Do Pisceans want what they cannot have?
October 7, 2007 by Jeffrey Kishner
From the comments section on Does a Pisces man ever end a relationship?
Do pisceans have a tendancy to want what they cant have? then not want it when they think they can have it?
Pisces is the dreamer, and for this sign, reality is always a letdown when compared to his fantasies. The sign of the Fishes is ruled by Neptune, planet of imagination, transcendance and delusion. Neptune is The Matrix, maya, the world of illusion. In the best sense, it is communion with God, where boundaries dissolve and one feels connected with everything in the universe. But most of the time, Pisces is the anti-Neo, swallowing the blue pill to remain in his delusion. He does not want to know stark reality.
The dirty secret about Pisces: He does not really want to be embodied. Pisces want to be Spirit, yet he’s stuck doing dishes and suffering through his day job. It is only when he plays his guitar or smokes a joint or falls for a pretty girl that he escapes from the Hell of the Mundane. The pretty girl is his Muse, inspiring him to write, paint, dance or daydream. Anything but to endure another hour of Here and Now. (Although the enlightened Pisces finds beauty in the present moment, for he recognizes the divine in as mundane an activity as sweeping dust from underneath the kitchen table.)
When the pretty girl is unattainable, then Pisces falls even deeper for her, for then his dreams cannot be ruptured by her humanity. Pretty girls bleed and poop and get needy and irritable. That’s no fantasy! Pisces is only called to create when his Muse is ethereal, when She summons him to reach to the heavens with his song.
So if the seemingly unattainable pretty girl starts giving off subtle clues that she’s into him, Pisces retreats. He knows that if he gets to know her, her human flaws will be revealed, and he will lose his inspiration. Once she becomes real, the bubble has burst, and he will have to look for another pretty girl to fuel his fantasies.
It is a cruel cycle that never ends until he comes to peace with being on Earth.
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I love this blog, I am a true believer that I want what I cant have and I have a tendacy to imagine what it would be like with the person I plan to persue and this tends to mangle my poor feelings when reality sets in and the person or situation does not occur the way that I imagined.
Wow.
I am a true believer in astrology i am a pices and this has me down to a T.
I’m a virgo ending a hard and confusing relationship with a pisces! …he just broke my heart T_T Yeh, I believe the whole infatuation thing…I was his infatuation, and now I’m nothing.
So.Friggin.True.
I’m bold, blunt and upfront about life, myself, issues when they arise. Ect.
My Pisces boyfriend tells me I’m negative and always bursting his bubble.
Hee. Until he smokes a blunt and plays his guitar. Rofl Perfect article.
I’ma have to learn to be aloof.
lmfao that is tru to a t, im still in lov with this girl i hs, but was too shy to talk to her!
What an eye opener. My Pisces pursued me so hard in the begining, writing love letters, e-mails, to the point he had to live with me. Once we moved in together it all changed. I became real and was no longer a fantasy for him. We have been together and have almost dated for two years now and have had so many problems I don’t even know where to begin. When hes in the mood, we have the best sex on the planet but he seems to tune me out a lot. Im a Virgo woman and very smart and will not put up with it so it causes a lot of fights. I decided to leave him and was ready to move out and he begged and pleaded that we have worked too hard to end it now. He told me he wants to have fun with me and romance agian. I am skeptical. Not sure what his agenda is about. Does he love me or is he just not strong enough to move on himself? Anyone??
Creative energy,
I’m also a Virgo who has a Pisces. Sometimes they need a wake up call. They get too comfortable and start thinking you’ll always be there. Since you guys live together, he may have gotten used to you being around and started to take you for granted. I’m sure he does love you but he was just living in his fantasy land where he didn’t have to work for your adoration. You see, Pisces can be very lazy when it comes to certain things. I say, stay skeptical and definitely do not base your decision on his wrods, because he will sell you a dream. Let him show you with his actions. Set a deadline(in your head)for him to act right. Don’t tell him b/c then he will know how long he has to convince you. Just see what he does, but keep him at arm’s length as much as possible.
