Comments on: He Said, She Said: Aquarius man wants to stop having affairs http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html The Astrology of Sex, Love and Relationships Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:46:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Karen http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html/comment-page-1#comment-1867 Karen Wed, 27 Feb 2008 07:08:00 +0000 http://kishner.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs/#comment-1867 Mr.Aquarius, it's possible to change these habits.I happen to beleive you about not being able to say no.While I agree that we do have to take reposnsibility, as Jeffrey said, I understand how it is when we find ourselves acting out an impulse almost as though we wre hynotized.<br/>I will adress your question,at the risk of sounding fanatical or peciuliar, but I'm taking that risk as I sense something about what you're saying and I believe i understand.<br/>You meant that you left your marriage because you couldn't say no to *that*,once you became embroiled wiht the flirtation, isn't that so?<br/>And while again, it may sound like sloughing off responsibility, i've been in that situation.<br/>I couldn't say no once I got to a certain point. It was fear, and weakness, and not at all as lazy and selfish as it might seem on the surface., alhtough my actions were selfish, it was not as simple as it seemed. Once that 2 men were counting on me and wanting me, I felt so mean and cruel to end one relationship, or even *both* that I couldn't.<br/>Everyone told me what to do--end one, end the other, be by yourself for awhile-- but telling me that was like telling an alcoholic to stop at 2 drinks.<br/>See-- really, it was *over*- responsibility for others, and not enough for myself, as well as skewed loyalties, and very weak sense of self that got me there in the first place, and wouldn't allow me to stop once I was embroiled in the whole nasty business. <br/>I did what I was pushed to do maybe not at first of course--but after awhile, always.<br/>Yes, it does create much pain, and misery for those *we love*, and pain and misery for *us*.<br/>Yes, we can find real love, and be faithful, and committed--but not just by wanting it to change by itself.<br/>There is something we can do about it, but it is'nt easy. <br/>Change is necessary--essential even, and finding yet a new girlfriend will probably not change anyhting --even if she is the right one and means more to you.<br/>What both astrologers suggested is a good idea--but I will say it more emphatically--take it from one who has been there many times --only by facing whatever amorphous tangled mass of fear and (probably) shame and anger too inside can we free ourselves to be who we really are.<br/>When we realize that we not only can but *should* take responsibility for ourselves and that knowing the problems and facing them is not weakness but strength,and by working this all though, it's becomes a lot less difficult to say no to the wrong person.<br/>You'll also know what situations are too dangerous to allow yourself to indulge in, so that if, for example, flirting always leads to more--then even flirting has to stop --you'll do whatever it takes if you're serious and accepting of your situation and not as someone else's "script" you're following. <br/>In time there will of course be someone you can love and be yourself with, but for now, I would focus on finding real love for myself, not false or arrogant beliefs of my specialness but true self- care and belief in yourself which is what you need.<br/>If this doesn't resonate one bit Mr.Aquarius--please feel free to ignore it.<br/>I took a chance to address you if you *do* relate to what I described.<br/>And I wish you the best whatever you do.:-) Mr.Aquarius, it’s possible to change these habits.I happen to beleive you about not being able to say no.While I agree that we do have to take reposnsibility, as Jeffrey said, I understand how it is when we find ourselves acting out an impulse almost as though we wre hynotized.
I will adress your question,at the risk of sounding fanatical or peciuliar, but I’m taking that risk as I sense something about what you’re saying and I believe i understand.
You meant that you left your marriage because you couldn’t say no to *that*,once you became embroiled wiht the flirtation, isn’t that so?
And while again, it may sound like sloughing off responsibility, i’ve been in that situation.
I couldn’t say no once I got to a certain point. It was fear, and weakness, and not at all as lazy and selfish as it might seem on the surface., alhtough my actions were selfish, it was not as simple as it seemed. Once that 2 men were counting on me and wanting me, I felt so mean and cruel to end one relationship, or even *both* that I couldn’t.
Everyone told me what to do–end one, end the other, be by yourself for awhile– but telling me that was like telling an alcoholic to stop at 2 drinks.
See– really, it was *over*- responsibility for others, and not enough for myself, as well as skewed loyalties, and very weak sense of self that got me there in the first place, and wouldn’t allow me to stop once I was embroiled in the whole nasty business.
I did what I was pushed to do maybe not at first of course–but after awhile, always.
Yes, it does create much pain, and misery for those *we love*, and pain and misery for *us*.
Yes, we can find real love, and be faithful, and committed–but not just by wanting it to change by itself.
There is something we can do about it, but it is’nt easy.
Change is necessary–essential even, and finding yet a new girlfriend will probably not change anyhting –even if she is the right one and means more to you.
What both astrologers suggested is a good idea–but I will say it more emphatically–take it from one who has been there many times –only by facing whatever amorphous tangled mass of fear and (probably) shame and anger too inside can we free ourselves to be who we really are.
When we realize that we not only can but *should* take responsibility for ourselves and that knowing the problems and facing them is not weakness but strength,and by working this all though, it’s becomes a lot less difficult to say no to the wrong person.
You’ll also know what situations are too dangerous to allow yourself to indulge in, so that if, for example, flirting always leads to more–then even flirting has to stop –you’ll do whatever it takes if you’re serious and accepting of your situation and not as someone else’s “script” you’re following.
In time there will of course be someone you can love and be yourself with, but for now, I would focus on finding real love for myself, not false or arrogant beliefs of my specialness but true self- care and belief in yourself which is what you need.
If this doesn’t resonate one bit Mr.Aquarius–please feel free to ignore it.
I took a chance to address you if you *do* relate to what I described.
And I wish you the best whatever you do.:-)

