How do you win a Scorpio male’s affections for good?

A reader asks:

I recently had my heart broken by a Scorpio male who claimed he is better “on his own” yet ended it with “I may come back around.”

How do you win a Scorpio male’s affections for good?

ScorpioYou’re being led on. Are you going to wait around while your Scorpio ex plays his power trip? If he claimed he was better on his own, why would you want him back? I know you love him, but you also have to (1) respect yourself and (2) be realistic.

Scorpios don’t turn around when they’ve left. This fixed sign sticks around and doesn’t budge, but once a relationship has died, he moves on. If you’re a snake who has just shed, are you going to try to fit back in to your old skin?

Which leads to the question, “How do you win his affections for good?” I hate to bust your delusions, but nothing is permanent. You cannot make anyone love you forever. If you initially win a Scorpio’s affections, probably the best way to maximize the chances he’ll stick around is if you keep changing. Scorpios undergo major transformations at the frequency that the rest of us tie our shoelaces, and if you remain static, he’s going to get bored by you. Regardless of your sign, you ought to occasionally dig up your skeletons to see if anything is ready to be exhumed. Your psychological growth should at least keep him interested.

Comment below: How do you keep a Scorpio interested over the long haul?

About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at


  1. @scorp
    Thanks Scorp. It’s always good to hear it from a guy! (I get on better with guys in general).

    Sorry to be a pain, but I don’t understand what you mean by saying: “why didnt it boost you too.” Why didn’t what boost me? (sorry, i’m living in overseas so am not sure what u r trying to say….) :s

    I think that HE is hiding something. I have nothing to hide and I have never kept anything from him. I don’t play games & am up-front about things all the time. I cannot see the point in bullshitting someone; if we BOTH like each other, I believe in cutting the crap and getting onto with the fun stuff!! (less headache and confusion).

    I’ve never had a guy give so many mixed signals before. I know for a fact that he is shy ans a bit of a geek (which I quite like) but he seems repressed! – Either that or he finds me scary ‘cos i’m direct (yes – I can be girly & sweet, too).

    Hmmm… I think that you are very right in saying that I should move on!! I have been trying to for the past 6 months but cannot stop thinking abt him…it is annoying me now!! I get a lot of attention from guys in general (am a good looking girl) but As much as i’m fighting against it, there’s something about him that is pulling me to him like a magnet… I cannot explain… It feels as though he is supressing his feelings or in denial…. OR maybe he doesn’t like that i’m a couple of yrs older than him & is prob scared that i’m after marriage? God knows…but one thing is for sure is that my capricorn patience has worn thin and i’m BORED of bullshit!

  2. To ANY Scorpio males out there – Pls do NOT “play” a Capricorn female ‘cos we have very long & unforgiving memories!!! We don’t like game play and we are direct & honest people. There’s no need for bullsh** as it only creates animosity and insults our intelligence. We are sensitive and we have feelings. If you want to play games, go hire a hooker for a few hours!!!!

    To all the NICE Scorp males out there…. don’t ever change! 😉 xx

  3. Hello Kitty! I’m a Cap as well, but I have no experience dating a Scorpio, unfortunately.

    However, sun signs aside, I think he enjoyed chasing you, but as soon as you gave in he began to back away because he now feels your more serious about him than he is about you. I won’t say it’s all fun and games for him, but you see it happen all the time with how males pursue. A girl is bad@#$ and the guys wants her, will do anything to get her, and once she lets her guards down he realizes that she has her insecurities, vulnerabilities, weaknesses…she wants love, a relationship, family etc. and she began to fall while he realizes he’s way in over his head, and starts to back away. There’s always a softie that longs underneath that tough exterior, but thing is, he’s probably attracted to that exterior.This is why I don’t take guys that chase seriously. We Cappies have high standards and are serious about relationships, and our day-to-day faces and charm(lol) has nothing to do with how we operate within a relationship. Maybe he picked up a bit on the seriousness? Either way, I also think you should move on to someone that is sure about what he wants and can handle the whole package.

