PG – “I think the reason why we can fall in the first place (my most intense romantic relationships, including Aqua Stell, have started it out as friendships- with my Aqua moon in my seventh house its the only way I feel comfortable- plus I’m a Gem Stellium) at all is with someone we consider our friend above all else…”

It’s funny all of my most intense romantic relationships started out with total strangers. However as they say the flames that burn the brightest seldom burn the longest. Where I think friendship and history really come into play is that it gives you a more secure foundation to stand on.

PG – “my first boyfriend Aqua is now engaged to his first girlfriend when he was 13 years old… when you wrote that you met them both between the ages of 13 and 14, I was like– of course! lol Even Aqua Stell who was on and off with his girl when I first met him spoke to me about his first love before he even said a word about the on and off one (his first love is married with a kid now, thank goodness)—I digress… ”

It’s hard to forget firsts or at least not have some type of special attachment to them. Even with that though I wouldn’t ever go back to any of my ex-gfs they’ve burned those bridges well enough… Having mutual friends is about as close as I let myself get to them these days.

PG – I’m totally digging the first one being an Aqua with a Libra moon and Gem rising… how hot is that… I mean clearly you know… the way you describe her she was more than well rounded, attraction for days…

Yes clearly I knew… She was a piece of work though as well rounded as she was she wasn’t very well grounded didn’t keep me from loving her though hehe. We had the type of chemistry that you could smell the pheromones wafting in the air. I still miss her smell on my pillow it was intoxicating… I still remember it use to feel like time stood still and the world fell away whenever we kissed. She was one of those disappearing act Aquas though I couldn’t count the number of times she just vanished from my world to come back un-expected. I remember when we first broke up I sat around for months thinking she was just going to show back up just like all the other times. She never did though…

PG – “But I wonder… where did the Aqua detachment kick in for you? It seems that you were sure of what you wanted (most definitely an Aqua and Cap trait to me) and nothing held you back… you eventually dated both… would you fall into the category of the Aqua’s that disappear for no reason, avoid arguments that may touch upon anything emotional, etc? Was that you as a boyfriend?”

Ok so I started typing this last night (night before now) and when I was still typing it tonight (last night) when I realized I was being way to complex in trying to explain it. So this is the short version…

I’ve gone through a lot a phases of typical aqua behavior in relationships. I’ve done most of them actually everything from being manipulative, to detached, to vanishing…. And when I was in each of those phases I never realized I was acting that way at the time. The thing that made me realize how I act the most was other people doing the same crap to me and me realizing how much it probably hurt the person I did it to. And each time that happened and I got hurt I had to prove to myself that I could be a better person. It was largely the only thing I could think of to do in replace of unavailable apologies to absolve myself for what I felt were my wrongs and short comings.
Right now I actually have trouble detaching unless I find myself getting really angry and then it serves the purpose of allowing me to understand why I’m feeling that way. For the most part I’m largely unable to stop thinking about whatever happens in a given situation until it’s worked out in some way. I don’t try to avoid emotional issues but I do like to handle them calmly and don’t like to rush through it rashly. And really most of the discomfort in emotional situation comes from not knowing how a discussion is going to go is it going to be a brutal argument or a calm conversation type of thing. If they’re my issues I might choose to brush them under the carpet though just to keep the peace especially if I can’t justify myself feeling in a particular way. As I don’t really need any validation to my feelings (if I’m feeling it, it must be valid in some way) so I like to be-able to understand them prior to dealing with them. There is one particular thing I always had trouble with though and that is if I feel like I’m being put on the spot to produce an emotional response without thinking it over first. It’s something that really over stresses me and makes it harder for me to think and respond in an emotional situation. Too much emotional stress and I’ll just shut down and be entirely too despondent till I un-stress myself.

It use to be that I’d do just about anything to avoid feeling emotionally stressed and I’d pull those vanishing acts but you know silence sucks and not feeling like you’re on the same page with someone suddenly sucks too. And having been put through that if I find myself needing to go that far in separating myself from a source of stress; and I always know when I’ve gotten to that point, I give them a date of return and stick to it.

PG – “This new girl… sounds exhausting… does she have any reason for going back or is it one of those “habit, attachment” things?’

The situation with her is exhausting to say the least I’m just too loyal to give up hope though. I really don’t know with her anymore though I get the feeling it’s just back for the attachment and maybe not wanting to be alone. She didn’t really have any other reason to go back to him from the direction she seemed to be heading in. She didn’t give me any indication that she was actually happy being back with him either which kind of put me off a bit. I asked her if he was treating her better and all I got was ya, but I’m kind of over it all. Talk about a confusing response knowing if she was happy would have eased my mind a lot more. I hate to think she might just be going through the motions again. There’s been enough communication between us to know she wants to remain friends and misses talking to me but her current behavior has just been to seemly stick her head in the sand while sitting on the fence.

