Unleashing Your Inner Bitch … by Sun Sign

Unleashing Your Inner BitchYou’ve had a few dates and things are going well, but at some time into the relationship, the bitch will make an appearance — it has to, no one can sustain that level of perfection forever! The really dark side of each sign, the side that stays hidden until you know you have your date hooked (or vice versa), comes out sooner or later. If you don’t like it raw and nasty, turn away now. But if you want to know your Bitch Rating — with five stars being the bitchiest of them all — read on.

FIRE SIGNS

Generally speaking, fire ranks low on the bitchiness scale. Agreed, the temper can blow to boiling status within a nanosecond, but generally speaking, without sufficient fuel, fire burns itself out relatively quickly.

Aries
Your temper reaches boiling point (and back again) in less than a second. You disagree (loudly) with anything that isn’t your idea, and arrogantly expect your partner to give way or suffer the consequences. You are pathologically competitive and the zodiac’s worst loser, but your bitch rating is low because you simply do not have the attention span required to hold a really good grudge. Stay away from flat-pack furniture and anything with instructions.

Leo
When you are King (or Queen) of all you survey, why demean yourself with nasty gossip or bitching? Your temper is modeled on the worst of toddler supermarket tantrums, and makes for entertaining theater. Your drama lasts as long as is necessary to achieve maximum impact, at which point you will allow yourself to be soothed and petted back to purring.

Sagittarius
Your bitch rating is so low, it’s almost off the scale. Even though you have the quick temper of all your Fire friends, you don’t have the time (or the inclination) to hang around and make a “thing” about it. So, you explode in a rampage of shouting — crudely and tactlessly blurting out what you need to say, and tearing off to your next adventure without another thought. Your victims are either laughing at the display or sobbing over the exceptionally rude remark you have already forgotten about. You, on the other hand, are falling over something new.

EARTH SIGNS

Mud can be thrown, and it is some dirty, mucky stuff — and if there is no real practical reason to lose your temper, why waste the energy?

Taurus
It all seems like too much effort to get worked up about anything. But when you do, the earth shakes and those horns can disembowel anyone within reach. The Bull’s temper takes a while to arouse (which is why your bitch rating is only 2 stars), but it takes just as long for you to calm down — you like to hang on to things, tightly. But you do get over it, eventually. Smart people know to wait a few days (or a week, or a month) and approach only with chocolate … or a back rub.

Virgo
You wear your victims down with incessant nagging and detail. You tell your date that her bum looks fat in those jeans because (a) she asked, and it does; (b) you know the best diets; and (c) you only criticize the ones you love. You don’t have a temper as such, because you don’t have time to get really mad — there is too much to do because no one else cares enough to do anything properly — and you will have the dates and other supporting evidence to prove it.

Capricorn
You don’t like to embarrass yourself in front of those you need to impress, so carefully consider their rank and wallet before unleashing that unforgiving temper of yours. But should you or your status be shown any disrespect, you will head-butt the presumptuous young upstart back down the ladder where they belong — no matter how undignified it may appear. After all, experience counts so much more than youth and speed.

AIR SIGNS

Air uses its brilliant mental capacity wisely.

Gemini
Bitch extraordinaire. You prefer to get even rather than mad, and have a deadly brain that stores random, trivial information that can be used when it really counts. While bitch twin is using that razor sharp tongue to do some serious cutting, the nice twin can be sucking up and apologizing with absolute heartfelt sincerity. You are at your worst and most destructive when bored, but thankfully don’t have the attention span to focus on a satisfying revenge.

Libra
Anger is so unattractive … and likely to result in broken nails, unsightly red blotchy eyes, and messed hair. It is more effective to flounce around a little and stamp your designer heels — you are usually able to get what you want with charm and a few well-placed poisonous remarks to your friends over coffee. It would never occur to you to say something nasty directly to someone — not because it would hurt them, but because it would make you look bad. It’s so much more civilized to get someone else to do that for you.

