Libra wants triple Virgo babydaddy to leave his girlfriend

babymama writes,

i am a libra/gemini/scorpio who just had a child with a virgo/virgo/virgo.

We started dating in november 06. at the time, I was engaged and he had a girlfriend. I’ve never cheated on anyone before in my life, but truth be told my fiance and I were on the rocks, and the energy between me & virgo was just crazy … intoxicating is the word that best describes it. I ended up getting dis-engaged after a few weeks, and thereafter things started to get physical with virgo. However, we didn’t have sex until several months later.

A few months after we started “kicking it” he came to work for me as an independent contractor. We kept kicking it, and I ended up preggo in august 2007. About five months into my pregnancy I stopped dealing with him b/c he was telling everyone and their mama that we were having a baby — except his girl. It just got to be too much and I didn’t want to have a sad pregnancy so I cut him off. (I also shut down the business and he no longer works for me)

Prior to me being pregnant he’d say “I love her, but I’m in love with you.” He’d also says he just wants her to be ok b/c she took care of him when he had nothing (I guess they’ve known each other for a while). Apparently she moved in with him when she had her 2nd son and had no where to go.

About a month after our baby was born we re-connected and have talked and spent time together…. and I’m hearing the same crap…. but even with the baby he doesn’t ever DO anything. I even asked him “if I were willing to change my life to be your 24/7, would you be willing to change yours?” of course his answer was “yes”… but he never makes an actual move.

I had a conversation with his cousin/best friend told me that “he doesn’t gamble”… meaning i am a gamble compared to his stay-at-home-do-nothing capricorn girlfriend. (i am pretty, smart, entrepreneur, stylish, blabh blah blah)

When she found out (by going through his email) she was mad, of course, but didn’t leave.

i want us to be a family, and i want the same for my daughter. I just feel like I can’t win. I “give in” to let him know he can trust me … and I get nowhere. And then it ends up hurting. I play hard to get … I get nowhere. it’s crazy b/c when we reconnected it’s like we never even left off. that overwhelming crazy connection energy just came right back. I mean, i get more respect now from him. i see that he regards me with more seriousness now. but if it’s not going to happen with him i may as well stop trying.

i would really really appreciate ur input on this situation…. is there anything i can do to make him leave (e.g. assure him i’ll be there)? will he leave?

thank u so much!

babymama,

If I were just giving you straight-up love advice without looking at the astrology, I’d say you can’t make him leave his girlfriend. It’s a lousy situation, as you feel real connected to him and he’s your baby’s daddy.

You haven’t made it clear whether he’s the father of his girlfriend’s first son. (It would be just plain weird if he chose to stay with her if none of the kids were his.) Regardless, he feels a moral or karmic obligation to take care of his girlfriend. It sounds like you know how to take care of yourself (paying the bills and all), whereas she does not. (Hmm… How often do you find a “stay-at-home-and-do-nothing Capricorn”?)

What concerns me is that, for all his loyalty, he was willing to cheat on her with you — whereas you made sure to end it with your fiance before you took action.

A triple Virgo (Sun, Moon and Rising all in this sign) is, if anything, devoted [view his chart]. A servant, if you will. Loyal to a fault. It could be that he feels beholden to the Capricorn girlfriend because she was there for him when he needed help, so he has to do the same for her. Your babydaddy is governed by Mercury (because Mercury rules Virgo.) His Mercury’s strongest aspect is a square to Neptune. As Mercury is the communication planet and Neptune rules deception and delusion, this aspect suggests that he’s not the most honest fellow. As you wrote, he told everyone you were pregnant — except his girlfriend.

His Neptune, planet of sacrifice, is in his Fourth House of Home. And it is conjunct his North Node in Sagittarius in the Fourth House. Perhaps he feels his growth lies in doing the “ethical” thing (Sagittarius) with regards to his domestic situation, and that includes being somewhat of a martyr.

This pattern is mirrored by the placement of his Virgo Moon in the 12th House. Not only sacrifice, but … baby or mama hidden or behind-the-scenes? A square from Jupiter and Uranus to the Moon suggest a strong need for freedom and independence, as well as an erratic and inconsistent relationship with women or the experience of parenting.

