Aquarius woman put off by Gemini man’s romantic overtures

Dave [yes, finally a guy!] provided his birth time (click chart to view) and writes,

I’m in love with a woman that is an Aquarius, moon in aquarius, mars in aries, venus in aquarius, Aquarius rising and Mercury in Capricorn. When we first met I was cold and distant and she seemed to like it. About 3 months ago I started acting more romantic and it seems like she is put off by it. She has alot of stress in her life right now but she keeps pushing me away in a sense especially the nicer I am to her. Should I just go back to being cool, cold and distant with her?

As long as you stayed with the expression of your Gemini Sun and Aquarius Moon, your Aquarius woman was at ease, for there is little emotional depth to these air signs. However, the warmth of your Mars and Ascendant in Leo, as well as the sentimentality of your Venus in Cancer, apparently scares her away. She is a super-Aquarius, with an independent Mars and a pragmatic Mercury. With no personal planets in water, emotions are unfamiliar territory to her. She may not know how to navigate that realm.

I would hate to advocate for being cool, cold and distant. With Aquarius Rising, she has Leo on her Descendant, and would be attracted to your fire to balance her more detached nature. Her Venus opposite your Mars (by sign) could make for passionate lovemaking, once her need for independence weakens in the face of your dramatic expressions of desire.

Moreso, what kind of relationship can fluorish in such an icy climate? You love her, and it must be unbearable to suppress your romantic nature just to keep her from pushing you away. You want her closer than she is when you are cold and distant, yet by expressing your desire, she withdraws. Can you be happy holding yourself back so that she stays, when your longing for emotional intimacy remains unsatisfied?

I feel for you, and unfortunately I do not know how you can overcome this dilemma. Perhaps one of my readers can offer a suggestion in the comments section.

Related posts:
Why is Leo attracted to Aquarius?
Aquarius (wo)man acting very distant

About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at


  1. Eme Kah says:

    Personally, as someone who is very intense and expressive, I would not feel happy being with someone who felt uncomfortable with that aspect of my personality. It would be like walking around in a corset that’s too tight–I could do it but I’d feel constrained and unnatural and, like a corset, it might even be bad for me in the long run! To sacrifice such an essential aspect of your nature for love is too great a sacrifice, imo.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Being an Aquarius woman myself – Sun and Venus in Aquarius, and having had been through two Gemini live in boyfriends I can say it is an up and down thing and do not take it so seriously when it is down. Just always be yourself and be fun and interesting and most likely she will keep wanting to have you in her life. Sometimes we just need some time alone no matter how you behave. When a guy starts trying too hard it is a real turnoff. I can obsess over someone who captures my interest then disappears. It is the unpredictability of the relationship that builds the desire. Be spontaneous, be exciting, be adventurous and you will have her chasing you.

  3. proserpine says:

    I have beene sitting here thinking about this Gemini man’s dilemma.I too wish I could help, so I’m going to try anyway.:-).