  4. kitty,

    scorpio are worst people to handle your

    cappy..hmmm not at all.

  5. My scorpion chased me for 4 months. Knew that he was interested but waited for him to make the first move and ask me out. Had to give him my # as an invitation. 3 days later, he called. 15 minutes into the conversation, which was more like an intetview, he asked me out. 3 amazing dates, lots of flirting at work (had already worked in the same place for just over a year at the time and at first openly hated each other- how bout’ that?!?), and only one month’s time, he confessed that he liked me- really liked me, he was taken by me, and asked what I was looking for. I told him that I was looking to date and meet people (I had just got out of a 14 yr relationship 6 mos prior). He told me that he was suprised that a girl would want to date a guy who was dating others rather than commit. Just before parting, he finally kissed me for the first time (3rd date!). A week later (and no contact from him, although I tried to get ahold of him to tell him that we shared mutual feelings), he called, told me that he didn’t like that we worked together, was seeing someone else, and didn’t want to see me anymore. It was two months before I ever saw him again (even at work). He ran!
    We began to communicate, but very little- basically me chasing, him running- yet still the stares, flirting, …just over a year now with this lovely madness.
    3 months back I told him that I was still into him. He told me that he had a girlfriend and also stated “My situation has not changed.” Pissed me off! First, it implies that he is somewhat of a player. Second, I still have an undeniable attraction and strong feelings for him regardless. He will not see me outside of work, as I have asked him out for casual invites to casual outings, etc., with no luck, but he always wants to stop and talk and stare when we see each other about around job.
    Damn it! I want him! Should I become passive and not give him my attention any longer in hopes of changing the vibe, or continue to be attentive and giddy when we see each other- open for possibilities, maybe? I can tell/ see that he still has feelings for me, but how can I convey my feelings without coming across like I’m oblivious to the fact that there is an underlying issue that keeps him cautious (it is not just a girlfriend- honestly I respect the relationship and his space but his flirting is so overwhelming)? Can I get him to open up again? Something tells me I shut him down on that 3rd date and hurt him- failed the test. I am an aries woman by the way. It would be so yummy and insatiable if we could get back togehter and try again. I sooo want another chance.

  6. @tamika

    I agree with you! We DO have high standards and we cut to the chase (and the fun things that come with it! ;))
    My Scorp doesn’t seem to realise that HIS actions caused me to become “pushy” about meeting up. I am never like that usually and had never in 5-6 months displayed that behaviour. It was beacause i started losing trust in him & feeling as though he was playing games with me and leading me on…

    Lesson for the future: IF a guy turns hot and cold like that again – DELETE him from my life.
    Capricorns are far too good for time-wasters. What a joke! Worst thing is tht my friend introduced us and she knew that i utterly hate “games” and “bullshit”!!!!


    I didn’t understand what you meant by:
    ‘”scorpio are worst people to handle your
    cappy..hmmm not at all.”

    what does “cappy…hmmm not at all” mean? it didn’t make sense, sorry.


    God, I sooo know how u feel!!!
    It is frustrating and upsetting. He’s a jerk! He chased you and made moves on you but then flip-turned and started dating someone else?!! WTF???!!!!!! What kind of a guy does that?!! He sounds insecure.
    He hurt you before you could hurt him, it seems.

    He is fucking with your head, your heart and your emotions!
    WHY do guys play games? There is no need for it.

    I wasted over 1 yr wracking my brains as to what I did wrong (I know that i am not blameless and must’ve acted in a way tht freaked him out), but still… IF people stoped playing games and were a bit more direct & open/honest about how they felt, then they’d be having great relationships without the drama and confusion. I really don’t understand people sometimes!

    My advice is RUN!
    Move on, get on with your life and let HIM feel the pain of watching you create a wonderful future without him in it!