Aquarius
With that database that is your brain, you are able to coolly detach as soon as commitment — such a 20th century concept — raises its nasty head. Mentally, you are so far above most people that it takes a really worthy opponent for you to bother crushing them. So, speaking theoretically, you can destroy with icepick precision, but in practice there are so many other more worthwhile things your brain could be doing…

WATER SIGNS

Water is motivated by feeling, so has the capacity to take anything and everything personally. This has the potential to produce a really creative and totally effective bitch.

Cancer
Your bitch rating depends on the Moon phase — zero to an absolutely filthy temper in a second … or a passive-aggressive retreat into your shell to indulge your misery, eat copious amounts of chocolate, and practice everything you’ll say next time you scuttle out. Naturally suspicious of the world and the gloom it brings with it, you don’t forget a grievance — it just proves you were right to be mistrusting. Don’t mess with Mamma Crab…

Scorpio
Scorpio is the undisputed king of the colorful revenge fantasy. You are obsessive, possessive, manipulative, and have an absolute lust for Total Control. Your rage is carefully controlled to ensure your victims never quite know when they will be struck down. But you rarely shout — cold, calm flatlining is much more frightening. You analytical brain lets you dig out any weakness in your prey, and you have enough focus to wait … for the right time, and the right place. Scorpio does not forget, never forgives, and never ever ever apologizes.

Pisces
Surprised? Don’t be. Pisces at its most creative can be the absolute master manipulator and an underwater stealth bomber. This is mainly because you avoid conflict and lack the focus to engage in direct one-on-one combat. Your greatest advantage is that people continually underestimate you … or feel sorry for you. Meanwhile, they have told you their deepest, darkest secrets and exposed their weak emotional points — which you can, of course, use … later. If you get caught, just shrug your shoulders and blame someone else or alcohol: “Sorry, I was drunk and it just happened.” These things do….

About Jo Tracey

Jo Tracey is a Sydney based Astrologer, Blogger and Change/Project Manager — in no particular order. Although overloaded with 1st house Pisces planets, Jo’s 8th house Mars in Scorpio is tempted by the occasional excursion into the “dark side” of the zodiac. Jo can be contacted at jo@jotracey.com.au.

Comments

  1. Great read! Thanks!

  2. gemini is spot-on!! my mind goes thru so many thoughts per day its imposs to remember all this information, yet if it pertains to a potential slight my memory is photographic ! oui as well to the ‘play nice’ twin..but this is why i never think i am bitchy ever.

  3. Katharine says:

    I have to admit my Sag Rising wins over my (Scorpio stellium and Cancer moon)
    Lucky me or them :D

  4. Ianthia says:

    virgo sun meets gemini rising….
    bitch x2!!!

  5. loved this entry!

  6. wow lanthia- virgo sun & gemini rising… look out!

  7. natasha says:

    Love Pisces and Aries, Libra too, lol.

    I’m Gemini/Scorpio–ultra bitch! If not for Capricorn asc. thrown in there too. xD

  8. ForeverM says:

    ***isn’t this just a lazy paraphrase of The Darkside Zodiac book series?

    editors, look into it…***

  9. ForeverM, if you are simply criticizing the post for being similar in tone to Darkside Zodiac, you’re being excessively harsh.

  10. ForeverM says:

    similar in actual content, word phrasing. wanted to point that out.

  11. GemAquaLeo says:

    Hehe. What people dont get is that sarcasm itself is a form of bitching. Even though it seems to lean more towards humour, a pinch of truth makes it useful for offense.

  12. i hurt feelings & explode then forget about it then wonder why the other persons mad hehehehe i’m a december 13, Sagitarius

  13. Virgo sun, libra rising, cap moon. Ü

  14. Gangsta. says:

    Aqua rising, Scorp sun, sag moon, Libra mars.
    Not so bad. My air and flex fire cool me off.
    While my scorp is raging on the inside and trying to figure out why my other guys won’t pull into action, sag is laughing at something else, libra is rationalizing and debating whats the best next step, and aqua is acting like it has super powers and is suddenly removed from human experience.

  15. LilyTheFrilly says:

    “Anger is so unattractive”

    I lol’d. It’s easy to imagine a very effeminate man saying this.

