You’ve had a few dates and things are going well, but at some time into the relationship, the bitch will make an appearance — it has to, no one can sustain that level of perfection forever! The really dark side of each sign, the side that stays hidden until you know you have your date hooked (or vice versa), comes out sooner or later. If you don’t like it raw and nasty, turn away now. But if you want to know your Bitch Rating — with five stars being the bitchiest of them all — read on.
Generally speaking, fire ranks low on the bitchiness scale. Agreed, the temper can blow to boiling status within a nanosecond, but generally speaking, without sufficient fuel, fire burns itself out relatively quickly.
Your temper reaches boiling point (and back again) in less than a second. You disagree (loudly) with anything that isn’t your idea, and arrogantly expect your partner to give way or suffer the consequences. You are pathologically competitive and the zodiac’s worst loser, but your bitch rating is low because you simply do not have the attention span required to hold a really good grudge. Stay away from flat-pack furniture and anything with instructions.
When you are King (or Queen) of all you survey, why demean yourself with nasty gossip or bitching? Your temper is modeled on the worst of toddler supermarket tantrums, and makes for entertaining theater. Your drama lasts as long as is necessary to achieve maximum impact, at which point you will allow yourself to be soothed and petted back to purring.
Your bitch rating is so low, it’s almost off the scale. Even though you have the quick temper of all your Fire friends, you don’t have the time (or the inclination) to hang around and make a “thing” about it. So, you explode in a rampage of shouting — crudely and tactlessly blurting out what you need to say, and tearing off to your next adventure without another thought. Your victims are either laughing at the display or sobbing over the exceptionally rude remark you have already forgotten about. You, on the other hand, are falling over something new.
Mud can be thrown, and it is some dirty, mucky stuff — and if there is no real practical reason to lose your temper, why waste the energy?
It all seems like too much effort to get worked up about anything. But when you do, the earth shakes and those horns can disembowel anyone within reach. The Bull’s temper takes a while to arouse (which is why your bitch rating is only 2 stars), but it takes just as long for you to calm down — you like to hang on to things, tightly. But you do get over it, eventually. Smart people know to wait a few days (or a week, or a month) and approach only with chocolate … or a back rub.
You wear your victims down with incessant nagging and detail. You tell your date that her bum looks fat in those jeans because (a) she asked, and it does; (b) you know the best diets; and (c) you only criticize the ones you love. You don’t have a temper as such, because you don’t have time to get really mad — there is too much to do because no one else cares enough to do anything properly — and you will have the dates and other supporting evidence to prove it.
You don’t like to embarrass yourself in front of those you need to impress, so carefully consider their rank and wallet before unleashing that unforgiving temper of yours. But should you or your status be shown any disrespect, you will head-butt the presumptuous young upstart back down the ladder where they belong — no matter how undignified it may appear. After all, experience counts so much more than youth and speed.
Air uses its brilliant mental capacity wisely.
Bitch extraordinaire. You prefer to get even rather than mad, and have a deadly brain that stores random, trivial information that can be used when it really counts. While bitch twin is using that razor sharp tongue to do some serious cutting, the nice twin can be sucking up and apologizing with absolute heartfelt sincerity. You are at your worst and most destructive when bored, but thankfully don’t have the attention span to focus on a satisfying revenge.
Anger is so unattractive … and likely to result in broken nails, unsightly red blotchy eyes, and messed hair. It is more effective to flounce around a little and stamp your designer heels — you are usually able to get what you want with charm and a few well-placed poisonous remarks to your friends over coffee. It would never occur to you to say something nasty directly to someone — not because it would hurt them, but because it would make you look bad. It’s so much more civilized to get someone else to do that for you.
With that database that is your brain, you are able to coolly detach as soon as commitment — such a 20th century concept — raises its nasty head. Mentally, you are so far above most people that it takes a really worthy opponent for you to bother crushing them. So, speaking theoretically, you can destroy with icepick precision, but in practice there are so many other more worthwhile things your brain could be doing…
Water is motivated by feeling, so has the capacity to take anything and everything personally. This has the potential to produce a really creative and totally effective bitch.
Your bitch rating depends on the Moon phase — zero to an absolutely filthy temper in a second … or a passive-aggressive retreat into your shell to indulge your misery, eat copious amounts of chocolate, and practice everything you’ll say next time you scuttle out. Naturally suspicious of the world and the gloom it brings with it, you don’t forget a grievance — it just proves you were right to be mistrusting. Don’t mess with Mamma Crab…
Scorpio is the undisputed king of the colorful revenge fantasy. You are obsessive, possessive, manipulative, and have an absolute lust for Total Control. Your rage is carefully controlled to ensure your victims never quite know when they will be struck down. But you rarely shout — cold, calm flatlining is much more frightening. You analytical brain lets you dig out any weakness in your prey, and you have enough focus to wait … for the right time, and the right place. Scorpio does not forget, never forgives, and never ever ever apologizes.
Surprised? Don’t be. Pisces at its most creative can be the absolute master manipulator and an underwater stealth bomber. This is mainly because you avoid conflict and lack the focus to engage in direct one-on-one combat. Your greatest advantage is that people continually underestimate you … or feel sorry for you. Meanwhile, they have told you their deepest, darkest secrets and exposed their weak emotional points — which you can, of course, use … later. If you get caught, just shrug your shoulders and blame someone else or alcohol: “Sorry, I was drunk and it just happened.” These things do….