Thanks Ms. Virgo,
All very good input. I am trying very hard to not over nurture him as I am so in love with my Pisces. I work a lot and have put a lot of my focus into that and it seems to make him feel better too. Today we are going to sit down and lay down some guide lines. I will set deadlines as you have suggested in our meeting and hold him to it. For the most part, he is very hard working, organized and focused, he has just gotten lazy on the romance and intimacy side of him. I have a very strong personality which is very hard for him at times as he is quite and soft spoken. His mother was a Virgo and as of now they havn’t spoken in five years and he hates her as she was extreamly controlling. He is very attracted to strong and powerful women, but he has not quite figured out how to deal with his sensitivity. I really have to pamper his ego or he falls apart. Do you find this too? FYI the reason we were on the verge of seperating is becasue I found that he was looking online at other woman on adult websites on the weekends while I was working. Does this sound familar? I know they are very sexual and visual signs but it really hurt me being that he has been withdrawn from me. He is going through a lot of financial stress, a lot! I know guys tend to need their egos boosted when they feeling are insecure. What do you think about this? We live together so I know he is not cheating, but he loves the internet.
CE:
Be SURE not to share your deadline with him, hold this close to your vest at all costs. I have found that since the fish has such the keen ability to seem completely detached, sometimes you forget they have such deeo feelings. Yes they are easily hurt, but they also need a lesson on how their actions hurt others. It can be difficult because they tend to live in their own reality. They don’t handle stress very well, they tend to drop the ball in some area or another if they are forced to multitask. Sometimes it takes tough love to make them realize that “Hey that’s life!” It will seem harsh to them that they are being asked to take off their rose colored lenses, so you do have to be a bit gentle with them , but still firm. I think the internet thing is a matter of opinion. I personally would not mind, as long as they are not in the flesh, so to speak. It is his way of escaping and fulfilling a fantasy. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you. Maybe if you are pushing too hard with that, he’ll just end up sneaking around or trying to get his kicks in other ways.
It’s true what they say… I’m a pisces myself. We get so caught up in the fantasy… the illusion of being with someone and when we actually are… it scares the $hit out of us and someone said it above… “the person becomes real”…out of our head and into our life… I’m still trying to manage it… and I don’t know how… I thought I was crazy for a minute their cause it’s so hard for me to be in the relantionship…. I’m so good at creating a fantasy with poems, music, and all that other good stuff
Dear Mr. Pisces,
Thanks for being so honest. I am still trying to figure you all out. I am what I am so I just don’t understand. Life is too short to be so indecisive. I did get all the poems, and fantasy in the begining. Now I am tryin my hardest to get all that back! I do everyting for my Pisces man. We have the best sex ever, I am kinky and free but I can’t stand the secret that you all have. Quiet and innocient! Please! Just give us your heart! It will be cherished forever! Let me guess on music Shade right? I heard that CD a few times while dating and Dido! Come on give me more! He obviously loves me or he wouldn’t be talking happlily ever after right? Two years and he’s still hanging in there. Pulling his own weight I maight add. What’s your age? Hes 33. Time to figure it out. You guys have no reason to be scared. If you want the fantasy, you have to be willing to live it. He wants children really badly do you? He paints this beautiful picture of what I want but won’t give it up! I give him 3-4 more months and I am moving on. I want to have a family. What do you think?
Dear Ms. virgo,
You are strong. The internet thing bothers me becasue its still true feelings of longing and wanting I think. Yes the flesh would be worse much! I don’t think I push hard, just want what I deserve. i do so much for my Pisces and work hard to keep him happy. But just as it goes with Pisces it’s all about them. I have needs too. I am the most loving, giving, sexual, smart and beatuful woman of my kind, no arragance intendend. I will give it all if he is willing to except it. That’s it, two years later its either move on or lets get married! I want him forever. I have already seen our future and children. Womans intuiton I guess. Boy does he want a family! I am a work in progress to him which drives me nuts. Always trying to mold me instead of excepting me for me and loving me for me. What the hell is is!!???