    Ladies, we are ALL far too good for these guys!
    There are some amazing guys out there who would treat us with love and respect….we need to stop focusing on these emotionally inhibited losers and make room for the good guys!!!!!!
    (I am trying to listen to my own advice here, too! ;p)


  7. So what is it about them that has the pull? I am a gemini just head over heels for a Scorp. We’re just friends as he’s got so much going on at the moment, there really isn’t time to invest into anything close to a relationship.
    He tells me he’s not ready, but when I flirt with him…he’s very reseptive which keeps me interested. It’s more or less just fun right now, and I’m not sure he even knows how attracted to him I am…it’s all I think about some times!
    I won’t make the first move if/when the time comes…when/if he actually does, will tell me he’s got feelings for me. But the waiting is so hard it almost hurts!
    I’ll continue to be his friend and it’s great that he and I can talk about just about anything really…just wishing he was ready to take it up a level.

  8. Savannah says:

    I am a Pisces. I have been with my Scorpio for almost 2 years now. Usually when we fight he chases me texts me all the time and try’s to talk to me. Recently we fought I tried to call him and apologize and chase him for once and said nothing. No returned calls no replys to my texts this is going on for 2 days now. Wtf is going on?!?!

  9. Savannah says:

    I am a Pisces. I have been with my Scorpio for almost 2 years now. Usually when we fight he chases me texts me all the time and try’s to talk to me. Recently we fought I tried to call him and apologize and chase him for once and said nothing. No returned calls no replys to my texts this is going on for 2 days now. What is going on?!?!

  10. Savannah says:

    I am a Pisces. I have been with my Scorpio for almost 2 years now. Usually when we fight he chases me texts me all the time and try’s to talk to me. Recently we fought I tried to call him and apologize and chase him for once and he said nothing. No returned calls no replys to my texts this is going on for 2 days now. What is going on?!?!

  11. Hi Savahnna,

    Maybe he has changed his tune by “TURNING the TABLES” on you for a change so now
    you know what it’s like to be in the hot seat of having to make the “FIRST MOVE”.!!!

    Two days is nothing compared to weeks, months or years where a Scorpio can retreat into
    his domain following a “FIGHT” for the “COOLING OFF PERIOD”.!!!

    What was the fight about this time which has made him alter his “STRATEGY”.???

    Cheers and keep smiling. Taurus

  12. @Debi
    Hi Debi, why waiting? Especially when it hurts? Just surprise him!
    How? Stay calm from the inside. You are Gemini, so you are a good actrees. Even, if you are very nervous, act like you are in control. Then when you are in one of those “friendly” meetings with him, just get closer, improvise on that: how closer and exactly when, look at him straight in to his eyes, smile seductively, touch him by his arms slowly and softely and kiss him very slowly, first in the cheek, near his lips, then in the corner of the lips and then on the lips. Stay calm, do not be afraid, that he will push away, be confident. When you are near him and touching him and kissing him stay natural, do try to impress him. It’s like you are asking yourself from inside: ‘ I wonder, shall i enjoy kissing him”.
    He will feel that curious notion inside of you teasing him, tesing him, like : ” Oh, i am so curious, if you are appealing to me”. But do not push your willppower on him. Scorpios do not accept power games.
    You are a Woman. Women have that power of seduction. It is always, i mean ALWAYS a compliment to a man, when woman shows her attraction. Just do not be afraid. As i said, you are a woman. And woman ALWAYS has a power, power of love, not the love for power.
    You might be asking, why your scorpio friend does not make a first move? They are- – scorpios are absolutely unaware of their sexual magnetism. They are very sensual, so he very receptive when you are flirting, so you are already appealing to him. If you was not appealing to him, he would not spend time with you. But, he is completely unwaware of your attraction towards him and about his attraction to you, i guess. It is up to you to find out.
    Scorpio’s do love to be taken by surprise, like by the act i have described above. So surprise him, hypnotise him,surprise yourself. What you got to loose?
    If he is asking, why or something like that, you just say: ” Oh, i just wanted that”. They do respect, when people act on their true feelings. So, stop hiding. And do not worry about that he has alote of going on in his life. Scorpios – are the luckiest people, they have the most amount of energy coming of, hell knows where from, from Plutonian domein. They the are most abundant with energy. So he will make time for you.
    Are you dare? Just be!
    Good luck!
    P.S. Always do look straight in to the Scorpio’s eyes. They love it, they love to be hypnotised. Just stay natural.

