Cosmic Dating with PensiveGemini: The other woman
April 22, 2009 by Pensive Gemini
“Cosmic Dating with PensiveGemini” relates the true-life chronicles of a twenty-something Brooklynite with a Gemini Sun, Aquarius Moon and Cancer Rising. Last week, she spent time with Mr. Aquarius again. (If you’re new to her blog, start at the beginning.)
Last week, Uranus exactly squared my natal 12th house Venus in Gemini. I have been waiting for the unveiling of this event for over a month already. All things pointed to something hidden being revealed. I thought it was I who was hiding something, as I had been dating Mr. Capricorn and Mr. Aquarius at the same time. Dating more than one guy was acceptable to me because Mr. Aquarius wanted to keep our relationship open, and I also wanted to take my time. While Venus was retrograde and Mr. AquaStell came back around, Mr. Aquarius’ disappearing acts and arm’s length interactions became unappealing. Still, I reunited with him last week, only to have his secrets revealed.
Mr. Aquarius insisted he pick me up from work and take me out to dinner late last week. After dinner, we made our way to his house to watch a movie. I excused myself to use the bathroom. I noticed there was no toilet tissue, so I made my way to his cabinet beneath the sink. I didn’t see any toilet paper. I was about to close the cabinet doors when I spotted a pink shower cap. That’s funny, I thought. I pulled it out and decided I would walk out of the bathroom wearing it and make fun of him for having a pink shower cap … and that’s when I spotted the tampons. What?! Tampons?! Then I saw a Sephora bag with a hair brush poking out of it. Right beside it were two Skintimate shaving gel cans. I didn’t touch anything. I wish I could write that my Cancer ascendant took over and began to weep, or that my Scorpio Mars threw all the contents of that Sephora bag in Mr. Aquarius’ face in a passionate frenzy. But I didn’t. We had been dating, but we weren’t committed to each other. Sure, at some point I really thought something could happen with Mr. Aquarius. And now it made sense why he kept me at a distance and disappointed me all those times — why he didn’t care if I met his friends or not, or if I felt uncomfortable with the whole Janice situation — because he never had any intention to fully allow me into his life. I thought back to the first person he mentioned to me when we were on our first date — his Scorpio ex, someone he dated for eight years but was supposedly not speaking to any longer. I need to think about all this, register it all, I thought. I told Mr. Aquarius I had forgotten I had to finish a project for work before the night was over. I took a cab home.
Saturn is retrograding through my third house of communication, forcing me to really examine my communication style, or lack thereof. I am not the best at sharing my feelings. Even as a kid, the minute I felt someone would question my feelings or push them to the side — as my mother did — I shut down. I have my natal Saturn in the fourth house, which can relate to difficulty with a parent. I am finding that my lack of communication with my mother (my father passed away when I was four) is really affecting how I communicate in my intimate relationships. That’s the cycle of life, right? Add my Cancer ascendant, and I become guarded with my feelings. Throw my Aqua Moon into the mix, and I have to say that I am not always sure about what I feel.
The next morning I sent Mr. Aquarius a text message: “Why do you have a pink shower cap and tampons under your sink?”
He replied, “They have been there for a while, they are my ex’s.”
“Then she is still coming over?” I ask.
“No, that is why she is my ex.”
“Why would you keep them for so long if she is no longer coming over? You wouldn’t keep something so personal under your sink unless it was still needed.”
And no response after that.
I am not exactly proud about how I handled the situation. I probably should have done it in person, you know, the right way. But what for? Why expend that energy on something I had already decided was not working for me? I simply appreciate that the Universe was giving me an opportunity to find out the truth.
Coming Up…
Next week, PensiveGemini asks AquaStell about his music…
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Maybe he is an undercover cross-dresser and loves pink shower caps. LOL, OMG, poor you. I always like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and don’t like to assume because lord knows I’m not the most normal person in the world and a lot of what I do is suspect. I’m so sorry that you had to experience that but I know you are going to use this in a positive way. Don’t kill me, but for some reason I kinda believe him and when you pointed out the “needing the personal items” thing, he froze because he didn’t realize that’s how normal ppl would view it. Sometimes when we break up with a close partner we keep personal items around past the point of expiration just out of habit or in some way they comfort us. When I broke up with my husband, I kept his shaving kit and cologne in my bathroom for a long time (and I was the one that wanted the divorce). I’m not being naive about him, you know I would be the first one to call it like I see it. Its just too cruel to bring you to his apt and expect that you would not notice that a woman is marking her territory with personal items. Aquas don’t like to intentionally hurt someone. If I’m wrong, then he is the biggest jerk and you are right to not waste anymore of your time.