    While I do agree with Jeff, and Eme, that having to squelch or squash your natural self is not only difficult, but painful, and maybe even destructive–I also had another thought here.
    I have basically two ideas which may amount to the proverbial ‘both good and bad news’. 🙂
    This is both my personal and professional experience.
    And,I’ve been on both sides of this dynamic.
    Good possibility first-
    Gemini, try pulling back a little for *now*.
    Be a little less demonstrative, and try to assume you’re not wrong in some way–but simply accept that this Aquarius woman is scared, or uncomfortable with this type of thing.(strong feelings, lots of affection etc).
    I won’t play games myself–but there are times when we have to tailor our behavior some as we allow someone to get to know us–after all, we are getting to know *them*–and their emotional comfort level is part of it.
    Do not be needy with her for now, and don’t sulk.
    I don’t mean don’t be real, or straight with her when asked–remember with words and thoughts– *that* she can handle.
    Women often have done this sort of thing when a man she is interested in is holding out for his independence, dislikes “clinginess” or, is balking at committment.
    This type of gentleness and acceptance worked for my 1st (Cancer sun sign) husband with me beforehand when I was reluctant to committ, and was in the habit of seeing different men.
    This concept also works for *me*, with different people in general, who are ambivalent, gun-shy, or simply unused to lots of passion or emotion.
    I use this ‘technique’ with shy, hostile and very guarded clients too.
    My (now) longtime 2nd husband has Moon in Aquarius, and honestly grew up with little to no affection.He likes it and doesn’t like it–doesn’t understand it, and doesn’t like or know how to show it.
    I don’t expect him to be a different person than he is.
    And he knows how I am, and what he has to compromise about too.
    The bad news is,;-/ this woman may never change–it may not be ambivalence, but more deeply rooted conflicts with intimacy. Or, simply, that she will *never* enjoy your expressions of emotion/affection etc.(as Jeffrey and Eme here already suggested)
    If she always and forever gets distant when emotions are expressed or called for, then yes–you’ll always be unhappy, I’m sad to say..:-(
    My husband and I went for several yrs of counseling together–it worked well-but–I don’t recommend starting a relationship that requires that LOL.
    If my idea works,of course she may lapse back to behaving distantly at times.
    *If* you still want to be together tell her you can’t be around long if she continues to back away coldly all the time.(some is to be expected).
    If none of this sounds likely, or it does, but just doesn’t work–
    I really feel for you, but realize then, that one or both of you will always be unhappy, and more of such a relationship will only feel worse in time.
    In the end it comes down to survival, and taking care of yourself first.
    Good luck.:-)

  4. blahblah says:

    Hi Dave (aka Mr. Gemini). I feel for your dilemma. Luckily for you, as a Gemini, you have the tools to attract your Aquarius lady. You just have to learn how to use them. Case(s) in point:

    I have a friend who’s an Aquarius woman (she also has moon, mercury, and venus in Aquarius). I’ve known her for 8 years and have seen her in several different relationships. The longest so far was with a Gemini man. What she always says she liked most about him is that he never put her before his friends, never canceled his plans for her, etc. She always seems to like (obsess over?) guys who are a challenge or show some disinterest in her in some way. BUT, that’s only in the beginning. After she’s in a relationship, she’s very caring and giving (maybe due to her Mars in Cancer?). She was with the Gemini guy for 5 years, but they broke up (I still haven’t gotten a straight answer from her on this. She basically said “I’m gonna be happy with him or without him.”).

    For the last 3 years, she’s been married to a Sagittarius man who she met on a plane on her way back from visiting and breaking up with her then-Gemini fiance. Long story, short: They are very happy now with a child (and one on the way!). They became engaged 4 months after first meeting, but she knew he was the one right away. They sat next to each other on a 4 hr. flight, so got a chance to dig into each other’s personality right away (it was their first date lol). They exchanged numbers, but he didn’t call her. After 3 weeks, she claimed to have found his business card and called him (translation: she obsessed over why he didn’t call her for 3 weeks). He didn’t press her because he was busy traveling for business. Because he left the ball in her court, he gave the impression that he could take her or leave her. Very attractive concept to a woman who’s used to guys falling all over themselves to win her attention.

    I think Aquarius anon. 1:59pm got it right when she said Aquarius needs her space sometimes, and it has nothing to do with how she’s feeling about the relationship or you. The reason why Aquarius and Gemini are supposed to get along traditionally is because Gemini also values space to live their own lives.

    I was in a relationship with an Aquarius for a year and he liked me being around all the time. I like my space, so I never moved in completely with him (we had a lot of sleepovers, though!). Although he didn’t like when I left, I think we both appreciated the time apart. Our interaction was better after we had that time apart, because we both get cranky when we don’t get alone time…After a couple months of being apart, we just went out again this past week and it was great, like a first date all over again! Space must be an aphrodisiac for us.

    So it really depends on the individual Aquarius, but generally speaking, most of them like some space. When you give them space, they will come your way.

    I know it’s hard for your Venus in Cancer to understand how giving someone space could make you two closer, but that’s how it is with some people. Even though you love this Aquarius woman, I think you would really click with an Aquarius that has Venus in Pisces or Mars in a water sign to match and appreciate your affectionate side. My mom is a Gemini with Venus and Mars in Cancer and she really enjoys when a guy is able to provide mental stimulation AND affection. My Libra dad has Venus in Leo and Mars in Pisces and they were a good match in that respect.