  13. Savannah says:

    Well now I know why. he called to tell me this morning he had slept with someone..I guess he is just really good at pretending and being a man whore

  14. Savannah says:

    Well now I know why. he called to tell me this morning he had slept with someone..I guess he is just really good at pretending and being a man whore. Never again.

  15. Savannah says:

    Now I know why..he was too busy sleeping with other people to acknowledge my desperation. Never again

  16. ‘m a Gemini n ‘m in a sex relationship with a Scorpio guy!! He even treats me Lyk his best buddy hence he shares most of d things with me… Wn I had begin to have my relation with him I didn’t feel Lyk going on with other guys even though guys fall for me i never bother about other guys. ‘m a model usually i find other models as flirts but d day i got into relation with him i juz quit my flirty nature i explained him everything infact I don’t hide anything from him he very well knows that… He flirts with other females I don’t like that part of him but still I adjust a lot I always listen to him. May b dese days he dont flirt much. We both are pissed with love relations because of our past so v’re having a sex relation instead and we enjoy a lot!! I can clearly explain dat v got so many relations within us like frnz, fun, luv n sex relationship within us. I juz luv what’s going on… But I really wish him to stay more closer to me 🙁 but he shows his anger to me directly and later on he ll b fine. Wn eva he scolds me i juz enjoy that moment and i try consoling him. ‘m a Gemini female I knw Gemini Neva fits to scorpionian but den I don’t feel like lvin him neither he don’t feel like lvin me. I mostly understand him even though If he hides stuffs or things with me… As a Gemini girl ‘m a moody person but den I hide my moody nature with him dis Is d only thing I hide from him, coz I knw he gets annoyed coz of such a nature… ‘m actually confused wdr he loves me or no and ‘m confused within myself how to behave with him ???

  17. Angelina says:

    Hi Jeffery,

    I’m a virgo female with a virgo moon venus in Leo, and pisces rising. My boyfriend is a sagittarius with scorpio in moon and venus with a pisces rising. We are an older couple. I’m 59 and he’s 66. In the beginning he chased me and that went on for a while before we actually became physically intimate. He continued to call me 3 to 4 times a day,then he became ill with prostate cancer. He is now receiving radiation treatment and has had some bad side effects. I have been supportive of him and patient but he has pulled away from me emotionally. He still calls but only twice a week. He doesn’t want me to come and see him. He is staying at another person’s home while going for daily radiation and I understand he doesn’t want me to show up there. He introduces me to people but he doesn’t say this is my girlfriend. When I’ve mentioned that to him his response is ” Why are you so sensitive and insecure.?” I’ve never been either. I just feel confused. He will talk to me on the phone and say that he had a conversation with someone and told that person that his girlfriend “ME” suggested he try thing….. but in public he doesn’t. I wanted to see him last week,we haven’t seen each other since April and he freaked out on me. He said ” I’m not well, you know that and I don’t want to be bother.” So I left him alone. It appears that he determines our relationship based on when he feels like it and calls when he feels like it.
    I know he loves me. While he’s not the type of guy to say it often, when he does I know he means it. I just never had a relationship so one sided. He told me that it wasn’t the amount of times we see each other but the trust, respect and love we have for each other. I believe he is emotionally unavailable. He has been divorced twice. Once when he was young and the second time I think hurt him more. I believe he has
    difficulty trusting and he is trying to see if he can trust me. I don’t like mind games.
    What’s your take on this ? Help!!!

  18. curious757 says:

    this article makes me wonder about sidereal and vedic too, cause then, sidereal/vedic makes many scorpio 1st decans automatically libra suns, perhaps with scorpio planets too.
    there’s kind of a clue there too, since libra is clingy but needs alot of space in the relationship as well.
    similar to when scales make their decision, it’s final. Same with fixed sign thing.