As for the way you handled it, don’t beat yourself up over that. At least you texted him. At one point in my life I would of just said nothing at all. Now knowing what I know about life, I prob would of asked him point blank in person right after I came out of the bathroom, but that’s me. Chin up baby girl {{HUGS}}
AquaLover– Thank you for always having an open mind and being fair, i really appreciate that… We spoke in person just yesterday, actually… He said he thought it didn’t really bother me that much since I didn’t bother to ask him in person or over the phone, but chose to do it through text… I told him I had trouble figuring out what I was allowed to feel but that in the end, I just wanted to know why those tampons were there… he said that they were his Ex’s and that he kept them there for whichever girl would need them next… I said that sounded like a bogus reason and that he shouldn’t attempt to take me for a fool… he didn’t understand what was bogus about it… we went back and forth on whether or not that was a valid reason and in the end I just kind of shut down and stopped talking… it didnt take me long to get me out of my funk as he took me to dinner and just started opening up a bit more about our past relationships and his “dating the entire zodiac”— sigh— I don’t believe he’s hiding any big secret, like a wife and kids, but I don’t buy the whole -tampons on there for any other girl who may need them- thing— I don’t like to be lied to, who does? But I’m not mad or depressed or let down… I’m just still hoping for a Mr. Right for me…
Mr. Right (big sigh), where is he? To tell you the truth, he doesn’t exist. All you can hope for is someone who sees you entirely flaws and all and loves you anyway. I agree with you, I don’t like to be lied to, tell me the truth no matter how ugly it is and I will respect you more. His reason is an odd one, but look where its coming from, an Aqua, enough said, lol. He dated the entire zodiac? Impossible, lol. All the sun/moon/venus/mars/etc, not to mention the rising signs? Lol, of course I’m joking. He opened up? Yo, that is actually great news. Anytime you can get an Aqua to open up is cause for celebration. Are you going to see him again?
Well, I have a surprise for you, I saw AquaBlue…we had a late dinner last night. It was great seeing him, we spoke at length about my goals (he is pushing me to becoming a therapist). He was warm and engaged and I could see he truly missed me. How I feel about him? While I love him very much as my friend , I have moved on. Those feelings of desire are gone. He held my hand and kissed me on the lips when we met, but I didn’t feel my heart racing like before, maybe time will tell. But I feel so free, I made it to the other side.
“Mr. Right (big sigh), where is he? To tell you the truth, he doesn’t exist. All you can hope for is someone who sees you entirely flaws and all and loves you anyway.”
Yep. To me, that sounds right. I mean, I guess you can’t have the goosebumps all the time, huh? I’m an idealist and a dreamer, and it is what draws people to me and away from me. I want the goosebumps and connection and the love, all from a man who has his own mind, respects and adores me… I know some people get it… I want it, too *sigh* lol I sound like a kid…
That’s really great that you met up with him and that he is pushing you to become a therapist… whats holding you back??? (I’m nosy!)
“Those feelings of desire are gone. He held my hand and kissed me on the lips when we met, but I didn’t feel my heart racing like before, maybe time will tell. But I feel so free, I made it to the other side.” Are you one of those ppl who once the fire is gone, its gone? I ask only cuz I am not one of those ppl… I’ve been in situations where I meet up with someone, think the fire is gone, and the minute I start to hang out with them again, here come the butterflies! grrr!
I have had the goosebumps (no love or adoration) and then I had the love and adoration (no goosebumps), just not from the same person. The total package would be ideal. But you know the most important thing is to be friends. I mean true friends, someone you can talk to about anything, who gets who you are. Have you ever seen the movie “Notes on a Scandal”? There is a scene where the husband tells his wife (who has been molesting a 14 year old boy), “Why didn’t you come to me? You could have told me how lonely you were. You never trusted me to help you. I’m not saying I was so f***ing fabulous, but I was here.” Thats what I want, someone like that, someone I can go to and tell him my most innermost feelings and get supported. (sigh).
Well, me is holding me back. Raising my boys and making the money. When you are a single mom, you tend to put yourself last. He thinks I am a natural and says that I have helped him so much. I actually have to schedule time with my friends and family so I can talk to all of them, I’m the go to person for advice or just to listen. It was what I wanted to be before my marriages and the children came. I finally enrolled in school and in the fall will be a freshman (part time). He is really fired up about this and is already offering his services as a study partner. It’s great to see his passion for a change.
I’m the type of person that when I am done, I’m done, especially when the object of my affection hurt me. I think that now that I am not so passionate about him, he is relaxing and now HE is the passionate one. But I am leery, you know how Aquas are, they will shower you with attention when they feel they are losing you and then when the attention is on them again, they retreat. I’m tired of that. How about a Libra? lol….
PG – “Why he didn’t care if I met his friends or not, or if I felt uncomfortable with the whole Janice situation — because he never had any intention to fully allow me into his life.”
This is one of those lines that really gets’ me; unless it was “entirely that casual” at some point in any relationship the other person should want you to meet their friends or at least their closest friend. And really that meeting is important on a number of levels. I wouldn’t say it’s an indication of any duplicitous intent but it would make me wonder as well.
PG – “I was about to close the cabinet doors when I spotted a pink shower cap. That’s funny, I thought. I pulled it out and decided I would walk out of the bathroom wearing it and make fun of him for having a pink shower cap … and that’s when I spotted the tampons. What?! Tampons?! Then I saw a Sephora bag with a hair brush poking out of it. Right beside it were two Skintimate shaving gel cans.”
With the exception of the few items I still have most of that stuff lurking around from my ex-gf. The tampons are long gone though my cousin ran off with them though fairly quickly. However the purple shower cap even still hangs in the shower. I always figured someone might use them or want them so I left them in their places rather than letting them waist away in some landfill somewhere. Might be the same with him or might not it’s hard to say if he’s telling the truth or not. Given that you found these other items did you bother to count the tooth brushes that’s a far better indicator as to if someone’s still spending the night frequently. Being that you’ve been looking for reasons why he was so non-committal in advancing the relationship it might be wise to think on it a bit more. Or at least on the issue of do you think you can trust him. As a relationship without trust will falter turn to turmoil and fail if not remedied before it gets ugly.