I don’t think pisces really even like themselves. And they move on because in time you will discover it for yourselves their flaws and they want to be remembered in a good way and be lusted after forever. I’ts not the other sunsigns that let them down. They are just afraid of letting us down first. So they swim away.
Women, your only problem is you are human beings. A pisces only likes fantasys.
HI PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. THIS BOARD IS WONDERFUL AND WISE AND I’M HOPING TO ADD TO MY UNDERSTANDING OF PISCES. I’M SORRY FOR THE ALL CAPS BUT I AM TRYING TO GET ATTENTION AND HOPEFULLY THIS WILL HELP!!
I’VE BEEN WITH MY PISCES FOR 3 YEARS. IT HASN’T ALWAYS BEEN SMOOTH SAILING, BUT WHENEVER THINGS GET REALLY BAD, I REALIZE HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME AND I TRY TO MAKE IT WORK. I’M A STRONG GIRL WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH AND DESPITE MY FLAWS I THINK MY PISCES TRULY APPRECIATES ME.
HE STARTED SMOKING TONS OF MARIJUANA A FEW MONTHS AGO AND HE HASN’T STOPPED, EVEN THOUGH WHEN HE STARTED UP I TRIED TO WARN HIM ABOUT HIS ADDICTIONS. HE DIDN’T LISTEN. INSTEAD, HE JUST SHUT ME OUT AND BROKE UP WITH ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I KEEP GOING BACK TO HIM BECAUSE I CAN’T STAY AWAY. WE’VE HAD THIS PATTERN REALLY BADLY IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS. I EVEN MOVED ON AND DATED SOMEBODY ELSE BUT FOUND MYSELF BACK WITH PISCES.
I’M A LIBRA WITH A MOON IN CANCER AND A VENUS IN SCORPIO. I’M VERY POSSESSIVE, UNDERSTANDING, CARING, GENERALLY A MAGIC MYSTERY WOMAN. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, I TRY TO COMMUNICATE WITH PISCES TOO MUCH AND HE JUST SWIMS AWAY. TODAY I GOT FED UP AND YELLED AT HIM ON THE PHONE! HE AVOIDED MY CALLS AND HAS NOT CALLED ME BACK TODAY.
DESPITE THE STUFF THAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US THINGS WERE REALLY GOOD RECENTLY UP UNTIL I STARTED ACTING TOO NEEDY AND CALLING HIM TOO MUCH ON HIS TELEPHONE. I WANTED SOME REASSURANCE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS FOR ME, TO GET TO THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER, BUT HE EVADED ME, AND GOT ANNOYED, AND BROKE IT OFF WITH ME YET AGAIN.
I NEED SOME ADVICE ABOUT WHAT TO DO NOW. I WANT HIM BACK, FEELING FOR ME THE WAY HE DID WHEN THINGS WERE GOOD, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY POWER OR CONTROL AGAIN AND GET TOO NEEDY AND INSECURE. I WANT TO FEEL IN CONTROL SO IT DOESN’T HAPPEN AND I CAN GIVE HIM HIS SPACE!
PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK. THANK YOU AND MUCH PEACE.
Ok here is the deal. I am a Virgo, Libra rising, Venus in leo, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius in Jupiter I love to be loved but I hate being in contact with the person I love every day. My friends love me but I flake on them or wait until the last minute to go to events or call out. I can even only tolerate my own children in small doses. I have found that my only long term relationships lasted *because I didnt have to put up with them on a daily basis. I like alone time even when I am with someone I like silent moments or time spent together not really talking. I tend to choose people who live far away or are in the military or are married etc. I hate answering my phone and I like to keep things on a spur of the moment “might happen…might not” day to day level. This drives my partners banannas and I dont know what to do about it. Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship? I just think maybe this is the permanent way my life will work and the only way I can be happy. Please advise.
