Let’s get one thing straight: it’s not that we don’t love Billy Corgan’s music. “Cherub Rock” is awesome on Rock Band, and Zwan was way less annoying that we thought it would be. But throw him into a May-December romance with Jessica Simpson, and we’re less than enthusiastic. (On our personal relationship scale, they rated right between, “Hee. Actually? Ew.” and “…?”)
On the upside, the Simpson-Corgan flash in the pan appears to have, um, flashed, which has left us with an all important question. Is it possible that Miss Simpson, she of the daddy issues and the yo-yo dieting, may have finally outgrown her weakness for whiny, misanthropic singer-songwriters? (We’re looking at you, too, John Mayer.)
Could we dare to dream of such a leap into maturity? We could. According to recent reports, Simpson may be ditching the Chicago Svengali for the adorable, age-appropriate Taylor Kitsch. You know him, right? He’s the man candy who plays hot-boy-next-door “Riggins” on Friday Night Lights. (It’s cool. We’ll hang here while you freeze-frame his many, many shirtless scenes. Also: you’re welcome.)
Rumor has it that the two Texans were introduced late last year by Jessica’s bestie CaCee Cobb’s boyfriend, who’s none other than Scrubs’ Donald Faison. (Say that ten times fast.) Still, take a breath, y’all. Jess isn’t out of the woods yet, so let’s just manage our expectations and keep our appendages crossed. To date, everything’s been pretty PG-13 between Simspon and Kitsch, but our Flirt Detector has been giving us off-the-charts readings. Even at a low-key house party, Jess and Taylor were chatting each other up allllllll night long, and he dropped the “gorgeous” bomb on her countless times. Can you say “ego boost?” Moonit’s hoping against hope that there’s something legit here. (Or, at least, something beyond the makings of The Dukes of Hazzard II.)
Unfortunately, Moonit’s birthdate analysis for Jess (born on July 10, 1980) and Taylor (born on April 8, 1981) cautions that they’ve got a, “long and bumpy ride ahead.” More >
*Note: Moonit’s relationship assessment is based on a proprietary algorithm powered by Astrolabe that identified Venus opposite Pluto as their strongest weighted aspect, based on their birth dates using a noon election.
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