  16. LOLLLLLLLLLLLL @ THE FIVE STAR
    HEHEHEHEHE

  17. lmaooooo soooo truue with the gemini!!! i remember weird info that usually makes me look like stalker xDDDD. and i have all sorts of evil plans that’ll probably work…but i never do them lol. well there was this one thing where i hacked into these girls’ lockers cuz i hated them…

  18. I have to agree with the entire assessment, being a Sagittarius I certainly agree with our stars awarded and analysis. It requires a LOT of energy to get me even highly stirred up and there have been a couple times in my life where I was just PISSED OFF! I scream and I shout and I disect every little detail and shove it down the offender’s throat and I then simply walk away… a little hurt but then I notice another white rabbit till I fall down another hole. =)

  19. Virgo sun, Scorpio rising and Pisces moon…

  20. Fantastic post thanks. I am a true aries!

  21. I’m a true Aries, although there might be a little mis-wording here…We Aries (especially us women) CAN and DO hold grudges! It is a bit immature at times, but hey…I’ve held grudges (not forgetting when someone has done me totally wrong) for weeks, sometimes months, and with one shady friend, a year…The next time I see the person that’s done me dirty they’ve forgotten the incident; I haven’t, and I’m ice-cold toward them…

  22. Stu the Man says:

    I’m an Aries and I hold grudges. The only sign I respect and avoid messing with is Scorpio. I work things out with them. I don’t want my tires slashed or come in to work and get fired.

  23. ::chuckle chuckle::

    xD

  24. Im a Libra sun with moon in Aries and Cancer Rising, good lord I’m a bossy woman! To release my inner bitch, hmmmmm….I don’t need to its out in the open :) Triple Cardinals are very blunt…….

  25. Thanks I love it! I am a Pisces Sun and I am a complete stealth bitch, hate conflict but I just can’t resist those underhanded jibes!

  26. Virgo sun / Sagittarius rising, But I can be a bytch seriously.

  27. Oops, found out I was wrong, Libra Sun, Aires Moon and Scorpio Rising, I guess its the mixture of a real bitch :) But seriously, I’ve seen “bitch” in everyone….Everyone with a brain that is :) I was also born year of the dog, Metal dogs are strong bitches…..I guess a dragon lady woulod be pretty harsh too……

  28. This is so true! I’m a Gem. I once had a great plan to get back at an ex a**hole boyfriend. Hide jumbo shrimp in stategic places all over his car in the middle of summer. I hid about 4, then my friend had to finish cause I got a phone call and spent 30 minutes talking while she climbed all over the car looking for goood spots to hide them (LOL)! Sorry, got distracted! (she said my GADD kicked in—GADD=Gemini attention deficit disorder)

  29. look at the description of aquarius vs capricorn. surely sounds like capricorn is the bigger bitch, so why 3 stars for aqua and only 2 for capricorn?

  30. Lessonszyx says:

    Lesson

  31. aqua
    funny, Ive ever met an Aqua bitch or a Capricorn bitch. Ive seen both get angry, but it was apropriate, it seems to take a lot to get an Aqua steamed up.

  32. lol

    well im a pisces and I have to say to get us to be a bitch u have to really bother us.

    Personally I don’t really like holding in anger and would much rather be honest with someone ( sag moon, aqua mars and mercury) I can be short fused thanks to my sagi moon but it also just makes me come out with it and forget pretty quickly I usually don’t bother with revenge and grudges to seek revenge against someone else makes you no better than them.

