Why Virgo men are better as friends than lovers

critical Virgo manWomen are beings of self-improvement, always looking for the next big thing to upgrade their appearance, finances, career and love life. From getting the perfect handbag to that elusive shade of “just right” nude lipstick, women regularly go to great lengths to better themselves.

Enter the Virgo man friend, with his analytical mind, sharp eye for detail and acid tongue. He will deliver you a truthful answer when you ask him if your butt looks big in these pants. No best girlfriend, sister or even mother can compare to the advice of the critical Virgo male.

Mascara smudged? Spinach in your teeth? Panty line visible from the latest must-have dress you bought for a pretty penny? Only the Virgo man will tell you the score. You see, he has your best interests at heart — he sees himself as constantly worthy of improvement, so why would he not see the same in his friends?

Hence the term friend. It’s not easy being in a romantic relationship with a Virgo — what you once saw as suggestions for improvement now feel like criticism. It’s been said that what initially attracts you eventually repels you, and all those formerly endearing factors Mr. Virgo had a friend are now lost on you when friendship turns to lust.

When your Virgo friend says, “Do you really think you should eat that next slice of pizza?” you see he is only trying to be at your service. That’s what Virgo does — sees things that need to be fixed. What’s helpful as “just friends” can become downright hurtful, even chauvinistic, once you have crossed the line into romantic territory. That next slice of pizza is your way of coping with the stress caused by his “you should do this” or “you shouldn’t do that.” The way Mr. Virgo lectures at you … and they say that women nag! Surely a few extra pounds is allowed when you are supposedly contented?

This is the problem when being in a relationship with a Virgo man — he is never content. If he feels his gut is in need of a few crunches, then you need to do some squats. If he’s on a budget, heaven help it if you come home with a Saks bag. If he is on a low carb diet, it’s simply not worth the pain if you pull out a bag of potato chips. The Virgo motto is “there is always room for improvement,” and when you’re just his friend, his motto feels supporting and encouraging … but when you have emotional ties beyond that, his words (or even looks) can feel hurtful and belittling. It’s simply easier to be a Virgo man’s friend than it is to be his girlfriend.

About the Author

Cassandra TyndallCassandra Tyndall is an avid professional astrologer based in Sydney, who offers readings to clients locally, interstate and all over the globe. Known for her passion, skill and honesty, Cassandra combines traditional and modern techniques to enhance specific predictions for individuals, couples and businesses. She has been a regular contributor to the annual WellBeing Astrology Guide, and is the resident astrologer for Australia’s Women’s Health & Fitness magazine.

Related: How do you know if a Virgo man does not love you anymore?

Comments

  1. I still think Virgos get a bad rap, but hey, I may be biased. I’ve been married to my double Virgo for almost 20 years and have a boatload of Virgo myself. So maybe I’m partially immune or something. Ha!

  2. because they are at service, but lack the depth lovers have

  3. I was about to protest when I saw the headline, then I read the post – oh yes, pain in the butt those Virgo men, very critical (I’m a Virgo women, so maybe I’m particularly sensitive to this!). But I’ve found Virgo men to be the best lovers, no question. First off, Virgo is an earth sign and sensual. Secondly, they aim to please. Maybe they also like to work off all that Virgo tension in bed. Whether it’s all worth the aforementioned focus on imperfections that need fixing is another matter!

  4. Yes they are better as friends if you have no history together, then he can get into his own head and start to believe the lies he comes up with. I am a Virgo woman with a Leo rising, so I am analytical but hot headed as my true fire sign nature. I cant’ tolerate them for other than friendship.

  5. Ms. Virgo-Sun-Pisces-Moon says:

    “This is the problem when being in a relationship with a Virgo man — he is never content.”

    I don’t think that’s true. Virgo contentment is true, well-backed contentment. It’s just that virgo has to be mentally satisfied before acknowledging any other type of satisfaction. Things have to BE and not just FEEL right. True, no one is flawless; however, if you’re trying your best, he should see and be able to appreciate that–and he may only show that subtly. And you can be sure that he’s always trying his best.

    “That’s what Virgo does — sees things that need to be fixed.”

    That’s true. It’s because he cares. He has standards for his friends and also for his romantic partners.

    I think virgos make committed and caring romantic partners, male or female.

  6. This is such bullshit. How can you throw off a whole 1/12 (something like that) of the population as people bad to be kept as lovers? Hahaha… it’s so ridiculous.

    There are plenty of Virgos out there who aren’t HARSHLY or even openly critical. I myself, a Virgo woman, need to be seriously heated up, just absolutely pissseeedd and provoked, to hurt someone by bringing up every imperfection I’ve noticed. And I DO notice, but I happen to realize that I myself am not so perfect and there’s better hope of people improving their flaws with their dignity intact and a sense of self-confidence. These qualities might have something to do with the combination of Libra Moon and Mars in Gemini… but that just proves my point further. These guys are more than just their Sun signs. Give them a break!