AL – “To tell you the truth, he doesn’t exist. All you can hope for is someone who sees you entirely flaws and all and loves you anyway.”
So true there are plenty of Mr. Right Nows and never quite enough Mr. Lastings to go around.
AL – “But I am leery, you know how Aquas are, they will shower you with attention when they feel they are losing you and then when the attention is on them again, they retreat. I’m tired of that. How about a Libra? lol….”
Most signs shower their others with attention if they are fearful of losing their other. Aquas are extra bad with it though because they tend hold back to start with. The real goal though is never to let it get that bad.
Libra’s tend to be very romantic, and charming both the men (ex-best friend) and the women (new bestie) but they are also very indecisive. To the point where they can make an aloof Aqua look luke warm in the matters of the heart however when they know what they want they’re golden. It’s one of my favorite signs.
Some updates on my situation: So I finally found out that she went back to him so many times. We talked about it yesterday as we were heading off shopping. And it was as I thought the missing the comfort and security of being in a relationship. I know you were very curious about it so I wanted to make sure I remembered to tell you. The ex-bf drama is on the upswing again, he found out we were hanging out again and that she was hanging out with some other people too rather than sitting around being miserable and has begun freaking out a bit. I just hope he gets over it sooner than later as she has and moves on. His behavior is just so juvenile it makes me a bit sick and I’m not a big fan of having to watch my back.
Our friendship is slowly (perhaps quickly) getting back on track. We’ve been seeing a lot more of each other and talking at least a little bit each day. Which isn’t quite the same as it was (all day all night) but in some ways it might be better. A little space never hurt anyone if you know what I mean and we were entirely attached by the hip via txt before. Today’s actually the first day since Sunday that I’m not sure if I’m going to hang out with her as we’re both really bad at making plans (we got as far as we’d chat a little today). I should actually say Saturday as I saw her for a little bit then too even if it was only for an hour. She makes me feel so welcome, wanted, and comfortable it’s hard to leave her side when we hang out.
I’m just curious if this has happened to anyone before but has anyone had a friend that no one believed was just a friend? Since we started hanging out midsummer last year and even before we got close people constantly asked us if where going out. Then by late winter (some less then classy) people were curiously asking if we were sleeping together. And crazy enough someone while out shopping a few days ago decided to assume we were married. So it just makes me wonder if this happens to other people too or if it might just be in how we interact with each other? As it would explain a bit of why her ex-bf refuses to believe there isn’t something deeper going on between us.
TCA, “I’m just curious if this has happened to anyone before but has anyone had a friend that no one believed was just a friend?” Yes I do, my business partner. We are inseparable, when I was pregnant with my third son, he was so supportive and was the first one at the hospital. I even named my son after him , he has blue eyes and so does my son, omg the rumors, till this day his wife always looks at my son strangely, lol. I know all his secrets and he knows mine. He is a Taurus, solid guy, never has let me down, always has my back no matter what.
Thanks AquaLover, Ya I can imagine how that could start some rumors. Its just one of those things that got me wondering the other day. I had asked a few other people I talk to but it had only happened to them with people they were actually dating and had just been elevated in relationship stage.
TCA– “I’m just curious if this has happened to anyone before but has anyone had a friend that no one believed was just a friend?”
I have, but not without one of us wanting more. My first love was my Scorpio best friend when I was 15. We had almost every class together and were inseparable. Everyone thought we were together and said we’d grow up and get married and his girlfriends always had a problem with me. We also went to College together but thats when I went out with an Aries for three years and after our break up, the Scorpio told me he had had feeling for me the entire time I was with the Aries. But his Best friend, a Cancer, was “in love with me” as they both put it, had become one of my best friends, too, except I really did love him very much as just a friend- we went grocery shopping, to the movies, the library (he was a bookworm and so am I) studied together, but for me it really was just a friendship.
What you seem to have with your Libra sounds very very sweet and there’s no doubt that she needs, wants, and enjoys you or she wouldn’t be spending so much time with you. I just think friendships between a man and a woman have a very thin, blurred line, and in part that what makes it alluring. You can flirt with boundaries even when knowing that you’ll never cross them. You can have that comfort and attention from the opposite sex even when you are single and to some capacity feel fulfilled. At least that’s how I felt for a long time with my Scorpio. I was always very independent even as a kid and teenager and never was the type to constantly be in relationships. I have to say that one thing that comforted me was knowing I had my Scorpio friend. If I needed affection or reassurance from a male that I trusted, I would go to him. The problem was that as the years went on it became increasingly difficult for another guy to connect with me in the way that he and I did and I admit that I really did want to fall in love and be in a relationship with someone I could have that same connection with, someone who was my best friend.
Not sure if I am helping at all with my Scorpio story, but regardless, these friendships are still very important. You might be that extra strength she needs in letting go of that guy.
AquaLover– That story with the Taurus and how ppl think he’s your baby daddy is hilarious… thats really cool that he’s been there for you when you’ve needed him… how did you meet him? how long have you known him?
Also, I can’t imagine having three children to take care of and still being able to show support to so many people that reach out to you–including me!!! One HUGE THANK YOU to inffinity!!! You are a very open person, objective and understanding, I agree with AquaBlue that you should pursue it. I think its awesome that you’ve registered for classes, that’s exciting!!