Rachel, that’s wierd as Virgos are normally pretty clingy.
I just have to comment…I’m a late Pisces
(March 18), recently divorced from an early Pisces (Feb. 22) He is much more of a Pisces than I am, he has 3 planets in the sign while I have a predominance of signs in Sag, Taurus, Aquarius and a VERY strong Cappy in Mars. He acts just like a Pisces, vague, passive-aggressive, manipulative and extremely controlling (he’s stalked and harassed me for 5 yrs) Never under estimate how much a Pisces will control you,so much so I have sworn off all of them (never had a good relationship with any I met) The hardest part was seeing my self in his actions, it was a terrible learning process as he was/is an alcoholic too. But after teaching myself basic astrology, I decided to embrace my Sag (moon, Jupiter, and neptune) and my Taurus (Ascendant and Saturn)sides, as well as understanding my Venus in Aquarius and letting my Mars in Cappy in the 8th house lead the way. I still fall for the “one” I can’t have or who doesn’t want me, but I’m much better at deciding if they are worth keeping as friends rather than lovers. So far, I have a wonderful Scorpio friend I have so many connections with, that communication is effortless. He always forgives/or straight out tells me nicely not to keep freaking out over my irrational fears when it comes to my sometimes irrational behaviour, lol. He’s 20 yrs younger,hence why he’s off limits, but he calms me down and gives me a perspective I wouldn’t see otherwise. He’s also a STRONG Scorpio (4 planets, one is Pluto, and they’re in the 8th house, yikes!) with 3 planets, including Saturn in Cappy, and his moon and jupiter in Leo and Aquarius as his ascendant. My ex was all over, his ascendant was Gemini, moon was Virgo ( A VERY CRITICAL SIGN, MY MOM IS ONE…CAN DO NOTHING RIGHT, THAT’S HARD FOR A PISCES!!!!!)Merc was in Aquarius, Venus in Pisces and mars in aries. See, we don’t NOT like ourselves, we know things you can’t possibly understand unless you are a Pisces or another water sign. There are no words to explain the overwhelming feeling of not lving up to a lover’s expectaions…no matter how hard you try. I brought up my friend because he’s in touch with his wateriness (?) I don’t have much but use it when I can, but my ex uses it for only destructive purposes. My point is, when we have a Pisces child…that’s when we need to enforce in them (us) that they are worthwhile, that they simply feel and interpret things first with thier 6th sense, then with thier heart, then with thier mind…if thier chart allows for that, of course. Some Pisces just refuse to take the rose colored glasses off because if they do they will see only one thing…themselves. And we are taught sensitve children are to be mocked and ridiculed. So before you bash a any sign, try to understand them first. IT WILL HELP!
I am a libra and have a pisces in my life and this is him down to the t. he smokes pot everyday, to mellow him out. he does not like for his woman to complain about his habit, i have known him for an year and we dated for 3 months last year but some how managed to remain friends and in each others lives for an year. i recently saw him and he was opening up to me about how he feels about me, im a good person, i feel comfortable, im perfect, but he is his own enemy and he wants me to help him be a better man, in fact i make him want to be a better man. we saw each other for two weeks till he stopped contacting me, because he is going through financial issues. i give him his space but i text him sometimes to let him know how i care and give him a few words of wisdom, because i feel he does need the right woman to help him stay grounded and focused. he appreciates my advice and it is really heartfelt to him because he said he cried once. so i know he is emotional and he needs me in his life, its just hard for him to ask me to stay around when he has issues and he cannot give me what i want.
haha this is so true! I’m an Aries (Pisces Ascendent/Scorpio Moon) and basically I feel almost similar on the same exactly level as a Pisces Sun guy/gal when it comes to feelings. The moment someone kind of gets too “real”, I tend to back away a little. And if they keep getting that way, I’ll end up running away. I don’t like having things forced nor do I like being caged in by defined “labels” and such. I’m such a poet and usually my love life inspires my writing. Currently dealing with a Pisces male (Gemini moon) and he is my best muse yet!
