Are you better off being single? (Part Three: Pluto)
August 8, 2008 by Jeffrey Kishner
This post is Part Three of the “Are you better off being single?” series. Please read Part One: Neptune for an introduction, as well as Part Two: Uranus.
After two attempts at writing this post, I realized that I might have writer’s block — because I have Venus opposite Pluto. Am I better off single? I doubt it. With Venus and Sun in my Seventh House of Partnership — as well as my chart ruler Mercury conjunct my Descendant from the Sixth House — I experience a strong need for one-on-one connection. Not only in love, but in work — which is why I spent a number of years as a psychotherapist for individuals (as opposed to couples or groups).
In the best possible light, I see my natal opposition as my (potential) ability to effect transformation via the crucible of relationship — a fancy way of saying that I help people change through my work as a counselor. (My Seventh House Venus is the ruler of my Midheaven, the point in the chart that governs vocation.)
Yet, this opposition is a bitch. Although most men think about sex all the time, I think about sex all the time. I am obsessed (Pluto) with women (Venus)!
Stepping back, I see that this blogging endeavor itself is an expression of my need to probe (Pluto) the realm of relationship (Venus). The motivation to keep this blog-engine running has been driven by my compulsive need to understand the many ways we connect sexually and romantically — courtesy of this recently-demoted planetoid.
Pluto is a complicated celestial object. In mythology, this Roman god’s Greek counterpart is Hades, Lord of the Underworld. Pluto rules all that is hidden, and its role is to explore the depths — in order to expose that which is underneath the surface. Healing comes from being whole, and we cannot achieve this state of unity when aspects of ourselves (or our society) are outside our awareness. Pluto is the detective, the investigator, the psychoanalyst — digging up secrets to get to the Truth of the matter. In relationships, Pluto drives us to experience a depth and intensity of connection that may scare off folks who like their lovin’ light and easy.
Pluto is also about power. The dark side of this planet is control, domination, destruction (not that some destruction isn’t a necessary part of the cycle of birth and death). Much of the covert, underhanded manipulative tactics that occur in relationships are associated with Pluto. Dark Pluto asks, “How can I use the information I know about my partner’s weaknesses to get him to do what I want?” If you have a challenging Venus-Pluto aspect in your natal chart (or if Pluto is transiting your Venus), either you can be the one doing the manipulating, or the one being screwed over. One cannot really tell just by looking at the chart! If you find yourself repeating an unhealthy dynamic — involving power struggles, boundary-violation, and the above-mentioned patterns — in several relationships, it may be time to take a breather. Enter psychotherapy and explore the roots of this pattern, for until you identify what you contribute to it (even if you identify as the victim), you are likely to keep on repeating it.
If you destroy relationships because you are sexually compulsive or love-addicted, you may also need to seek help. 12-step groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous may help those who are obsessed with some unattainable person, or those who spend more time watching porn than relating on an intimate level. If the 12-step model doesn’t work for you, there are treatment facilities like The Meadows where you can work on healing sex and love addiction. (None of these links are endorsements.)
If your Pluto is more destructive than regenerative, some of the above avenues of healing may be useful. You can also read more in these articles:
- How to change stuck relational patterns associated with challenging natal aspects
- Integration and dangers in the process of healing Pluto problems
- Pluto problems in relationships
Some possible chart patterns to look out for:
- Pluto in hard aspect to, or conjunct, the Sun, Moon, Venus or ruler of the Seventh House
- Pluto in the Seventh House, or Scorpio on this house’s cusp
- Some of these key planets in Scorpio or the Eighth House
Comment below: Does this pattern apply to you? If so, describe your relevant chart patterns and how they manifest in your love life (or lack thereof).
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Oh man… Pluto in the Seventh and Sun In the Eighth, Saturn in Scorp on my Mid Heaven. I find a lot in that article for me. Having a mom who got pregnant at 16, sex became a central issue early. However, I find that my interest in it is either full on or not at all. I wish at times I could live without partnership, they are so darn hard, but I am also Sun in Libra and I find I can’t. Thanks for the insights.
I have all of these:
Pluto conjunct Venus and Mars (7th house in Aries). Not to mention Pluto conjunct my Asc and Mercury.
I think what is most apparent to me is the potential to use my powers for evil. I am always aware of my potential to really hurt someone through my words or relationships. I am also aware of how hurtful relations and words of others can be.
