Cosmic Dating with PensiveGemini: Mercury leads me to question
April 29, 2009 by Pensive Gemini
“Cosmic Dating with PensiveGemini” relates the true-life chronicles of a twenty-something Brooklynite with a Gemini Sun, Aquarius Moon and Cancer Rising. Last week, she found women’s toiletries in Mr. Aquarius’ bathroom. (If you’re new to her blog, start at the beginning.)
I’ve been simply exhausted from so many Mercury influences in my life: The Moon transiting my Gemini planets early this week; transiting Saturn in my third house; transiting Mercury in my 11th house of hopes and wishes. Where am I going? What am I doing? Who am I meeting? Is this it? Needless to say, I have not been able to sleep.
I decided to finish up the book AquaStell lent me. Consequently, I was thinking about him. Not that I need a reason, really. I texted him (because I am the monster texter, I know) telling him how much I enjoyed the book. With all the Mercury stimulation, I just needed to talk to him. He said he was glad that I enjoyed it, that Victor Hugo is one of his favorite authors. I then asked him how he felt about Dostoyevsky and a couple other authors, and after some back and forth I decided to ask him, ”Do you still write music?”
I had been meaning to ask him that question for a while already, but I was always distracted from it. Whenever we’ve spoken or gotten together, he asks me about my writing, and I get so excited about being able to talk to someone about it that my Mercury in Gemini takes over and I go on and on, and I forget about him! I know music is really important to him, it was the reason he moved to New York, to pursue it.
He responded, “I gave it up. I couldn’t get my skills where I wanted them. It was really hard to let go.”
Oh, my maternal Cancer rising melted into the biggest pile of mush. I wanted to grab him and console him, give him a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and tell him how wonderful he was and how he should keep on trying no matter what. But my Aqua Moon decided it’d be best to show controlled sympathy:
“I can imagine it being hard to let go; it’s like an extension of you. Maybe you will go back to it later,” I wrote.
“Maybe,” he responded.
I had been sensing something different about him lately. I didn’t want to let my Gemini placements overthink it, or talk myself into believing something is terribly wrong. But at this point, my Cancer intuition is pushing me to acknowledge that something is different. Ever since I met him, he’s had a way of glossing over any topic that could potentially open him up emotionally. We spoke about his parents divorcing when he was 21, and he followed it with a sarcastic, “I was old enough to deal with it.” When something would go wrong at work, I would ask him how he was feeling about it, attempting to get him to vent to me or something. But he would always say, “I fixed it all. I feel like superman, again,” and that would be it. If I asked him just a simple, “How have you been?” he’d say “Great!” but now it has become, “I’ve had some ups and downs.” And his music, I did not expect him to say that he gave it up! I know that just a year ago he was still playing and writing music, it is not like he gave it up five or ten years ago. What’s happened? I never sensed as much emotion in anything he’d said to me than when he spoke about giving up his music. Sigh. It is probably nothing major; the transits have been rough on all of us lately, right? I just wish we could talk more about those things that are lurking in his head. That’s when I remind myself that he is AquaStell.
This is PensiveGemini’s final blog post on Sasstrology.com. She continues to blog at her page on Sasstrology.net.
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Um…dats real deep….
but i have a very serious question…
wats an aquastell????
im learning astrology…so…
Hi Lanthia!
AquaStell is the name I gave the guy I feel really connected to… He has four planets in Aquarius and that puts him under the category of having a Stellium -3 or more planets in the same sign.
well, technically the planets have to be close together to be a stellium, like A is conjunct B, B is conjunct C.
Grrr…this is the exact reason my Aqua pisses me off. It’s like pulling teeth. How in the hell do you get them to open up, just a little even. You reined in the impulse to comfort him, but it was probably what he wanted. How do you tell? A hint, a gesture and sign, omg…sorry this kind of behavior just sets me off. They want you to open up, to speak about all the heady intellectual ideas, keep it in the “air”, but what they really want is all the passion and emotion too, its bubbling underneath hidden and you have to guess when and how to get it out. We tiptoe around, trying to make them feel at ease and we get the same result. I say push the envelope, frig it, at least you will go down in flames, instead of slow torture.
“You reined in the impulse to comfort him, but it was probably what he wanted. How do you tell? ”
I have no idea what he wants. Had I been in front of him I would have done something, like embrace him or kiss him, but since I asked the question over text (not expecting him to tell me he gave up and that it was really hard for him to let go) I didn’t know what to do except allude to the fact that I felt he hadn’t fully given up yet… sigh… I was almost scared to keep probing, to be honest… I didn’t want him to shut me out for asking too much… or to begin to feel insecure for having let it go…
“They want you to open up, to speak about all the heady intellectual ideas, keep it in the “air”, but what they really want is all the passion and emotion too, its bubbling underneath hidden and you have to guess when and how to get it out. ”
I have been sensing that desire more and more from him… before he used to be a huge wall, now the cracks are showing and I don’t know what to do with it… is it for me to see? Is he showing me or is he unaware that its showing? I have no idea… I’m scared he’d pull back and disapper for months, again, so I left it alone…
“We tiptoe around, trying to make them feel at ease and we get the same result. I say push the envelope, frig it, at least you will go down in flames, instead of slow torture.”
I think at some point its going to get to that… the point where i just let it all hang out because in some strange way, I think he wants me to…
“I was almost scared to keep probing, to be honest… I didn’t want him to shut me out for asking too much… or to begin to feel insecure for having let it go…” I felt this way for 8 months, its not the way love is supposed to feel, (love in any way, shape or form). The truth is he shuts you out at will no matter what you do. Do you see the power in that? Go for it, next time you have a chance, tell him how you feel, tell him how confusing it is to communicate with him and that you would like his help in figuring out how to better talk to him. Ask him, what he wants from life, from a friend, from a special friend. He might surprise you. I wish I had done this, but I was too afraid like you to even attempt it. Empower yourself.