  7. Narik Uretag says:

    I’ve just read the article and feel it’s very unfair to virgos.

    Ok, so we are critical and will point out mistakes and flaws. BUT we will also tell you how to improve them.

    Let me put it this way, how many people do you know who would tell you the truth at the risk of losing you as a friend, only because they think it will benefit you? How many people do you know who would put themselves through the pain of falling out of favour with you and bearing such harsh insults from you, just because they’ve got your best interests at heart? If a virgo can, they will suffer anything for you. If that’s not a devoted friend/lover/family member etc. i don’t know what is!

    For those of you who know virgos, you’ll know that they have hidden depths and are very protective, shred, intelligent, analytical, methodical, considerate, helpful, loyal, clean, healthy and occassionally funny. For those of you who don’t, it’s because you haven’t given your virgo friends the time to open up to you. As a virgo, i can say i display classic traits, down to a T. I find i’m shy around strangers. Friends tell me they thought i was cold the first time they saw me but they realise i find it hard to trust people and let them in. That’s a key virgo trait. If they seem cold and indifferent to you, it’s because they don’t know whether to trust you or not.

    In summary, virgos are wary of strangers but willing to fall from grace with regards to loved ones, if they think it will benefit their loved ones.

    Bottom line-Virgos don’t mind being unpopular if they can see overall long term prospects of it. We don’t mind being the bad cops if it’ll keep you on the straight and narrow. And we’re almost always, always, always thinking of you, when you tell us you’re in a pickle!

    End point-how are virgos supposed to become better lovers if astronomers like the author above are going to make make huge sweeping accusations, i ask? No wonder virgos act cold and shy. What do you expect when they’re getting slandered by professionals in the business?

  8. Oh, SUCH bull****! There is boatloads more to a person’s chart than just their sun sign, in fact, someone with a Virgo sun that has for example, fire in their other major placements may have very few ‘natural’ Virgo qualities (and the reverse is true-an Aries with major water influences may seem like a wilting flower). The ascendant sign is actually more appropriate for gauging personality and social behavior-usually the sun serves to GROUND the other aspects of a person’s chart, not define them; no two charts, hence no two people, are exactly alike.

    The best lover I have EVER had was a Virgo man with Sag rising-that guy was insatiable, but with the added refinement of the Virgo qualities. Superb. Best and most intense or**sms I’ve ever had, if I may say so (and we were together for seven years, the lovemaking just got better and better!). I would’ve missed out on that if I took articles like this to heart. Don’t listen ladies-if you had a bad experience, it was an a**hole problem, not a Virgo one-and you’ll find those in every sign.

  9. Jason Chewbacca says:

    So THAT’S why I’ve never been loved before. Thank you Cassandra, you are so insightful with your comments about how a Virgo is this, and a Virgo is that… maybe you are God. I mean, you should at least set up some dating service if relationships are so clear cut.

    You don’t happen to be a Virgo do you?

    Well let me allow my friendworthy Virgo mind criticize one thing, you can’t lump people into solid categories like this.. if you do, I feel sorry that you are living life by placing zodiac tags on people you meet. If I met you, I’d say that I was a Taurus.. I bet you’d never be able to tell haha.

    Seriously, you should be ashamed of this article. It makes you look like a astro-cult fool.

    Thank you Cassandra for reminding us not to drink the kool-aid (at least not completely)

  10. OMG!! I am a Virgo woman and this whole website, yes the WHOLE website, does nothing but bash Virgoes.

  11. Nonhle Sibiya says:

    I’m a cancer woman dating a virgo man. Virgo men are so caring and they know how to love, they show love, they make you feel like the only beutiful woman on earth. So what more will a woman want from a man, plz give them a break plz.

  12. A virgo man says:

    Do you know many men who would tolerate the “lets just be friends” nonsense for long? Thats funny. Yup I would even be critical of that. But my rising libra makes me so devilishly attractive, and my aries moon so daring adventurous and exciting. Im hard to resist despite my imperfections. And since the vast majority of people in the northern hemisphere are born in the months of August and September, ruling out virgos is throwing away much more than 1/12th of the male population. Easy to do when you are 20 but try that after you turn 30. EEEK!

    Every sign has a negative aspects, even your’s Cassandra.

    I would have to say the title of this article should be changed to “Why Virgo men are better friends than lovers IF YOU ARE HIGHLY INSECURE”

  13. I'm with a virgo right now and he has all these qualities. He nags me to death, nitpicks about small things, and flies into rages over trifle matters. He will give me the silent treatment if anything doesn't go his way. He bitches about everything. It really gets old after 14 years. I'm a pisces and can put up with quite a bit, but nagging wears me down and I withdraw further into my own space and care for him less than when I first met him. I think virgos for the most part do not make good husbands because of their harangues over small matters.

