When you don’t identify with your Venus sign
December 19, 2007 by kishner
The sign your Venus is in shows how you attract people. But what if you just don’t identify with what the astrology books say about your Venus sign? (Read Venus in Love, Mars in Heat to learn more about what your Venus sign means.)
When Venus is in a different sign than the Sun
One form of “dissonance” occurs when your Venus is in a different sign than your Sun. The Sun is your conscious identity, your will. If your Venus is in the sign immediately before or after your Sun sign, then your love planet attracts in a manner incompatible with what you intentionally strive for. If your Venus is two signs away from your Sun, their expressions are more compatible, because they are both either yang/masculine (Fire and Air signs) or yin/feminine (Earth and Water signs.) And if your Sun and Venus are in the same sign, then their expressions are congruent.
A quick example: Say you’re a woman with Sun in Aries and Venus in Pisces, the sign immediately preceding Aries. You’re direct and impulsive, you know what you want and you go for it. Yet when it comes to attracting potential partners, you tend to be more passive and hard-to-grasp. The Venusian part of yourself feels at odds with how you identify yourself. Frustrating!
(I have also written a post about Venus in Cancer and the five Sun signs that can accompany this placement.)
When Venus makes a hard aspect to an outer planet
Your Venus’ expression, however, can be totally disrupted when one of the outermost planets (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune or Pluto) makes a stressful angle to it. The most stressful aspects are typically squares (when two planets make an approximately 90 degree angle to each other) and oppositions (when two planets make an approximately 180 degree angle to each other).
I’ve already written about Saturn in aspect to Venus. In general, an outer planet’s hard aspect to Venus overwhelms her expression — both by adding its own powerful influence and by possibly bringing out the worst of the zodiac sign in which Venus is placed.
An example: Say you were born when Uranus was in Libra (circa 1968 – 1975) and your Venus is in Cancer. If these two planets are within 8 degrees of a 90-degree angle, then they are square by aspect.
Venus in Cancer attracts by caretaking and nurturing, and is generally conservative in nature, valuing the past and family traditions. Yet Uranus blows Venus out of the water! This outer planet disrupts the status quo and urges you towards independence. One part of you wants to settle down with your boyfriend and make him a quilt, while the other insists on the freedom to do what you want, even if your actions challenge traditional notions of partnership.
See? You’re a hard nut to crack. And I haven’t even mentioned Venus’ house placement!
Know Your Chart
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you realize that you can’t understand your “powers of attraction” just by looking at your Venus sign. But you can’t simplify desire! Do yourself a favor and either learn your chart, consult a professional astrologer, or purchase an astrology report to understand yourself better.
Comment below: Share your Venus sign, Sun sign and hard aspects to Venus from other planets. How do you make sense of your powers of attraction?
First photo by Catnip Intoxicating, second photo by cynicaloptimist, third photo by Dazzie D, all under CC license.
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Ayla is AWESOME!!! She hit everything RIGHT on the nose for me:
Your Venus is very strong in your chart, being positioned opposite your Leo ascendant and aspected to Pluto and Uranus. It’s also cusping your seventh house of relationships, which is ruled, for better or worse, by Aquarius. This forms some difficulties for you with some relationships: with Venus Trine Pluto, you long for deep, intimate connections with people to the point of obsession. However, Uranus–to which Venus is squared, in addition to it ruling Aquarius–is the planet of freedom and no restrictions, and oftentimes this energy manifests as restlessness that strikes when you least expect it. It’s a very unsettling feeling to never be at peace in relationships; these two aspects are eternally at odds with each other, one screaming at you to go deeper, the other screaming at you to get out.
With your Juno in your twelfth house and Venus sextile your Neptune, there’s a good chance that you flit from relationship to relationship looking for “perfection.” You may attract people who enjoy playing “god” games with you, putting you on a pedestal and subsequently tearing you down while they take your place. You are constantly looking for the perfect relationship, the one that just flows with no effort like you dream relationships should be, hoping that this time–this time!–you’ve found your Prince. Unfortunately, you’re at the mercy of your Juno Square Pluto, which means you end up attracting men who particularly thrill in playing mind games with you. Not only do you find yourself at their mercy, your Venus Trine Pluto insists that you play their games back. It’s a perpetually destructive cycle.
@Natalie, who are you on the forum if I may ask?
Confused Cappy
The seemingly annoying one who is obssessed with her Scorpio and has the most activity on this site 
Hmmm . . . this explains the dichotomy (as in, think with my Venus, **** with my Mars)
Thank you. I needed that. (peace)
to Confused Cappy– you are not annoying at all. Cappies are generally adorable in love.
this is all interesting to me. im excited u post it!! of course lol. venus in cancer and gemini ‘incompatible’ ta ta ta. i lap up venus in cancer searches for breakfast like ne gemini mental-stimulation seeking maniac.
i do no willfully try to be stubborn w/this.. i am an extroverted intuition type that makes the connection usually or adapts but there comes a point where its just not happening.
on the outside i am more cancer than gemini, quiet, passive, etc, neway so at first glance it looks right but fundamentally it really is wrong for me.
if nething i like being taken care of. in the sense of having things done for me/other person dom mostof the time. i only like being ‘nurtured’ à la mam-ma by..my mother. (and not kissy huggy). its not romantic at all to me.