]]> By: Victoria http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html/comment-page-1#comment-1866 Victoria Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:25:00 +0000 http://kishner.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs/#comment-1866 So cool!<br/><br/>Jessica has the best website, with so many helpful and informative links. Thanks for introducing her to us; I'd never read her blogs before.<br/><br/>I love the astrology cheat sheet!<br/><br/>www.astrologyalive.com/Cheat98c.pdf So cool!

Jessica has the best website, with so many helpful and informative links. Thanks for introducing her to us; I’d never read her blogs before.

I love the astrology cheat sheet!

http://www.astrologyalive.com/Cheat98c.pdf

]]> By: Jeffrey Kishner http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html/comment-page-1#comment-1865 Jeffrey Kishner Sat, 23 Feb 2008 14:18:00 +0000 http://kishner.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs/#comment-1865 Leslee, we each wrote our responses in isolation, then conferred on "They Said" (well, actually, Jessica wrote 'They Said' after reading both of our responses). Leslee, we each wrote our responses in isolation, then conferred on “They Said” (well, actually, Jessica wrote ‘They Said’ after reading both of our responses).

]]> By: leslee http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html/comment-page-1#comment-1864 leslee Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:47:00 +0000 http://kishner.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs/#comment-1864 Yes, this is a really fun idea! I enjoyed both takes on the story. I assume you didn't confer at all before you each posted your response? Yes, this is a really fun idea! I enjoyed both takes on the story. I assume you didn’t confer at all before you each posted your response?

]]> By: Jeffrey Kishner http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html/comment-page-1#comment-1863 Jeffrey Kishner Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:17:00 +0000 http://kishner.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs/#comment-1863 Thanks, glad you like it :) Thanks, glad you like it :)

]]> By: Pat Paquette http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html/comment-page-1#comment-1862 Pat Paquette Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:34:00 +0000 http://kishner.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs/#comment-1862 Great concept, you two! Love both of your answers on this one (I wanted to post on Jessica's blog but I've long forgotten my user name and password.)<br/><br/>I look forward to the next installment. Great concept, you two! Love both of your answers on this one (I wanted to post on Jessica’s blog but I’ve long forgotten my user name and password.)

I look forward to the next installment.

]]> By: Allegra http://sasstrology.com/2008/02/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs.html/comment-page-1#comment-1861 Allegra Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:25:00 +0000 http://kishner.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/he-said-she-said-aquarius-man-wants-to-stop-having-affairs/#comment-1861 Love this new column. What a great idea; two perspectives from the opposite sexes! You can't go wrong. Love this new column. What a great idea; two perspectives from the opposite sexes! You can’t go wrong.

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