Hi Jeffrey -

I maybe should have done the compatibility chart, but I’m not sure that’s the issue. Plus, there are two guys involved and I don’t know either one’s birth time. It’s not really about compatibility anyway. I hope this is not too much confusing detail!

I’ve been married about a year and a half to a [Taurus] guy. We’ve had quite a bit of conflict, mostly surrounding my frustration with what I perceive to be his laziness. This past January/February (2008) after he did little but play video games for two months straight, I simply felt like I could not tolerate another minute. Well, I’m still there, but things are better. However, I’ve come to realize that we’ve never had a true emotional connection. That has led to a number of other problems, I think.

Around the end of January, I finally decided to pay the small fee to check out one of those reunion sites because I had received emails for years saying people contacted me. I guess I was curious. I thought it would be some old friends from high school. Instead, I was shocked to see that [a] guy I was involved with in college on and off from 1993-1995 had read my profile four times, three of which were before I got married and one was last fall.

I contacted him. I would’ve done so even if my relationship were going well, just to say hello to an old friend. We have emailed on and off for the past 7+ months. He lives across the country. The emails are platonic, friendly. No talk of meeting, etc. But we had a great connection back then. I never forgot about that all these years and now chatting with him has made the feelings even stronger.

So, it’s not that I’m looking for compatibility with either one of these guys. This is mostly background for how I’m feeling right now. It’s as if the more I remember the connection and passion with someone else, the more I realize how little connection and passion I have with my own husband. I see him more like a brother or even a 15 year old son (which makes intimacy strange!) but I know he sees me as a wife/lover.

Should I leave both of these guys behind? Pursue one but not the other? Pursue both (ok, that’s probably not advisable . I know that most advice sites attack people for anything that even alludes to cheating. I hope you won’t waste my money by focusing on that. Thanks for your advice!!

orangie,

As a Leo, passion comes naturally to you [view natal chart]. However, with Leo Rising, that puts Aquarius on your Descendant, or the cusp of your Seventh House of Partnership. You need someone more detached to balance your fiery, proud nature. It is interesting that your husband plays video games and feels more like a kid to you than an equal partner — you have your Moon (children) in Aquarius (electronic media) in your House of Marriage. This pattern repeats itself: the traditional ruler of your Seventh, Saturn, is in Cancer (ruled by the Moon), residing in the Eleventh House (associated with Aquarius). Besides, as much as you want emotional involvement, it doesn’t come easy to you. The planet of emotions (Moon) is in a sign that intellectualizes and distances (Aquarius), and restrictive Saturn is in the sign of feelings (Cancer), making the emotional world rocky territory for you.

Transiting Neptune — planet of illusion, deception and confusion — has been moving through your Seventh House for quite a long time, and spent a few years opposing your Sun. It’s still “in orb,” as its direct station in November will be within one degree of your Sun. This basically means that the last year and a half that you’ve been married can be characterized as murky. Also, transiting Uranus — planet of liberation and sudden change — is opposing your love planet, Venus. (It stationed retrograde within one degree of your Venus in June, and will really kick in starting Spring 2009.) You are most definitely feeling an urge to disrupt the status quo in your relationship life. You’ve been feeling critical (Venus in Virgo) of your husband’s routine, and have turned to the internet (Uranus) to see what else is out there (even if that was not your conscious reason for joining the reunion site — and besides, Uranus [you were "shocked"!] is at the cusp of your Ninth House of Higher Education). Finally, Pluto — planet of intensity, power and regeneration — has been moving through your Fifth House of Romance and Creativity. If passion is what you’re looking for, this is where you’d look! It is moving towards an opposition to Saturn in Cancer. This is the 9/11 of astrological aspects, where Pluto destroys whatever structures you’ve built in your life — in your case, possibly your marriage, as Saturn is the traditional ruler of your Aquarius Descendant. (You have a natal Saturn-Pluto square, so power struggles with a partner may be a pattern, anyway.)

You want passion in a relationship, and it’s not happening with your husband. Should you ditch him and pursue your old college flame? Looking at your transits, I’d say you’re starting to come out of the fog (Neptune), and are feeling the urge for excitement (Uranus) in love (Venus), as well as a concurrent need to tear down (Pluto) the walls (Saturn) that leave you feeling cold. It’s not so much a matter of who you pursue or leave behind, as much as how you use this time to radically and irrevocably change how you approach relationship. As both of these transits are oppositions, they’re all about partnership and the need to either integrate the knowledge that you’ve acquired to improve your marriage, or to separate.

Related post: Moon in the Seventh House

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