    I usually dont like losing my cool as it makes you look bad.One sure fire to get me to be a bitch ? bring up a past argument you’ll be toast in a nano second lol

    Water signs esp pisces don’t like to display emotion and can be hardshelled as a form of protection of intense feelings. So for me to really go physo bitch you have to have gotten under my skin then it will be a case of you made me feel that crap so now you will pay ( when you least expect it neptune is the master of illusions so the element of suprise no problem :D)

  33. I am a Gemini. Usually we have too much going on for ourselves but I would totally disagree with us not being able to be patient to get revenge. For real. I have a knack for nurturing grudges with people I dislike of course. Me and this Aries girl were starting a “friendship” from what I thought but she was just a jealous bitch about my happiness and by how many guys would come to me. She would always try to control all the conversation and act sexy but nobody really gaved a shit because she was only revealing inner tensions. A friend of mine who know had been hanging out with her and some of her girl/guy friends and told me she always talked trash about me. I asked him what was his observations of her when she said things. He said it is clearly her jealous insecurities. He was saying shit behind my back and then just saying good things about herself to make herself look good. I really believe she does this unconsciously but since they are always upfront they dont really analyze their behavior many times. The things she was saying were really mean but did not really bother me because I was in a very good space mentally and my life was at a high point really. I still was pissed though because I had genuinely offered my friendship. A couple of weeks later I saw her at a bar and we both were somewhat tipsy. She came up to me to say hi. She was like heeeeyyy you did not say hi to me. I had not seen her so I was like well im just seeing you know. Whats up? Then she told me I was very weird sometimes and I was like what the heckk do you mean? Then she said sometimes I dont talk to her when we hang out and I just remain silent when she sasys something. By then I was starting to get really pissed and said well thats because you always talk trash about the people you see and it is quite unnatractive. Then she puts this lost innocent look on her face and shes like jesus you are so mean!!! I was like Bitch!!! Thatts what the fuck you have been doing to me behind my back also! Then her eyes went like..Oh ooohhh…oops! She started saying some nonsensical shit trying to shift the blame on me and getting real close to me and I just punched her in the face and she fell to the floor. Some guys held me back and lifted her up. She was wild and yelling dumb shit to nobody in particular and I just walked down the stairs. When I came back up to play pool with my friends (gem boy, leo boy, taurus girl) She was still whining and talking to guys about how mean or how blabh blah blah I was. Everybody in that place already knew she just walks around talking about herself all the time anyways. They were just kind of like, whatever. After some time I think she picked up on how she was behaving because the times I have seen her after that she looks really ashamed when we make eye contact. Oh well. Many times I just let things go but I certainly can hold on to grudges. Some I can not let go at all. Depends on what was done to me and all the attitudes involved in the relation and the reasons. A part of me always wants to fight. If that part got really angry or hurt that part wont give in ever really. I broke a guys windshield once when he was partying because he called me a son of a bitch. My parents are divorced and that really angered me. Technically it hurt me but I kind of skipped the ouchie part. Waited a couple of weeks and when he went to this keg party in high school we followed him. Not literally followed…but we snuck up. All the cars were parked outside of the house and my Gem and Leo friends came with me. We brought empty bottles with us as ammunition just in case. But I had a huge rock and Gem boy set the car ready to take off and I got out with the rock and smashed in. Ran to the car and took off. I dont think he ever realized it was me. But fuck him. Dumbass.

  34. glenial renee says:

    haha..november 19th..SCORPIO! I’m the bitchiest..like i didn’t already know that.

  35. i like being a scorp.

    but im not the average scorp by far.

  36. haha imagine a SCORPIO vs. GEMINI
    ouch

  37. hahaha – this is an awesome read . . . yup approach with chocolate or a back rub for sure

  38. Lindsey says:

    The scorpio is so true.Since im a scorpio I can say that I will be obsessive with things and will always want to be powerful.

  39. 0UTSP0KENgirl says:

    Hmm, weird. I read in a book that a Libra’s bitch rating was an A+. I guess people really think Libras are too good to get down and dirty. However, I’m a Libra so I guess I don’t get down and dirty, lol. Yet, my ASC is in Sagittarius with Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune in my first house. Plus, I have Leo Moon, Virgo Venus, Aries Mars, and Libra Mercury. I’m also born in the year (earth) dragon. Usually people perceive me how they want to. I’m a nice individual and don’t have time for drama, however, I have played the role of the devil’s advocate or started some stuff just to be devilish. Yet, I was young and immature. I don’t resort to drama anymore. It’s a waste of time and energy.

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