Overall, he has a big conflict beween Virgo on the Ascendant and Sagittarius on the Descendant, with a whole lot of planets in each sign. He may want to appear as the good servant, but at root (IC) he is a wanderer and needs his space. At times he feels called to do the right thing (whether that comes from religious upbringing or some other moral guidelines) but at other times he wants to follow the whims of the lower half of the centaur — which could mean following his animal instincts to fool around. In any case, all this mutable energy makes him hard to pin down. Meanwhile, his Leo Mars (which makes no major aspects) sees sex as play and is kind of a runaway influence because it is not being modulated by any other planets.

You wonder if assuring him you’ll be there will make him leave his girlfriend for you. Perhaps what you’re getting at — by saying he’s not a gambler — is that he’s afraid you might leave him at some point (because you’re smart and a self-starter), whereas his Cap girl is dependent on him and is unlikely to abandon him.

With a Moon-Uranus square, he may have had an inconsistent or unreliable mother, and he doesn’t want to replicate that experience in an adult relationship. And of course Virgos are known to be somewhat neurotic and worrisome. His strong Earth sign emphasis suggests he needs security and a reliable daily routine. He needs to be helpful, and perhaps he thinks he can help his girlfriend more than he can help you, since you’ve got more going for you.

Currently, Saturn in Virgo is conjoining his Sun and Ascendant. This is a mega-important transit, where themes like the weight of responsibility and letting go of old baggage are paramount. In other words, he has to own up to his karmic decisions, man up to them, and shed those parts of his past that prevent him from manifesting his purpose. In addition, transiting Pluto is squaring Mercury, his chart ruler. If Mercury-Neptune is lies, then Mercury-Pluto is digging up the truth and exposing it to the light of day.

Your Virgo babydaddy has a responsibility to DO for his baby, and to help out financially, but he doesn’t have a responsibility to you romantically. It’s a separate issue. As Saturn rules his Fifth House of Children (and, yes, Romance, but I think the former interpretation is more relevant here), he will probably pick up slack with your baby, but maybe not much more than that. I
f anything, Saturn is about focusing on what really matters — and in Virgo, he may make these decisions pretty pragmatically. He will tend to his responsibilities, where he’s needed the most.

Transiting Saturn is squaring your Moon from this Fall through Summer 2009 [view babymama's chart]. Unfortunately, this transit often results in a feeling of emotional isolation, loneliness, and emotional hardship. This transit can also signify the struggle with balancing work (Saturn, in the Tenth House of Career, no less) and childrearing (Moon). Currently, Saturn is squaring your Neptune, which often results in a feeling of disillusionment and broken dreams.

I don’t want to leave you feel hopeless about this situation, but I also don’t want you to keep exerting energy to make someone else change. Focus on your baby — she is entitled to a father, and hopefully his Saturn transit and his growing respect for you will result in him being more present for her. She only has one biological father, whereas you may find that intoxicating connection with someone else.

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About Jeffrey Kishner

Jeffrey Kishner is founder and publisher of Sasstrology. He is a licensed mental health counselor and has been doing astrological counseling since 2001. Jeffrey has been published in print magazines including The Mountain Astrologer and Dell Horoscope, and has written online for sites including AOL, Tarot.com and StarIQ. Jeffrey has also been heavily involved in the astrology blogger community. Read his personal blog at JeffreyKishner.com.

Comments

  1. Excellent advice, Jeffrey.
    Good luck to you & your baby, babymama.

  2. Thanks gauri. And jeff – I agree, great advice. You are SOOO on point with how I’ve been feeling (emotional isolation, loneliness, and emotional hardship, disillusionment, broken dreams). It’s like I lost my fiancé and a close friend all at once (not to mention my business). But I will stay focused on my daughter and this too shall pass. I’m not going to deny my daughter her father. But at the same time I do feel he needs to establish some consistency as far as involvement in her life. As far as our personal situation, it’s apparently time to stick to some boundaries (e.g. he calls and texts me all day every day…that’s gotta stop). Hopefully, over time balance will be established. Thanks again jeff!

  3. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    You’re welcome :)

  4. one last thing (smile). i forgot to address your comment on the girlfriends’ kids. she actually has two sons, neither of which his, and neither of which live with them anymore. she sent them both away last year. just an fyi.

  5. Jeffrey Kishner says:

    that’s just plain f***ed up.

  6. I would agree. Focus rather on your baby since she is your world right now. And I would agree that this is such a messed up case. Good luck sister!

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