The Moon and Moving in Together
June 20, 2008 by Jeffrey Kishner
How many relationships are destroyed once two people move in together? Cohabitation is a rite of passage in long-term partnership, but the ability to live under one roof is not terribly related to sexual compatibility, the ability to talk for hours, and so on.
So why is there an inevitable progression towards shared housing after having been serious for a while? To save money? To avoid loneliness? Surely — one reasons — if you sleep together every night, you may as well share a kitchen, living room and toilet.
But sharing a home can be so difficult that sometimes you’re better off permanently keeping your own apartment or room. Everyone comes from a unique family environment, which they consider normal. It is only when, as a child, you visit other friends’ homes that you understand that your family’s way is not the way. However, it’s hard to adapt to someone else’s idea of home, even if you don’t like the way your parents ran theirs.
The Moon and Your Home
The Moon is the planet that signifies home and family. It describes your experience of your mother (or the nurturing parent) and what you need to feel comforted or “at home.” In addition, the Moon describes your habitual responses to life. In the astrological alphabet, the Moon corresponds with the Fourth House. The beginning of this house — the angle called the IC or Imum Coeli — is especially important, as the sign on it describes your roots and your heritage, as well as your home and family. One way to differentiate between the Moon and the Fourth House is by looking at the former as how you go about meeting your comforting needs, and the latter as the area of life that corresponds with this theme.
Two Moons: Collision or Cohesion?
When looking at cohabitation compatibility, the easiest strategy is to compare your Moon signs. The Moon sign will describe the general tenor of how you experience home life. Remember that home is ideally where you feel safe — otherwise, you’re just living in a house, protected from the elements but not from the emotional torrents of relationship conflict. Ideally, your Moon sign would share the same polarity as your partner’s. Positive signs are Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) and Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius). Negative signs are Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) and Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn). In general, the positive signs are outgoing and the negative signs are introverted.
- An AIR home needs conversation, games, lots of mental stimulation.
- A FIRE home needs entertainment, play, an environment that invites creative inspiration — even some battles to get the energy moving.
- A WATER home is emotional and fosters closeness, empathy and self-exploration.
- An EARTH home needs a sense of order and productivity. It fosters sensuality and a close connection to nature.
If you look at composite charts, look to your composite Moon’s sign and house placement.
Your Daily Routine
Another factor to look at when you’re considering moving in together is how you organize your day. What “groove” do you fall into? Are you most productive early in the day or at night? Do you exercise often or are you a couch potato? Do you snack on prepackaged foods all day, or do you love to spend an hour preparing an exquisite meal?
Much of this can be described by your Sixth House. Look at the sign on the cusp, as well as the planets — if any — that occupy it. Then look at your partner’s. If you lounge on the couch browsing blogs while your partner feels like a house servant, you may have a problem.
Taking the Leap
In conclusion, to be well-informed before moving in together, you can look at
- your respective Moon’s signs, houses and aspects
- the sign on the cusp of the Sixth House in both your charts, as well as the planets that occupy this house
- the angles your respective planets make to each other’s Moon
- your composite Moon
You may decide to cohabitate even if you aren’t terribly compatible in these areas, because both social pressures and the desire to create one’s own family are so powerful. The key is to enter this arrangement with an understanding of how you both differ — and what you have in common — in how you “live.” Then, you can co-create a home that meets your respective needs and minimizes conflicts that arise from your differences.
Comment below: Are you living with a partner? What are your Moon signs, and how would you describe how you both approach the household?
Photo by desi.italy under Creative Commons license
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The last boy I cohabited with was a Sagittarius moon just like me. Our house was stuffed to the gills with books — most of his on the history of foreign lands, most of mine novels and philosophical topics. The place was pretty much always in a state of chaos because we were rarely ever at home. I should add that we had lots of maps around, plenty of pictures from foreign locales and an bow (as in archery) mounted on the wall!
The last boy I was with had an Aries moon in the 4th house, and mine Aquarius moon in the 12th house.
In our composite, we had Pisces moon in the 2nd house.
We always make art work and had a really long, soul-related talk. We listen to music, we cook, we talk some more, we reflect on our lives, and we make art work.
Now I just have a bunch of art work we made together left here. Definitely a water/earth home environment.
Hah, scorpionnights, I’m also a Sag moon and my house looks exactly like that- the books, the mess, I’m hardly home. And the wall decor is from my trip to Hawaii.
I do disagree- heavily- that the Moon and fourth house indicate how I was raised. My childhood home life was not remotely Sagittarian or Aquarian (Scorpio rising) in any way. i had it authoritative and smothering, NOT freewheeling and intellectual. So I always go a bit berserk to hear that my Sag moon means I had a fun childhood. I could see that meaning that I will grow up to HAVE a freewheeling intellectual home, but that doesn’t at all tie in to how my home life came out in reality.
@Jennifer, with an Aquarius IC, you can look at the placement of Saturn, its traditional ruler. Maybe its sign, house and aspects will reflect your upbringing.
Wonder what role progressed moon sign would play in this matter?
Would it modify the expression/needs of the natal moon?
@shygirl A, it would indicate an inner shift in your emotional/domestic/nurturing needs.
That was very interesting. My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years. My moon is Leo and his is in Scorpio. I have Aquarius on the 6th and he has Gemini. We usually get along really well domestically. I think problems mostly come out with our sun signs (I’m Aries, he’s Virgo-though I do have a Virgo Asc). The way that this manifests is that he sometimes feel like the “house servant” and I am happy to put the dishes off for a week. It also manifests in that he is very concerned with keeping public spaces clean, while I am not. However, my personal space is completely organized to the nth degree (Clear plastic boxes, everything visible, color-coded closet, etc…)while his personal space is a disaster area (we each have a room of our own aside from the bedroom). He has made it clear to me that my cleaning up the house makes him feel “loved” and cared for”! So, that is my motivation for doing it now- not because I want to!
Hah, all these Sagittarian homes make me feel all warm and cozy…my 6th house cusp is also in Sag, and I have Uranus in my 4th. My house is a barely controlled chaos of half-read books, various half-completed art projects, and half-finished paperwork of some sort (when I’m here at all, of course.) I feel lost when it’s all clean, with nothing lying around in progress!
And considering the fact that my Moon’s in Cap in the 6th, my chaos had better be left alone, too…I must definitely be the unquestioned mistress of my domain. (So what’s wrong with getting married and living in separate houses? That’s what I’d like to know…)
I don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s just that both of you need to be nearly affluent if you’re going to do that in, say, NYC.
Ha, Laura. Our place was just like that too. All kinds of half-done projects and papers all over. And we’d get into these arguments about who had more books lying around. I’m a Scorp sun and he was an Aqua sun, so he did things like paint the kitchen clashing shades of purple and green that would drive me nuts! I insisted that the bedroom was mine to decorate.
It was all dark and done in black, red, dark woods with patchouli candles.
Never thought that comparisons of your Moon Signs
has so much impact.
I like it – definitely need this advice!
Thanks for the spam comment! xoxo