its ok. i dont need to identify w/my sign venus tho i rather would. i feel what is attractive to me or what my own ’style’ is and tho there may be no official astrologic explanation i have to at the end of the day go by this.
at least as u mention Jeffrey an aspect can be confusing. i have neptune opposite, and i identify w/neptune a lot even though it is not really in my chart and it is in of all things capricorn.
but it is not a tension, there is no counterpoint, its not something to reconcile its simply not there for me.
this all means very little tho in the bigger picture, it is just the way it is for me. i am sure that in general venus is workable for people. i dont like when people say it doesnt go for me as if that disproves any overarching theory. that being said i do think it makes sense that some planet positions or aspects or whatever are completely wrong for certain individuals..it cant always work.
once a good looking stylish brazilian girl told me i have a “belle poitrine” lol which i feel satisfied abt looking back but as a mass appeal factor my chest is no great shakes a la a cancer venusy lady so desolee for that argument too
say who is that handsome gentleman in red?
Awesome article, I’ve always had issues trying to identify with my Venus. I feel like the traits describing it are far from me. Moreover, my Sag Venus is in first house. It’s squared by my Moon, which again is squared by Uranus. Never once have I noticed the traits of a typical Sag Venus. If anything, I feel more like a Capricorn or Aquarius when it comes to values, partnerships and matters. Also, depending on my correct Ascendant, that very Venus may also be a singleton in my chart. Often I feel like it would fit a lot more if my Venus at least resided in twelfth house, I can identify with that position. I feel like my Venus is crippled or disrupted, and those Sag Venusian traits sure don’t shine through as much as I’d like to.
I have three squares to my Venus from the Moon, Mars, and Jupiter. I ruin love by being too needy, aggressive, and expecting too much. Although my significant other never knows that I feel insignificantly loved, I feel know that I am feeling this way, and indirectly sabotage my relationship by becoming unruly. Then I usually end the relationship so I cam be the first one to do it, or wait for him to sever the ties so I don’t feel guilty.
I have a Cap sun and Sag Venus and they’re like a tag team. The Sag Venus flirts and attracts while the Cap Sun culls and chooses. They make a good pair.
my sun is in aries and venus in aquarius, i attract sagittarius and cancer all the time. why. i love life, outgoing, adventure, but sometimes im needy and feel insecure, how can i avoid that , i know that man dont like it and i lost a lot of relation by my jaousie
So I googled “jaousie” as this term is new and strange, never heard of it before, and came up with . . .
“Par leur jaousie, les femmes ne cherchent-elles pas à se faire quitter?”
I clicked on the link and was directed to a page in French, which I promptly requested be translated to English, and came up with . . .
Issues resolved –
By their jaousie, women did they not seek to be leaving?
vu que les hommes en sont souvent bien incapables? Because men are often incapable?
Best Answer as Chosen by the applicant –
Pour répondre à ta question telle que posée, je pense que . . .
To answer your question, as raised, I think
par leur jalousie trop marquée, les femmes ne cherchent aucunement à se faire quitter . . .
By their jealousy too pronounced, women do not seek in any way to be leaving.
Mais ce qu’elle perdent de vue, c’est que c’est tellement intolérable, surtout lorsque ce n’est pas fondé, que de toutes façons, c’est ce qui ne tardera pas à leur arriver.
But what she lost sight of is that it is so intolerable, especially when it is unfounded, anyway, is what will not happen to them.
Happy Aries, would you care to clarify?
I do identify with my Venus sign. However, because of close Venus-Mars conjunction, what I consider attractive, is often what I find equally irritating.
In the end I don’t trust my own anger
So hard to love a Leo with Venus in Leo, they just want sex and food and dancing, pure hedonists make better mistresses than wives.
“because of close Venus-Mars conjunction, what I consider attractive, is often what I find equally irritating”
I never thought of it that way before. A Venus-Mars conjunction in synastry or composite then would mean the same? I have found this to be true. Wild attraction and irritation, simultaneously.
Actually, Venus square Mars is even more scintillating. That is an energy hard to ignore, and potential TNT in the bedroom (or the office) The key is to find a safe place to set off the fireworks lest you burn your britches and die of embarassment
Yes, Victoria, it seems so.
I think that the major difference between the conjunction and square, whether in natal chart, or in composite, is that conjunction represents confrontation 24/7. It’s very compulsive, but because it works all the time, it’s easier to get used to it (and make it work for you). With square, though, it’s a switch that turns on and off on its own volition, and you never know when it’s going to explode the next time — that’s why it’s more difficult to assimilate these energies.
Ok, now I feel like I’m babbling again, but that’s something natural, when you’re born with Mercury Rx and Chiron in Gemini.
Wow U.U. that’s good stuff. I like it when you babble
I have Venus conjunct Uranus, and like you said, it’s confrontation with the unpredictable and unexpected in love 24/7!
I never know who I’m going to meet or when or where or why; and I keep getting together with guys who aren’t my “type”
One is 6′4″ with size 13 feet like the Friendly Giant, the other is 5′4″ with feet smaller than mine and like the Tasmanian Devil.
(yes, their equipment varied in size considerably in proportion)
Not that is matters. It’s the person inside that counts, right?
Right
(famous last words)
Thanks for the details, Victoria. I needed that.
Really?