Libra woman feels tempted to cheat on Gemini husband
February 15, 2008 by Jeffrey Kishner
dazedandconfused included a birth time (click chart to view) and writes,I am a Libra that married a Gemini pretty young. We have been married for a while, have 2 kids. He does all the things he’s supposed to…but I have not had that hot steamy feeling for him for a long time. I don’t tell him for fear of destroying him, and the kids. NOW there is this guy I am around as a friend, but pretty regularly. From the very first time we met there was this energy…now that we know each other better, he’s a libra too. So I have been doing my research and this is what I am faced with??My husband, a gemini is like my perfect match…and this libra is a perfect sex match?? So I guess I need advice. How do I as a Libra control myself around this other libra, when I have been in this “boring” marriage. And also, ways I might reignite that spark with my gemini.
Long-term relationships often lose their fire, and it can seem easier to act on your sexual feelings toward someone new than to stir the dying embers within your own marriage. However, ethics dictates that you do the right thing — which means keeping your pants buttoned when you’re near the Libra man. I’m sure you don’t want to compromise your marriage and family life by having an affair.
The best way to control yourself is to make a decision that you’re just not going to “go there.” As long as you feed energy to your attractions outside the marriage, you water down your intention to “reignite the spark” within it. There is nothing wrong with flirting, but when this behavior is more than playful, you need to pull back. For starters, set some boundaries with yourself around this Libra man. What kinds of touch increases your desire? What topics of conversation feel naughty? Make a commitment to not cross whatever line you’ve drawn in the sand.
There is a lot of push-pull in your chart that may illuminate your dilemma. For starters, your Libra Sun is conjunct both Saturn and Jupiter. Saturn honors commitment and longevity, while Jupiter craves freedom and adventure. Your challenge is to integrate both energies into your self-expression, to expand your horizons within set limitations. These Libra planets are in your Fifth House of Romance opposite your impetuous Aries Moon, suggesting that your need to act on your desires right now conflicts with the need to cultivate zest in a long-term partnership.
In addition, both of your “love” planets are influenced by the planet that craves excitement and independence. Your Uranus is conjunct Venus in Sagittarius (the sign that likes to “play the field”) and square Mars in Leo. The electric energy of this outer planet makes restraint and impulse control near-impossible.
So I see that it’s not exactly easy to hold yourself back. Boredom in a monogamous relationship for someone with these Uranus aspects and personal planets in Fire signs is a recipe for trouble, so it is essential that you find a way to bring excitement and inspiration into your marriage. Since your Sagittarius Venus is in your Sixth House of Daily Routine, I’d suggest you find ways to disrupt whatever ruts you’ve gotten into as a couple — you know, the rituals of daily life that you’ve fallen into by force of habit.
Your husband’s Venus and Mars are in earthy Taurus, suggesting he’s slower to arousal than you are, yet his love planets are opposed by Uranus, so he’s got a similar dynamic to yourself. Perhaps, because it’s an opposition, he projects his Uranus onto you and lets you take that on in your marriage … in which case, his job would be to “own” his own desire for excitement and unpredictability.
Related post: Are Libras unfaithful?
Comment below: How do you bring the spice back into a marriage?
Jeffrey is available for astrology consultations.
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I’m a Libra moon and what I find to be the most effective thing to do when I find myself attracted to someone other than my partner is NOT to flirt anymore with them. As a matter of fact, I actually avoid contact from then on.
I’d rather nip it in the bud than to tempt myself further with flirting that is no longer harmless anymore. I have never cheated on anyone and intend to keep it that way because I find cheating to be unethical.
People have been trying to do that since the dawn of “monogamy” – because it is a very difficult thing to do, though, this society determines that people must.
Swinging, polyamoury, and otherwise open relationships actually do work for some, so honesty might not bring people to the end of their relationship, but the beginning of a set of new rules.
Others explore their kinks and take things to a new level, delving into realms that have otherwise gone unexplored. Rather than just trying to “spice” relationships up, the relationship changes, and therefore becomes new.
Others dwindle and die, and either end up cheating and being semi-happy, or not cheating and being bored and unhappy, even miserable.
Others leave, and go on a serial monogamy trial.
I think facing her feelings and sharing them with her husband may help him to understand the magnitude of the problem. Maybe he’ll be willing to find a solution that will work, other than a candlelight dinner and the same old thing three days later.
I hate to sound cynical, but when someone loses their sexual attraction for their partner, it normally (unless some new agreement is reached) goes downhill, and never back up.
And the Libra influence doesn’t help matters either, neither does the guy’s venus and mars in taurus. He’s going to be a lot more classic in his love-style than she is at the core of her being.
Venus in Sag in 6th – makes me think of flings with the mailman. No really, I didn’t just say that.
Honesty, not repression!
Oh I definitely think people should mold their relationships into what they want instead of worrying about how to mold it to what society thinks they should do.
But the original poster’s comments about her husband being destroyed if she did pursue her attraction makes it seem that this is not an open relationship. Still, talking about it seems like a great idea because it may present some solutions.