Pensive, watch the upcoming Mercury retrograde in Gemini/Taurus. Some answers may emerge.
AquaL–
“Ask him, what he wants from life, from a friend, from a special friend. He might surprise you. I wish I had done this, but I was too afraid like you to even attempt it. Empower yourself.”
That’s really good advice, AquaL, thank you… there should be no harm in asking him what he wants out of a friend, right? The thing is that I feel a bit confused because… I think that he is kind of opening up to me but I am not picking up on the clues and I’m a bit afraid myself… Like you said, maybe he wanted me to probe a bit more…? I’m just caught off guard, I think I got used to the wall he put up that now I don’t know what to make of it… My cancer intuition tells me to walk into the open door but my Aqua moon is looking all around her saying, who me? I have been aching to contact him again but then I hesitate… I think I will call him next time… just to talk… its about time…
Hitch–
“Pensive, watch the upcoming Mercury retrograde in Gemini/Taurus. Some answers may emerge.”
Please tell me more about the upcoming Merc retro as it will be in my 11th house ruled by Aquarius…
I think thats a splendid idea, maybe when u talk with him, you should throw out an invite for coffee (if u want to), I always like to speak with ppl face up, use that cancer rising, you can learn a lot from body language and facial expressions…I just had 2 Aries Suns bombard me…my oldest son and an old beau, thank god for my Aries rising and all my fire placements, I stood my ground, Ha! lol…I love astrology!
THX!!!!
why wont u let ur cancer rising take over sometimes???
im a virgo but have gemini as my asc…
i kno…double mercury….
i really dont know which sign comes out more….
u should try it pensivegemini
I dont know, AquaL, getting myself to call him is taking lots and lots of work lol I dont know if i can ask him to meet me for coffee… one step at a time *deep breath* see this is why i understand him sometimes because sometimes i’d rather let things go because it just makes me so nervous to be the one to reach out to him, to call him lol
and what did your Aris son and old beau bombard you with? lol
Lanthia— Double mercury! interesting! Do you know your moon sign? I definitely let my Cancer take over sometimes it just depends on the person… and with AquaStell I have to learn when to use it, cuz i know he appreciates that side of me…
Out of curiosity…. Where is Mr Cap? You love a challenge I guess, because that’s what you get from Mr Aqua, & you seem to like him more.
Hey you! I’ve been missing you! You are like a little window that brings light in my confused mind. My Sun, Moon and Mercury are in Gemini, Venus in Cancer. I would talk, talk, talk and than hug till you are out of breath
))
I am in a weird mood now, so happy I would jump (no particular reason, just because), but when I think of Aquaman I feel like shaking him, so he would wake up! AAAAAhhhh
Toley– Mr Cap ummm, that kind of died out… we have a mutual friend and she’s told me he’s doing well… he’s waiting for me to call him but to be honest, I think that Mr Cap and I just didn’t have that much Chemistry… and yes, I guess I do like the challenge because Mr Aqua has been around longer… Mr Aqua introduced me to new things, places, restaurants, and he’s more spontaneous… I’m so Gemini!
CrazyforAqua– where have you been, you estranged Gemini you?! I guess I should expect that will all the Gemini in you–love venus in Cancer folks, I get along with them very well, so sweet and always feeding you! yum! so how are your boys doing?????
“I dont know, AquaL, getting myself to call him is taking lots and lots of work lol I dont know if i can ask him to meet me for coffee… one step at a time *deep breath* see this is why i understand him sometimes because sometimes i’d rather let things go because it just makes me so nervous to be the one to reach out to him, to call him lol”
Okay, okay, maybe the second time you call, lol. Remember that he called you and asked you out to breakfast, so its your turn, just one friend asking out another, I bet you he will be thrilled.
“and what did your Aris son and old beau bombard you with? lol”
Boy, those 2, my son was trying to send me on a guilt trip about his college education and the old beau was trying to get me to see him and for ME to pay for everything, my fire placements left them still smoking…hehehe
“Okay, okay, maybe the second time you call, lol. Remember that he called you and asked you out to breakfast, so its your turn, just one friend asking out another, I bet you he will be thrilled.”
I always have to fight the idea that I’m a burden to him… that I’d be interrupting or getting in the way… then my other twin is like, but dude, if you were in the way he would have gotten rid of you a long time ago… and who doesn’t want to have fun?
“Boy, those 2, my son was trying to send me on a guilt trip about his college education and the old beau was trying to get me to see him and for ME to pay for everything, my fire placements left them still smoking…hehehe”
Gotta give it to Aries, they are never afraid to ask (or demand) for what they want… now your son is your son, but whats up with that old beua asking you out and then expecting you to pay??? I’m mad FOR you lol I can’t believe that! LOL unbelievable!
taurus is in my moon…
Pensive!!!!
I see u online on the chat…. Its 1:34am hit me up on there.
All of u should visit this site…Mind Blowing!
http://www.sasstrology.net/forum/topics/aquarius-woman-with-emotional
Hi Pensive, sorry for the late response. I’ve been swamped with work lately.
While the 11th house is indeed the natural house of Aquarius, in this case I don’t think it will have a direct impact on Aquarians in your life. Unless you have a sign intercepted, the cusp of your 11th house is likely to be in Taurus and thus ruled by Venus.
Consulting my book, Mercury retrograde in the 11th house may see a friend or friends from the past return, the 11th house ruling friends and social networks. Or new friends who remind you of old ones… Basically there’s likely to be a review of your understanding of friendship (as opposed to relationships/partnerships, but as Venus rules your 11th, the two may well be related).