I can say that I always need to escape the reality of day-to-day stuff and I tend to do that too much because everything is just too heavy. Everyone doesn’t know how to slow down, enjoy life for what it is and sometimes that could mean having to slip away into my mind and day dream off what life could be or should be in my world.
It’s not that we Pisces Sun/Moon/Ascendent people don’t like being involved with someone on a deeper level, just that we like to let it flow naturally, nothing forced. If you force a commitment before we are ready or try to take away what we love, we swim away faster then you can realize why we even swam away.
Wow! Boy can I relate to the frustration of dealing with a Pisces who can’t make his dreams a reality. I am having the worst Valentine’s weekend ever, and wondering if anyone can relate.
My Pisces and I have been together three years and I know we love each other, but sometimes we have fights and miscommuications that end in tears. He’s been away at school (7 hours away) for the past 7 weeks while I have moved back home. I have been the gentlest, most accomodating person – I never let on if I miss him because I don’t want to burden him. I have been there for him, listening to his dreams and fears. We talk several times a day, including on video chat. He came home for the weekend, and I thought, after all the lovely things we said about how much we missed each other, that I would see him, especially since it is Valentine’s Day. He has been here since Thursday evening – he lives 20 miles away. He didnt make plans to see me and has been very “busy” and can’t be on the phone so much. Sure, I should have been more “understanding” but I asked him point blank whether he was busy, what his situation was, more than once, and he was vague.
Anyway I ended up getting angry and frustrated because I felt like despite the pretty words when it came to it, for whatever reason he decided not to see me. And what a bad situation that is to be in. Well, I guess my anger passed, and he said he is still hurt by what happened, and that he does not feel like seeing me. Despite how much I’ve been there for him the past six weeks when it came down to it he couldn’t swallow his emotions ad have a nice time with me. In fact he told me if things were okay for a “year or two” we can go on a really nice date like “a hot air balloon” (I am putting these in quotes to show you his exact words).
Now, I just feel sad, drained, and like he can’t recognize the good thing he has in front of him and wants to be a baby. He knows I care for him and will be patient. But I just feel so hurt, like nothing I did mattered, and he just “doesnt’ feel like” seeing me, and gets angry if I suggest it, like I am forcing him.
I don’t know what to do…today is the only time I have since I have work tomorrow…he is leavning and will be back in school Monday night…I don’t know if I should act differently or what…
He says he is mad and needs time…
libra in love,
Ahhh you’ve already made him swim away, not fully, but he won’t be coming to see you that’s for sure. You’ve should of taken what he said at face value and realize there was no hidden meaning in his words about being busy. Most Pisces who are busy, usually are tangled up in something work related and by the time they are done with whatever it is, they are exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally for the day. So unless you are willing to pamper the poor guy, which I bet you he picked up from his intuition, that it wouldn’t happen.
It was also the added pressure of Valentines day, which made him agree to stay busy during his time home. Because he didn’t want to set your expectations on high for romance. So by you bugging him about his “exact” time frame and schedule, you are forcing him to pop his bubble and come back to reality when he wasn’t ready to yet.
Basically, you should of asked him when he was free for lunch and if you could buy or if you could stop by after e had dinner and just give him a massage for his long hard day at work and catch up. By you offering to be selfless, this in turn makes Pisces aware of how you are as a person, as in you are willing to put his needs before your own. Don’t do it every time unless you know for sure he really wants to be with you, then you’ll just get taken advantage of by him, and trust me Pisces are super sly about that.
Anyway, my point is, he was feeding you that line about the hot air balloon, cause he knew you were mad and unhappy, so he wanted to sugar coat and fantasy so you’d have something better to think of while he is gone.
I have a Pisces rising and I’m really good at doing the exact same bull if I’m not as deeply into someone. I tend to hate hurting people, so I let them down gentle or give them something to think about so I can have my space for as long as I need it.
And right now, you kind of not only got under his skin, you irked his entire nature of comfort.