I’d have to say it’s probably the Venus retro thing causing most of the fence sitting she’s a Libra (typical source for Aquarian melodrama) after all, with Venus in Virgo, and Mars in Sag (not sure where her moon and rising is though)…

Transits:
There’s a lot of transit activity over the last couple of months in my chart most of them have been flowing aspects though i.e. conjunctions, sextiles and trines. The only thing I could potentially blame any of it on is that Neptune and Jupiter are sitting over my stellium in my 1st house. Especially since 12 years ago last time Jupiter was there everything was a bit of a mess too… 2 times though is just a coincidence so I’ll have to wait another 12 years to see if it happens again hehe…

AquaLover – “TCA, After approx 34 years of crushes, marriages, love affairs, etc. I still stumble in matters of love. Why? Love is a lot of work, you have to nurture it, never take it for granted and always be willing to keep it interesting, whew..but when its right, wow what a feeling…”

Teehee I don’t stumble I crash head first into walls and wake up a week later going what the hell was that!!! Kidding of course. What you said would be exactly why poets compare it to everything from gardens to vineyards …

“I suppose I should start out with saying that both of them were people I had really long histories with so the transition from friend to lover to loved one wasn’t as clearly defined as it would normally be.”

I think the reason why we can fall in the first place (my most intense romantic relationships, including Aqua Stell, have started it out as friendships- with my Aqua moon in my seventh house its the only way I feel comfortable- plus I’m a Gem Stellium) at all is with someone we consider our friend above all else… I think we enjoy the blurred line, it takes the pressure off… and Aqua’s never forget their first love… my first boyfriend Aqua is now engaged to his first girlfriend when he was 13 years old… when you wrote that you met them both between the ages of 13 and 14, I was like– of course! lol Even Aqua Stell who was on and off with his girl when I first met him spoke to me about his first love before he even said a word about the on and off one (his first love is married with a kid now, thank goodness)—I digress…

But I wonder… where did the Aqua detachment kick in for you? It seems that you were sure of what you wanted (most definitely an Aqua and Cap trait to me) and nothing held you back… you eventually dated both… would you fall into the category of the Aqua’s that disappear for no reason, avoid arguments that may touch upon anything emotional, etc? Was that you as a boyfriend?

I’m totally digging the first one being an Aqua with a libra moon and Gem rising… how hot is that… I mean clearly you know… the way you describe her she was more than well rounded, attraction for days…

This new girl… sounds exhausting… does she have any reason for going back or is it one of those “habit, attachment” things?

Oh it does fail sometimes the thing is though; when it does usually the other person is normally too confused to realize it…

PG – “What were they like? What clicked, what made you fall…?”

I suppose I should start out with saying that both of them were people I had really long histories with so the transition from friend to lover to loved one wasn’t as clearly defined as it would normally be. It’s a very Aqua method to love but I have a whole lot of aqua in my chart.

The first one she was a girl I met in high school freshmen year. It was kind of like an insta-crush and a bad one at that. The only difference in our charts was that her Mercury had slipped into Pisces the moon into Libra and Gemini was rising. She was all of maybe 30hours younger than me so it made for an interesting chart… I chased after her through all 4 years of high school every chance I got only ever stopping for brief periods to date other people or when she was too. No matter how many times my attempts failed I never gave up. I think it finally took me 8 years to finally get a chance. She was beautiful with her long raven black hair which starkly contrasted her pale milky white skin and eyes so green they’d make emeralds jealous. She was a multi-sport athlete with brains, and artistic talent to spare. The best I could describe her personality is if you took the Judeo-Christian mythos of Lilith and bizarrely mashed that together with the character Mary from the movie “Something about Mary”. She was wild, crazy fun the type of person you just kind of enjoy being around no matter the setting. The falling it’s hard to say I ever wasn’t falling for her and she made it way to easy at first. Unfortunately there were long standing behavioral patterns and issues that ended up contributing to the break up. I didn’t understand most of it until after it was all in the past. It was funny though as going into it we both use to crack jokes that one or both of us would drive the other crazy and well in the end we both did.

