Although we’re all complex individuals, there is only so much of ourselves that we can share at an initial meeting. In fact, there’s only so much we’d want to share, as first impressions count. Simply put, we want to put our best face forward.
Thus, it is no surprise that the sign on our Ascendant takes the stage on a first date. The Rising Sign is the zodiac sign that was on the Eastern horizon at the moment of birth. The Ascendant is the “face” we present to the world, as well as our physical appearance. When you meet someone, the qualities of their Rising Sign are often more prominent than their Sun sign. (This explains why we are often not initially perceived as our true selves.)
On a first date, you want to display the best possible “view” of your Rising Sign, but this is sometimes difficult. If your Ascendant is “afflicted” — meaning that another planet makes a stressful angle to the precise degree of your Ascendant — then you have an internal conflict preventing you from feeling comfortable with your public self. If, on the other hand, you have a planet making a supportive angle to your Ascendant, then you’ve got a nice boost from other parts of your chart.
“What do you like to do in your spare time?” (The Chart Ruler)
Although the Sun and Moon are key to understanding yourself, another important planet is your chart ruler. This is the planet that rules your Ascendant, or Rising Sign. Below is a guide to determine your chart ruler. (Be sure to figure out your Rising Sign first!)
- Aries = Mars
- Taurus = Venus
- Gemini = Mercury
- Cancer = Moon
- Leo = Sun
- Virgo = Mercury
- Libra = Venus
- Scorpio = Mars (or Pluto)
- Sagittarius = Jupiter
- Capricorn = Saturn
- Aquarius = Saturn (or Uranus)
- Pisces = Jupiter (or Neptune)
[Note: I typically use the personal and social planets (Sun through Saturn) as sign rulers, but many other astrologers use the outer planets for Scorpio, Aquarius and Pisces. It pays to experiment.]
The house that your chart ruler is in suggests what you need to do to feel fulfilled. If you have Libra Rising and your Venus is in Capricorn in your Fourth House, then home and family are going to be really important to you. Even if you’re not a Cancer, you may end up talking about your parents on a first date! (And you’ll do it in a very charming, gracious way, of course.)
If you don’t “live out” the themes associated with the house in which your chart ruler is placed, you’re not likely to feel content. And when you’re scoping out your next boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re obviously looking for someone who will match you on that level — whether you’re looking for a spouse or a summer fling. Thus, it makes sense that you’ll talk about this area of your life, because if you get blank stares from your date, you know a relationship might not go anywhere.
Comment below: Which “self” do you put forth on a first date, and how does it differ from your Sun sign?
About Jeffrey Kishner
So with my ruler in the 12th, I should be talking on dates about asylums, jails, spaces of confinement, spirituality, hidden enemies etc.? What an inetresting date that would be…:-)
Good article though.
Ooooops I meant ‘interesting’.
I think you know your chart well enough to see how the 12th applies
Man…I am a Cap Rising/Cap Sun and Saturn is conjunct Pluto on my MC… I might as well just formalize what I do on first dates by bringing a written test and a few hoops for you to physically jump through.
I literally spend a first date trying to figure out if I you are smart, funny, interesting enough for me, and put you through a series of tests that I think are obvious but are apparently not (mostly on books, culture, politics).
Daddy Saturn likes men to work for it.
It’s a lot like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9S5-EB8dR8
I left a dude in the middle of a date for picking the worst movie out when we got to the theater…it was strike 3 after a bad tattoo idea and bringing up his ex girlfriend.
I’m sensitive like that.
My chart ruler is in the 8th. I get bored out of my mind by questions like, “so what kind of music do you like?” “what’s your favorite movie?” “what kind of art do you do?” Questions like this just make me want to bang my forehead against the table. I’d prefer talking about something specific, like, “Did you see Batman, what did you think about it?” Because somehow this cuts to the chase and we get to a topic that can be discussed in depth we aren’t sticking to the ‘standard dating questions’ script. I would also write off any guy whose response to the question “What did you think of Batman?” is “It was good.” If you can’t think of anything else to say, then I can’t be bothered to spend any more time with you.
Pisces Rising, Jupiter in the 1st house. At first my stomach became queasy because 1st house is often described as “the personality” “manners” “a mask” or something superficial of the like.
Then, today in my sound design class, I wondered, “What is my frequency response?” “What’s HIS frequence response (the teacher), what’s hers…”
Then I realized that I spend time talking to people about what makes THEM unique. What do they have inside or are equipped with thats makes that person awesome. Left brain or right brain?
I hope I am getting this correct. Anyone have any idea what the 1st house is about?