    If you truly want this particular Aquarius woman, though, the moral to the story is: give her some space and let her come to you.

    Drop the cold act, but do be distant. Keywords are friendly, but detached. With Aquarius, absence does make the heart grow fonder. 🙂

    Best of luck in attracting your Aquarius woman!

  5. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    BlahBlah, That was a great answer. You should sub for me when I go on vacation.

  6. blahblah says:

    Thanks, Jeff. I’d just think to myself, “How would Jeff say this? And put my own spin on it.” 🙂

  7. never mind says:

    you liked blabh’s answer cuause it was like yours?I didn’t like hers as much as yours.
    I definitely don’t think she knows astology.I don’t care if you post this or not, because I agree, it is not friendly.
    Just read it, seriously.
    If that kind of trendy foolishness is what you encourage–maybe I will unsunscribe.
    I think I shall unsubscribe

  8. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    Never mind, You choose to unsubscribe because I liked an answer that you didn’t? I appreciate your honesty, and I am sorry to see you go … but surely you can tolerate some disagreement without splitting.

  9. blahblah says:

    Nevermind, does everyone have to agree to have a conversation? That would be boring!

    If you dislike my answer, why don’t you provide your own answer. Dave might appreciate different points of view, since he did come here looking for advice…

    And a great deal of astrology is about interpretation. I gave mine. Now it’s your turn.

  10. nevermind says:

    Blahblah, I did give an answer.I already know you’re a pleasant person, but you do’nt really take the time to read people’s posts thoroughly, and yours was trendy and your astrological information came out of a book–theres nothing wrong wiht that, but you don’t really know astrology, and you’re giving advice.
    I was surpised Jeff thoght it was a good answer since mine was similar.
    No , we don’t have to agree, of course not.But you can’t weigh in when you don’t really know the subject, and you sem to think you so.
    I’m sorry blah-blah,that I’m being rather harsh, but a “pet peeeve” of mine is when people don’t take the time to *really* listen and get what’s really going on..
    I am not unsubscribing quite yet, but I am thinking about it, because theres too much immature energy here in general–no not always, but enough that I wonder why I bother…

  11. Eme Kah says:

    I’m curious about what you consider “trendy” in blah-blah’s post and also about what you consider immature energy here. Personally, I couldn’t disagree more but I’m still curious about how Nevermind formed her opinion.

  12. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    Nevermind, After having re-read BlahBlah’s comment, I observe that she was sharing anecdotes about people who are close to her. Her observations did not appear “textbook” to me. I wonder if you are upset because I favored a comment? You write that you already gave an answer, but I do not see one. There is only one anonymous comment (was that yours? and if so, why did you not identify yourself then?), and your response to my response to BlahBlah’s comment did not include any astrology.

    There are many different levels of astrological knowledge among this blog’s readers, and I’d like to encourage everyone to participate, regardless of how much authority they carry.

    I am also unclear what you mean by “immaturity.” I find that the frequent commenters tend to be emotionally intelligent, that is, aware of their wounds/patterns and hoping to use the wisdom of astrology to help them change their lives. Is that immature?

  13. blahblah says:

    Nevermind, I’ve never claimed to be an expert on astrology. However, I am a fan of noticing behavioral patterns in people. Besides using my own intuition about people, astrology, psychology, and life experience have answered a lot of my questions about why people behave the way they do. And THOSE are my sources. I’ve never plagiarized a day in my life and I wouldn’t start now, especially on a blog.

    And how would you know whether I’ve taken the time to thoroughly read a person’s comment or not? Were you sitting next to me and my laptop when I read Dave’s comment? Are you in my head (I would hope not!)?

    I could get very defensive (and, therefore, very offensive) here, but I think I won’t bother. You sound like you’re itching for a fight because you want some attention, which is, ironically, TEXTBOOK behavior right out of psychology 101.