PenGem, You are very welcome! (and thank you for your kind words, awwww shucks, lol) I am very excited, its never too late to follow your dreams. I met my business partner 13 years ago when he hired me to be his assistant. I became his right hand and we successfully launched a startup company and sold it after 8 years, during that time, he promoted me many times, but would never hire another assistant, he said that he didn’t trust anyone else and I was stuck with him (so of course, I would hire ME more assistants, lol). After we sold the company, he made me his partner and we still work on projects as consultants. I love him to bits, he is like my brother and when we are together everyone thinks we are married (well he says I’m his business wife). All my bf at one time or another have been really jealous of him, even AquaBlue, he kept asking me are you sure there is nothing going on?? To tell you the truth, he is a very attractive man and if circumstances were different, I think we would prob make a go of it, but I don’t mix business with pleasure and he has always respected me.
You know, I have actually known quite a few guys who still keep weird mementos from their ex even if they hate her. My last ex-boyfriend had this pair of fuzzy fuschia Totes slipper-socks that had belonged to his ex-girlfriend, who he’d only ever described to me as being totally repugnant; he even went so far as to give them to me to wear one day when his apartment was really cold. (I wore them because my feet were desperately freezing, although I was a little disturbed that he would have at some point actually had sex with someone who would wear those monstrosities. Fuzzy. Fuschia. Totes. Slipper. Socks. O. M. G.) Another boyfriend prior had tons of tampons and junk left over from his last girlfriend, which he also offered me when I needed some, to which I replied that I did not want anything that had to do with that other girl’s vagina. I think guys just don’t make the connection somehow that it’s kind of vaguely offensive and weird to keep that stuff around when a new girl comes into their life. And it’s always bathroom stuff, for some reason, like intimate hygiene stuff. Very weird.
Very Interesting Thread Guys!!
PG – I just wanted to say that by not dealing with the shower cap etc. (the issue) you missed out on a real opportunity. I understand about not wanting to deal with him one-on-one, but…
By asking him straight out, you would have been able to look at his body language, facial clues, etc. You would have been able to get an idea of how he reacts under difficult situations, you could have learned all sorts of stuff.
Also, you might have learned not to jump to conclusions. Because even though it certainly looked completely like his ex was still in the pic, it doesn’t mean there couldn’t have been another reason. It is supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. I always try to find lots of reasons for why a person might have done something, since i’m not a mind reader.
Relationships are hard work. Staying there and sticking it out through thick and thin. For next time, you might want to muster the courage, and deal with the situation (whoever it’s with). It will even show you how you interact as a couple, since everyone’s different….
I hope you understand i’m just trying to give you something to think about–you can take it or leave it.
ps, I wish you all the best (with whoever), and I have really enjoyed reading your posts!
Oops, I meant to say, “by not dealing with it in person”
PG – “My first love was my Scorpio best friend when I was 15. We had almost every class together and were inseparable. Everyone thought we were together and said we’d grow up and get married and his girlfriends always had a problem with me.”
That’s what everyone use to say, about my second love and myself. We didn’t go to the same school or college though and really it wasn’t till we were out of school post 18 that we got really close. Everyone just assumed we’d end up together though and that we were just in denial.
PG – “What you seem to have with your Libra sounds very very sweet and there’s no doubt that she needs, wants, and enjoys you or she wouldn’t be spending so much time with you.”,
There’s no questioning in that. I know how she feels about our friendship we had a long talk about it one night in the lull before the drama storm that followed. I questioned it briefly while we weren’t able to talk but I don’t have any doubts left lingering she killed them all with kindness. I don’t think I’ve ever meet anyone before her that has been so caring about how I feel or in what I might be thinking that it’s hard not just respond in kind. I’m fairly sure there’s a lot of it is the interplay between my Virgo Moon and her Virgo Venus that leads builds into the nurture, compassionate, kindness overkill (it’s almost competitive sometimes hehe).
PG – “You can have that comfort and attention from the opposite sex even when you are single and to some capacity feel fulfilled.”
It’s always been funny as far as that goes with me as the number of female friends has always been larger then male friends since I was really young. So it’s never really had any special allure to it for me. Most of my female friends over the years even go as far as just treat me like one of the girls. Largely it’s been that way because I actually enjoy much of the stuff that most guys just run from because it might appear to make them look less manly.
PG – “You might be that extra strength she needs in letting go of that guy.”
With their previous breakup she said I made things much easier for her and this time around one of her female friends that he chased off is back too so she has even more support.
PG – “The problem was that as the years went on it became increasingly difficult for another guy to connect with me in the way that he and I did and I admit that I really did want to fall in love and be in a relationship with someone I could have that same connection with, someone who was my best friend.”
I know that feeling very well. It’s really hard to find people that are compatible at that level though especially ones that aren’t already friends. I’ve found myself over the years getting pickier and pickier about the people I’m willing to be with mostly for that same reason.
PG – “Not sure if I am helping at all with my Scorpio story, but regardless, these friendships are still very important.”
It certainly didn’t hurt besides I love sharing experiences; it opens up a wider spectrum of events to learn from.
LucyGoldstein – “Another boyfriend prior had tons of tampons and junk left over from his last girlfriend, which he also offered me when I needed some, to which I replied that I did not want anything that had to do with that other girl’s vagina. I think guys just don’t make the connection somehow that it’s kind of vaguely offensive and weird to keep that stuff around when a new girl comes into their life. And it’s always bathroom stuff, for some reason, like intimate hygiene stuff.”
