How to cheat without getting caught

1. Avoid doing it during a Neptune transit. Although it might be good for deceit, this transit is also accompanied by a lack of discrimination. Sloppiness due to mental confusion is likely, hence you may leave your lover’s latest email on the screen of your smart phone, or forget to cover your hickie with a scarf. (But if you’re a Pisces, you may be an expert at deception.)
2. Avoid doing it during a Uranus transit. Sudden, abrupt, or impulsive actions can backfire on you, as you tend to be more reckless. And under the Law of Unexpected Surprises, your partner may answer the phone when your lover calls.
3. Avoid doing it during a Pluto transit. Pluto exposes dirt, and it may be a challenge to keep your clandestine activities hidden. Of course, if you’re very Plutonic (e.g., a Scorpio) you may do a good job of keeping things on the down low, but otherwise you may not be able to stop your partner from noticing that “just f’d” look when you come home.
4. Avoid doing it during a Jupiter transit. You may overspend on your lover, and if your partner sees your credit card bill, you’ll have questions to answer. (Although if you’re a Sagittarius, you may be good at stretching the truth.) And if you do it three times in one night with your lover and can’t drum up interest the next day with your spouse, you may have some explaining to do.
5. Avoid doing it during a Saturn transit. Saturn is the planet of karma. (You reap what you sow!) As a matter of fact, avoid doing it even when you don’t have a Saturn transit, because Saturn is like Santa — he keeps track of who’s naughty and who’s nice. Your betrayal will eventually bite you in the butt.

Even if you don’t get caught, you’ll get your comeuppance eventually!

(This blog post was brought to you by Yahweh, the Old Testament God.)