    By the way, I’m still waiting to (not thoroughly) read your response to Dave’s request for advice…

  14. Hi all! Been visiting this site for awhile and finally am commenting. I also read and interpret charts, although I do not post about it because to me there is cosmic weight in offering this kind of advice and I usually prefer to keep it one to one. But I am REALLY impressed with the articles here. Kishner is being extremely generous in publishing his interpretations (for free!) and welcoming others’ and I am delighted to see people so pleasantly dealing with disagreement. We remember there is “karma” in how we relate to one another, even online, and we respect differences and welcome conversation. We also note that astrology is by no means a science and every interpretation is different (following certain accepted frameworks of course). If an interpretation doesn’t resonate, fair enough. It may for someone else offer some insight or comfort.

    You may have guessed by my “stage” name I am Gemini Sun. I loved an Aquarius man for YEARS and it was hot and cold, on and off, and finally, off. Astrologically, we were supposed to be soul mates (and maybe we were) but with all that air (I am Aq moon) it was just tough sometimes to make the practical things work (even with my Virgo rising!). And by that I mean intellectually, we were SPOT ON. Humor, articulateness, love of media, literature, music and culture, you name it, we vibed and evolved off each others’ passions. But living together, attending to chores and obligations, the earthy things, we unfortunately didn’t have it.

    Dave, I don’t know the answers but I can tell you I have been there. For me, and this is just me, the greatest awakening came when I realized it was ok if we didn’t work out. Aquarius, the water bearer, always sees the bigger picture and it can be hurtful to Gemini’s acute sensitivities when we are sometimes left out. It’s because we are SO independent that we can deal with being left out once in awhile. It’s actually a compliment coming from Aquarius, but I know it doesn’t always feel that way. Whatever happens I hope you’ll remember that love in all forms and instantiations is good. Your Aquarius loves humor, talking, and large minded things, and no matter what the outcome I hope you can cherish the place where your active minds meet.


  15. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    Welcome, jennimi. Thanks for joining in. I also believe that there is a cosmic weight in giving advice, and I hope I am doing it responsibly.

  16. jennimi says:

    hanks Jeffrey and yes, as far as I can tell I do believe you are being responsible in your posting. I hope readers are also taking responsibility. Thoughts and insights are offered here but the real work has to be done at the individual level. Just my two cents….

    Great writing and very creative approach.

  17. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    Jennimi, I totally agree. What I offer here is just a snippet of what one can explore in a real consultation.

  18. jennimi says:

    Absolutely true. Consults are where the true energy resides…. But I will definitely keep reading and yes, I’ll buy a planet when I am back on my feet. There is gold here for astro peeps, but also for bloggers. As a librarian/blogger there is a lot of best practices stuff here – great work. 🙂 Makes me think “Geek Astrologer” fits for names, too. [smiles]

  19. I would like to try to help give some insight since I am a Aquarius sun, moon, mercury, and venus. However my mars is in taurus. I like the thrill of the chase initially but not for long… In love I am very faithful and dedicated, however do need some space from time to time or maybe i get scared of it getting boring that I suddently act up out of fear.. I am not sure which it is. I do know this i need love, intellectual stimulation, and passion. Maybe from my scorpio rising. I know I am a lover, but i love friends and space also. Romantic jestures send me through the roof, I love them, flowers, poetry stuff like that..Trust is very important also. I can be wild sometimes and definitley love to socaialize alot! but i think the with your girl you need to keep trying to help her get comfortable it’s a trust thing I am sure. Once we trust you and fall in love the rest is bliss!

  20. Anonymous says:

    Wow I’m glad I came across this post because I am going through the same thing. The only thing that makes it a bit different is that I’m an Aquirus woman and the guy that I like is a Gemini.

    There are times when he can be a bit distant and that drives me crazy and makes me want him even more. The whenever he gives me that needed attention for some strange reason I back down. Once I back down he backs down then I feel bad because I feel he’s probably thinking that I dont feel the same way he does when in fact I do. So then I’m literally kicking myself for being shuch a chicken and not expressing my true feelings.

    She feels the same way you do. Its just that Aquarius women are not quick to open up if you know what I mean. Its easy to say that we “think too much” and it causes us to miss out on alot of amazing things.

    The best advice I could tell u is that you will have to be up front with her voice up your feelings to her thats the ONLY way she will get a clue.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I am an Aquarius woman who hates her relationship with a Gemini man. I fell in love since the beginning and he is just a cold person who is only afectionate 10% of the time. We are married with children and I want a divorce. I am so caring and affectionate and he makes me feel miserable.