LOL… It’s not that weird to a guy as they are just individually wrapped things with no real intimate value… For example and I know this is going to be a really strange comparison but if a guy came over and was hungry and you offered him one of those individually wrapped string cheese sticks. He wouldn’t wonder whose mouth the others went into or worry about who handled it prior to him because of the wrapper.
It makes me wonder if the situation had been a little diffrent such as your at a platonic male friends house who has a live in girlfriend would your answer have been the same? Or is it simply because of the ex-factor?
ChiCa – “Very Interesting Thread Guys!!”
hehe I agree…
AquaL–
That is an awesome story… just when i think i know about your romantic life (not that the Taurus is a particularly romantic situation, just really sweet) you surprise me with a very special story… that is really great that you were able to have such a successful business partnership and friendship, what a blessing… thats very rare…
LucyG–
“(I wore them because my feet were desperately freezing, although I was a little disturbed that he would have at some point actually had sex with someone who would wear those monstrosities. Fuzzy. Fuschia. Totes. Slipper. Socks. O. M. G.)”
Haha you are hilarious, i loved that line lol
“Another boyfriend prior had tons of tampons and junk left over from his last girlfriend, which he also offered me when I needed some, to which I replied that I did not want anything that had to do with that other girl’s vagina”
LMAO… seriously what are they thinking??? What if I had a pair of boxers and offered them to him for whatever reason, wouldn’t that be strange???? unbelievable! The funny thing is they swear they are doing something nice! lol A HUGE thank you for sharing that story it was great.
WateryGirl–
Thank you for being honest. I completely bypassed the idea that its an opportunity to get to know him, to feel him out, and I do recognize that I have a habit of collecting convenient evidence and jumping to conclusions… my aries ex used to tell i generalize and jump to conclusions… i guess its my cancer rising that just guards herself, and I figure I can’t get the truth from someone unless I find the truth myself… guess it all boils down to trust… I didn’t trust him telling me the truth…
The UPDATE is that we did meet in person and we talked about it. He said he kept it there in case anyone he was dating needed it… I dont know, i think thats a bit ridiculous but according the stories on the thread, I guess he’s not the only guy who thinks that keeping that stuff is a -thoughtful- thing…
“By asking him straight out, you would have been able to look at his body language, facial clues, etc. You would have been able to get an idea of how he reacts under difficult situations,”
The funny thing about that is that I was the one looking away and he was the one who kept telling me to look at him, to look him in the eyes… it made me uncomfortable, I don’t know why, but I did feel better about the situation just by seeing that he wasn’t running away from it and that he wasn’t afraid to talk about it…
TCA–
“For example and I know this is going to be a really strange comparison but if a guy came over and was hungry and you offered him one of those individually wrapped string cheese sticks. He wouldn’t wonder whose mouth the others went into or worry about who handled it prior to him because of the wrapper. ”
LOL that was such a guy thing to say… no way, not the same thing lol… like the example I gave to wateryfire… if for some reason, lets say we got caught in the rain together, and he comes over to my house to dry off… if I had a packet of opened fruit of the looms, of which my ex took a pair… wouldnt it be just a little weird if I wipped out the rest of the package of tidy whities and offered him one?? and wouldnt he wonder why i have an open package of male underwear? I dont know, thats the best analogy I could come up with lol, however, I am glad to read that everyone is being fair and open minded about the tampon thing lol
“I know that feeling very well. It’s really hard to find people that are compatible at that level though especially ones that aren’t already friends. I’ve found myself over the years getting pickier and pickier about the people I’m willing to be with mostly for that same reason.”
completely agree… our friends of the opp sex also help us figure out, through these friendships, what we’re okay with, what we enjoy, what we need in companionship, and what we can’t deal with… so we become pickier and pickier because we actually know what we want now… its just that the pickier we get, the lesser the options, thus, making these connections and friendships all the more significant and special…
TCA- Thanks for that cheese sticks comparison, it was great to read while I was eating an individually wrapped Babybel cheese.
Pensive, I’m so glad to hear that you guys met and talked about it. Personally I think that jumping to conclusions can be one of the biggest (and fastest) relationship killers.
PenGem,”that is really great that you were able to have such a successful business partnership and friendship, what a blessing… thats very rare…” I agree with you, I have been very blessed with my life experiences, positive and negative alike, everything happens for a reason. Looking at my chart closer reveals that I have Jupiter in Aqua in my 11th House, and Gem is ruling my 3rd House, also Cappie is my midheaven in my 10th House, so now that I know all that it makes perfect sense why an employer and I would bond so tightly. Thanks to you, I was inspired to learn more about my placements. If I was to tell you about all the special things that have happened in my life, you would tell me to write a book (lol).
“our friends of the opp sex also help us figure out, through these friendships, what we’re okay with, what we enjoy, what we need in companionship, and what we can’t deal with…” That’s a very true statement, most of my friends are male, and I have learned so much from them.
PG – “LOL that was such a guy thing to say… no way, not the same thing lol…”
Giggle I had to say it for just that reason; I really couldn’t resist. Men just they don’t have the same intimacy issues with tampons, pads and the rest of those goodies so it doesn’t make them think of their ex’s in the same way as it does for women. When it happened to me I offered them up to a family member and they didn’t care, she even took the rest of the box with her. So I think it has a lot more to do with the ex-factor then just the intimate goods.
