as a therapist was not to NOT fall for someone–how can any human being have control over falling for someone? Her responsibility was to find detachment within that space and using those very same feelings of attachment to illuminate her patient’s problems. Notice that my positive experience with therapists was also about transference; in that case, my therapist could provide incredibly rich perspective about my role in my trauma AND he provided healing by respecting my vulnerability, by acting with utmost professionaliss. We achieved this by strict adherence to the therapeutic frame, in other words: our only contact was as therapist/patient–it did not extend outside of his office; nor were any boundaries broken about physical touch or about revealing his own needs inappropriately, etc. I use “we” bc I also behaved responsibly by respecting the frame, after all, I could’ve been seductive or calling him or what have you.
Transference is a very controversial subject, btw. And there are great dangers for sure. But I found it extremely healing. Just bc I feel something doesn’t make me or another person bad and, by the same token, I can tolerate the feeling without necessarily acting on it. Anyway, I don’t know if I’m conveying what I’m trying to say but I did want to at least attempt to clarify these points.
Yes finding good therapist is like interviewing. Also getting referrals and, most important for me, to work with trauma specialists. I’m a goodie goodie so what do i need therapy for? I totally agree with scorp that western med is about treating symptoms. And scientific ‘progress’ focuses on stopping symptoms. Fixing. I have mars and moon opp pluto. Sometimes it feels like i need to rush with my healing so i let therapists know i am ok to go deep. And then pay the price of more anxiety and insomnia. But my current therapist only progresses with memory behaviour stuff only when i show i have calmed down. I have to come from a grounded place before any other work is done. For me that is the real healing. Not to work when i am panicked about sthg. My work then is to get back into my body and slowing down.
My biggest problem is with people who refuse to believe that it’s possible to do everything right and still get the wrong results. I do the homework, and am accused of NOT doing it because I couldn’t get the situation to change.
For example, I have restrictive planets in the Fifth and Eighth, and my Seventh is empty — astrologically, I’m not meant to have good sexual relationships. I have read every dating book I could get my hands on, talked to every man I could get to respond, and they all turn out to be married, gay, or homeless; not men I can date. Not going to a festival every weekend, not trying online dating, not even going to a friend’s all-male club meeting produced a single dateable man. Yet, according to the people trying to fix my problem, I must be doing something wrong, because they know someone who met her husband at a festival or online or via introduction by a friend.
You know what ***I*** got via mutual friends? Two men who their friends did not know were abusers. In one case, the only time they saw his previous girlfriend with a mark on her, they believed his “crazy woman, self-defense” claim; the other one, our mutual friends had not met his ex-wife and didn’t even know he was dating the current woman, therefore, had no idea what he was like at home, only that his public persona was as a nice guy.
Online dating got me a bunch of married men looking to cheat on their wives, gold-diggers, and men looking for an unpaid slave so they could stop paying Merry Maids $800 a month. Not a one of the men I actually met in person turned out to be worth a first date, much less a second. Most of those first dates turned into counseling sessions with men who were newly-separated and missed their kids; by the end of the date, I’d talked them into going home so they could be part of their kids’ lives. I guess you could say what I was doing wrong was helping them get what they wanted, rather than demanding they start a relationship with me.
Yes, I was dressed nicely when I went out. Yes, I had showered and applied deodorant. Yes, I was polite to people. Yes, I tried to start conversations instead of waiting for men to start conversations with me.
For a while, my boss, his girlfriend (clingy enough that there was no question that they were dating each other and I was not his girlfriend) and I were going to Happy Hour together. They’d sit at the bar and I’d mingle. Boss overheard enough of my attempts to start conversations, and just shook his head, he deemed my technique “perfect” and couldn’t understand why I could not get even one man in all those attempts to come back to the bar with me to continue the conversation. A Scorpio friend insisted that I’d have more success with her technique, grab the guy’s crotch and promise him same-night sex, but when I floated that idea past my boss, he just cringed; I was looking for a man a lot like him and there was no way that he would be attracted to a woman who did that.
Since I wasn’t doing anything wrong, it HAD to be the astrology working against me.