One Night Stand One-Liners by Sun Sign

two pairs of feet under the coversThe game of 21st century dating leaves few of us unscathed from the inevitable one night stand. The sex is either good, bad or just plain ugly. Ah well, we learn from our mistakes!


Sun sign astrology offers an insightful yet light-hearted look at how each sign approaches the terrain of the one night stand. Read on for a few laughable one-liners!

Aries: Competition is everything for the Ram, even in the bedroom. They will want to be on top … literally. Expect sweet nothings to the tone of, “I came before you did!”

Taurus: Sex is all about flesh and oral sex, so be prepared to give and receive … and receive again. Slow, methodical and predictable sex may quickly feel like Seinfeld re-runs until they say, “I’d like to eat chocolate body paint from your body…”

Gemini: You’ve heard the rumors about Geminis and their manual dexterity. Don’t hesitate for a moment when they say, “I’ve got this Kama Sutra book and there are some positions I’ve never tried…”

Cancer: You’ve had a cup of tea before heading to the bedroom. Before you even have a chance to get your groove on, they ask, “Would you like to have lunch with my parents tomorrow?”

Leo: Your night of lust will reveal the inner actor/actress in every passionate and bossy Leo. “Before we start, do you mind if I put this mirror here?”

Virgo: The renowned clean freaks of the zodiac will ask you, “Once I’ve had a shower, would you mind helping me change the sheets?”

Libra: Pleasant and accommodating, bordering on boring if they weren’t so damned gorgeous … “I think you must be my soul mate!”

Scorpio: You’ve been warned about lovers like this, but you know what they say about forbidden fruit … “Can we try anal next time?”

Sagittarius: All night sex for the Sag is what yoga is for the rest of us. Just when you need some sleep, they exclaim, “Hey, we haven’t done this position yet!”

Capricorn: The libido has impressed you. This could become a regular gig for you … until they say, “I’ll have to check my schedule before we can hook up again.”

Aquarius: You’ve taken a walk on the wild side and just when you thought it couldn’t get any wilder, “Would you mind bringing your sister along next time?”

Pisces: The emotional, ethereal and dreamy side of the Pisces has got you hooked. You found a soul connection until they ask, “What was your name again?”

About the Author
Cassandra Tyndall is an avid professional astrologer based in Sydney, who offers readings to clients locally, interstate and all over the globe. Known for her passion, skill and honesty, Cassandra combines traditional and modern techniques to enhance specific predictions for individuals, couples and businesses. She has been a regular contributor to the annual WellBeing Astrology Guide, and is the resident astrologer for Australia’s Women’s Health & Fitness magazine.

Comment below: Share your one night stand one-liners.

Comments

  1. Libra ´s one night stand *bordering on boring * ? uhmm,. don´t think so… ;)

  2. haha this is hilarious! I loved it!

  3. too funny. i am a virgo, and yes, I have asked someone to help me clean the sheets.

  4. ahahhaha!

    the cancer, leo and virgo are dead on! LOL

  5. haha pisces !! so true. i’m not a pisces but it is my chart’s signature.

    gemini, yep. the fact that youre reading froma book turns you on so much more than the lame person hanging around you.

  6. Love these… particularly Pisces & Virgo. What about also:

    Taurus: “I so feel like a pizza now”
    Gemini: “No, you hang up first”
    Cancer: “Does this mean we are getting married?”
    Libra: “I thought that was good, wasn’t it?”
    Scorpio: “Should I untie you now?”
    Sag: “I reckon we can do it on a bungee”
    Cap: “Lets exchange business cards”

  7. Ha!

    Although I wouldn’t want my mom to meet my one-night stands because then she’d know how many of them there are…

  8. LOL @ Jo Tracey !!! ^^

    gemini, scorpio, taurus and cancer had me in stitches ^^

  9. Uh…No…I am a virgo and I have never asked anyone to help with sheets…nor would I….If I like the guy and the sex is good I want to savor his scent on them for a while.

  10. Cassandra Tyndall says:

    Even though I wrote this, not all Cancers are equal SteamyWeenie ;)

  11. Marsey I totally agree with you. My moon is in Virgo and I feel the same way as savoring his scent as long as possible. I am a Libra and far from boring.

  12. can’t take a joke.
    sounds boring to me

  13. Ha, Leo, spot on!
    I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true..
    that leo pride rarely ever goes to sleep, lol
    ….until we fall so inlove, we forget about the mirror ; )

  14. Bis- haha good point!

  15. Darcy Winston says:

    Interesting, but in my naive world Pisceans do not have one night stands, they have one life stands!

  16. The Aquarius one is true. After I had a weekend fling with an Aquarius, and my bestfriend was part of the social gatherings he started hitting on my bestfriend!! After she made it clear that she doesn’t mess around with her bestfriends men, he said “how about the both of you” very sick!!!

  17. canceranian says:

    Scorpio, Cancer and Virgo proved to be sOOO true :D

  18. Aquarian is true. He wants my friends too, & I have told him if he ever hits one of the people I am closed to I am out.

    Oh & again I have said maybe we should try with one of his male best friends, the respond was a hell no. Anyways I was just teasing

  19. Guys I really need your advise. Here is the matter I had a lot to drink over the weekend, I ended up in bed with this guy I don’t like, he is a bad kisser for that matter.

    I told him it’s not happening again I have a boyfriend. He agreed but kept on calling, I responded to his calls only because they were private. I hung up even before he finished his sentence.

    Had to switch off my phone for three day today he send me a please call message. I don’t want this guy, I don’t have feelings for him and I don’t want to be his friend.

    Gals please advise how do you make sure that you lose this kind of guy for good and he understands.

    I don’t know his star sign. Your comments are welcomed even not based on astrology.

  20. Heather says:

    Capricorn reporting here…SO GUILTY.

    “uhm, I might be busy into the foreseeable future. well, I’m not sure, but I could be busy and I simply can’t make any social plans until I know what my work schedule shapes up like.”

    drives my cancer boy up the wall.

  21. Wow, wonderful portal. Thnx…

  22. What happens If someone in my apartment uses illegal drugs? ,

  23. I’ve tried several times to get the newspaper I work for listed. ,

  24. That’s so true about saggi..I actually say often “that’s it?” or “ok, now let’s do sth else”=))
    As for the scopios..I was actually asked by an ex that=))..and after that so called one night stand we end it up together. Crazy people scorps.

Feel free to leave a comment below, or scroll down a bit to comment using your Facebook identity. If you want to avoid having to enter your name and email every time you post, create an account. If you already have an account, login and you will be redirected back to this page.

*

Comment With Facebook: