This year, the usual promises and perils of Valentines Day are set to the tune of Saturn in Scorpio. I know, I know — Saturn sounds like a pretty non-romantic planet, and generally you’d be right about that. On top of everything else, the association with Scorpio and sex might make things sound pretty perilous for romance. Not necessarily so, with both Mercury (words) and Mars (sex drive) in a constructive trine to Saturn. This means that whatever your plans are for that special someone — starting a romance, bolstering one, or just doing some maintenance — with a little planning and preparation, you can get the job done!
You see? The great thing about astrology is that it boils the messy business of human hearts down into easy-to-handle chunks, thus maximizing your chances for romantic success! Even if Valentine’s Day happens during Aquarius Season, which isn’t exactly known for its sense of romance…
Few things in my childhood aided my understanding of Aquarius Season more than handing out cards on Valentine’s Day. The “Valentine’s” part (as far as romance is concerned) was downplayed, and that whole “Universal Love” thing was emphasized. In other words: if you give a Valentine’s to one person, you have to give one to all of them. So each year we’d get those cardboard boxes of 24 Valentines (including that one special “Teacher Valentine”) and put names on them and drop them into the construction-paper envelopes everyone had taped to the front of their desks. Since a class was always more than 24 students, that meant there were leftovers … usually the lamer cards of the two sets.
In Grade Seven, there was only one card good enough for Frances Vansteelandt, and that was the sole basis I used for buying the whole box.
Of course, love (like astrology) is never entirely without its little glitches and roadblocks. This year, Venus in Aquarius is being squared by Saturn. Venus square Saturn is almost universally bemoaned as a romantic dealbreaker by astrologers … at least temporarily, until they change the subject to happier aspects. Again, the key to making this year’s V-Day a success is planning and preparation: know what message you want to send, understand how the recipient will take it, and make your move accordingly.
After all: Saturn may be a pain, but it isn’t unreasonable.
…Of course it was “no fair” looking down into that construction-paper envelope to see if anyone else had thought to giving anyone in particular this Valentine or that. Profound declarations of love aren’t unknown in Grade Seven, but they certainly don’t escape public ridicule if uncovered. And of course there were always those kids who got lame ones, or got shorted a few. To the best of my knowledge, none of those kids ever sat down to figure out in detail later who had stiffed them. In practice, though, they probably all did. I know I did.
This was never a problem for Frances though. She was popular and funny and well-liked. Brenda Steele, though? Now there was a girl with issues. Not Frances, though. She was … shiny.
This Valentine’s Day, Mercury is conjunct Mars. The merger of Words and Action is less of a shotgun marriage than you might imagine. In fact, it can make for circumstances where you are clearly able to express emotional concerns much more effectively than usual.
Jupiter (ruler of committed relationships) is square Neptune (ruler of dreams and delusions). Let’s be honest with ourselves about this: some of the best things about even a very “real” romance are the dreamy and delusional parts. Logic and salesmanship are one thing, but The Buzz is entirely another, and all the strategy in the world can’t fake it. Although the Jupiter-Neptune square is unstable, it’s fuzzy as all get-out—thus, potentially, perfect for setting up a romantic mood.
Of course, you won’t know until you’ve tried. And, worst case scenario: there’s always next year.
I approached Frances’ desk a little bit scared, yet convinced I had selected exactly the right Valentine’s for her: the Joker and The Penguin, suggesting “Let’s Be Partners In Crime!” in big comic-bookish letters. I was pretty sure that this was The One that would send The Right Message to the girl who I wanted to be The One. I approached, she smiled, and I propped open the big construction-paper envelope taped to the front of her desk … only to see at least two other identical Valentines cards.
I sulked quietly until it was time for the cupcakes. At least cupcakes didn’t disappoint, and didn’t particularly care how much work you went to for them.