  14. I absolutely LOVE my Virgo man. Sure at first he was really critical and protective at me, wait..did I just say at first? He still is, But I really don’t mine, because I realized that all the things he says help me out in the long run. They are so very, very smart, they are intellectuals at heart and love to share their knowledge with the world.

    Of course there’s those times where you’ll feel he is wrong and should hear you out (I’ve had many of those) But if you really love your Virgo man, all the struggles and arguments about who is right are worth it in the end.

    My Virgo man was my best friend, and now we love each other more than anything else in this world. He has been there with me and for me through all the bad times and good times, and has really made me grow into a more open minded person. He has made me realize what common sense is and how to use it, he has thought me how to be a more productive, independent, better person. And all I have to say to him is THANK YOU

    A Virgo man is not right for any woman who hates being told what to do and what to think, but just realize that Virgo’s really just say what they say to help you out. To make you a better person <3

  15. Ms.Pisces-Sun-Scorpio-Moon says:

    Well, I was born with sun in Pisces, so as a Virgo’s polar opposite, (Virgo is the earthy type, the sign of work, and Pisces the watery type, the sign of dreams) the dreamer and the worker can create wonderful things together if they cooperate properly.) and my sister whom is close in my age and is Leo/Virgo cusp, I can appreciate Virgos for everything I’m not. And frankly, I’d want my Virgo friend to tell me if i looked fat in a particular pair of jeans or etc. I’d prefer the truth. All i think a Virgo needs is someone with a little Pisces in their chart to show them how to relax, enjoy things for what they are. show them the magic around them that their critical eye may overlook. Virgos are kind, neat, good, hard working people. so they have high standards and or are somewhat critical? Remember, a person’s personality is not just factored from their sun sign alone. You have other planetary influences that shape you. as well as your family/friends/environmental influences, and free will make up one’s personality. check out http://www.cafeastrology.com it’s one of my personal favourite astrological sites.

  16. 22 Virgo says:

    At age 22, people do seem to me like they all believe I’m great as a friend, but not good enough to be a lover.
    If I always do my best to help my friends, then why would anyone bother being my lover, then the difference between the former and the latter seems so small?
    But then again, I’ve never had a lover, so there’s no one in the world who knows for sure whether I’m a better friend or lover. And I have so much feeling to share…

  17. AquaJosh says:

    “A Virgo man is not right for any woman who hates being told what to do and what to think.”
    RIGHT. Virgo men wants a stupid, submissive, pathetic frail little dumb woman to play with. You can’t even call “this” a woman. The same way you can’t really call a man who wants a pseudo-woman like that a “man”. Ah, they are pathetic. “Oh, I want to protect myself I’m so sensitive, so I’ll hide my emotions from you mimimi~” while they want YOU to show your everything – without waiting for reciprocation! Egoistical, much?

    Virgo men think they’re always right. They don’t look at their own BIG flaws. They want to control, manipulate, command your life and wishes. Lovers? How can they? If you’re a real woman (own thoughts, independent life, strong) you’ll feel totally frigid, even if you’re a hot Aries or Scorpio woman, LOL.

    Stop acting like a little coward child, Virgo Man. You are a shame for the manhood, I promise.

  18. I honestly think that some virgo’s are better off as friends because some of them can be very arrogant but the Virgo’s that I’ve dated have been the most perfect gentlemen ever, He was attentive, loving, protective and pretty much every thing I wanted a guy to be. Me being a Taurus woman – we had very very very good chemistry but it wouldn’t have ever happened because we were both in very different places and I’m weird like that.

    Virgo’s did make me feel like I was the only girl he could see in the world & the only one he wanted to love.

  19. The author of this article really downplayed what jerks Virgo men really are. These guys are NEVER happy not just with others but with themselves. The just love to spread their own misery to others as thought their lives depended on it! Cowardly, duplicitous, addicted to just about anything, miserly, and highly emotionally abusive. When the spotlight gets turned on them they have the nerve to become indignant. Classic case of dishing it out but not being able to take it. The epitomy of hypocrisy.

  20. Black Hand Ninja says:

    SMH, virgo men are always getting insulted on these astrology sites. What’s the deal?

  21. scorpiowriter says:

    Wow! I recently went through HELL with a Virgo male. I was NOT attracted to him physically at first—he’s extremely skinny, with a big hook nose, receding chin, and is balding at age 24. However, he approached me and told me I was gorgeous. Needless to say, after we slept together, he became very cold and unfriendly. He was INTENSELY critical…NOTHING I could do was right. At the very end, he physically attacked me and was arrested. Now he’s with a Pisces girl…I feel so sorry for her. He puts her on a pedestal, but I”m sure after some time he will begin the inevitable Virgo tendency to nitpick, criticize, nag, and invalidate. YUCK! NEVER again will I date a Virgo! Under any circumstances! They are cruel, hot and cold…so you literally feel you are going crazy with them. The more you want them, the more they pull away and reject you. They use you for sex and money and compliments–whatever they can get out of you–and then throw you away like garbage. He was TERRIBLE in bed, too…literally a one-minute man. He did almost nothing to please me sexually. As a Scorpio, this is a dealbreaker. I’m SO RELIEVED that I am free of this cruel, mentally and verbally and once physically ABUSIVE, selfish, MEAN man!