The second one I had known slightly longer. I met her through a friend when I was 13 she was 14 it was kind of like one of those first summer romances you have when you’re coming of age. Even back then when we first went out we could talk all night. We’d both walk about an hour meeting in the middle just to go see each other every day. A little past the end of the summer though her friends somehow managed to convince her that we should break up and we did. “It was something she said she regretted doing for a long time.” A few months past and I found myself calling her just to see how she was doing. And we ended up staying friends, throughout high school, college, entering the working world. And though we had a few chances to get back together over the years but I had always held out for the first and didn’t let myself get tied down to anyone because of it. And really she helped put me back together in some way after of the failing of the first. Our mutual friends use to always say that we were meant to be together and just too obstinate to admit it to each other. At any rate about 11 years had passed and we found each together again. It’s hard to describe her because I really watched her grow up from this sweet yet crazy catholic school girl to he later styling’s of a slightly gothic nature loving occultist. With her there was just an undeniable chemistry, a mental flirtatiousness that boarded on the obscene with an aptitude for quirky perverse banter. It was like that always with us though if we weren’t flirting in some way with each other in some way then we weren’t in proximity in any form. Emotionally though in the end she was right we were like oil and water. As well as we meshed in every other way it just wouldn’t work since we couldn’t communicate emotionally in the ways we needed each other to. So after 3.5 years finally I just gave up, I couldn’t take the constant fighting, don’t think she could either. We tried even after that to go back to being friends but we had left the bad relationship spoil on the shelf to long it would seem.

PG – “That’s what I admire about Aqua’s and the objective signs in general. They can verbalize their emotions from every small detail, to what almost existed.”

I can’t say that I’ve always been that way, Venus in Cap and Moon in Virgo isn’t the easiest placements when it comes to expressing ones emotions. Over the last few years though I found that I just don’t have the storage space to keep them to myself anymore though, and I’ve tried but it’s kind of like the cup runeth over situation.

PG- “Me, I’m not sure how many times I’ve fallen in love. I want to say two, but they also ended so badly I almost dont want to count them, as if that could remove the possibility of it happening again. I was younger, so I’ll chalk it off as experience. You gotta have some practice loves, right?”

Yep definitely need to break a few eggs before you can make an omelet.

PG – “Your involved in platonic romantic drama? How air sign of you.”

Somehow it always seems to start out that way…

AquaLover says: “It’s because love starts in the mind with you aquas”

That is very true and it most defiantly was a grandiose meeting of the minds with her. We can for the most part finish each other’s ideas and just about every idea spawns a multitude of others. However seldom are things that simple in my life. So the unfortunates this time around include a very jealous on and off again boyfriend that lies and manipulates to get what he wants (A true scumbag). And the drama revolves around his delusional jealousy that broke them up for a few weeks be it, it wasn’t the first time they’ve broken up either so it’s more like for the 100th time and then they got back together for reasons beyond my current understanding. Since she had said she wanted it to be over with him and felt it in her heart that it was the last time. So now this time around the target of his jealousy was our friendship so we’re not allowed to see each other in person right now. It’s no great surprise that he eventually targeted me with his delusions. As we chatted or texted nearly every day from the moment we woke till we fell asleep for well into 3 months straight. However we were very honest with our intentions towards each other and that we both just needed a really good friend in our lives right now. Though we didn’t deny the fact we adore each other and how much we love each other’s company that that’s all it was going to be. So now I sit and wait in an insufferable state of near silence waiting to find out the fate of our friendship. I can’t even be her counsel in the matter since the issue includes me. Keep in mind this is an extremely abbreviated version too it’s much more complex in actuality…
I have a great amount of faith in love but love is seldom easy.

Mars in Scorpio is awesome for ambition, but not for nothing, it doesn’t entirely hurt your sex drive either, which can be kind of overwhelming.

Funny thing is, I remember now what didn’t make me feel safe about him… there were possessive undertones to his habits… he wanted his space, but he would invade mine… lets not mention the control issues… I run straight for the hills with that… Both my Capricorn and Aqua Stellium NEVER do that to me… they respect my space, never question me and respect my choices… having that is what makes ME feel secure… you know?

“And I could easily say I could measure the depth of my love by the weight of my tears and the breadth of my love by how freely those same tears do flow.”

*sigh* the aqua way with words… it never fails…

What were they like? What clicked, what made you fall…?

That’s what I admire about Aqua’s and the objective signs in general. They can verbalize their emotions from every small detail, to what almost existed. Me, I’m not sure how many times I’ve fallen in love. I want to say two, but they also ended so badly I almost dont want to count them, as if that could remove the possibility of it happening again. I was younger, so I’ll chalk it off as experience. You gotta have some practice loves, right?

Your involved in platonic romantic drama? How air sign of you.

PenGem – Well as a Cancer Sun/Scorpio Moon I feel u…lol…but my Aries rising likes Aquaman, that craziness, the texts, the calls, I would eat that right up…but that’s me..lol…AquaStell sounds very grounded, safe haven for you, I bet you can talk about anything with him. I agree with TCA, ask him a question about the books, he is waiting for you.