I mean personally I would think it would be stranger buying one out of a vending machine in a public bathroom than to use one from some ones household closet where you know at least half the people that probably handled the outer container.
PG – “if for some reason, lets say we got caught in the rain together, and he comes over to my house to dry off… if I had a packet of opened fruit of the looms, of which my ex took a pair… wouldnt it be just a little weird if I wipped out the rest of the package of tidy whities and offered him one??” And wouldnt he wonder why i have an open package of male underwear? I dont know, thats the best analogy I could come up with lol, however, I am glad to read that everyone is being fair and open minded about the tampon thing lol”
As far as the example it’s really lacking the individually wrapped aspect.
The obvious answer is at some point you had a guy around that had a new pack of underwear or you just like to wear men’s underwear. I’d probably crack a joke about the second one and ignore the first since your offering them up. I just don’t think it’s weird since people get into relationships and leave stuff behind at each other’s houses all the time. So it’s only going to be as strange or unsettling as you allow it to be in your own head.
Having said that though if you were to offer me up his used toothbrush I might be put off a bit hehe… We all have our own limits if you know what I mean…
PG – “completely agree… our friends of the opp sex also help us figure out, through these friendships, what we’re okay with, what we enjoy, what we need in companionship, and what we can’t deal with… so we become pickier and pickier because we actually know what we want now… it’s just that the pickier we get, the lesser the options, thus, making these connections and friendships all the more significant and special…”
It’s so very true… The one problem that it can cause though is it can get to the point where you close off too many of the options available to you. However that’s more about keeping reasonable expectations as far as being able to find all the little traits you want and don’t want in the same person.
Lucy – “Thanks for that cheese sticks comparison, it was great to read while I was eating an individually wrapped Babybel cheese.”
Hehe it had me giggling in my chair while typing it. I think I’d make Hammurabi proud with my orifice for an orifice comparison.
TCA— how’s your friend? Are you two still talking or has her alligator boyfriend come back?
AquaLover— What’s up with Aqublue and what about that Sag? oh, and the scorpios??
LucyGoldstein— I really enjoy the way you write, sensitive with lots of sense of humor to spare… I read your blog a bit too and enjoyed it very much… so I ask (if its okay) have you met anyone new? interesting? worth it?
Let’s add a Libra to the mix…lol But first things first. AquaBlue, I haven’t seen nor heard from him since I saw him last, typical, he is waiting for me to call him as usual, and I’m not feeling him right now, so wait he shall. SagBoy, wow this one is peeersistant, I basically blew him off (not like that, tsk, tsk dirty minds,lol). We had a tentative date for Sat, but he called and texted me all friggin day and turned me off with his self-indulgent ego stroking, I don’t know if its the sign or the age, in any event, I pleaded a headache, I know bad me, but I couldn’t do it to myself. The Scorps, young Scorp is doing his typical Scorp thing, come at you, say dirty, dirty things, tell you how much he likes you and then when you reciprocate and tell him you like him too, he disappears,(I’m rolling my eyes, I’m so bored with all this bulls***). The old Scorp, we had lunch, not my cup of tea, he talks a good game, but is a very insecure man and I don’t want to hold his hand through this thing. He is a very attractive man who thinks he is ugly just because he has gained a few pounds over the years. Now to the Libra…
The Libra is 32 and sexy as hell, I met him while I was running. Big blue eyes that look right through you, and smart too, our conversations cover all topics, and he has intrigued me. Just charming enough to make you feel wanted, just detached enough to give me my space, intelligent and open minded enough to understand my philosophy of life. The chemistry is HOT. Needless to say I like this one, need to find out his placements so we can properly analyze him…lol.
haha the Sag sounds like the typical fire sign, very into himself lol and the scorps sound like you have to draw them out, like they are hiding behind something, geez… too bad for AquaBlue, I wonder whats going through his mind but then again, we’ll never know! grrr
Now that libra sounds hotttt
“Just charming enough to make you feel wanted, just detached enough to give me my space, intelligent and open minded enough to understand my philosophy of life.”
How awesome is that??? Any kids? Is he single? Yes, get his b day asap so we can analyze him and you can get a head start on getting to know him, wink*
okay, so you called to the universe and said “Libra, where art thou?” and there he is! (I remember us talkinga bout libras a bit ago) so now I’m going to do the same “Libra, oh, Libra, where you at??” LOL the way you described him sounds like the perfect balance–
TCA & Pensive,
We need to talk….Seriously Like Aim or something so I can get an immediate response from you.
PG – “how’s your friend? Are you two still talking or has her alligator boyfriend come back?”
She’s acting strange this week. Seriously I really don’t know what to make of it. We had a small tragedy to deal with over the weekend with some of her animals. It was so bad I’m not mentioning what happened I almost lost my lunch a few times cleaning it up. Things seemed fine despite what happened then she got all awkward and distant and has been since. Everything just feels really bizarre right now and its bugging me out a little since she never has made me feel any bit uncomfortable before. I’m hoping whatever it is, is just a passing trend but who knows. If it continues I’ll have to ask her about whats going on. Other then that she seems to be doing pretty good.
Ex-bf is still being a dick and harassing her everyday but she hasn’t really done anything to stop his behavior yet even though she complains about it constantly. She did mention though the thought of changing her number so I know she’s really getting sick of it because she loves her phone number.
Whats your AIM ChiCa?