  22. curious757 says:

    i love virgo energy (my husband has strong Virgo in his chart)
    And curiously enough I have strong neptune in my chart, no wonder. The mercurial and neptunian love is there.

  23. Virgo men are jerks, stay away from them if you want to save your sanity. They are walking contradictions with major defects and flaws in their characters but still they dare to find faults in others. Most of them are Bi-polar and suffers from emotional and communication constipation. If you have like 10 or 20 years in your hands to waste then a virgo man is all yours and beware all these years will be filled with emotional games, hot and cold games, isolation, control and all the other things that a narcissist virgo man loves to do with a victim. good luck

  24. Yeah sadly I’ve been there done that with Virgos and let me tell you it’s true true true. Do no date a Virgo unless you have no emotions. Have them as friends and let that be as far as it goes and even then be careful if they start to get too mean. These people have proven to be very very hard to be around. They are absolutely a torment to deal with in any close personal setting. Keep them at arms lenght and you’ll be fine.

  25. Sorry Scorpiowriter for what you’ve been through. I’ve been through the EXACT same thing so I know what you mean. Sadly alot of people have had to learn the hard way how horrible Virgos are. They truly are supposed to be eternal bachelors.

  26. DeadToxicBunny says:

    In my opinion, if you want a knight in shining armor or some classy damsel of the court i would suggest a Virgo. We can be a little criticizing at times, I will admit, but we still love you to death and would do anything to make it up to the person we hurt! But we make up for it with soft kind words and an even kinder heart. We like to spoil our loved ones and hardly ever raise a complaint unless it upsets us to a certain extent.

    My best friend is a Capricorn and I am a Virgo, along with her boyfriend. She says we have to be the best people in her life. We spoil her with affection, time, and gifts regularly. I’ve meet the guy and we get along pretty well, something rare seeing as I always disapprove of her boyfriends. A rare victory in itself for the guy! Virgos can make good friend AND lovers. We forgive easily usually unless there is another person and you cheated on us. That’s when the kitty claws come out. But beside that we are tame felines just looking to find a warm lap to snuggle on.

    I don’t really disagree with this article, because I have meet some very disgusting virgos in my time. But you should take the time to look under that cool exterior. Trust me, if you want a long term relationship you will never be disappointed with a Virgo.

  27. It took a near death experience for my virgo man to show emotions. I am an Aries woman, so that loyalty is eternal. But yes, he’s so fricking bitchy…. Critical… Argghhhhh!

  28. Traumatized says:

    Scorpio here. I’m still healing from about 6 months of the most traumatizing emotional abuse of my life with a Virgo man. He was Virgo sun, mars, AND venus, with a Sagittarius moon. This man was ALL about the chase and the biggest commitment-phobe I’ve ever met. Which is why he flirted with me and then freaked out when I left my husband after falling in love with him. (The marriage was going to end anyway, and it was an amicable divorce.) He was so distraught, and I made the mistake of trying to save him from his own dark mind that creates a problem where there doesn’t need to be. I tried to help him learn to love and accept himself and to stop being emotionally dishonest. But he couldn’t seem to figure out why I would want to help him, because he expected me to hate him. After months of his gaslighting, refusal to communicate, mistaken assumptions about my intentions, extreme paranoia, and backstabbing, I was completely broken down. But I learned something- and that is that I never have to tolerate emotional abuse ever again in order to help someone, because chances are, they’ll think you’re the abusive one. A man who enjoys being critical, takes pleasure in gossip, and is out to womanize is NOT interested in learning to think with his heart.

  29. Recently had a Virgo man breakup with me. After giving him chance after chance to stop the verbal abuse and secrecy, he said it was because I am always right about how to do his home improvement projects. These men are far too controlling for me. Seems they just want someone weak and dumb to belittle. When you are smart they’re well rid of you unless your connections can improve their situation. I read about paranoid personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, both describe him. Too bad I moved 500 miles along with my 2 dogs only to be put out on the street. Try renting with dogs. I had to put them up for adoption and he didn’t care. Didn’t even care I lost my job too. All because I knew more than him on one topic.

  30. Samantha Floyd says:

    I just had a date with a Virgo man and this was all true, especially the part about giving advice all the time. He was a sweet guy and I think he’d be a great partner but not me.

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