How we turn people off with our planets

Most relationship don’t work out, and as much as we’d like to blame the other person, we can only change ourselves. The planets in our charts symbolize the variety of urges we have as human beings: to nurture, create, assert, defend, escape, and so on. Although the expression of any planet can be beneficial, our planets can also be alienating to other people.

Only the challenges of Jupiter through Pluto are listed below, because it is often the hard angles they make to the personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) that bring out their dark sides.


As the big planet, Jupiter has a tendency to exaggerate. With challenging aspects, Jupiter can lead to arrogance, evangelism, going beyond what is necessary, overlooking the details, neglecting the fine print in favor of the big picture. Nobody wants to be lectured or proselytized to. And coming off as too big for one’s britches is a turn-off.


Fear, a sense of inferiority … we all have our deficiencies, and that’s OK. What counts is how we work with them. All too often, Saturn encourages us to build walls of defensiveness to cover over our feelings of not being enough. We become rigid, inflexible. Or we overcompensate to fix our flaws, only to become a workaholic. Discipline is a virtue, but when you deny your vulnerability, it’s hard for people to feel close to you.


The world need revolutionaries. Otherwise, life would be stagnant and most people would be living under the dominion of monarchs. But sometimes you rebel just so you can differentiate yourself, taking up a cause and provoking people so much that you end up alienating them. It doesn’t matter if you’re pro-life or an animal rights activitst, there’s a way to fight the power without frightening off your friends.


Great art and music is often pulled out of thin air, inspired by the muses and the gods. However, Neptune’s propensity for escapism can lead you to lose yourself in drink or virtual worlds, neglecting your daily responsibilities. You may not be hitting rock-bottom with your addiction to crack or massively multiplayer online games, but your unavailability makes intimacy an uphill battle.


The lord of the underworld can be an agent of transformation, bringing psychological and physical toxins to the surface to enable healing and regeneration. However, Pluto can also be violating and controlling, digging into other people’s dirt and manipulating others for his own gain. Although insight into the human psyche and the ability to root out secrets can be used for good, these same talents used inappropriately can betray trust and make people feel like they’ve been metaphorically raped.

Comment below: What challenging aspects in your own chart sabotage your relationship success?

About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at


  1. BlahBlah says:

    All of the above, Jeffrey (in sign if not by aspect). 🙁

    By aspect:

    Mars square saturn –
    I feel sexually restrained, which obviously affects relationships. When I was younger, I was pretty sexually uninhibited (in thought, not necessarily action), but my dad was very strict throughout my teen years and that just enhanced my fears about sex even more (being used just for sex, for example).

    Neptune squares mars/saturn –
    More of the same above, plus I tend to want every new relationship I get into to be “perfect.” A couple of exes have said to me in the past that they’ve felt pressure to live up to my expectations and hate letting me down. I do tend to get very disappointed when I see a partner’s “flaws” as a person. I swing between the extremes of being very forgiving (and not speaking up about stuff that bothers me) and being very unforgiving after the person has hurt me more than once. But I’ve noticed that the behavior that makes me end relationships is usually nothing compared to my friends’ relationships, so it makes me wonder if I give up too soon even though I’m afraid of staying in a relationship that’s bad for me.

    Sun square pluto –
    It’s EXTREMELY hard for me to trust that someone won’t hurt me emotionally. I do tend to test people to see what they will do in a situation. If they “fail” any of my tests, then I only trust them so far. They usually can feel that I’m holding back, and we end up having issues about that. I either run away from relationships or chase people away indirectly (because I feel a bittersweet relief when the relationship is over, even if I was “fighting” so hard to make it work).

    How do I overcome these challenges? You would think that it would be easier to heal these issues if you’re aware of it, but no…

  2. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    BlahBlah, As they say in the psychotherapy world, “Insight is not enough.” You also have to take action to change your neural connections, or however you conceptualize the breaking of patterns.

    Although I’m not up for responding to all your challenging aspects in the comments section, I feel inspired to do a series on aspect patterns and how to heal them. Be sure to nudge me if I forget 🙂

  3. Eme Kah says:

    That would be great, Jeff. I have some wickedly painful squares to Venus. No good aspects to it at all. Just squares and one inconjunct.

  4. Pluto in the 7th and Venus/Uranus in Scorpio in the 8th. I can’t trust, unfortunately, and am still working on it. I should be more carefree than this!

  5. I feel your sun square pluto pain, blahblah. I also have had the trust issues.

    And I, too, would be interested in any healing insights you might have to offer, Jeffrey.

    Consider that a nudge. 🙂

  6. proserpine says:

    Challenging aspects, and possible relationship put-ter-off-ers: 😉

    Pluto in 7th
    I dig deep, like deep friendships/feelings,and seem to almost “cause” them in others too.
    but–also have been, and felt betrayed , and had strange sexual situations as almost a constant.(this is just a slight comment–as you know, Pluto runs deep.Things used to blow-up periodically.
    I was and am,at times either an acid trip, or a cathartic to some folks. :-p

    My Saturn is conjunct my Sun,and Netune and opposes my Moon–I’m insecure, and when I was young it was a real serious matter, too.
    I have Uranus square my Sun, Saturn, and Neptune.
    Uranus is in my 6th HS, but conjnct my Descendant
    (Enough said, for now.;-)}
    I have Neptune conjunct my Sun,(which obviously opposes my moon, too.)
    The Neptune conjunct Sun is mostly a good thing, –now.
    Past–I used to be much into fantasy, and magic, and did not always know the difference between them and reality–and even when I actually did, I wasn’t appealing to more down to earth folks.
    I drank way too much, and used romantic relationships and sex as a drug.