Or, I guess what people “identify” with. Ah.
@may, perhaps it’s just your 1st House Jupiter bringing the best out of people.
Okay great. Scorpio Rising, Mars in 1st house. No wonder they’re either thrilled or afraid…Powerhouse will become my middle name.
Mars is the ruler, ruler in 6th. Hmm, so I should take my dates home and make them do my dishes? The only workplace romance I ever had failed horribly (though I work with my spouse now, that sure isn’t how we started out) – then I guess the 6th also rules animals. I am partial to people who like/keep dogs and other pets.
im a leo rising. it is as if every outing is a potential first date. lol, even just to go get dry cleaning or quoi. you just never know.
yet i really go on no actual dates – there is a disconnect with my staged leo demeanor and my gemini self that cannot keep a plan if its made more than a day in advance!! even if it is something i have looked forward to in the end it feels like i am driving toward a tree and need to to turn away fast! all my dates, if they qualify, have thus been impromptu affairs, as in no time like the present.
this does also relieve pressure on my leo asc which cares a bit for appearances but is torn between natural inclination to dress up and the 11th house sun’s inclination to dress down. spontaneity forces the choice by not giving one =) and keeps gemini happy not hissy.
these two ‘first impression’ styles tend to attract very differentially however. esp people who like 11th house bis are turned off by leo rising bis!, but im sure it works vice-versa as well.
Cap rising, Saturn in 2nd. Huh. XD I haven’t started dating yet, so I’ll get back to you. =’)
I once felt more like a Leo when I was getting to know my most beloved, lol. I’m sure there was some reserve at first though. He himself seemed quiet. ^^;
My brother: Leo rising, Sun in 4th. Interesting. 8D
Mom: Scorp rising, Mars in 4th, Pluto in 10th.
Dad: Scorp rising, Mars in 1st, Pluto in 10th.
I didn’t realize we three had Pluto in the same house. o_o
I am Scorpio rising … Rulers: I have Pluto in Virgo in the 11th; Mars in Aquarius in the 4th.
I think I talk a lot about my goals and aspirations, the people in my life (11th house stuff) more than about myself, per se. Come to think of it, usually the other person does more of the talking and I ask the questions.
p.s. love this blog!
What about the event chart for the first actual meeting? That’s always pretty interesting. First date with current guy…event chart, libra rising, venus in scorpio in the 6th along with mars in libra (him) and mercury, before it went retrograde…
Sorry (idiot) taurus rising…so ruling planet venus is in 6th etc
lots of trines to 11th…
@marmitelover, sounds like the focus would be on sensuality/sexuality as it applies to the mundane aspects of life. But I think we’d learn more if you described your first date…
@lilita, scorpio risings would be more likely to listen (and interrogate) than blab on about themselves… Welcome to the blog!
Hi, just read the article and Im not knowledgable on planetary placements or in-depth astrology at all but does that mean with my libra rising, venus in pisces and venus in sixth hosue that i will talk about work on the first date?
@Dame-Speciale, maybe you’ll talk about how you relate with coworkers, or how you have a hard time saying “no” to them.
My Rising Sing is Libra and Libra was in the 2nd House @ the time of my birth, so does that mean that my outward apperance is what I am most concerned about in the sense of making a 1st impression?…I think it’s true, I’m always concerned about how I look, I like to be well put together (I’m not a shallow tho).
P.S. I too am new to this Astrology thing, so forgive me if I may ask “silly” questions sometimes.
@Capri-girl, that sounds about right. Libra is a Venus-ruled sign and thus beauty/appearance is important.
***My bad about Libra been in the 2nd house, what I meant was the 1st house (psh, I was seeing double…lol).
To finish answering the question:
I always like to look good/elegant, guys always comment too on how charming and down-to-earth I am; definitely My Rising Sign/Libra @ work….and if I like you, a little flirty. My chart ruler Venus is in the 5th House, and oh yes, I love all things pleasurable, love children, creative stuff, art, poetry etc and I swear I think about Sex 24/7…lol. On the other hand, my Sun is Cap, the less sociable and more reserved, cautious, practical, ambitious persona located in the 4th House. Sometimes I feel as if I have two seperate personalities (call me crazy). I have a deep family attachement and a sense of overwhelming responsibility, being the 1st child makes it worst, very concerned with providing material/finincial stability.
I’m just here thinking maybe it’s a good thing Libra is my ASC, to soften my Cap persona a bit and likewise Cap to keep Libra grounded because I would not like to have both my ASC and Sun in Libra in the 1st house….that’s the Cap in me speaking