  22. I realize that no one has posted here (or maybe even read here) in quite a while, but I really feel like I need to add something. Personally as an Aquarian woman I can tell you to go back and re-read Blahblah’s 12:38pm comment. This is spot on… for me.
    Everyon is going to be different, and I believe that life experiences shape who a person is and how the react, just as much as the stars may or may not, but there is something undeniable about being an Aquarius.
    The emotional side of what we go through is everything Blahblah and others have writen here. Dave, if you are that upset by what Blahblah has written, maybe that is because it all hit too close to home and you are uncomfortable admitting that. Is it possible that what he said was too upsetting because it meant facing the fact that you were not ok with a relationship that emotional unavailable, and you knew that it meant your realationship may not work?
    I am sorry to have to disagree with you Dave, but Blahblah – you could not be more right if you tried. This is me in a nutshell.
    Dave – make 2 – 3 set of plans with other friends, that do not involve her. Once she shes that you have a life outside of her, she will be interested. We just need space (sometimes a lot), but we also want to know that you still have your own thing going. Once you make the plans and go out, she will want to curl up with you and hear all about it. Don’t invite her, just go!

    Knowing that this is over a year later….
    …I wonder if they “made it”…?

  23. Aquarius says:

    Hey, I read this and found it very interesting that you are having problems with an Aquarius when you are a Gemini. I am an Aquarius and I am surprised that you are having issues… my advice to you is to JUST be yourself. I think you are putting too much thought into this and you are giving her too much attention. As an Aquarius, I can admit that I get turned off by men who give me way too much attention. I get annoyed very easily and I need A LOT of space. I am dating a Gemini and have been dating him for 11 months. I really like how he is very unpredictable and does not show too much affection. I am extremely turned off by men that give me the impression that they have fallen head over heels for me in short time. Being an Aquarius, we love challenges but I assure you once you have won our heart we are very faithful and devoted to the relationship. Just don’t forget to give us our space and just because she seems distant does not mean she has lost feelings for you. We are not good at expressing our feelings and express them in other ways. So don’t feel so down about the whole situation. My advice to you, is not to smother her… thats the last thing you want to do!! What I adore about my Gemini is that we can talk for countless hours about just any thing and we have our own way of communicating that I don’t think anybody else would understand. They key to our heart is in fact connecting intellectually. Well I hope this has helped you a bit..

  24. I am a Gemini guy and I was dating an Aquarius. We were going together for a year and a half and every 3 months without fail, we would be having a discussion that would totally turn my world upside down. Being that this was my first relationship since getting divorced I was very rusty on my relationship skills. What I found out too late was exactly what the last poster said, the need for space and not to be smothered is critical. When my girlfriend and I started getting to know each other we expressed similar wants and desires in a relationship. I told her up front how I like to treat a woman and she didn’t have a problem with it then. But apparently what I didn’t know was enough about the Aquarius woman and how to understand her needs. I tried to be a typical Gemini and solve the problems in the relationship and now I have lost her for good. This last time she went so far as to move back home to another state and I don’t thing I will ever be with her again. I wasn’t totally to blame, since she still had unresolved relationship issues herself which contributed to the break-up but add to it the way I treated the relationship, it is no surprise that it ended. I agree that for a Gemini we want to have intimacy and be able to express ourselves, but as I have gotten older I don’t think it’s so necessary to be so over done. I learned this lesson too late and have lost one of the best lovers I have ever had. We fit like a glove in so many ways and we had the ability to have fun where ever we were and I hope someday I will be able to find a similar match.

  25. Reading the original post, I’ve never wome that pushed a man away for being nice. I’ve had some Gemini friends that were not like that, but Ive met a lot of people of many signs that were. For me, its the opposite, I walk when the guy doesnt show enough affection, to run from something good just doent make sense 🙂 Most Aqua guys Ive met put very little into a relationship so I was surprised that this Gemini woman would push him away…. That is so sad. I would have shown him affection, of course he would have run like Aqua guys do to us Libras LOL I dont think its a Gemini trait to push love away, I think its more of a personal character thing.

