OkCupid Dating Profiles: Libra to Pisces

Last week we looked at how Aries to Virgo might write self-summaries, if they had online dating profiles. This week, we tackle Libra to Pisces.

Libra

Hi there. Are you my other half? Even if you’re not, I could become your other half. What are you looking for? Whatever that is, I’ll seamlessly mold myself to your desires. I do have needs of my own, but I’m hoping I won’t have to explain them. You should be able to guess. Here’s a hint: they involve romance. As you can see from my photos, I like everything to be polished and pretty. I just bought these earrings; you like? I don’t think I’ll be interested in you if you’re rude, aggressive or out of shape. But these aren’t hard-and-fast rules, so maybe I’ll give you a chance if there’s tons of chemistry. I can work with anything (sometimes).

Scorpio

I hate this superficial, online dating s**t. But if you must know, I enjoy Victorian post-mortem photography, volcanic sex that scares everyone involved, and cyber-stalking researching people who interest me. I only want a physically and psychologically penetrating union. I go to dark places on a regular basis, and you must have the courage to dive in with me. I have a few online identities, and if I decide you’re worthy, I’ll let you know if the identity associated with this profile is real. That’s all I’m going to share. For now.

Sagittarius

Hey! I’m only on this site because my friends signed me up. But I figured it can’t hurt to try. What’s the worst that could happen? We might fall in love – ha! Or, we might have a few laughs together! I’m into drinking tequila with chilled-out companions, visiting exotic countries (at least one per year), dancing, mountain climbing, wilderness camping (with my two dogs), photography and annual pilgrimages to Burning Man. I’m always making new friends, and I’m friends with all my exes. We’re all getting together this Saturday for poetry slam karaoke, bungee jumping and tequila tasting. Come join us!

Capricorn

I don’t believe in fate. I’ve put in a grinding amount of effort to achieve what I have, and this reflects my philosophy about companionship. Forget about soul mates; we’re either compatible, or we’re not. This means you’ll accept that I’m the boss, because my five year plan for relationship growth hinges on me being the driver. I know exactly what I’m doing, and if we’re a match, you can expect a long-term partnership with an 85% chance of success. I have no patience for laziness. I will cut you off if I discover that you’re unable to honor your part of the relationship contract.

Aquarius

My interests consist of what no one else is interested in. Or what they haven’t thought of yet. Sometimes I’ll check something out, just because everyone else objects to it. If it’s obscure or shocking, I’m in. I can be friends with anyone, including you. And I want to know all about you. Don’t be shy – tell me! I encourage everyone to respond to my profile, because nothing turns me on more than the unexpected. If you surprise me, we’ll hang out (let’s not call it a date). I believe there is someone for everyone (including me) but I may never meet that person. And that’s ok. I can handle being alone. Actually, I have to be alone sometimes, so if you’re needy or jealous, we may have a problem. But we can still be friends.

Pisces

I’m hoping to find my twin flame on this site. I believe that some of us have danced together in past lives, and I’m looking for the soul connection that makes time stand still. You know when you catch someone’s eye across a crowded room and your heart stops? My guru told me this is the year I’ll reconnect with a lover from my past life. We were tragically separated, but with enough love and determination, we can make it work in this life. Message me if this story resonates with you. I’m an artist, healer and psychic. If you’re married, please don’t contact me. I seem to attract anyone who wants to cheat on their existing partner, but I’m trying to raise my vibration so I can meet someone better. This profile may disappear in a couple of days.