  19. I’ve read so many comments.. It looks to me that all scorpios are the same.. In the begining they act like they can not live a moment without you and then they dissapear..

    I have a curse on me.. I attract almost all signs.. but I am attracted to scorpios only.. It’s scary that I attract so many scorpios too.. because none of the girls I know has ever met a scorpio man.. It’s like they come all to me..

    So it happened to me just once that I was super atracted to a Libra.. and I was dead happy that I was soo deeply interested and attracted to another sign (other than Scorpio).. I felt like I got rid of my curse.. Just to find out a month later (in his birthday) that he is a Libra Sun with Moon Mercury Mars Venus Ascendant and Saturn too in Scorpio.. It was again a Scorpio hiding behind a Libra Sun..
    I can’t describe how disapointed I felt..

    The thing is I’ve had flerts with many scorpio men.. but I’ve been in love with 3.. all of them were Scorpios of the same year.. Just some days difference in their birthday.. I’ve met them all the same way.. it lasted about 2 years with all of them and I ended up hurt.. It’s like they dissapear without reason..

    All 3 of them told me that they have a really strange feeling like they know me so well.. that we are so the same.. that they felt I had something so special.. that they felt instantly like being in love and that they have a weird feeling that they can trust me for sure.. that they feel we are meant to be together.
    I’ve heard all of these words from all of them..

    And after a year or so with a platonic relationship (not physical) they dissapear..

    They contact again after some weeks later weeks become months and then the end.

    I don’t beg of course and I don’t disturb them.. So no word from me when they dissapear..

    I forgot to tell that the first scorpio after meeting me for the first time in person (after a year of chating all day and night and him making always the first move)
    After a week that he called me and I was sleeping so I didn’t answer the phone.. I didn’t say anything to him for some days after his call.. and he was in a relationship with a girl he met in a club 2 weeks after we met…

    He texted me twice after some months.. but I aanswered once in a cold way..
    He contacted me sometimes from fake profiles without revealing me he is him.. and I was playing dumb.. like I didn’t understand it was him..
    And that’s all..

    I forgot to mention that I’ve heard from any scorpio I’ve met the phrase “I can not stand your eyes looking at mines”
    I feel bad when I listen to that phrase but I never asked why..
    It feels insulting..

    I feel also that there is no escape.. like I meet the same person again and again in a different body just to end up feeling hurt and lonely.. again and again and again

    I am Cancer Sun-Mercury-Ascendant all in the 2nd dacan (of Scorpio)
    Pisces Moon in 1st decan (9th H)
    Leo Venus Mars and Jupiter..
    (Mars and Venus in a perfect conjuction)
    all of them in 2nd House
    Saturn in Aqua (8th house)
    Uranus and Neptune in Capricorn (7th H)
    and Pluto in Scorpio.. Lord of my 5th House and in the 5th House.
    Pluto squares my Venus and Mars..
    With Pluto being my most aspected planet in my natal chart.
    So I guess that’s why everybody thinks that I am s Scorpio girl and that’s why I am more dynamic and stable than cancer girls I’ve known.

    Anyway.. The 3 Scorpio guys have:
    Sun-Mercury-Mars-Pluto in Scorpio
    Venus – Saturn – Neptune- Uranus in Capricorn
    Jupiter in Cancer
    First one’s Moon is in Gemini.. Second one’s in Cancer and third one’s in Leo..