    Think that’s enough for now.

  7. sun square moon
    pluto square ascendant

    My desire to control is something I work on daily. Learning to let go has been tough. Once my kids were born I realized I was controlling and rushed to figure out how in the world I can stop that. Its not easy, even 15 years later.
    I dont know what the rest of the stuff means at the moment in my chart. But my controlling nature is the one I need to work on the most at the moment.

  8. blahblah says:

    Jeffrey, that’s a good idea. I’m sure many people (me included) would benefit a lot from a series on healing aspect patterns.

    Don’t worry, I’ll remind ya if you forget. 😉

  9. blahblah says:

    Julie, have you read the sun square pluto interpretations about us being in touch and/or contact with the underworld? What does that MEAN??? Sounds spooky!

    I do know that the only friend I have that truly understands and can relate to my fear of emotional hurt and betrayal also has this same aspect. Hers is Aries sun square Libra pluto. Then again, her fears could be coming from moon conjunct mars/saturn or venus square mars.

    Jeffrey, have you seen some charts that just seem to be “blessed” in a way? I know that no chart is better than another, but my cousin’s chart seems to be charmed (just like her life), with all of these trines and sextiles and one opposition. She’s really a delightful person to be around, too. She’s the epitome of that saying “to know her is to love her.” Opportunities just seem to come knocking on her door. Could that be chart-related?

    I have noticed that people who are often described as “angels” have an unusual amount of “good” (easy) aspects in their charts. For example, consider Aaliyah’s natal chart. She’s the r&b singer that died in a plane crash in 2001 at the age of 22. No one ever had anything bad to say about her (before or after death). I had the pleasure of meeting her before she passed and she had this very special aura around her. You could tell she was different. Extremely nice and genuine. Out of curiosity, I checked out her chart and sure enough…what immediately stands out about it are all of the trines and sextiles, especially between her asc./sun/moon (by aspect and sign) – Taurus rising, Cappy sun, Virgo moon.

    Is there something to this theory I’m developing or is it just a coincidence?

  10. blahblah says:

    As for taking action to counteract the affect of my challenging aspects, I feel like I’m doing that by analyzing what exactly is going on. However, since I’m having neptune/saturn-related issues, the way I’m conceptualizing stuff is part of the problem. It’s somewhat of a catch-22. I can take action, but it may be the wrong action because my perception of what’s going on is cloudy. But in order to change my perception, I have to take action. And so on…So I’m trying to get outside perspectives now.

  11. I hadn’t heard that one, Blahblah! Maybe it’s related to the idea that those of us with these Pluto aspects are supposed to have insights into the (possibly unconcious) motivations of others. A metaphorical underworld.

    I also have Pluto square my Moon and Venus, so I have a lot of issues. 🙂

    For me, the control issue has been a major thing, along with the lack of trust (and I suppose they’re probably related). The interesting thing to me has been that, as far as healing these issues is concerned, it’s been recognizing my real lack of control that has freed me. Giving up the idea that I can control everything has made life simpler and happier. And I’m more trusting, too, because I’ve learned that I can survive being hurt.

    Now, if I could just address my Mars/Jupiter/Uranus T-square issues, I’d be set. 🙂

  12. EroticGrammarian says:

    I’d like to read an article about how transits to these planets can influence the course of a relationship. I just had an experience recently where the compatibility shown in synastry was awesome, but the timing was off. His Aqu Moon and Leo Venus were playing nicely with my Leo Moon and Aqu Venus, and our fire-sign Marses trined exactly. We indulged in a dreamy Neptunian escape from our private miseries. Saturnian insecurities and restraint kicked in on his side quite suddenly and I responded by playing a Plutonian role (resorting to online research to verify facts) when I felt the need to explain his behavior. Both Jupiter and Pluto seemed to be at play when I refused to take “no” for an answer. So anyway… a follow up with transits would be great! Thanks!

  13. I just love it how you precisely described Neptune. So true passion can only take you so far, you still have to live with people around you. Nice read!

  14. Challenges: restrictive planets in 5th and 8th, and empty 7th.
    I’ve finally come to accept that I’m not supposed to have a decent relationship. I attract only men looking for a victim, or weak men looking for a mommy, never strong men who want an equally-strong woman to team up with to save the world.
    Most recently, a strong man who swore he was looking for a strong woman, and then dumped me when he couldn’t bully me into submission.

  15. I **used to** trust people, until I was so abused by people that I trusted that I learned NOT to trust anyone until they had earned it.
    I guess “don’t be too trusting” is the astrological lesson for this lifetime.

  16. Jan Sherer says:

    Did you ever do a series on aspect patterns and how to heal them? I would love to read it!

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