  26. oops I gopt it wrong, LOL he was the Gemini, she Aqua…. well the Aqua ladies I know were romantic so I still find it surprising…. A romantic Gemini guy, havent met too many, mostly intellects 🙂 She is crazy anyways, some of us long for that kind of affection 🙂

  27. after reading all this this is the ultimate answer to all of it! and I am an aquarius woman! dating a gemini we are great lovers! we have the best lovemaking ever we like to be independent when we want to be when we say back off back off! but never be rude always stay by when we need you! like i said we can be with or without you if you want to stay you do the compromise we are set in our ways.when you give us space we like it but not to much space we will find new exciting people or things when we want it we want it!when we want you we want you! when we dont we dont! get with the program be good when we are good to you! if we need space give us some space for goodness sake ….said bluntly and honestly we are the most important listen to us!

  28. Quirky Aquarius says:

    Hi All… new to the board. Aquarius female. My best friend is a Gemini and we’ve been friends for over 20 years. She’s the best. However I dated a Gemini man and couldnt stand him. I’m not saying that for all but that one… oh boy crazy lol. However, 4 months after he disappeared he called me and said what a mistake it was to leave me. I told him he was right and hung up on him. For me, once trust is lost… you’ve lost me. When I first start dating someone I am distant but not in a bad way. Sort of like figuring you out and I’ll be all weird and giddy lol. Once I get to know you I will open up. Then once I begin to trust is when you get inside my heart. HOWEVER, if you let me open up and then pull back for some reason I will be very hurt, which doesnt last long but then I get distant again. and sometimes that ends it. BUT I will always be your friend. Its very rare that I go from friends to dating.. not sure if thats a sign thing or Aquarius thing. My Venus is capp so that may be it too. I hope this helps someone

  29. Hi all,
    I hope this thread gets read, seeing it was started in 2009…
    I am Aqua Sun & Venus, Mars in Aries, Moon, Mercury & Rising in Capricorn…please help me g*d!!
    I was, until this morning, seeing a Gemini man, with Aries(or Taurus, a little unsure of birthtime) rising, Venus Cancer, Mars & Mercury in Taurus.
    He was lovely and warm, a little affectionate, and always spot on with my emotions, watching me all the time. I had some physical chores around the yard to do, and because we kept having so much fun every weekend, nothing got done, but he kept offering to help, but never did…
    He is off for a guys 4 day weekend today, and was AWAL all week, even by phone..cancelled twice to come over before he left…
    I know my Mars in Aries is a curse ( I wish sometime that I could have it removed from my brain, like a tumour). But I went and broke it off with him.
    I guess I don’t like too much space, and definitely would like more communication, making a plan. He would always come over for the whole weekend, and we’d have fun and be self-indulgent like kids playing house.
    I don’t know why I’m so rule oriented (Cappy no doubt?) and want to punish him by ignoring me.
    Now I regret it, but I still think I made the right decision if this is always going to be the pattern…?
    He also like his drinks with buddies, and lots of freedom, I get that…but because his word is no good, I don’t trust him, he could cheat and lie and look so cool about it. Freedom is one thing, but I am a loyal girl, and once I go deep, well, no-one wants to be mislead and cheated, even if it in the name of freedom.
    Those are my fears and his flighty nature triggered them I guess. But I’ve never felt so much alike in another person, so many common beliefs, and laughter.

    Maybe I need someone with a Venus in an earth sign?? Or I need to loosen up, like a friend just told me, “Drop the rules, life is for living and enjoying”…He is a Pisces(probably Venus in Air!!).

    Is there anyone out there? LOL Here on the thread, and in the world for me in general!!!

  30. i would like to speak with someone that can tell me the pros and cons of a capricorn aquarius cusp/ pig and a gemini cancer cusp /rabbit(cat) dating/marraige. I would love know all about the ins and outs of the relationship. oh and he’s the cancer type that surfs so he definitly walk sideways to conclusions.

  31. Sometimes, the compatibility just isn’t there. I’m one of the rare Aquarians who is completely incompatible with all Geminis. It happens.

    I wouldn’t take this guy’s word for what was going on for all the farms in Cuba. You need to talk to the Aquarian, because the chances of the Gemini not being entirely truthful when relating a tale of woe are about, oh, 100%.

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