I ask you this. If you are aware of your Pluto potential, can you control it, or is it bound to come out eventually? I feel like as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gained awareness and the ability to control my emotions.
greenseavirgo:
I read that you can own your aspects. I read that aspects play themselves out either by you, projection (into environment or people) , or regression (?). Some people ignore it and the aspect play themselves out in a bad way. If you own it however, you’re in a better position of directing its energy.
That’s my intellectual understanding.
Next to “Explore Signs” on the top left navigation, can we also have “Explore PLANETS”????!?!?!?
I totally did not know “Integration and dangers in the process of healing Pluto problems” exists! That’s an awesome article!
@May:
Thanks! I agree – these Pluto articles are fantastic. I’d also like to know more about Pluto’s influence on my life…I think I’ll pop over to Amazon and see if anything looks interesting.
gsv
@Jeff, “….I have Venus opposite Pluto…..”
So are you Hades or Persephone?…:-)
Jeff, great article!! It’s very interesting and candid the way you explained your Pluto issues!! I bet working in a psychological setting is a good way of “taking it for a walk” do you find it helps you not be so obsessive with women?
may said: “I read that aspects play themselves out either by you, projection (into environment or people)”
Yes! I have Pluto Square Sun, and Saturn in Scorp Square my Moon and Cancer on my DC…I attract moody, controlling partners with hard Pluto aspects to their Venus or Mars.
Me being a double Cap with an Aqua Moon…I am extremely self-possessed, and that Saturn/Pluto is sitting on my MC I attract every jr. psychologist in the world!!
However, in relationships I identify very strongly with my Uranian side (Moon, Venus, Mars in Aqua)…I need lots of space, time to myself and this is a real challenge to my Plutonian men who want nothing less than to possess every part of me.
With the strong Pluto AND Cancer presence these dudes have….I have men who fall in love with my independence and then slowly proceed to take it away from me.. in the past convincing me to let them do everything for me..discouraging me from getting jobs and driving my own car…they “mother hen” me into a locked cell.. then they hold me emotional hostage!
Bad times!
I have to be conscious of men’s subversive ways of controlling me, and keeping my own control over myself, maintaining my independence.
@gsv – I don’t think you can totally control any outer planet. I believe you can “shape” yourself as a channel for the energies. I can write about that another time.
@may – Explore Planets in the sidebar is a great idea – I just have to create pages for each planet, which may take a while.
I want to add this….I don't want to make these hard Pluto dudes sound so negative…I'm sorry if I did.
The good side to them is they will do anything to get you and keep you…ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
My romantic life has been showered with gifts, trips, and affections…but I have grown weary of the price I've paid to have such luxuries.
Unfortunately I have also had my share of misrepresentations on mens part to "get me" remember…anything and everything.
I just have to be careful and try and temper what I accept…or else my life turns into a Lifetime Movie!
:{ <-they all want my sophisticated mustache!
Also, men with these aspects give amazing sex (’specially the mars)…it’s incredibly important to them for it to be intense and deep.
They think the way to your soul is through your vajayjay and treat it that way.
Also, they think the way to your soul is through your vajayjay…DO NOT CHEAT ON THEM! Plutonian mens sacred ground is in between your legs…having another man there would be the equivalent of building your house over an ancient Indian burial ground. He will do everything in his power to haunt you for the rest of your life.
having another man there would be the equivalent of building your house over an ancient Indian burial ground. He will do everything in his power to haunt you for the rest of your life.
Omigod, AE, that is too perfect…and too too true. I like the use of the word “sacred” too– there’s just so much mysterious transformative power connected to sex, with the Pluto people, there’s really no other word to describe it.
Jeff, fantastic article! I also have the Plutonian markers: Pluto/Sun opposition, Pluto/Moon square, and Pluto trine Venus, Mars, and Saturn. My Mercury sits in my 8th (Pluto’s house) and my Pluto sits in my 3rd (Mercury’s house.) Obsession with sex = sex writer, perhaps?
Even my artwork often takes on sexual overtones…I say it’s a good thing. The more I use my Plutonian nature in a creative, expressive way, the less trouble I get into in my relationships!
Great article.
Bf: stellium of Sun, Uranus, Venus, Pluto conjunct in the 8th, all intercepted in Virgo. He also has Neptune and the Moon conjunct in Scorpio. Saturn conjunct Chiron sets everything off by creating multiple T-squares from Pisces/2nd and Jupiter/Leo/7th finishes off by making a mess of kites.