PenGem, you are too funny, lol. When I mentioned the Libra back then, I had already met him but was too busy focusing on AquaBlue. I caught myself this time (you see what happens when these Aquas take up our time with all this hide and seek). I’m glad that I was aware this time and didn’t push the Libra away. He is a dream, but its early yet (okay I don’t want to ruin the romantic groove, but we must keep this reality in the back of our minds) and his qirks have not surfaced yet. Will keep u posted. BTW the young Scorp texted me last night, do you think he felt our vibe as we discussed him? LOL…
TCA, I have to ask, what happened with the animals? Do you think the pyscho ex has something to do with it? She should just change her number and get some peace, its only a number and she can pick and choose who gets her new one and in the process she can get rid of some negative influence, just my thoughts.
AquaLover – “TCA, I have to ask, what happened with the animals? Do you think the pyscho ex has something to do with it? She should just change her number and get some peace, its only a number and she can pick and choose who gets her new one and in the process she can get rid of some negative influence, just my thoughts.”
The ex didn’t have anything to do with it. It was the very gruesome loss of a full litter of newborn puppies. I still can’t really get it image out of my head. I was really just about as bad as cleaning up a crime scene so I’m going to skimp on details.
I agree in part about the number change but I think she should be filing harassment charges first and see if the warning gets him to stop. That at least sets a legal record if she needs to take it further later on.
So sorry about the puppies. You are such a great friend. I agree with you about the harassment charge, if he is threatening her, the police can charge him with making terroristic threats a more serious crime. Sometimes when there is a tug of war, the smart thing is just to let go of the rope. I suspect that their relationship was a complicated one, perhaps even co-dependant. From your postings, you seem to be a very thoughtful and caring person, please take care of yourself, I feel that its going to be an uphill battle with this one.
“I suspect that their relationship was a complicated one, perhaps even co-dependant.”
I agree! The back and forth alludes to it and his behavior confirms it. He doesn’t respect her choices, let alone her space.
“From your postings, you seem to be a very thoughtful and caring person, please take care of yourself, I feel that its going to be an uphill battle with this one.”
I was about to say the same. I notice that you (TCA) are very connected with your Libra and are very involved in her life. Are very concerned and probably think about her every single day. But you already know that, and you already know how difficult it is, it has been, it can be, especially if she’s trying to recover from that crazy kind of relationship— and now the puppies! Goodness, we don’t know the details but I would be incredibly sad myself.
Thank you both for your kind words. Its a trying situation sometimes other times its nothing but pleasant. And its hard to tell when its going to be which on any given day right now. I just hope it turns out well.
The puppies were just a shocker and was kind of overkill with everything else going on. It was really sad I literally wanted to cry for her because I could tell how disturbed she was by it at the time. Not to mention that I was really sad about it already too.
Its hard to say if it was co-dependant or not I think she definitely allowed herself to be victimized in the relationship in someways. And I’d most definitely agree that he has very little respect for her as a person let alone a girlfriend.
The crazy ex hasn’t gone the threatening route with her, I don’t really think he will go that far with it. He’s just an angry, bitter, insecure man and the insults and accusations and other not to nice statements keep on coming whenever he isn’t pre-occupied. In someways its good that its continued for a while and she can get to see this side of him. As I know the one time I went through a break up from a relationship like that it was one of the few things that re-enforced my decision of wanting to get out and stay out. However as I’ve told her and some of her family there’s a point where you have to draw the line and say no more. And I really don’t see him stopping with the exception of a few situations.
TCA,
Send ur aim to me a private message through my profile.
Aqua Lover,
How do u kno that he is waiting for u to call?
Chica, its the way we communicate, he waits for me to call him because he doesn’t know how much contact with me is too much, I have explained dozens of times to him that a phone call whenever he feels like talking to me is fine, but he never calls. When I call him, he is very happy to hear from me and always asks to see me. Go figure, I have stopped trying.
Oh Ok I see AquaLover. Y did u stop trying? Maybe he didnt want to hear u say that again because he felt a certain way.
TCA, I agree with you, he won’t stop unless she puts a stop to giving him the feedback he is looking for. Does she answer his calls? If I were in her shoes, I would let all his calls go to voice mail, he might hang up, but after a few tries he will get pissed off enough to leave a nasty message. Play a couple of those delightful messages to a cop and he will soon get a visit from them. But that’s me. If she is picking up the calls, she is just encouraging him to call, he is looking for any kind of feedback, negative or positive he doesn’t care. If she is really serious about moving on, she will not answer. BTW, she already knows he has no respect for her, the question is, does she respect herself?
Chica, I stopped trying because that “relationship” was not healthy for me. I felt confused and empty. His passive aggressive behavior left me feeling like something was wrong with me, so I decided to take control of my emotions and stopped trying to figure him out. In many ways, I feel that he has control issues and if he can’t control his emotions with a certain person than he just isolates them from his circle. Its a painful thing to have someone do to you. Why me? I asked myself that question over and over. I really don’t know the answer to that question, but I decided that its his loss, not mine. The only reason I decided to discuss it, is just in case someone is experiencing the same thing and are feeling those confusing emotions. You are not alone, it happens.
AquaLover,
She answers sometimes and ignores other times. Some of the initial responses I know where all about just getting some satisfaction out if being mean to him and messing with him. However it just doesn’t stop as he doesn’t get it. Its just gotten a bit rediculous in my opinion I wouldn’t have put up with it this long.