I like talking about my attractions to my partner cause I prefer blunt honesty. I always have to keep things in the open. Especially since it’s another way to keep you from pursuing your whims. lol I don’t see it as repression rather than discipline. It’s not like I’m going to die cause I can’t sleep with someone I’m attracted to! You live and get over it if you don’t keep fanning the flames. I prefer sex with love over plain sex any day.
Forgot to say that I do not consider swinging to be cheating. If both partners agree to it and are there what’s deceitful about it?
BUT you have to be careful not to swing with someone you may fall in love with. That could then bust up your current relationship. You are definitely playing with fire when swinging but it’s better than ending a relationship to some so heck…do what works for you two.
Methinks a husband with Venus and Mars in Taurus would be too possessive to tolerate an open relationship.
Open relationship? Ewe, boring!
I cheated on my boring husband of 2years and I will tell you from experience that it was both the best and worse thing I ever could have done. The problems I was really having in the bedroom with him had to do with his inability to be intimate and the fact that he was 105% out of tune with me, as if he could have been listening to the radio while I was trying to communicate with my “soul”.
I LOVE Jeffrey’s idea that you should shake up your routine. I wish I had tried that with my own marriage.
But, erm, just to tell you what I really want you to try:
Tie that muther f**ker up to a chair and dominate him! Think of it as your way of punishing him for boring you to death in the bedroom. There is a song called “Punish Me with Kisses”. I think you should channel your sexual frustration into him. Do something you’ve never done before to awaken your own wild side, and see how he takes it. If the sex is boring, you are half to blame for it!!!
Anonymous – when I said “honesty, not repression” I meant simply telling her husband what she feels like doing. That puts the ball in his court. I doubt Venus and Mars in Taurus will go for an open relationship, or a swinging one, but he might ante up and start working at making their sex life interesting knowing the other options.
Keeping it inside just makes everyone miserable. Putting it in the open opens up all sorts of possibilities. In their case, I’d bet that he will find a way to make things more fun for them – because of his Mars/Venus sign.
Fallen – I did mention kinks. I somehow doubt Mars/Venus in Taurus would tolerate being dominated. Though, he might want to do some dominating… and Libra sun might be happy to submit.
valkyri:
Yes that’s partially the point though, because then he’d get mad and dominate her, or he’ll like it. It’s all about trying to arouse a new side of him. It’s all about getting an old dog to do new tricks.
Valkyri said,
I hate to sound cynical, but when someone loses their sexual attraction for their partner, it normally (unless some new agreement is reached) goes downhill, and never back up.
Valkyri says smart things and I always read her posts twice in case I miss something.
I really have to agree with this comment. Sexual attraction is paramount. Which is why it is so important for women to maintain their figures and be feminine and attractive and attentive; and so important for men to be generous with their affection and their time and money.
Fat women and cheap men are generally unattractive.
Of course there area exceptions to every rule. Some men like fat plain women, and some women like cheap unsuccessful men.
I haven’t met any yet.
I would take a man who is a dirt-broke dreamer with a good heart 1000 times over a rich man with a shallow soul.
I don’t like rich men. They make me sick.
If I want money in my life, it’s my responsibility to get a good job or find a way for those riches, not catch a man who can pay for my luxurious taste.
NOT ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS! And I am certainly not.
No, I’m not “fat” either.
Who said anything about being a gold-digger? I married two cheap and poor men who took all my money, all the little money I had. And my emotion and almost every shred of sanity.
The father of my child was bankrupt $17,000 in the hole and didn’t work for four years out of five of our marriage. We lived off my dead brother’s inheritance which I had to fight tooth and nail from the lawyer 9 years after my brother died because my father was holding the money from probate and hiding it from me and my sister. I worked for a secretarial wage the whole time, with the exception of two years just after my son was born (that’s when we used up my small inheritance).
I have learned my lesson. And I abhor women who assume other women are gold-diggers because they have also learned their lesson as surviving single mothers who have had to work for pennies to support themselves and their children, while men use them for their own pleasure and give nothing in return.
No more, no way. And be careful what you assume. ASSUME makes an ASS of U and ME and it’s a worn-out cliche but hey, it’s still valid.
Go ahead and marry a poor man. Have a child. Support your poor lazy husband and raise your child by going to the food bank and cutting coupons and then work for pennies giving more than half your wage to the daycare centre for some stranger to take care of your kid when you want to be with your kid, and you don’t know what horrible things and what neglect those children suffer in those daycares.
Think before you speak, and jump to those lofty conclusions of yours. Obviously you haven’t suffered yet. And obviously you haven’t had a child. Good luck to you, pride goeth before a fall.
In reply to the original article:
I guess this is the reason I lost all interest in marriage?? I’m pretty sure I wont be able to keep anybody’s interest soo long even if I’m crazily loyal. Coz i’m a sun gem, aqua rising, moon lib, merc and venus gem… altho there’s one aspect…. mars scorp, I find it working to its fullest extent when I enter a vebal duel where I pretty much thrash the opponent with so many words and so much intensity. Aand having a crush on a scorp over ldr is not helping either.
I doubt my make up is any fit for long terms. I am actually making a transition to life as a single.