Me: Sun and Mercury/8th. Venus on the cusp of 7-8th, Jupiter on cusp of 8-9th. Sun and Venus make wide oppositions to Pluto. I also have Uranus and the North node in Scorpio.
Plutonian men who want nothing less than to possess every part of me. They think the way to your soul is through your vajayjay and treat it that way.
I agree with both of these statements! Bf wants to know everything about me. I know that he gets jealous, but perhaps because Uranus is involved in his stellium, he never attempts any possessiveness. I would also say that he is obsessed with women.
Jeff,
You are outed. You are closet Scorpio!
I have by a very wide orb, moon opposite Pluto and yet I manage to attract men who become obsessed with me. Sure they will do anything for you, but they expect you to pay with your soul, because somehow you ended up owning theirs.
I prefer to keep my soul to myself, thank you. I steer a wide course away from such men, because I find that level of intensity scary.
People with significant Pluto influence in their lives tend not to understand that attitude, because for them the journey is about living that intensely.
Hm. This questions if I am myself a pluto person in relationships. Despite my aries planets, and aquarius moon that encourage free love, if I naturally began to nest in relationships, then I obviously must be the Taurus sun, which also opposes pluto.
I am possessive. I just. Cannot. Deal. With. Another. Person. contaminating my relationship. My bond. My connection. Whatever. NO I won’t share it. It can’t leak. Open relationships just don’t deal well with me and I won’t be able to function emotionally with that partner.
I have sun opposes pluto, pluto sextile neptune, pluto inconjunct mars. Then that’s it. I guess pluto doesn’t have a lot of outlets. Only through my sun or neptune or mars.
And I look back at the last relationship I had. The person has a T_Square of Venus squaring Moon-Pluto opposition. Yum. I probably might just be that or something. He has a LOT of pluto aspects and said he’s not jealous at all. He might be obsessive about something (like an idea) but that’s it. So he obviously has people living out his pluto aspects.
So this allows me to question a great deal if outside of relationships I am more of my “outgoing” yang planets, and inside relationship I shift to the nesting Taurus sun opposes Scorpio Pluto.
Also, sex. I am indifferent about guys in general. But not about sex.
Wow. This makes alot of sense. I just posted on the Eclipse in Leo article, about my Leo ex who left me. He has Venus in exact conjunct Pluto in Libra in the 10th, both tight square to Saturn in Cancer in the 8th – I think he has a fear of death and of intimacy. He has dumped a succession of girlfriends (although I am the longest at 9 years). He said to a friend after leaving me “I cant believe I have been so cruel”. It came out of the blue, I didnt see it coming at all, he said his love died and he doesnt believe you can ever get it back once you fall out of love. He has never given me a reason why.
I totally agree with the being brilliant in bed and that he worshipped my vajavaj and he has never had a one night stand and hates anything to do with men leering at woman, outside of a committed relationship.
He also has some issues around sex and shame, as his Mum caught him self-loving at 13. He went for psycho-sexual counselling for it and said after 6 sessions “I’m cured” but I knew he was lying.
@beth, you are absolutely correct. I am an honorary Scorpio. I need one of those little diplomas.
Jeff, I have been thinking for the longest time that you ARE a Scorpio – (maybe you just love them?) but are you actually a Pisces?
@snapdragon, I am a Pisces drawn to Scorpios.
Poor Jeffrey, I feel for you. I just haven’t been the same since I first set eyes on “my Scorpio”. Good thing we are so good at uncovering hidden truths, because it’s taking a lot of figuring out to get my guy! (Oh well, keeps my over-active (Pisces Asc.) mind busy) I was wondering if you have found the female of the species to be just as hard to get as I am finding my male? LOL
P.S. Congrats on becoming an honorary Scorpio!
)
Hmm. I have Venus and Pluto conjoined in Virgo, with Mercury within a couple of degrees conjunct. So if you think you think about sex a lot… Add in a sextile to this stellium from my Neptune conjunct Jupiter in Scorpio and you get abundant imagination feeding into it. I have imagined entire intense relationships! Sigh. I mean I’ve been involved with men who haven’t considered themselves to be in a relationship at all, alas. I think a lot of this may happen as a substitution while leaving my Uranus/Ascendant/Moon opposite Chiron and Descendant in Aquarius completely free and independent. I suppose, though, it’s also kept me out of (most) Venus/Pluto manipulative types of relationships, although I have been with a couple of controlling types – doesn’t fit with the Uranian-Aquarius thing at all, which I guess I can be thankful for! I may get this all sorted out by the time I’m 80…