    Our closest synastry aspects with the 3rd one are:

    My Sun conjuct his Jupiter 0.2 orbs
    My Uranus conjucts his Venus 0.3 orbs
    My Uranus conjucts his Saturn 01 orb
    My Neptune conjuncts his Venus 2.46 orbs

    My Saturn opposites his Moon 0.2 orbs
    My Sun opposites his Neptume 0.4 orbs
    My Sun opposites his Saturn 1 orb

    My Moon square his Mc 0.1 orbs
    My Pluto squares his ASC 0.1 orbs
    My Jupiter squares his Pluto 0.5 orbs

    My ASC trines his Pluto 0.0 orbs
    My MC trines his Sun 0.0 orbs
    My Mercury trines his Sun 0.0 orbs
    My Sun trines his Mars 0.1 orbs
    My Chiron trines his Sun 1.4 orbs
    My Chiron trines his Mercury 2.4 orbs

    My Saturn sextiles his MC 0.0 orbs
    My Moon sextile his Uranus 0.1 orbs
    My Uranus sextiles his Mars 2.1 orbs

    My Moon inconjunction his Moon Orb 0°36′
    My Jupiter inconjunction his Venus Orb 1°49′

    My Neptune SemiSquare Mercury Orb0°01′
    My Pluto SemiSquare his Uranus Orb0°29′
    My Uranus SemiSquare his Sun Orb0°49′

    My AS SesquiQuadrate his Mercury Orb0°00′
    My Sun SesquiQuadrate his Sun Orb1°17′
    My MC SesquiQuadrate his Mars Orb1°22′

    My Lilith Quintile his Mars Orb0°17′
    My Sun BiQuintile his MC Orb1°26′
    My Sun BiQuintile his AS Orb1°40′

    And My Sun and ASC fall in his 5th House..
    My Moon in his 1st House
    My Mercury in his 6th House
    My Venus Mars and Jupiter in his 7th House
    My Saturn in his 12th House
    My Neptune in his 11th H conjucts his 12th House..
    My Uranus in his 11th and My Pluto in his 9th..

    My North node is in the 12th House in a perfect conjuction with it..

    Sorry for my English and the huge comment.
    Just dissapointed and frustated for not being able to feel attracted to another sign and wondering why it has to be like this..

  20. Sabrina says:

    I have been married to my scorpion for 3 years I am a Aquarius he is a munipulator loves to play with woman head he is incarcerated and loving all this attention from other women I love my husband just don’t know what to say to him I try to talk to him he gets angry any advice from anyone I refuse to give up on my marriage I just want him to take our vows serious I see woman don’t care if he is married they are still trying to do things for him wtf

  21. I am a Libran. Was involved in a long distance relationship with a Scorpio man for nearly two years now..All the ” bad” experiences mentioned in above comments I have experienced.. He is back into texting me how he now has grown up & that he loves me..etc.. Truth is, I so tried hard to forget him but cannot. I have other guys busy chasing me but my heart still seems to not let go of the Scorpio man.. I need therapy 😀

  22. Ms sunshine says:

    I married my hair sweetheart, who is a Scorpio and I’m a Virgo, after 15 yrs. After 5yrs of marriage he left me, and I learned he claimed he had a female friend on the side for 10yrs, and up until recently (exactly 23 days) after our 5 wedding anniversary he committed adultery with the woman he’d known for 10yrs, and his friend was also intimate with the woman at the tender age of 16/17. The woman is almost exactly 10yrs younger than us, and I deal daily with consumed thoughts of why did I love him and can’t seem to get over him knowing that he had this hidden in his closet for so long. We have been sexually active 2 times since he left, and I’m always the one left hurting as he goes gallantly toying with females hearts. He claims he’s only slept with the 1 female, but he just slept with me yesterday, then I looked on his fb page and noticed one of the stripper women’s he’s spoken to lives in the same area, which leads me to believe he is also being with her. I’m very confused and lost about moving on yet we have children involved. I’m scared he could give me an STD, yet I want to live for my children, but die just to get away from him, the misery, torment, and pain he’s putting me through. Any thoughts???

  23. Ms sunshine says:

    Also because he has left our home I struggle financially that we will probably loose our home, and child support is saying they are behind on paperwork so it could take 2-3 months before there’s any hearing or resolution. I feel abandoned, stuck, lost, and not to mention I have to remain (or at least appear) like I’m strong with 2 parents battling cancer (father in stage 4 & unsure of mothers stage because she’s fighting to care for my dad) I SERIOUSLY need advice and help to keep going!!!

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