I’ve already gone 3 weeks without seeing my Pisces and very little talking. But with those pesky social networks, it gives him an edge to know what’s going on but with an arms length of good healthy distance. So it helps keep things afloat for the time being.
Trust me, they can go months with out seeing someone they care about and be completely content till they desire to see that person. If they want you they will be more then willing to hangout with you when you ask or they ask… no Pisces turns down a good invite to hangout with the person they care about, unless they are family/friend oriented, then you’ll have to wait your turn, unless you have the same ethics and my bet is you probably don’t…
^ Oh please, offer to give him a massage? It’s funny how he can forget about or justify how mean he was to me. Just because I started something by hanging the phone up on him doesn’t mean he has full license to call me foul names or mock me on the telephone. Yeah, I am aware that the hot air balloon was all BS to try to make nice with me. He even had the guts to accuse me of emotional blackmail after I suggested things might be different between us.
It’s like he can wreak havoc then disappear until things calm down. I feel like he took what I’ve done for him completely for granted. As a libra with heavy water signs I don’t take kindly to this unfair trampling on my feelings.
I am Libra sun cancer moon scorpio venus, scorpio rising
libra in love,
I can see that you are hurt. But have you actually told him? Not with any statements that start with “you hurt me…” but with “I feel hurt because…”, any guy, no matter what his astrological sign is, if you start with “you hurt me”, he will get defensive automatically. But being he is a Pisces as well, he will be way more tricky to pin down for a conversation, since he is a fish, and we all know they are very slippery when they are out of water. So your best bet is to let him cool down, give him space, wait for him to come to you right now. You go to him and he will swim away faster and could get more serious in needing a lot more space. You’ve got to put yourself in his shoes for ONE moment and look at it from his side of the situation. That’s how Pisces do it when they are not too emotionally wounded.
And you did get emotional from the way you posted the first time. But also hanging up the phone mid-convo is one point of getting emotional. You can’t do that with a Pisces, they take things just as had as cancers do with that kind of stuff. Thank goodness you didn’t do that to a Taurus or they wouldn’t speak to you again, unless you are family or someone they consider family.
Anyway, what I can tell no Pisces would have suggested such extensive words of emotional angst aimed at you unless you truly wounded them more then you realized. You probably did something you had no clue that affected him or said something that came out in the wrong manner. Mind you, Pisces male/female, it’s not what you say, it’s HOW you say it that can actually affect them asap in a convo with someone. If you didn’t have enough tact and just let it all out, then you really wounded the poor fish. Trust me, it could of been worse: he could of just ignored your calls and never speak to you again and swim away forever or till his sand in the glass runs out and comes swimming back.
Also the thing is that you have a cancer moon with a libra sun, which means you want balance and detachment, but your moon makes you crave emotional connections. I get the feeling he has an airy moon. Probably of the Gemini or Aquarius variety? Let me know what his moon is because that will help me figure him out for you…
And my last bit of advice is this: if he says he needs space, listen. Don’t go against what he said, cause that will only make him swim away. Pisces CRAVE alone time. If you take that away or take away what relaxes them on their downtime, then you have most likely wounded the fish and made him want to swim away from you. If you are the type that needs to be with him 24/7 or have a phone call everyday, then you really are dealing with the wrong guy. Pisces won’t do that stuff till they feel they can either marry the girl of his dreams or she is his muse.
The best way to know if a Pisces truly wants you: they are not afraid to step up to the plate and prove it when they are over their last love or out of the funk they are in…they will physically show it and not give a bull about who sees it… trust me, if they don’t then you are just not his leading lady in his movie. You are just the secondary character in that romantic comedy that he falls for, to then only realize tat you are the wrong one and the right one has been there all along, which isn’t you but his leading lady…
Trust me, all Pisces males have a romantic comedy base imagination for love. I think about 80-90% of them hope to be laughing, getting into some odd trouble with a beautiful girl, bond over good conversation, and by the end of the “movie” fall in love with her for the rest of their life.