I can see other situations that could get him to stop but I think they are unlikely with him putting his attentions in the current direction. Like meeting someone else to bug.
Actually all it takes for harassment charges is call, text, or email logs and for the person to tell them to stop calling, texting, or emailing. Most states have a standard they hold for how many unwanted communications constitutes harassment though after the request for the stop is made.
The does she respect herself is a good question. I think she must or she wouldn’t have taken some of the relationship issues so personally. However its not a question that I’ve asked so I really wouldn’t know for a fact.
“The does she respect herself is a good question. I think she must or she wouldn’t have taken some of the relationship issues so personally. However its not a question that I’ve asked so I really wouldn’t know for a fact.”
Its really difficult to believe that the person you like or admire doesn’t respect themselves, because, why wouldnt these amazing people respect themselves, right? but we are only human… Sometimes letting go is hard even when things have gone sour. And I’m sure that guy is not against guilt trips. If he’s acting up in this way it is only a matter of time before she lets go completely. she wants to, its just not always so black and white even when things seem so clear to everyone else. Maybe this situation with the puppies was the last straw… it may have thrown her over the edge, forced her to really pay attention to everything thats been bothering her, affecting her, attacking her… for some ppl, disappearing and taking our space is sometimes a way of taking a stand and taking back our hearts, our minds, our time, even if from those that never crossed that line to begin with, just to regenerate, organize our feelings or even delve into them deeper…
TCA, PenGem, I asked the question, does she respect herself to point out that she is ultimately in control of this situation. Everyone has a choice of what standard of life, relationships, friends, etc they want for themselves. When I was in an abusive marriage, I had no respect for myself. Emotional abuse whittles down your self-esteem until you think that you somehow deserve this kind of treatment. I have heard many stories from my women friends of how their boyfriend, husband, significant other repeatedly crossed that respect line and they didn’t know what to do. I always asked the same question, what is the quality of life you want for yourself? Do you always want to feel this way? When a person respects themselves, they feel that they deserve better, that they deserve to be loved in a good way, that they are worthy not worthless. They won’t waste their time with messing with someone’s head to get even because in doing so you are still engaged in your old relationship and can never move on. Just food for thought.
It’s true… when you feel a certain way about yourself, you allow others to feel the same way and treat you in whatever way reflects that opinion… if you are used to and okay with someone talking down to you–maybe a parent spoke to you a that way–those cycles continue… since its familiar, you allow others to treat you the same… am I making sense? I learned that a bit ago and it made me reflect on what I’m okay with and not okay with in relationships… It came to a point where I noticed my ex talking to me in the same way my mother spoke to me, extremely critical–I don’t like this about you, why do you wear that, why dont you do this instead… both inspired the same reaction–I would shrink up into a ball, hesitate, question myself and feel insecure… I would let it slide because I thought, maybe its because he loves me that he says that to me, because my mother spoke to me that way and she loves me, right? It’s amazing how long it can take for things to dawn on you, but it gets there…
Hmm. Had either of the cans been used? And if these items were of some emotional significance to him, would they be under the sink?
Just playing Devil’s Advocate on behalf of all poorly-organized male slobs out there.
PG,
I agree… I know she has a poor (not horrible) relationship with her father and that it could play a role in the choices she makes in who she goes out with. And what she is willing to put up with.
PG – And I’m sure that guy is not against guilt trips. If he’s acting up in this way it is only a matter of time before she lets go completely. Maybe this situation with the puppies was the last straw… it may have thrown her over the edge, forced her to really pay attention to everything thats been bothering her, affecting her, attacking her… for some ppl, disappearing and taking our space is sometimes a way of taking a stand and taking back our hearts, our minds, our time, even if from those that never crossed that line to begin with, just to regenerate, organize our feelings or even delve into them deeper…
I know he (ex) tries to manipulated people, and playing on guilt wouldn’t be out of his back of tricks from what I’ve heard. I actually think it was a comment that her ex made that is causing the added distance. It was basically accusing her of leading on every other guy in her life that he is (was) insecure about. Its something small but I know she worries about that type of thing since we’ve talked about it (that exact issue) in the past. I’ve just been giving it some time and trusting that she’s capable of realizing she can’t lead me on that easily. At the same time though I really don’t want her to worry about it if it is what I think. Its been nearing a week since then and she’s been a little less distant communication wise as well though we did see a little less of each other this week too.
I’m fairly sure she’s getting over him slowly but surely. I can only take it as a good sign that she didn’t even mention him yesterday. Tough we didn’t spend all that much time together.
AquaLover,
You said a mouthful of truth there. Its not just women that get into emotionally abusive relations though, even if it’s more commonly admitted by them. I remember when I got out of my last relationship I didn’t think I could do anything right by someone simply because anything that I did do was down graded to satisfying a fleeting whim of hers. Due to that though I add appreciation to my list of relationship needs though. So keep in mind the bad things you experience in relationships matter just as much as the good in figuring out what you really want and need.
Similar situation.
Leo female dating a Capricorn man.
Noticed female products in the bathroom, however he never once made the effort to conceal them. They were empty.
I never once inquired because I am not suspicious of him.
Very recently, I noticed they were removed, his counter top was clean, and thought, ah interesting. Then I noticed the empty bottles dumped into one of his drawers.
I think of this as strange behaviour. When people hold onto things, something about living in the past perhaps?
Just curious as to why.
Men, why?